so, I was just watching Two and a Half Men (another show I love) and Alan asked Candy why she was with him... It got me thinking (due to that, and something me and Brandon were talking about earlier) why I was with Brandon. And I just realized how happy he makes me.
Today I found out that a guy I work with was a cutter. He denies it, and it's -possible- that it was just his dog (not very possible, but still, I'd hate for it to really be his dog and accuse him of cutting) and people were giving him a hard time, jokingly. And I defended him, saying that what someone like that needs is for people to be nice to him and give him positive attention. People like that need help, regardless of WHY they do it. If no one helps them then they may not get better and they may end up being so reliant on it that they loose the ability to fully recover and have constant relapse. I wouldn't wish a lifetime battle like that on anyone. For giving him that sympathy someone was like "how would you know lololololol" and I remind them of my past with cutting.
Brad, my manager, didn't know about that. He started asking me why, was I depressed? am I still depressed? and so on. Now that I really think about it, I HAVEN'T been depressed. My whole life I've always had an underlying depression regardless of how happy I seamed or what good things were going on. Even when I was with Spencer I had it.
So that passed and the day went on and I went to eat with Brandon. Then he walked me out to my car and sat on my lap while the car warmed up (yeah, he squeezed onto my lap in the drivers seat. I love it when he sits on my lap, he's not heavy, and I feel closer to him than when I sit on his) and he said that I was the only one for him. No matter what happened, at the end of the day he was still all mine. He went on to tell me that some people had been asking him if he had gotten married, because of the ring he has now that I got for him.. and comment about how committed he must be to our relationship to wear it. These are people who KNOW him. Surprised by how committed he is.
I realized that HE is the reason I'm so happy. It's Brandon that's rid me of my depression. He gives me strength and all that other lovey bullshit that people roll their eyes at unless it's happening to them. Brandon makes me happy. I'm happy now, because I have him.
They're doing a spoof of the door scene from yellow submarine on Family Guy. I really dislike the Beatles.
but I'm happy right now. so it's okay.
<3
S
December 26, 2008
December 24, 2008
ah, the spirit. My life is GOOD
I have the best life ever :D
Yesterday me and Brandon did our Christmas thing. He liked his gifts :3 and he got me such cute and thoughtful things. Considering his limited selection I don't think I could be happier <3 I set all the gifts he gave me on my DVD player, because it's right past the end of my bed so I can see it from anywhere. And part of the gift as a little Christmas tree that lights up with glitter inside. So I turn it on when I shut my lights out to go to bed. He's such a sweetie.
I already told you about the funny shirt and keychain that my brother and his girlfriend bought me. I love them so. And then, I get a text from Brad last night (he's my manager) saying that I better be at work the next day because he got me a present. and I was like :D OMG PRESENT? cuz I thought that the work shoes were a present (sure I was giving him a bunch of 1 liters of Pepsi in return, but still, they're expensive shoes) but serisouly... He got me a reversible Jack Skelington hoodie.
I just looked it up on the website (bad shayla.) and it's a $48 hoodie. I have an awesome manager.
Rachel, my other manager, baked Andes Mint cookies and made -sure- that I got one because I love them so much. I bought some food for Brandon, but I couldn't take it to him because I wasn't off until 4, and he closed at 5 so he couldn't take his break that late. Jacob took it over to him to make sure Brandon got to eat.
Then Brad said I could leave early, as long as someone could cover for me, and then Falicia came in and said she would. So I got to leave 20 minutes early to go see Brandon while he ws just getting off of his break, so I got some extra time with my baby. I won't get to see him tomorrow... but he's gonna call me :D he's so sweet.
Laycee is going to be coming with us to my grandparents house, which means I won't have to be alone. I mean, Jacob will be there too, but it's nice to have a girl to talk to too.
today, someone paid for the people in the car behind them even though they don't know them, as a Christmas gift. Imagine coming up to the window to find out that someone already took care of your meal. :) I feel good right now. People being all cheery and giving makes me feel WONDERFUL.
much <3
S
Yesterday me and Brandon did our Christmas thing. He liked his gifts :3 and he got me such cute and thoughtful things. Considering his limited selection I don't think I could be happier <3 I set all the gifts he gave me on my DVD player, because it's right past the end of my bed so I can see it from anywhere. And part of the gift as a little Christmas tree that lights up with glitter inside. So I turn it on when I shut my lights out to go to bed. He's such a sweetie.
I already told you about the funny shirt and keychain that my brother and his girlfriend bought me. I love them so. And then, I get a text from Brad last night (he's my manager) saying that I better be at work the next day because he got me a present. and I was like :D OMG PRESENT? cuz I thought that the work shoes were a present (sure I was giving him a bunch of 1 liters of Pepsi in return, but still, they're expensive shoes) but serisouly... He got me a reversible Jack Skelington hoodie.
I just looked it up on the website (bad shayla.) and it's a $48 hoodie. I have an awesome manager.
Rachel, my other manager, baked Andes Mint cookies and made -sure- that I got one because I love them so much. I bought some food for Brandon, but I couldn't take it to him because I wasn't off until 4, and he closed at 5 so he couldn't take his break that late. Jacob took it over to him to make sure Brandon got to eat.
Then Brad said I could leave early, as long as someone could cover for me, and then Falicia came in and said she would. So I got to leave 20 minutes early to go see Brandon while he ws just getting off of his break, so I got some extra time with my baby. I won't get to see him tomorrow... but he's gonna call me :D he's so sweet.
Laycee is going to be coming with us to my grandparents house, which means I won't have to be alone. I mean, Jacob will be there too, but it's nice to have a girl to talk to too.
today, someone paid for the people in the car behind them even though they don't know them, as a Christmas gift. Imagine coming up to the window to find out that someone already took care of your meal. :) I feel good right now. People being all cheery and giving makes me feel WONDERFUL.
much <3
S
December 22, 2008
Realizations and Iced Roads
House is on. I love House.
There's something that I've realized about myself. When I'm angry or upset, I like to bitch and complain on my blog and I tend to make too much out of situations that I would otherwise not care about if I were in a different mood. Like the thing about Brandon and him wanting a cop car. Sure, financial stability is a big deal for me, but really the reason that stemmed my anger was that Brandon spent his call to me talking about it instead of talking to me, because he got excited about finding a cheap black and white cop car because he knows that's the kind I like the most.
So really, I was mad at him for talking about something he thought I'd be excited about. Even though I didn't let him know how upset I was about that, I still feel bad now that I look back at the situation. He thought I'd be excited and happy too. A liking of cop cars is something we have in common. ): he's a sweetie, and he tries a lot harder than I give him credit for. And after all those financial troubles I had with him I end up being the one that's too broke to get gas even though my tank is nearly empty, and I'm the one who didn't have the money to pay for my part of the bill. And he's being so understanding about it. ):
I think that realizing this about myself is important. That's why I'm blogging about it. And I'm gonna make more of an effort to save my money now. It'll be an easy start because I have Christmas money coming in in a few days AND I get paid tomorrow. With my check I gotta get my phone bill paid, get gas AND get Brandon phone cards (that's how he wants me to pay him back for the bills I couldn't cover)
OH! GUESS WHAT! I have my first car accident! :D I finally got it out of the way and I totally kept my cool! It happened on my way home from Brian's. When I was on 1100 (the road that touches 650, which is the road my house is on) I guess I underestimated how icey it was because it was dark. I was only going about 35, but when I tapped the break to get ready to turn on 650 my car went balistic and slid all over and headed straight toward the stop sign. I didn't want to hit the sign so I took a risk and turned the wheel all the way. I was gonna go off the road anyway, I knew that because my car was going too fast to stop any time soon. I guess most people wouldn't consider that an accident because it involved no collision, but to me, anything that involves the car going off the road that wasn't on purpose was OBVIOUSLY and accident ;p
I called my dad first because if anyone, he'd be the one to get me out. No answer. I called my mom because she's more likely to have her phone nearby, no answer. I called Tia because I knew they were all home and it was busy. Yeah. It's actually good to find out that they're the LAST people to call when I get into an accident, because had the accident been worse I would have been more stressed and having them not answer would just freak me out. Now I know to call Jacob first. Obviously he couldn't help me, but he told me to call Craig, who ended up pushing me out of the ditch (litterally, as in, with is hands). It was a good thing to finally experience. And I'm happy to know I can keep my cool in negative driving situations.
anyway. long entry is long, right?
<3
S
There's something that I've realized about myself. When I'm angry or upset, I like to bitch and complain on my blog and I tend to make too much out of situations that I would otherwise not care about if I were in a different mood. Like the thing about Brandon and him wanting a cop car. Sure, financial stability is a big deal for me, but really the reason that stemmed my anger was that Brandon spent his call to me talking about it instead of talking to me, because he got excited about finding a cheap black and white cop car because he knows that's the kind I like the most.
So really, I was mad at him for talking about something he thought I'd be excited about. Even though I didn't let him know how upset I was about that, I still feel bad now that I look back at the situation. He thought I'd be excited and happy too. A liking of cop cars is something we have in common. ): he's a sweetie, and he tries a lot harder than I give him credit for. And after all those financial troubles I had with him I end up being the one that's too broke to get gas even though my tank is nearly empty, and I'm the one who didn't have the money to pay for my part of the bill. And he's being so understanding about it. ):
I think that realizing this about myself is important. That's why I'm blogging about it. And I'm gonna make more of an effort to save my money now. It'll be an easy start because I have Christmas money coming in in a few days AND I get paid tomorrow. With my check I gotta get my phone bill paid, get gas AND get Brandon phone cards (that's how he wants me to pay him back for the bills I couldn't cover)
OH! GUESS WHAT! I have my first car accident! :D I finally got it out of the way and I totally kept my cool! It happened on my way home from Brian's. When I was on 1100 (the road that touches 650, which is the road my house is on) I guess I underestimated how icey it was because it was dark. I was only going about 35, but when I tapped the break to get ready to turn on 650 my car went balistic and slid all over and headed straight toward the stop sign. I didn't want to hit the sign so I took a risk and turned the wheel all the way. I was gonna go off the road anyway, I knew that because my car was going too fast to stop any time soon. I guess most people wouldn't consider that an accident because it involved no collision, but to me, anything that involves the car going off the road that wasn't on purpose was OBVIOUSLY and accident ;p
I called my dad first because if anyone, he'd be the one to get me out. No answer. I called my mom because she's more likely to have her phone nearby, no answer. I called Tia because I knew they were all home and it was busy. Yeah. It's actually good to find out that they're the LAST people to call when I get into an accident, because had the accident been worse I would have been more stressed and having them not answer would just freak me out. Now I know to call Jacob first. Obviously he couldn't help me, but he told me to call Craig, who ended up pushing me out of the ditch (litterally, as in, with is hands). It was a good thing to finally experience. And I'm happy to know I can keep my cool in negative driving situations.
anyway. long entry is long, right?
<3
S
December 20, 2008
So the power went out yesterday at 5 in the morning. I was awake for some reason, I usually DO wake up right before things like that happen (like the earthquake.) But anyway the powers been out until about an hour ago. It was hell. I had to get ready for work in the dark yesterday, I couldn't use the bathroom at home because our water is run by a pump that requires ELECTRICITY and I couldn't straighten my hair. The best part of the day was the really horrible stressful day at work. No, really, it was the worst day ever. From 10:30 to 3:45 we were busy. And it was all big orders because most of the area didn't have power. Fuckers can't just make something from the food that's gonna go bad in their fridge. NOOOOO, lets make the kids FAT FAT FAT. (I was so pissed off, I don't even know what brought on how damn angry I felt, because I felt mad the moment I stepped on line.
anyway. Went home, had to light candles in my room to see. Candles are amazingly bright. just a few tea candles can light a whole room. Dimly, but it's still the whole room. I had on my acrylic tights (they look like they're cotton, but stretch like most tights and are thick) knee high socks, ankle socks, thick fuzzy mid calf socks AND leg warmers and two pairs of pants, a big t-shirt and two hoodies AND my elbow length gloves. 3 fleece blankets. I was still cold. No heater=sucky time. I was so bored I went to bed at 9. I tried writing a note to Brandon (it was 4 pages long) and I read too. So bored. I woke up at 5 because thats a full 8 hours of sleep. I forced myself to sleep until 10, because I had nowhere to go until Wendy's at least opened. I sat at Wendy's from 11 to 3:30. I hung out with Jacob for a bit there, then Brian came to hang out, then Laycee and her dad. Eventually I went to Brians to use the internet (that's where I'm at now. I came back for a Christmas thing).... interesting day.
Highlight of today, as usual, seeing my baby. I miss him. So damn much. He messed his hair up when he was trimming it at the jail. It wasn't too bad, but since his cam was really low quality it made it look horrible. He had me touch it up for him. I had to go to dollar general just to get trimmers to do it. :D cutie pie. he really is. I miss him already.
I'm back at Brian's now eating pizza and having Christmas fun. Laycee and Jacob got me a shirt that says "my heart is as cold as a robot" or something to that extent. and a gir keychain where he's eating a waffle :B I love it.
I'm about to go home actually, cuz it's late and the clothes I'm wearing are dirty and I've been sweaty cuz I didn't want to take some of my layers off when I left because it was too cold at home but it's a lot warmer everywhere else... Besides. Evan will be here soon and he's mean to me ):
anyways. Long entry. cuz I miss the internet and don't have it at my house right now. ): SAD FACE.
much <3
S
anyway. Went home, had to light candles in my room to see. Candles are amazingly bright. just a few tea candles can light a whole room. Dimly, but it's still the whole room. I had on my acrylic tights (they look like they're cotton, but stretch like most tights and are thick) knee high socks, ankle socks, thick fuzzy mid calf socks AND leg warmers and two pairs of pants, a big t-shirt and two hoodies AND my elbow length gloves. 3 fleece blankets. I was still cold. No heater=sucky time. I was so bored I went to bed at 9. I tried writing a note to Brandon (it was 4 pages long) and I read too. So bored. I woke up at 5 because thats a full 8 hours of sleep. I forced myself to sleep until 10, because I had nowhere to go until Wendy's at least opened. I sat at Wendy's from 11 to 3:30. I hung out with Jacob for a bit there, then Brian came to hang out, then Laycee and her dad. Eventually I went to Brians to use the internet (that's where I'm at now. I came back for a Christmas thing).... interesting day.
Highlight of today, as usual, seeing my baby. I miss him. So damn much. He messed his hair up when he was trimming it at the jail. It wasn't too bad, but since his cam was really low quality it made it look horrible. He had me touch it up for him. I had to go to dollar general just to get trimmers to do it. :D cutie pie. he really is. I miss him already.
I'm back at Brian's now eating pizza and having Christmas fun. Laycee and Jacob got me a shirt that says "my heart is as cold as a robot" or something to that extent. and a gir keychain where he's eating a waffle :B I love it.
I'm about to go home actually, cuz it's late and the clothes I'm wearing are dirty and I've been sweaty cuz I didn't want to take some of my layers off when I left because it was too cold at home but it's a lot warmer everywhere else... Besides. Evan will be here soon and he's mean to me ):
anyways. Long entry. cuz I miss the internet and don't have it at my house right now. ): SAD FACE.
much <3
S
December 17, 2008
I'm finally starting to come down from my love high. why? because Brandon is DETERMINED to get another cop car. I told him we don't need one. I told him that we're already saving our money for OTHER things, like, idk, FIXING THE DAMN FLOOR. 3/4 of the floor boards are in horrible shape in the dining room/my future room. I know HE doesn't care if the floor caves in (he said he'd just nail some boards over it. knowing him, he'd nail a bunch of 2X4's over it. fuck that. and he honestly thinks he could sell his house for the 60,000 it's supposed to be worth?)... But I do. And if I don't pay for it, it won't get done. But why should I throw myself into a financial crisis for HIS house, when I don't really get anything out of it. I AM paying to live there.
So while I'm paying $1200 for his floor, he's buying himself another vehicle. what happened to the money he was saving for me? Does it sound selfish that I actually want to get something out of me getting him a new floor? and by new floor I'm not in any way exagerating. We're ripping up the wood floor then ripping up the base floor. The whole room will be open to the dirt below the foundation. I'm replacing ALL of that, because it'll all need to be replaced. I'm also gonna fix whatever it is that caused the problem. something is obviously leaking.
But what do I get in return? Brandon buying himself another car. I he had told me he was done with senseless spending. But I know better than to think that I can talk brandon out of buying something once he's decided that he wants it. I could flat out tell him no, and he'd still buy it and try to hide it in the garage, and when I found out claim that he didn't know I didn't want him to buy it/ say he got it a while ago :\ he's really bad with money.
I'm not gonna let financial issues cause me to fuck my relationship up. I forget the exact percentage, but a really high percentage of relationships end because of finanacial issues of some form. I suppose as long as I get my god damn X Stage I'll be happy. I will, however, refuse to move in with him until he promises to make sure the floor will be taken care of.
Just to show that I'm not a TOTAL money-tard, these are my priorities money-wise (I haven't spent money on anything but food this whole week)
1. Phone bill
2. My part of Brandon's electric bill
3. new tires (i need 2, jacob got me two for free)
4. saving for the floor
5. getting some money for a safety net. Cuz we never know what will happen.
I've woken up with a headache every day this week. Once I sit up it hits me hard. I'd be worried about it, but the weather is so shitty that I can't say that it isn't a factor. It always fades a bit, but a regular morning headache is only normal for the coffee addicted.
yay life :\
<3
S
So while I'm paying $1200 for his floor, he's buying himself another vehicle. what happened to the money he was saving for me? Does it sound selfish that I actually want to get something out of me getting him a new floor? and by new floor I'm not in any way exagerating. We're ripping up the wood floor then ripping up the base floor. The whole room will be open to the dirt below the foundation. I'm replacing ALL of that, because it'll all need to be replaced. I'm also gonna fix whatever it is that caused the problem. something is obviously leaking.
But what do I get in return? Brandon buying himself another car. I he had told me he was done with senseless spending. But I know better than to think that I can talk brandon out of buying something once he's decided that he wants it. I could flat out tell him no, and he'd still buy it and try to hide it in the garage, and when I found out claim that he didn't know I didn't want him to buy it/ say he got it a while ago :\ he's really bad with money.
I'm not gonna let financial issues cause me to fuck my relationship up. I forget the exact percentage, but a really high percentage of relationships end because of finanacial issues of some form. I suppose as long as I get my god damn X Stage I'll be happy. I will, however, refuse to move in with him until he promises to make sure the floor will be taken care of.
Just to show that I'm not a TOTAL money-tard, these are my priorities money-wise (I haven't spent money on anything but food this whole week)
1. Phone bill
2. My part of Brandon's electric bill
3. new tires (i need 2, jacob got me two for free)
4. saving for the floor
5. getting some money for a safety net. Cuz we never know what will happen.
I've woken up with a headache every day this week. Once I sit up it hits me hard. I'd be worried about it, but the weather is so shitty that I can't say that it isn't a factor. It always fades a bit, but a regular morning headache is only normal for the coffee addicted.
yay life :\
<3
S
December 15, 2008
strip strip strip save.
So I was talking to Brandon on the phone a little bit ago and brought up the X Pole stage. He said it's kinda cool, but a bit expensive... Then I said I'd rather have a stripper pole than anything that had to do with bigger boobs (he's been saving his money to get me ANYTHING to help out with that) and he was like "OKAY!" He thinks it's pretty cool too. We're getting the X Pole Freestanding Stage. If I really wanted to, I could take it to the park, or anyone's house, or ANYWHERE! I think my room in the basement is the only place that it wouldn't work, because the ceiling is way too low. I'm already visualizing routines and songs and stuff. ): how lame am I? right?
however. I'm excited about doing something dancey again. it'll be a full year since I've danced when Brandon gets out and we get the pole. full damn year. seems like forever.
in other news, I still had a headache this morning when I woke up. Still just the light dull pain. I still hate it. Work was great though, I was too happy to get stressed out or anything. We're being inspected tomorrow, though, again. And Tuesdays suck.
I also relaced my white gogo boots with the corset lacing up the back.. and realized that they have bite marks all over. :\ since dogs don't come into my room, I've concluded that Becki left them out and a dog fucking gnawed at them. I may have only spent like, $15/$20 on them, but to REPLACE them will be around $80-$130. Why am I so nice? oh yeah, because my brother liked her at the time >:(
aaaaanyway. I got a pair of leg warmers for $4 yesterday, a pair of arm warmers for the same price, and a pair of acrylic tights that are grey black and maroon for $2.50. good deals.
I'm making sure to keep money set aside. I really am. I have almost $200 in savings. If I keep saving about $200 every month, I'll have about $800 or so by the time brandon gets out. If brandon has the price of the X Pole on his own, we'll only be about $400 off for getting the floor fixed in my room/the room with the pianos/the room with the pole. And thats if I don't save my christmas money, which should be around $160. I probably won't... but I can dream. If I get $1000 by next summer, I'll have back all the money that I had saved for college. I just gotta be good ): gotta be good. super good. I CAN DO THIS!
maybe.
much love <3
S
however. I'm excited about doing something dancey again. it'll be a full year since I've danced when Brandon gets out and we get the pole. full damn year. seems like forever.
in other news, I still had a headache this morning when I woke up. Still just the light dull pain. I still hate it. Work was great though, I was too happy to get stressed out or anything. We're being inspected tomorrow, though, again. And Tuesdays suck.
I also relaced my white gogo boots with the corset lacing up the back.. and realized that they have bite marks all over. :\ since dogs don't come into my room, I've concluded that Becki left them out and a dog fucking gnawed at them. I may have only spent like, $15/$20 on them, but to REPLACE them will be around $80-$130. Why am I so nice? oh yeah, because my brother liked her at the time >:(
aaaaanyway. I got a pair of leg warmers for $4 yesterday, a pair of arm warmers for the same price, and a pair of acrylic tights that are grey black and maroon for $2.50. good deals.
I'm making sure to keep money set aside. I really am. I have almost $200 in savings. If I keep saving about $200 every month, I'll have about $800 or so by the time brandon gets out. If brandon has the price of the X Pole on his own, we'll only be about $400 off for getting the floor fixed in my room/the room with the pianos/the room with the pole. And thats if I don't save my christmas money, which should be around $160. I probably won't... but I can dream. If I get $1000 by next summer, I'll have back all the money that I had saved for college. I just gotta be good ): gotta be good. super good. I CAN DO THIS!
maybe.
much love <3
S
December 14, 2008
Strippers
Sooo. I am in all seriousness thinking about getting a stripper pole. A portable one (it has a small round stage and secures to the ceiling without screws. It's out in January, so I'm waiting for reviews to come back from it)
But really, I've been on a site for an hour or so, and the girls there use the pole for exercise. They do tricks and spins and other various things (not just dancing around a cheap pole like a whore). It looks like so much god damn fun. More fun than Jazz and Ballet, and any other form of dance I've done. It'd build strength in my arms, legs and abs. and looks fucking cool! The portable one is $700, but I refuse to get anything but a portable one. I don't want to have any awkward conversations with parents and friends about why there's a big damn pole in my living room.
Of course, $700 is a lot, but I think Brandon would see it as a great investment. I mean, what guy in their right mind would tell their girlfriend that they didn't want to get them a stripper pole. I can't wait! He'd be willing to save up for that. He WAS saving money for anything we could do regarding my boobs, but I think this is MUCH better investment wise. ;D
I still had a bit of the headache I had yesterday. seeing that video made me extremely happy. ballet/pole dancing. who'd have thunk it?!
<3
S
December 13, 2008
my head
So I just took a "what religious belief are you" test, and it gives a bunch of religions and what percent of you're answers agree with the beliefs. What's really funny is the fact that My scores said I was more Non theistic than most of the popular Christian faiths... and I clearly believe in some sort of higher being.
basically, I like the idea of Unitarian Universalism. The whole thing is very full of lose, decide yourself things. like, the fact that I don't really see 'god' as a big guy up on a throne in heaven with a long white beard. Or the fact that I don't do 'evil' things because some chick took a bite of an apple thousands and thousands of years ago. Basically, if you believe ANYTHING, you're one of these people.
THIS is it, if you're interested. it's kinda interesting.
anyway. today I woke up with a headache so bad that I couldn't sit up. just rolling to my other side made it feel like the gravitational pull on my brain increased, and was going to make it explode. I took some pills for it (Midol, which has acetaminophen and caffeine, both good for headaches. ) and it did NOTHING. I layed in bed until I finally just fell asleep. but it didn't last long. after an hour or so of laying down I stopped feeling it so I got up to turn my heater up and it hit me like a brick to my head. not fucking kidding, it felt like someone smashed a fucking brick into my head and I just fell back onto my bed and curled up until it stopped. I cried a LOT today. by 3 or 4 it stopped hurting when I'd roll over to a new side, but it still hurt when I sat up.. not as badly though. So I got up and started to get ready for getting food for brandon. It's was just a dull pain, and that's all it's been for a while, but I really hate this.
I get headaches like this at least once a month, sometimes more. Sometimes it hurts so much that it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. ): I don't know what's wrong with my head... but seriously, it's bad. If I was scheduled to work today, I've have called in before I even attempted to drive in that condition (if I can't even sit up, how am I supposed to drive?)
but anyway. I'm gonna go now.
<3
S
(oh, I called the company selling the WKAP pre-order stuff, and they said that it was being delayed due to the Vinyl not being in yet. And the guy was super nice, got me my order number and everything. Of course, had I just check one of Amanda's latest blogs, I'd have know that :D )
basically, I like the idea of Unitarian Universalism. The whole thing is very full of lose, decide yourself things. like, the fact that I don't really see 'god' as a big guy up on a throne in heaven with a long white beard. Or the fact that I don't do 'evil' things because some chick took a bite of an apple thousands and thousands of years ago. Basically, if you believe ANYTHING, you're one of these people.
THIS is it, if you're interested. it's kinda interesting.
anyway. today I woke up with a headache so bad that I couldn't sit up. just rolling to my other side made it feel like the gravitational pull on my brain increased, and was going to make it explode. I took some pills for it (Midol, which has acetaminophen and caffeine, both good for headaches. ) and it did NOTHING. I layed in bed until I finally just fell asleep. but it didn't last long. after an hour or so of laying down I stopped feeling it so I got up to turn my heater up and it hit me like a brick to my head. not fucking kidding, it felt like someone smashed a fucking brick into my head and I just fell back onto my bed and curled up until it stopped. I cried a LOT today. by 3 or 4 it stopped hurting when I'd roll over to a new side, but it still hurt when I sat up.. not as badly though. So I got up and started to get ready for getting food for brandon. It's was just a dull pain, and that's all it's been for a while, but I really hate this.
I get headaches like this at least once a month, sometimes more. Sometimes it hurts so much that it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. ): I don't know what's wrong with my head... but seriously, it's bad. If I was scheduled to work today, I've have called in before I even attempted to drive in that condition (if I can't even sit up, how am I supposed to drive?)
but anyway. I'm gonna go now.
<3
S
(oh, I called the company selling the WKAP pre-order stuff, and they said that it was being delayed due to the Vinyl not being in yet. And the guy was super nice, got me my order number and everything. Of course, had I just check one of Amanda's latest blogs, I'd have know that :D )
December 12, 2008
afp eyebrows and true love
So, you know that feeling you get when for some reason you just feel good, no matter what happens, all because of how happy your boyfriend makes you? Like, even if you don't get to see them all the time and even if the two of you don't always get along, you feel -so- good and -so- sure about how your life is going to be with them that everything else doesn't matter.
Really. I don't like to set the future out in stone, regardless of how mush I'd like that future, but I'm so sure that things with him are going to work and it makes me -so- happy.
I can't wait to get back in the house with him and get things moving along with fixing it up and living and having our cute little puppy. (really, she's so damn cute! I wanna cuddle with her constantly)
Words can't express how good I feel right now, even with all the problems I've got going on and all the problems we're gonna have. I love him.
I got the greatest eyeliner ever today. It's by Prestige (took me 10 minutes to realize it was on the SIDE area in Walgreens, not along the never ending make-up wall) but with this eyeliner and some practice, I could be confident enough to shave off my eyebrows and draw them on. Brandon said they'd look cute. I'd never ever wax them though (at least not until I'm good at natural looking eyebrows) because they're less likely to grow back if you wax. I wonder when Amanda's eyebrows stopped growing back (I assume they don't anymore, because she never mentions it, and she's very detailed about little things in her life)
anyway. I'm happy. I'm fat, I have cramps, I'm lazy and have a spending problem, I also constantly have close call crashes every time I drive (always a combination of me not fully noticing that THEY'RE recklessly driving... seriously, today it was a guy going 25 over the speed limit when I was trying to merge into traffic. Had he been going the speed limit he would have been far enough back that it wouldn't have been a problem. )
anway. for realz now. I'm going to bed. <3
S
Really. I don't like to set the future out in stone, regardless of how mush I'd like that future, but I'm so sure that things with him are going to work and it makes me -so- happy.
I can't wait to get back in the house with him and get things moving along with fixing it up and living and having our cute little puppy. (really, she's so damn cute! I wanna cuddle with her constantly)
Words can't express how good I feel right now, even with all the problems I've got going on and all the problems we're gonna have. I love him.
I got the greatest eyeliner ever today. It's by Prestige (took me 10 minutes to realize it was on the SIDE area in Walgreens, not along the never ending make-up wall) but with this eyeliner and some practice, I could be confident enough to shave off my eyebrows and draw them on. Brandon said they'd look cute. I'd never ever wax them though (at least not until I'm good at natural looking eyebrows) because they're less likely to grow back if you wax. I wonder when Amanda's eyebrows stopped growing back (I assume they don't anymore, because she never mentions it, and she's very detailed about little things in her life)
anyway. I'm happy. I'm fat, I have cramps, I'm lazy and have a spending problem, I also constantly have close call crashes every time I drive (always a combination of me not fully noticing that THEY'RE recklessly driving... seriously, today it was a guy going 25 over the speed limit when I was trying to merge into traffic. Had he been going the speed limit he would have been far enough back that it wouldn't have been a problem. )
anway. for realz now. I'm going to bed. <3
S
December 09, 2008
Twilight the Movie
I watched Twilight last night. Illegally of course. It was really fuzzy, but that wasn't why I couldn't get into the movie. First off, the clips I watched on youtube were 100% correct to my perceptions. I don't know if it was the story or the filming style, but it was just incredibly -awkward-... Like, something about it is just off and I can't put my finger on it.
Beyond that, I didn't end up finishing the movie. Not so much out of boredom, but because I only had 30 minutes left and the story was (honest to god) JUST starting to develop. I heard that rumor, but assumed it was just exaggerated. It wasn't. The only identifiable 'plot' before the vampire baseball scene (gay) was OMG I LIKE YOU, LIKE ME BACK! I JUST MET YOU AND YOU HAVE FREAKISH POWERS BUT I TRUUUUST YOU! (no seriously. He dives to save her from a car and dents the damn car, but omg, it doesn't matter cuz he's so gorgeous! :\ personally, I find Jasper to be better looking, but the fact that beyond the 3 main characters (Jacob, Bella and Edward) there were like, 15 other characters that took part in the story and were somewhat important. Meaning, way too many characters to keep track of.
lets see... what else. what else. It's very bland and flavorless. really. Bella is too generic to care about. She's very average, and yet there are guys falling all around her and -wanting- her including the OMG SO SEXY (but lyk, no1 in skool iz gud enuf 4 him. he duznt wunt nun of uz preti gurls wif personality) EDWAD CULENFUCK.
anyway. just thought I'd share that. It's not like I had anything better to do, or had any better expectaions of it. Just to let you know though, there's Flair out there... it looks innocent. . . but deep down, it's inside jokes to fucking Twilight. ): I want my ignorance back plz.
<3
S
Beyond that, I didn't end up finishing the movie. Not so much out of boredom, but because I only had 30 minutes left and the story was (honest to god) JUST starting to develop. I heard that rumor, but assumed it was just exaggerated. It wasn't. The only identifiable 'plot' before the vampire baseball scene (gay) was OMG I LIKE YOU, LIKE ME BACK! I JUST MET YOU AND YOU HAVE FREAKISH POWERS BUT I TRUUUUST YOU! (no seriously. He dives to save her from a car and dents the damn car, but omg, it doesn't matter cuz he's so gorgeous! :\ personally, I find Jasper to be better looking, but the fact that beyond the 3 main characters (Jacob, Bella and Edward) there were like, 15 other characters that took part in the story and were somewhat important. Meaning, way too many characters to keep track of.
lets see... what else. what else. It's very bland and flavorless. really. Bella is too generic to care about. She's very average, and yet there are guys falling all around her and -wanting- her including the OMG SO SEXY (but lyk, no1 in skool iz gud enuf 4 him. he duznt wunt nun of uz preti gurls wif personality) EDWAD CULENFUCK.
anyway. just thought I'd share that. It's not like I had anything better to do, or had any better expectaions of it. Just to let you know though, there's Flair out there... it looks innocent. . . but deep down, it's inside jokes to fucking Twilight. ): I want my ignorance back plz.
<3
S
December 08, 2008
So I found out that I don't have the right Graphics card, right? I don't understand that, because in every case of the error being the graphics card, there were problems with the graphics. I don't have ANY. It just freezes when I try to save. But whatever. Graphics cards are expensive, so fuck them. I'm just gonna save money and get a new laptop. maybe try to pawn mine off on my litter sister for a couple hundred dollars. About $800 will get me a new laptop from ebay. (no, I will not buy a laptop directly from the seller. It adds $200 or MORE to the price.)
Anyway. It sucks. very much. But my retainer cleaner came in today and my retainer now looks as clean as it did when I first got it :D I also got the bras I ordered on ebay. got 6 for $15. They're satin, come in a ton of colors (with cute embroidered hearts) and are insanely comfortable. I think I've gotten one new bra in the past year.. and until now have only had about one bra at any given time in life. so this is good. Also got the Jack Skellington decal that I got brandon for Christmas for his car. I hope he likes it. I don't know if the other things I bought will be in by Christmas ): And I'm broke. I mean, I get paid tomorrow, but I'm broke at the moment. I hate the feeling that if I found a crazy deal I couldn't get whatever it was.
........... I miss Brandon. If he were here, I wouldn't CARE that I couldn't play sims 2. and when we was at work, I would be at the library using the internet. Except I'm pretty sure I'm just going to pay for the ineternet. It'll only be on my laptop though, because I know Brandon will just use it for porn. :/
Funny enough, as I mention my sweet sweet baby, he calls me x3 I love that sweetie.
I have a gift card for Regal Cinemas for $25 that my uncle gave me last year. My uncle is bad ass. He always gives great gifts. Usually free rave movie tickets, along with movies, and this card for $25. TWENTY FIVE! so I'm going to the movies soon. their movies are only like, $8.50. That's like, almost 3 movies. sweeeeet.
anyway. now that Brandon's called and I've made future plans, I feel a LOT more upbeat. so I'll leave on a hight note.
Much <3
S
Anyway. It sucks. very much. But my retainer cleaner came in today and my retainer now looks as clean as it did when I first got it :D I also got the bras I ordered on ebay. got 6 for $15. They're satin, come in a ton of colors (with cute embroidered hearts) and are insanely comfortable. I think I've gotten one new bra in the past year.. and until now have only had about one bra at any given time in life. so this is good. Also got the Jack Skellington decal that I got brandon for Christmas for his car. I hope he likes it. I don't know if the other things I bought will be in by Christmas ): And I'm broke. I mean, I get paid tomorrow, but I'm broke at the moment. I hate the feeling that if I found a crazy deal I couldn't get whatever it was.
........... I miss Brandon. If he were here, I wouldn't CARE that I couldn't play sims 2. and when we was at work, I would be at the library using the internet. Except I'm pretty sure I'm just going to pay for the ineternet. It'll only be on my laptop though, because I know Brandon will just use it for porn. :/
Funny enough, as I mention my sweet sweet baby, he calls me x3 I love that sweetie.
I have a gift card for Regal Cinemas for $25 that my uncle gave me last year. My uncle is bad ass. He always gives great gifts. Usually free rave movie tickets, along with movies, and this card for $25. TWENTY FIVE! so I'm going to the movies soon. their movies are only like, $8.50. That's like, almost 3 movies. sweeeeet.
anyway. now that Brandon's called and I've made future plans, I feel a LOT more upbeat. so I'll leave on a hight note.
Much <3
S
December 07, 2008
the Sims 2
So I finally broke down and got the Sims 2. The Double Deluxe edition. I was -so- excited to get home and put it on my laptop so that I could try it out. I get home and install it and spend like, 40 minutes trying to make my character look like me. Finally did, tried to save the character and it froze. Downloaded the Patch for it and went back. If froze. Altered the compatibility to XP service pack 2. It saved characters, but then I go to save the family and IT FROZE.
Jacob switched around the games settings. It froze. Downloaded some extra thing for the game and it froze. There's no way in hell my computer doesn't have the 'specs' for it. Jacob looked at the back of the game and said my laptop blew it out of the water on ALL of them AND vista at once.
It's not Vista. Other Vista users use it. It's not Dell, other Dell users can use it.
It SHOULDN'T be my graphics card. Why? because I have a 2 month old Dell Studio. The Studio itself is only a few month old model. 1/2 a year old at most. It was MADE for optimum video/sound projection. Not to mention the fact that I don't see why the graphics card would make it freeze whenever I try to save. :\ not the sound card either, considering when the game freezes the sound keeps going.
anyway. I'm very unhappy. -VERY- unhappy. My old computer doesn't even read the disk in the drive (not that it could handle more crap on it anyway)
so yeah... :\ unimpressed by Sims. They could do MUCH better with compatibility. I mean, it's not the -fault- of Vista (or the brand of laptop) but I'm not the only person having problems.
... well... Brandon's Wallet went missing. Plenty of bad luck to go around, right?
<3
S
Jacob switched around the games settings. It froze. Downloaded some extra thing for the game and it froze. There's no way in hell my computer doesn't have the 'specs' for it. Jacob looked at the back of the game and said my laptop blew it out of the water on ALL of them AND vista at once.
It's not Vista. Other Vista users use it. It's not Dell, other Dell users can use it.
It SHOULDN'T be my graphics card. Why? because I have a 2 month old Dell Studio. The Studio itself is only a few month old model. 1/2 a year old at most. It was MADE for optimum video/sound projection. Not to mention the fact that I don't see why the graphics card would make it freeze whenever I try to save. :\ not the sound card either, considering when the game freezes the sound keeps going.
anyway. I'm very unhappy. -VERY- unhappy. My old computer doesn't even read the disk in the drive (not that it could handle more crap on it anyway)
so yeah... :\ unimpressed by Sims. They could do MUCH better with compatibility. I mean, it's not the -fault- of Vista (or the brand of laptop) but I'm not the only person having problems.
... well... Brandon's Wallet went missing. Plenty of bad luck to go around, right?
<3
S
December 06, 2008
In all the time that I've spent looking at houses in other states and dreaming about moving... I don't think I've ever actually considered it. I mean, I've wanted out of here for a while, but I don't think that deep down I actually thought it'd be happening. Cuz today, after talking to Brandon about it I came home and started looking and I just suddenly got so scared of the 'unknown' that I had to stop. I want to get the fuck out, but I'm terrified of going to a new city.
I was looking at Stats of cities, living costs, average family income and all that. I don't know if me and Brandon will be able to get by anywhere else. The average family in a decent town makes from 26,000 a year to 60,000 a year. Me and Brandon will only make about 12,000. That's with the jobs we have now, of course, but I'll probably be doing cheap retail jobs and so will he. So that may not get much better.
But we have at least 4 years before I have to give it a -real- second thought. We obviously can't move until he's out of jail. Then we'll have to wait until he's off probation, which will be another 2 years. the we have to make sure the house will sell for enough money that we won't have to take out a loan. I refuse to take out a loan.
You know what's really strange to me though. To me, the thought of moving feels really really weird and scary. The thought of being with Brandon in 5 years (and the years after that, living together after we move) doesn't seem weird or scary in any way. It seems quite normal, and actually comforts me to think that when we move he'll be there with me.
I'm still kinda cautious with my relationship though. I mean, I could honest to god settle down with this guy and live with him forever and (good god!) even start a family if he wanted. And he told me once, when it was late and we were watching movie together, that he was ready to settle down with me and get his life in order. He's been hurt by a lot of people in his life though, so I know it'll effect how long it takes for him to realize that I really do want to be with him forever. At this point in my last relationship I was already doubting that it would last. I'm still sure that me and Brandon could make it work. We're at 7 months today. :D
But deep down, I always have this fear that he'll leave me for someone else, or cheat on me. I know that the bullshit about him cheating on his other girlfriends is just that; bullshit. My brothers girlfriend and her sister BOTH know the girl he dated for 2 years, she said he abused her but never once told them that he cheated. I even asked Arika directly about it. She said that his ex never said he did. So the only sources thats ever said that he cheated was Mariah.
She said that they dated when she was in 8th grade and that she lost her virginity to him, but once was takling about how she had sex with Logan Zurcher in 7th grade when they dated. born again virin much? Her time frame of dating him also is 1/2 way set during the time he would have had to have been with his ex. who he was planning on marrying. *eyeroll*
Everything about what I just said is beside the point. Cuz I refuse to believe a word out of her mouth without photographic evidense (she once claimed that brandon was cheating on me on one of the nights that I stayed that night. She doesn't know I lived with him so probably thought I'd buy into her shit)
no no, this stems deeper than rumors. I'm very insecure. Hell, if I could ever have the thought that SPENCER would cheat on me cross my mind, then you know I'm just ridiculously paranoid. I am. I've mostly learned to control it and only give into my parinoia when it seems plausible and not just like a little thing tugging at the side of my mind. I've had him look me in the eye and say that he'd never do that to me, and I believe him just by the look in his eyes (like the thought of losing me would hurt. I'm pretty in-tuned to his emotions when I try)... but it doesn't stop me from being paranoid that in the future he won't feel the same and will eventually leave me...
but I hate thinking like that, cuz I love him too much and just thinking about us breaking up could make me cry (of course, I'm gonna be menstrating soon... that's probably why I'm having ridiculous emotions right now)
Anywway. I'm broke. I need new tires. Jacob thought he had some for me, but they were the wrong size... aaaaaand I get paid Tuesday so everything should be fine since I'm mainly getting money for christmas so paying my bills doesn't worry me.
I can't wait til I get my baby back from jail. )':
<3
S
I was looking at Stats of cities, living costs, average family income and all that. I don't know if me and Brandon will be able to get by anywhere else. The average family in a decent town makes from 26,000 a year to 60,000 a year. Me and Brandon will only make about 12,000. That's with the jobs we have now, of course, but I'll probably be doing cheap retail jobs and so will he. So that may not get much better.
But we have at least 4 years before I have to give it a -real- second thought. We obviously can't move until he's out of jail. Then we'll have to wait until he's off probation, which will be another 2 years. the we have to make sure the house will sell for enough money that we won't have to take out a loan. I refuse to take out a loan.
You know what's really strange to me though. To me, the thought of moving feels really really weird and scary. The thought of being with Brandon in 5 years (and the years after that, living together after we move) doesn't seem weird or scary in any way. It seems quite normal, and actually comforts me to think that when we move he'll be there with me.
I'm still kinda cautious with my relationship though. I mean, I could honest to god settle down with this guy and live with him forever and (good god!) even start a family if he wanted. And he told me once, when it was late and we were watching movie together, that he was ready to settle down with me and get his life in order. He's been hurt by a lot of people in his life though, so I know it'll effect how long it takes for him to realize that I really do want to be with him forever. At this point in my last relationship I was already doubting that it would last. I'm still sure that me and Brandon could make it work. We're at 7 months today. :D
But deep down, I always have this fear that he'll leave me for someone else, or cheat on me. I know that the bullshit about him cheating on his other girlfriends is just that; bullshit. My brothers girlfriend and her sister BOTH know the girl he dated for 2 years, she said he abused her but never once told them that he cheated. I even asked Arika directly about it. She said that his ex never said he did. So the only sources thats ever said that he cheated was Mariah.
She said that they dated when she was in 8th grade and that she lost her virginity to him, but once was takling about how she had sex with Logan Zurcher in 7th grade when they dated. born again virin much? Her time frame of dating him also is 1/2 way set during the time he would have had to have been with his ex. who he was planning on marrying. *eyeroll*
Everything about what I just said is beside the point. Cuz I refuse to believe a word out of her mouth without photographic evidense (she once claimed that brandon was cheating on me on one of the nights that I stayed that night. She doesn't know I lived with him so probably thought I'd buy into her shit)
no no, this stems deeper than rumors. I'm very insecure. Hell, if I could ever have the thought that SPENCER would cheat on me cross my mind, then you know I'm just ridiculously paranoid. I am. I've mostly learned to control it and only give into my parinoia when it seems plausible and not just like a little thing tugging at the side of my mind. I've had him look me in the eye and say that he'd never do that to me, and I believe him just by the look in his eyes (like the thought of losing me would hurt. I'm pretty in-tuned to his emotions when I try)... but it doesn't stop me from being paranoid that in the future he won't feel the same and will eventually leave me...
but I hate thinking like that, cuz I love him too much and just thinking about us breaking up could make me cry (of course, I'm gonna be menstrating soon... that's probably why I'm having ridiculous emotions right now)
Anywway. I'm broke. I need new tires. Jacob thought he had some for me, but they were the wrong size... aaaaaand I get paid Tuesday so everything should be fine since I'm mainly getting money for christmas so paying my bills doesn't worry me.
I can't wait til I get my baby back from jail. )':
<3
S
December 05, 2008
To finish off what I said the other night about boobs, I found a site that said that 99% of results seen by breast pills are just the placebo effect. Unfortunately placebo's don't work on me. They did however say that the most overlooks form on noninvasive breast augmentation was through (get this!) HYPNOSIS! I could totally go for that. It probably won't be as cheap as the pills, but it's actually supposed to work. However, I don't think I'm the type who'd be able to get hypnotized. It's worth a shot in my opinion though. I mean, besides money there's nothing to lose, and quite frankly, money isn't THAT big of a deal, as long as it was saved up and we can still pay the bills. I think I'll be getting food stamps once I move out, because I don't have a full time job and don't live with my parents. Brandon may be able to get food stamps too, and together we'll buy enough food for the both of us :D (my brother told me that if he ever found out I was living off the government he'd kick me in the ass. Way I see it, I pay taxes for the schools but don't have kids, so shouldn't I get something in return?)
anyway. I got some new socks from sock dreams. I LOVE that site. The stuff they import isn't that great (well, it's good but really expensive) but I got another pair of O Basics, they're magenta. They're GORGEOUS! and I got this pair of Super Stripes... let's put it this way, if my thighs we thinner they'd be crotch high. they're AMAZING. black and white striped. They're mostly out of stock on things right now, but since I only like the sock dreams exclusive socks that means they should be back before too long.
I'm broke. and my tires need replaced. But my christmas shopping is mostly done. so all will be okay. I just want it to warm up already. I know it's not even really winter yet, but it's just too damn cold right now and I don't have a warm enough coat ):
Much Love <3
S
anyway. I got some new socks from sock dreams. I LOVE that site. The stuff they import isn't that great (well, it's good but really expensive) but I got another pair of O Basics, they're magenta. They're GORGEOUS! and I got this pair of Super Stripes... let's put it this way, if my thighs we thinner they'd be crotch high. they're AMAZING. black and white striped. They're mostly out of stock on things right now, but since I only like the sock dreams exclusive socks that means they should be back before too long.
I'm broke. and my tires need replaced. But my christmas shopping is mostly done. so all will be okay. I just want it to warm up already. I know it's not even really winter yet, but it's just too damn cold right now and I don't have a warm enough coat ):
Much Love <3
S
December 03, 2008
Boobs
I've been thinking about (not exactly in a literal way) getting implants. You know, fake boobs. Just thinking about how it's done and the consequences the woman faces and risk and all that.
I've never been so disappointed in the human race. For one, we as a whole assume that everything a person does to their body has to do with attracting someone of the opposite sex (or same, I guess, in the case of the gays :D) and has nothing to do with how the person feels about themselves. "Oh, don't get implants, you'll find someone who loves you for who you are" but they never stop to think that -maybe- the girl has someone who loves her the way she is, but the girl still doesn't love herself per se.
Then, regardless of -why- the girls does it, you have the judgmental people who say that girls with fake boobs are nothing but -fake- no matter what her personality, and she's a bad person for being so shallow. No -really- these people are so concerned that the girls boobs are fake that they seem go forget that the PERSON IS REAL. with real emotions and feelings who already had to make the decision of either being self conscious or fake the rest of her life.
Seriously, do people ever consider that some boob jobs aren't done for such shallow reasons? Hell, if they had to go through what I've had to go through with clothes shopping they'd reconsider their outlook on it. I can't wear dresses because they're all either baggy on my chest, or I can't get the zipper over my hips. I can't buy things off the internet unless they give measurements for the chest AND hips (they usually don't, btw) because the difference in size between the two is so large that I'd be taking the risk of it not fitting me at all.
Over my more emotional times I've gone clothes shopping and put tons of shirts back on the rack with tears in my eyes because nothing could fit me right, and the things that did generally made my hips look even bigger and my boobs look smaller. I'm only able to wear black t-shirts. Literally.
having overly large boobs is nothing to bitch about, and I mean that. It's so easy to take in the sides of a shirt or even a dress. They also make plenty of specialty clothes for large breast. They do no such thing for us less well-endowed girls. Better yet, if you have big boobs and have tissue removed and guess what, THEY'RE STILL REAL/NATURAL/SQUISHY. And no one will give you shit for it or call you shallow because of it. You can get your droopy saggy boobs perked up during the removal of the tissue and still not be shallow because it was for 'health' reasons (oh, my back, bitch bitch. A good bra and healthy diet/body will mostly prevent that. Not always... but with the girls I know)
apparently good fake boobs run at about $4,000-$10,000 dollars, and need replaced about every 10 years. I'd assume about $7,000 for decent implants (I assume 10,000 is for the really high dollar guy that does jobs for semi-celebs, and 4,000 is for the cheap guy)
I could always spend all my money on different pills and shit in hopes of getting a B cup at most (I want C's, I believe that's what would be proportionate to my hips) but Idk. . .
Bottom line is, people need to stop being judgmental ass hats, because a lot of girls who get breast implants aren't shallow bitchy drama queens. Just the ones that are televised a lot (and they're attention hungry to begin with)
<3
S
I've never been so disappointed in the human race. For one, we as a whole assume that everything a person does to their body has to do with attracting someone of the opposite sex (or same, I guess, in the case of the gays :D) and has nothing to do with how the person feels about themselves. "Oh, don't get implants, you'll find someone who loves you for who you are" but they never stop to think that -maybe- the girl has someone who loves her the way she is, but the girl still doesn't love herself per se.
Then, regardless of -why- the girls does it, you have the judgmental people who say that girls with fake boobs are nothing but -fake- no matter what her personality, and she's a bad person for being so shallow. No -really- these people are so concerned that the girls boobs are fake that they seem go forget that the PERSON IS REAL. with real emotions and feelings who already had to make the decision of either being self conscious or fake the rest of her life.
Seriously, do people ever consider that some boob jobs aren't done for such shallow reasons? Hell, if they had to go through what I've had to go through with clothes shopping they'd reconsider their outlook on it. I can't wear dresses because they're all either baggy on my chest, or I can't get the zipper over my hips. I can't buy things off the internet unless they give measurements for the chest AND hips (they usually don't, btw) because the difference in size between the two is so large that I'd be taking the risk of it not fitting me at all.
Over my more emotional times I've gone clothes shopping and put tons of shirts back on the rack with tears in my eyes because nothing could fit me right, and the things that did generally made my hips look even bigger and my boobs look smaller. I'm only able to wear black t-shirts. Literally.
having overly large boobs is nothing to bitch about, and I mean that. It's so easy to take in the sides of a shirt or even a dress. They also make plenty of specialty clothes for large breast. They do no such thing for us less well-endowed girls. Better yet, if you have big boobs and have tissue removed and guess what, THEY'RE STILL REAL/NATURAL/SQUISHY. And no one will give you shit for it or call you shallow because of it. You can get your droopy saggy boobs perked up during the removal of the tissue and still not be shallow because it was for 'health' reasons (oh, my back, bitch bitch. A good bra and healthy diet/body will mostly prevent that. Not always... but with the girls I know)
apparently good fake boobs run at about $4,000-$10,000 dollars, and need replaced about every 10 years. I'd assume about $7,000 for decent implants (I assume 10,000 is for the really high dollar guy that does jobs for semi-celebs, and 4,000 is for the cheap guy)
I could always spend all my money on different pills and shit in hopes of getting a B cup at most (I want C's, I believe that's what would be proportionate to my hips) but Idk. . .
Bottom line is, people need to stop being judgmental ass hats, because a lot of girls who get breast implants aren't shallow bitchy drama queens. Just the ones that are televised a lot (and they're attention hungry to begin with)
<3
S
November 27, 2008
WKAP, Thanksgiving, supid cunt, and texts.
I'm feeling very non-artistic. Like, really really non-artistic. I painted the other day though. I'm pretty proud of it, even though it's not my best work ever. but now... I'm just kinda drained.
I'm supposed to get the rest of my WKAP package this month... but there are only two more mailing days left... it doesn't help that I didn't get my e-mail confirmation... had I not gotten my CD I'd have thought they totally screwed me over... but I haven't heard anything about them setting the date back a bit... or that they weren't shipping the shirts out yet, cuz I still don't have mine and I'm starting to feel angry... really... I forked over 100 fucking dollars to them because I'm a dedicated fan, and a true obsesor... but this is really pissing me off... If I miracualously get my things in the next two days I'll be ridiculously happy (even without my free downloads that I can only access through the e mail notification that I didn't get) but I just don't see it happening.
I just watched the Incredibles. . . one of very few good computer animated films.
Thanksgiving... went to my grandma and grandpa lee's house and didn't realy talk to anyone. I don't usually... Got some deserts to bring to brandon. Went to Grandma Rhymers and made two plates of food (everyone was teasing me about it) and after about 40 minutes left to go eat a thanksgiving meal with my baby on his lunch break. Then some bitch who worked there came in and started getting pissy with him for taking hour long breaks all the time, and when he tried to explain to her that my Mom made his schedule out so that he was -required- to take an hour long break (so he gets to be out of jail longer, and doesn't end up on overtime) and before he could even say anything the bitch was like "I don't know who told you this was alright, and I don't care, that's not how we do things here and if you're not going to get back to work now you can just go home"
who does she think she is? no, seriously. She wears the red vest, not the red button up formal shirt of the management of RK. My mom, the ASSISANT FUCKING MANAGER told him that he -had- to take an hour break, or the company will be over in hours, and she thinks she's so fucking special that she can overrule the assistant managers? wtf, stupid cunt.
Nothing much going on. Just me getting pissier and pissier every day. I sent a message out to EVERYONE that i've talk to in the last couple months saying happy thanksgiving... And I actually wrote a different message out to each and every person. . . didn't get any responces. not ONE. but I guess everyone else is out living their new fucking lives. who has time to text back? I can't wait for Brandon to be out of jail so I won't have to bother with other people anymore. even if I talk to somone non stop for a week, they'll eventually start ignoring me. I didn't know I was that annoying........
well, much love <3
S
I'm supposed to get the rest of my WKAP package this month... but there are only two more mailing days left... it doesn't help that I didn't get my e-mail confirmation... had I not gotten my CD I'd have thought they totally screwed me over... but I haven't heard anything about them setting the date back a bit... or that they weren't shipping the shirts out yet, cuz I still don't have mine and I'm starting to feel angry... really... I forked over 100 fucking dollars to them because I'm a dedicated fan, and a true obsesor... but this is really pissing me off... If I miracualously get my things in the next two days I'll be ridiculously happy (even without my free downloads that I can only access through the e mail notification that I didn't get) but I just don't see it happening.
I just watched the Incredibles. . . one of very few good computer animated films.
Thanksgiving... went to my grandma and grandpa lee's house and didn't realy talk to anyone. I don't usually... Got some deserts to bring to brandon. Went to Grandma Rhymers and made two plates of food (everyone was teasing me about it) and after about 40 minutes left to go eat a thanksgiving meal with my baby on his lunch break. Then some bitch who worked there came in and started getting pissy with him for taking hour long breaks all the time, and when he tried to explain to her that my Mom made his schedule out so that he was -required- to take an hour long break (so he gets to be out of jail longer, and doesn't end up on overtime) and before he could even say anything the bitch was like "I don't know who told you this was alright, and I don't care, that's not how we do things here and if you're not going to get back to work now you can just go home"
who does she think she is? no, seriously. She wears the red vest, not the red button up formal shirt of the management of RK. My mom, the ASSISANT FUCKING MANAGER told him that he -had- to take an hour break, or the company will be over in hours, and she thinks she's so fucking special that she can overrule the assistant managers? wtf, stupid cunt.
Nothing much going on. Just me getting pissier and pissier every day. I sent a message out to EVERYONE that i've talk to in the last couple months saying happy thanksgiving... And I actually wrote a different message out to each and every person. . . didn't get any responces. not ONE. but I guess everyone else is out living their new fucking lives. who has time to text back? I can't wait for Brandon to be out of jail so I won't have to bother with other people anymore. even if I talk to somone non stop for a week, they'll eventually start ignoring me. I didn't know I was that annoying........
well, much love <3
S
November 24, 2008
Tires and Vampires
I was about to ask my dad for a little help with buying tires for my car... but right as I was about to open my mouth he started to talk to mom about how fleetwood (the factory that his factory is owned by) closed down 8 plants. That means him having a job in the future may be unlikely.
So yeah... It looks like I'm on m own with the tires, despite Christmas coming up. Jacob changed my oil for me though, thankfully.
So Glass House is really poorly written.. Well, not so much poorly written, but it wasn't with written like a book should be. It's like, a book version of a tv show. It's kinda how I write actually, with little jokes and character interaction that doesn't really suite a book. I can -totally- imagine this being a tv series though. I'd watch it. Plus, the first main villian in the book is a vampire named -brandon-.... it made my imagination veeery veeery happy. hell, it gave my imagination a hard on. :D
I don't like how all of the characters have exrtemely common names. Claire, Brandon, Monica. Hell, even in my small group of high school friends one of us had a somewhat uncommon name (me)... It would add a little personality to the book if SOMEONE had a name that wasn't ultra common. story isn't so bad. The author kinda created a unique isolated town, like the one in The Lost Boys... I mean, it's a place that's secretly a vampire town. A lost of people are oblivious to it. blah blah blah. I just hope something -good- happens soon. I'm almost 1/2 way through it. It's too bad that the vamps are the bad guys though. ): that means no sexy vampy scenes for me.
anyway. <3
S
So yeah... It looks like I'm on m own with the tires, despite Christmas coming up. Jacob changed my oil for me though, thankfully.
So Glass House is really poorly written.. Well, not so much poorly written, but it wasn't with written like a book should be. It's like, a book version of a tv show. It's kinda how I write actually, with little jokes and character interaction that doesn't really suite a book. I can -totally- imagine this being a tv series though. I'd watch it. Plus, the first main villian in the book is a vampire named -brandon-.... it made my imagination veeery veeery happy. hell, it gave my imagination a hard on. :D
I don't like how all of the characters have exrtemely common names. Claire, Brandon, Monica. Hell, even in my small group of high school friends one of us had a somewhat uncommon name (me)... It would add a little personality to the book if SOMEONE had a name that wasn't ultra common. story isn't so bad. The author kinda created a unique isolated town, like the one in The Lost Boys... I mean, it's a place that's secretly a vampire town. A lost of people are oblivious to it. blah blah blah. I just hope something -good- happens soon. I'm almost 1/2 way through it. It's too bad that the vamps are the bad guys though. ): that means no sexy vampy scenes for me.
anyway. <3
S
November 22, 2008
my books, a boy, and my brother
My books came today. I wished they'd made a note in the description that the main character was a 16/17 year old in college. I wouldn't have gotten them had I known. :\ main characters should be semi-normal people with certain traits that make them special enough to have a book written on their behalf, or at least normal people going through a big and interesting situation (like 13 little blue envelopes girl... whatever her name was)
I'm gonna keep reading anyways, since I've got nothing else to do. I mean, it's probably better than twilight, and if I end up liking it I won't be some fan-tard statistic. How the hell does psychotic stalker= romantic cuz a hundred some year old guy following around a 17 year old girl is creepy as fuck, I don't care -how- young he looks.
but anyway. I'm gonna read the first book with hopes that it at least kills time and entertains me, then if I hate it, I'll read Stolen next (the book that takes place after Bitten)
and my brother found out that I used to have a crush on his friend Brian (like, when I was yooooung and stupid and in middle school) and now everyone is like "omg, if things don't work out with brandon you should totally go out with brian" which, yeah, I'd give him a chance, but fuck, I don't even want to THINK that me and Brandon won't be forever. I said it in an older entry, I think he's the one. one what? I'm not so sure, but god knows I don't want to be without him even in the bad times.
anywho, if my feelings of sick grossness clears up (really runny nose and icky stomach) jacob is taking me out to go bowling with him and his friends. it's better than sitting at home alone I guess.
<3
s
I'm gonna keep reading anyways, since I've got nothing else to do. I mean, it's probably better than twilight, and if I end up liking it I won't be some fan-tard statistic. How the hell does psychotic stalker= romantic cuz a hundred some year old guy following around a 17 year old girl is creepy as fuck, I don't care -how- young he looks.
but anyway. I'm gonna read the first book with hopes that it at least kills time and entertains me, then if I hate it, I'll read Stolen next (the book that takes place after Bitten)
and my brother found out that I used to have a crush on his friend Brian (like, when I was yooooung and stupid and in middle school) and now everyone is like "omg, if things don't work out with brandon you should totally go out with brian" which, yeah, I'd give him a chance, but fuck, I don't even want to THINK that me and Brandon won't be forever. I said it in an older entry, I think he's the one. one what? I'm not so sure, but god knows I don't want to be without him even in the bad times.
anywho, if my feelings of sick grossness clears up (really runny nose and icky stomach) jacob is taking me out to go bowling with him and his friends. it's better than sitting at home alone I guess.
<3
s
November 21, 2008
Everything seems kinda pointless right now. I have no one. All I want is to have someone to hold me while I sleep and someone to hang out with me when I'm awake.
my only friends don't hang out with me. one is dating my brother, so if the option of free time is there, she's with him... which means I also don't have my brother to hang out with. Erica's parents are fuck-tards (I sent a text to the numbers Erica gave me because no one was answering, and he called me back saying "For future reference, don't send text messages to this phone. Oh, you're not a member of Verizon? I guess Erica can talk to you, but only for a short amount of time." And I went through his ass hole attitude just to hear from Erica that she couldn't come over because her parents haven't met mine.
Her fucking dad had an interview at Rural King... and interview with MY MOM. Her mom has met my mom when they were both at Wendy's, and erica told her that my mom worked there... He's just a bitter douche because RK didn't want him for a managing position because he's NEVER WORKED IN RETAIL. get over it.
but what can she do about it? she's fucking 15, and has no say in it. I fucking hate that. Who else do I have? cuz really, I don't have anyone else. The people I know, I don't like, and the people I do don't have time for me. I hate this place. I can't stand being here anymore. Life goes on without me. Everyone else has other people, and I have no one. I hate having such a negative mindset but it's true. When was the last time someone sat at home and thought "lets call up shayla, I'm bored." they have people they'd rather talk to, or people that are more convinient because say, they're neighbors or you see them in you're daily routine. People start to phase out of you're life, thats normal. that's fine. But why does it seem like I've phased out of everyone elses but no one is phasing into mine?
I mean, hell, I'm not even close to being on my period and I feel so horribley alone and shut out right now that I'm crying. I'm so sick and tired of always being alone. I'm always alone. Every time someone comes into my life they eventually have to leave. I know that that's how life is. I understand. but fuck, why is it that every time I think I've found someone new to talk to any hopes of a strong friendship is cut. As much as all this shit has made me strong, and build character or whatever the fuck it's doing, it's not worth it. I had nearly fully developed my personality and character by the time I hit 8th grade. I don't need to build any more, I just want to stop being alone.
and when it comes right down to it, no matter what, I'll be alone.
there are some things that you just never get used to, I guess.
<3
S
my only friends don't hang out with me. one is dating my brother, so if the option of free time is there, she's with him... which means I also don't have my brother to hang out with. Erica's parents are fuck-tards (I sent a text to the numbers Erica gave me because no one was answering, and he called me back saying "For future reference, don't send text messages to this phone. Oh, you're not a member of Verizon? I guess Erica can talk to you, but only for a short amount of time." And I went through his ass hole attitude just to hear from Erica that she couldn't come over because her parents haven't met mine.
Her fucking dad had an interview at Rural King... and interview with MY MOM. Her mom has met my mom when they were both at Wendy's, and erica told her that my mom worked there... He's just a bitter douche because RK didn't want him for a managing position because he's NEVER WORKED IN RETAIL. get over it.
but what can she do about it? she's fucking 15, and has no say in it. I fucking hate that. Who else do I have? cuz really, I don't have anyone else. The people I know, I don't like, and the people I do don't have time for me. I hate this place. I can't stand being here anymore. Life goes on without me. Everyone else has other people, and I have no one. I hate having such a negative mindset but it's true. When was the last time someone sat at home and thought "lets call up shayla, I'm bored." they have people they'd rather talk to, or people that are more convinient because say, they're neighbors or you see them in you're daily routine. People start to phase out of you're life, thats normal. that's fine. But why does it seem like I've phased out of everyone elses but no one is phasing into mine?
I mean, hell, I'm not even close to being on my period and I feel so horribley alone and shut out right now that I'm crying. I'm so sick and tired of always being alone. I'm always alone. Every time someone comes into my life they eventually have to leave. I know that that's how life is. I understand. but fuck, why is it that every time I think I've found someone new to talk to any hopes of a strong friendship is cut. As much as all this shit has made me strong, and build character or whatever the fuck it's doing, it's not worth it. I had nearly fully developed my personality and character by the time I hit 8th grade. I don't need to build any more, I just want to stop being alone.
and when it comes right down to it, no matter what, I'll be alone.
there are some things that you just never get used to, I guess.
<3
S
November 20, 2008
I got a new heater in my room. My other one broke last night. It was a cold night.
this one is generally too hot, but I'm glad it works. I can always work on turning it down to the right temp.
None of the things I've ordered have come. boooring. I'm bored. d:
like.. I could be reading a crappy book, or watching a really bad high budgeted movie and be happier than I am now. ):
but it's cool. Erica will hopefully come over tomorrow. I guess we'll just hook up the N64, cuz I don't really have anything else to do.
I'll tell you how it goes. <3
S
this one is generally too hot, but I'm glad it works. I can always work on turning it down to the right temp.
None of the things I've ordered have come. boooring. I'm bored. d:
like.. I could be reading a crappy book, or watching a really bad high budgeted movie and be happier than I am now. ):
but it's cool. Erica will hopefully come over tomorrow. I guess we'll just hook up the N64, cuz I don't really have anything else to do.
I'll tell you how it goes. <3
S
November 16, 2008
books.
So, by Michelle's recommendation I went on Amazon and searched from Vampire Kisses... I was about to buy, but then I saw this book called House of Glass. It looked -really- interesting, and was about a college girl I believe ( It's easier to relate to people in books where you're similar in age) so I thought "I'll get -that- one" and found a think that gave me the first 3 books of the series for a fairly cheap discounted price... so I clicked it... then I come to find out that if I added $7.03 to the order, shipping would be free ( $25 free super saver shipping) so I was like "lets find a book that's only 7.99, cuz a book that's exactly 7.03 isn't likely. Almost got Twilight, I won't lie, But it was like, 7 cents too cheap. It was a SIGN that I shouldn't get it. For real.
after a bit of searching I wasn't finding anything cheap enough, or interesting enough, so I search for 'werewolf' and came up with some random crap... Which is when I remembered that AMAZING werewolf novel I read a couple years back called Bitten, and I -knew- there were more in the series. So I searched it and found the book... $7.99 exactly. It was meant to be so I got it.
After paying, I realised that by getting that exact book, It made me eligible for the 4 for 3 book deal, meaning I got one of the books for free. So I got 4 books for $19.99... and free shipping.
Not only did that browsing and compairing get me my shopping fix, it'll give me something to do for at least a week or so.
I hope the vampire series I got it good, but if not, at least the werewolf book will have good sex scenes, I remember them from bitten :D
much love and hope <3
s
after a bit of searching I wasn't finding anything cheap enough, or interesting enough, so I search for 'werewolf' and came up with some random crap... Which is when I remembered that AMAZING werewolf novel I read a couple years back called Bitten, and I -knew- there were more in the series. So I searched it and found the book... $7.99 exactly. It was meant to be so I got it.
After paying, I realised that by getting that exact book, It made me eligible for the 4 for 3 book deal, meaning I got one of the books for free. So I got 4 books for $19.99... and free shipping.
Not only did that browsing and compairing get me my shopping fix, it'll give me something to do for at least a week or so.
I hope the vampire series I got it good, but if not, at least the werewolf book will have good sex scenes, I remember them from bitten :D
much love and hope <3
s
dreams
Don't try to dig too deep into my mind, I think you'll be very disappointed. I'm not as simple as I seem, but I'm not as deep as I try to lead on through simplistic ways.
really. I like learning about deep and complicated scientific and psychological things, but that doesn't mean that I myself am as deep as the things I learn about. I can understand them but that doesn't mean they apply to me.
but anyway. it's early. for me. I just woke up.
I had a dream that a really hot black guy was walking by me (who was sitting on a random couch in the middle of some place) and the hot one (there were two, one was hot. I find it odd, cuz I'm not usually attracted to black guys) came up to me, sat next to me and started to make out with me, telling me how beautiful I am... then walked away.. and I realized after he had left, that he stole my wallet.
it's funny. I laugh at that dream.
I'm not racist. I swear :D
<3
S
really. I like learning about deep and complicated scientific and psychological things, but that doesn't mean that I myself am as deep as the things I learn about. I can understand them but that doesn't mean they apply to me.
but anyway. it's early. for me. I just woke up.
I had a dream that a really hot black guy was walking by me (who was sitting on a random couch in the middle of some place) and the hot one (there were two, one was hot. I find it odd, cuz I'm not usually attracted to black guys) came up to me, sat next to me and started to make out with me, telling me how beautiful I am... then walked away.. and I realized after he had left, that he stole my wallet.
it's funny. I laugh at that dream.
I'm not racist. I swear :D
<3
S
November 14, 2008
Scene, Science, and Stuff
I just realized that ALL scene kids have the SAME haircut. No seriously, I didn't realize that they ALL truly had the same cut. ): and it's just a longer version of what I can do with my hair... I like to tease the top up, but not like this
more like this
pleasantly poofy. except I think it looks different on me cuz I don't have long hair on the bottom... not that long at least. just a little past my shoulders.
and while looking for that I found this
i'm not so much fond of the red white and blue, but that's bad ass coloring and styling right there.
this one too
and she has come clip in extensions. she's not fooling anyone:
but anyways. apart from hair...
I'm reading about this new scientific theory called string theory, which could eventually prove multiple dimensions existing (besides space and time)... 11 to be exact, and all of them are tied together through mathematical equations. it's interesting, but I need a guide for dummy's cuz this is way over my head. I -really- want to learn what I can about it though. This opens up a world of possiblities in the science world involving the supernatural. I'm not talking vampires or anything, just the true enexplained phenomenon. This is the first thing I learned since school let out. And it's science and math. go figure, the two things I used to hate most (until Smith opened my eyes in astronomy. I still feel that not being able to retrieve my astronomy binder from him is the biggest mistake I've ever made. The one thing I will ALWAYS regret. ): why didn't I wait just a little longer for the people's presentation to finish? WHY!)
I think he's the teacher that's changed my life. For realz. I mean, I was a science hating/failing girl. Thought "there's no piont to it!" "who cares about science" I honsetly didn't care how things were put togther or how anything work and had no curiosity about molecules and gravity and space time. thought it was all a bunch of stupid "theorys"
He opened my eyes to just how damn fascinating science is, and in and ASTRONOMY class of all things. I thought I was signing up for looking at the dark ceiling every day memorizing made up shapes. And, since science and math walk hand in hand, I learned math in a way that actually made sense to me. Not just a bunch of equations that a math teacher trys to convince you will be useful in the future. No, we learned mathmatical equations that were used to prove things, and that are being created due to theorys. We used math as a tool, a device to learn about science. A device that actually does more than find the sqare footage of a building.
hether he needs some help with his anger and stuff and whether or not he's a bit prejudice against religion is all debatable. But he was definantly a man who could make you -want- to learn.
things are going okay. I miss brandon, but I see him for a bit every day. I'm driving incredibly well, but I'm hating it less.
much Love <3
S
more like this
pleasantly poofy. except I think it looks different on me cuz I don't have long hair on the bottom... not that long at least. just a little past my shoulders.
and while looking for that I found this
i'm not so much fond of the red white and blue, but that's bad ass coloring and styling right there.this one too
and she has come clip in extensions. she's not fooling anyone:
but anyways. apart from hair...
I'm reading about this new scientific theory called string theory, which could eventually prove multiple dimensions existing (besides space and time)... 11 to be exact, and all of them are tied together through mathematical equations. it's interesting, but I need a guide for dummy's cuz this is way over my head. I -really- want to learn what I can about it though. This opens up a world of possiblities in the science world involving the supernatural. I'm not talking vampires or anything, just the true enexplained phenomenon. This is the first thing I learned since school let out. And it's science and math. go figure, the two things I used to hate most (until Smith opened my eyes in astronomy. I still feel that not being able to retrieve my astronomy binder from him is the biggest mistake I've ever made. The one thing I will ALWAYS regret. ): why didn't I wait just a little longer for the people's presentation to finish? WHY!)
I think he's the teacher that's changed my life. For realz. I mean, I was a science hating/failing girl. Thought "there's no piont to it!" "who cares about science" I honsetly didn't care how things were put togther or how anything work and had no curiosity about molecules and gravity and space time. thought it was all a bunch of stupid "theorys"
He opened my eyes to just how damn fascinating science is, and in and ASTRONOMY class of all things. I thought I was signing up for looking at the dark ceiling every day memorizing made up shapes. And, since science and math walk hand in hand, I learned math in a way that actually made sense to me. Not just a bunch of equations that a math teacher trys to convince you will be useful in the future. No, we learned mathmatical equations that were used to prove things, and that are being created due to theorys. We used math as a tool, a device to learn about science. A device that actually does more than find the sqare footage of a building.
hether he needs some help with his anger and stuff and whether or not he's a bit prejudice against religion is all debatable. But he was definantly a man who could make you -want- to learn.
things are going okay. I miss brandon, but I see him for a bit every day. I'm driving incredibly well, but I'm hating it less.
much Love <3
S
November 09, 2008
I'm gonna start making clothes, like I've been wanting to. Starting easy, making little goth tutus. they cost about $7 to make, and I could sell it for $15. make 3 a week and if they -sell- (considering that they're cheaper than the others I hope they do) that'll be $24 a week I didn't have. They look like they're a quick to make thing too. so I'll be getting almost $50 extra every pay time (which is bi-weekly)... If I can make other stuff, that'll be even more money.
I miss brandon.
We all went to Pizza Hut, so I got to see him for a while, but I forgot to bring him his pictures that I made ): I feel horrible, cuz now I have something to look at til tuesday when I get to see him next, but he only has the old note I gave him. I want my emo back.
Much <3
S
I miss brandon.
We all went to Pizza Hut, so I got to see him for a while, but I forgot to bring him his pictures that I made ): I feel horrible, cuz now I have something to look at til tuesday when I get to see him next, but he only has the old note I gave him. I want my emo back.
Much <3
S
November 08, 2008
day one
I went to Rural King at 9 in the morning to see Brandon, who didn't work until 12. I can't drive cuz I don't have the CARD that says I passed my drivers test, and because I'm not insured to drive alone (I'm sure I mentioned this already) but I sat in the car til 10 when Wendy's opened, walked there in the cold, sat there for an hour until I got bored, walked back in the even colder cold, sat in the car more, and finally Brandon got there and it was worth it all.
I hung around with him, went to lunch with my mom (he gets in trouble if I just stand there and hang around) went back and he took his lunch :) Tacos. Then I took a nap in his car until a little bit before he and mom were off work. just for that small amount of time that we were together all the cold and rain and waiting was worth it.
I feel lonely and anti-social right now. I don't wanna ride to town with anyone, not because I can drive, but because I don't wanna be around people. I don't check my phone anymore because I know he can't text me. But I still keep it next to me in case....
I'm alone. I want my baby back.
<3
S
I hung around with him, went to lunch with my mom (he gets in trouble if I just stand there and hang around) went back and he took his lunch :) Tacos. Then I took a nap in his car until a little bit before he and mom were off work. just for that small amount of time that we were together all the cold and rain and waiting was worth it.
I feel lonely and anti-social right now. I don't wanna ride to town with anyone, not because I can drive, but because I don't wanna be around people. I don't check my phone anymore because I know he can't text me. But I still keep it next to me in case....
I'm alone. I want my baby back.
<3
S
November 07, 2008
lonely.
Brandon went in today. 6 p.m.
after wednesday, when I was sure they'd take him to the jail right after sentancing in court, he got an extra few days before they made him turn himself in. I can't believe that was only a few hours ago. 4 and 1/2. if feels almost like days have passed. I miss him. and I'm lonely. Being here does give a bit of a sense of homeliness. but not the same comfort or safety I felt with him. His home is my home.
I passes my drivers test, even though I had to try to parellel park twice, and I didn't fully stop at one stop sign (I was sure that I failed) but they're computers are down for ID's, so they couldn't give me an ID (I'm sure they could have given me a slip saying that I had my license, but if I got pulled over how could a cop check it if it didn't have a number, which is given to it by the computer along with your picture and so on. I drove myself home anyway. I'm not insured to drive without another person in the car, but I only ran one red light ;) (actually, I kinda did... it was an accident. I hit the gas instead of the break when the light switched to yellow. honest, I didn't want to do it ^^; )
My dad now knows that Brandon is in Jail. Mom told him. I was surprised though, I thought he'd at least be upset or mad... but he was like "believe it or not, I've spent a few weekends in prison myself" (I really never thought that he'd done any time, even just a weekend) and he just said that brandon should have gotten a better laywer. My family is really surprising me. Jacob started dating Laycee from work, she's 16, and he turns 21 in january. about 4 1/2 years differnce. Just like me and Brandon. they're good for eachother. Jacob needs someone who will be sweet to him and treat him right and be honset with him, and Laycee is -very- loud and outgoing and almost brutally honest (but -not- brutally honest. That's the point. She's not mean about her honsty like the LAST girl he like.)
but now that Jacob has a girlfriend I won't have Jacob to hang out with anymore. Not as much as I was hoping for at least.
I dyed my hair. The same color that I dyed it when I was a sophmore (I redid the first color I ever dyed my hair :'D I let Brandon pick it out) since my hair was blond it turned out MUCH more red that the first time. but still very dark and somewhat natural. If it was more black than brown it'd be the color I was hoping to make, a deep black/red. There's still time for that.
I miss my sweet emo boy. I feel so lonely. so alone.
Instead of trying to eat away my pain, I'm gonna try to DIET away my pain. I tried slimfast... it taste the way the milk tastes after eating coco puffs.... I like that taste... but only if I just at coco puffs ): I'll keep trying different things to help, and I'll cut back on fast food and try to get more exersize. I'm really chuncky now and I -really- don't like it.
much Love <3
S
after wednesday, when I was sure they'd take him to the jail right after sentancing in court, he got an extra few days before they made him turn himself in. I can't believe that was only a few hours ago. 4 and 1/2. if feels almost like days have passed. I miss him. and I'm lonely. Being here does give a bit of a sense of homeliness. but not the same comfort or safety I felt with him. His home is my home.
I passes my drivers test, even though I had to try to parellel park twice, and I didn't fully stop at one stop sign (I was sure that I failed) but they're computers are down for ID's, so they couldn't give me an ID (I'm sure they could have given me a slip saying that I had my license, but if I got pulled over how could a cop check it if it didn't have a number, which is given to it by the computer along with your picture and so on. I drove myself home anyway. I'm not insured to drive without another person in the car, but I only ran one red light ;) (actually, I kinda did... it was an accident. I hit the gas instead of the break when the light switched to yellow. honest, I didn't want to do it ^^; )
My dad now knows that Brandon is in Jail. Mom told him. I was surprised though, I thought he'd at least be upset or mad... but he was like "believe it or not, I've spent a few weekends in prison myself" (I really never thought that he'd done any time, even just a weekend) and he just said that brandon should have gotten a better laywer. My family is really surprising me. Jacob started dating Laycee from work, she's 16, and he turns 21 in january. about 4 1/2 years differnce. Just like me and Brandon. they're good for eachother. Jacob needs someone who will be sweet to him and treat him right and be honset with him, and Laycee is -very- loud and outgoing and almost brutally honest (but -not- brutally honest. That's the point. She's not mean about her honsty like the LAST girl he like.)
but now that Jacob has a girlfriend I won't have Jacob to hang out with anymore. Not as much as I was hoping for at least.
I dyed my hair. The same color that I dyed it when I was a sophmore (I redid the first color I ever dyed my hair :'D I let Brandon pick it out) since my hair was blond it turned out MUCH more red that the first time. but still very dark and somewhat natural. If it was more black than brown it'd be the color I was hoping to make, a deep black/red. There's still time for that.
I miss my sweet emo boy. I feel so lonely. so alone.
Instead of trying to eat away my pain, I'm gonna try to DIET away my pain. I tried slimfast... it taste the way the milk tastes after eating coco puffs.... I like that taste... but only if I just at coco puffs ): I'll keep trying different things to help, and I'll cut back on fast food and try to get more exersize. I'm really chuncky now and I -really- don't like it.
much Love <3
S
October 28, 2008
one week
Hey Michelle 2 I up now. still processing.
I didn't get to get my pianos yesterday, but I did get to go to the parade. it was nice (:
we're hopefully getting the piano thursday or friday. Thursday is trick-or-treating... and Brandon has sentencing in a week, so we only have a week left ): it feels like we've only got a day left, and like we're gonna be apart for a years and years.
well. I really have to pee and there's nothing left that I can think of for me to do on the internet so I should head home before I wet myself :P
much love,
S
I didn't get to get my pianos yesterday, but I did get to go to the parade. it was nice (:
we're hopefully getting the piano thursday or friday. Thursday is trick-or-treating... and Brandon has sentencing in a week, so we only have a week left ): it feels like we've only got a day left, and like we're gonna be apart for a years and years.
well. I really have to pee and there's nothing left that I can think of for me to do on the internet so I should head home before I wet myself :P
much love,
S
October 26, 2008
24 25 and after
October 24
Holy fuck. I just realized that Brandon’s sentencing is in about 11 days ):
I need to learn to drive PRONTO.
Like. NOW.
And I need to do everything I can to enjoy the time I got with him ):
October 25
Brandon took me out on a date today. We went up to Ft. Wayne and he paid for our food at Golden Coral.
It was really sweet of him. We don’t usually go out like that. I even made myself all pretty for it. But anyway, we went to the Halloween shop at Glenbrook and I’ve decided to save up about $100 to buy they’re masks the day after Halloween. I LOVE masks more than I love costumes. Maybe one costume, or a wig or wings or something. But I really just want the masks. I almost bought a pair of fake eyelashes, but decided against it right as we were about to pay for them. Went around the mall, and saw Brandi! (it’s been forever!) and I almost got a really cute coat from hot topic. It’s pink plaid and -warm- and on sale… but they didn’t have anything bigger than a small (surprise surprise) so I decided not to, since I could always get the same coat online for the same price in any size I wanted. . . We eventually left and went around to find that goth store that just opened but we weren’t having any luck and somehow found ourselves on the same street as the Salvation Army where we got my couch. We wanted to just walk around town so we were gonna park there, and I needed a warmer coat so we went in to get me one…
Sooo, while I’m browsing I notice a sign on the pianos that they have there, saying that they’re $9.99... I assumed it was a typo, and that they were 99.99 or 999.00 but then I saw it on another sign on another piano…. Same thing… I asked Brandon if he thought we should ask about it ($10 for a piano, who could pass it up right) so we asked at the counter and they were like “yeah, the signs are right… in fact, if you want you can buy one get the other two free. We have to get rid of them”
….FUCK YEAH
So we’re picking them up on Monday… dad is gonna help us, and we’re gonna get some friends to help too.
I’m now the proud own of 3 fully functional upright pianos… they may be a little out of tune, but for the price we got them for, a little money on a dude to come in and tune them is NOTHING. I’m giving one to Brandon (cuz he’s always wanted one too) and I’m keeping one for just playing (one is better looking than the other two) and I’m painting one Amanda Palmer-esque styled. Yeah. I’m turning one of my pianos into art. My music book for playing cost more than all 3 together. HAHAHAHAHA.
It’s bad ass.
Much <3
S
NOW
still excited about my pianos. I'm going to sew a laptop case today, and if It goes well I'm gonna finish michelle's corset as well. I don't know though, cuz the stiching that's already been done to the edges is really small. it'll take a while just to get out. But i got my double edged bias tape. I'll be good. And I got batting so I can quilt the case (at least on the inside) so it'll actually protect my laptop.
well. Got other stuff to do online and only about an hour to do it.
Much Love <3
S
Holy fuck. I just realized that Brandon’s sentencing is in about 11 days ):
I need to learn to drive PRONTO.
Like. NOW.
And I need to do everything I can to enjoy the time I got with him ):
October 25
Brandon took me out on a date today. We went up to Ft. Wayne and he paid for our food at Golden Coral.
It was really sweet of him. We don’t usually go out like that. I even made myself all pretty for it. But anyway, we went to the Halloween shop at Glenbrook and I’ve decided to save up about $100 to buy they’re masks the day after Halloween. I LOVE masks more than I love costumes. Maybe one costume, or a wig or wings or something. But I really just want the masks. I almost bought a pair of fake eyelashes, but decided against it right as we were about to pay for them. Went around the mall, and saw Brandi! (it’s been forever!) and I almost got a really cute coat from hot topic. It’s pink plaid and -warm- and on sale… but they didn’t have anything bigger than a small (surprise surprise) so I decided not to, since I could always get the same coat online for the same price in any size I wanted. . . We eventually left and went around to find that goth store that just opened but we weren’t having any luck and somehow found ourselves on the same street as the Salvation Army where we got my couch. We wanted to just walk around town so we were gonna park there, and I needed a warmer coat so we went in to get me one…
Sooo, while I’m browsing I notice a sign on the pianos that they have there, saying that they’re $9.99... I assumed it was a typo, and that they were 99.99 or 999.00 but then I saw it on another sign on another piano…. Same thing… I asked Brandon if he thought we should ask about it ($10 for a piano, who could pass it up right) so we asked at the counter and they were like “yeah, the signs are right… in fact, if you want you can buy one get the other two free. We have to get rid of them”
….FUCK YEAH
So we’re picking them up on Monday… dad is gonna help us, and we’re gonna get some friends to help too.
I’m now the proud own of 3 fully functional upright pianos… they may be a little out of tune, but for the price we got them for, a little money on a dude to come in and tune them is NOTHING. I’m giving one to Brandon (cuz he’s always wanted one too) and I’m keeping one for just playing (one is better looking than the other two) and I’m painting one Amanda Palmer-esque styled. Yeah. I’m turning one of my pianos into art. My music book for playing cost more than all 3 together. HAHAHAHAHA.
It’s bad ass.
Much <3
S
NOW
still excited about my pianos. I'm going to sew a laptop case today, and if It goes well I'm gonna finish michelle's corset as well. I don't know though, cuz the stiching that's already been done to the edges is really small. it'll take a while just to get out. But i got my double edged bias tape. I'll be good. And I got batting so I can quilt the case (at least on the inside) so it'll actually protect my laptop.
well. Got other stuff to do online and only about an hour to do it.
Much Love <3
S
October 24, 2008
indirectly
Cory. his name is Cory. He didn't know I had a boyfriend, but does now. It hasn't changed our conversations at all. talking with him is soo good. I mean, I haven't had a conversation that -really- made me think in a long time. it's like he can get into my brain and make me realize things that I didn't know about myself.
it's fun. i wish him and I could talk more often.
and old guy complimented my smile the other day. I like my smile now... and since I've had the surgery my upper lip is fuller now. Not swollen anymore, just fuller. it's nice, cuz I used to be self-conscious about how thin it was. good good. all my flaws are indirectly being fixed. big boobies here I come!
much love
S
it's fun. i wish him and I could talk more often.
and old guy complimented my smile the other day. I like my smile now... and since I've had the surgery my upper lip is fuller now. Not swollen anymore, just fuller. it's nice, cuz I used to be self-conscious about how thin it was. good good. all my flaws are indirectly being fixed. big boobies here I come!
much love
S
October 20, 2008
Goth
to continue what I was saying yesterday....
So, I went through my message folder, the ones from my talking with Cortemus. In the first few sentences of our convo I said “I don’t have internet, I’m usually at my boyfriends house and he doesn’t have internet” so I -know- he’s gotta know. So I feel less like I’m leading someone on. Me and him have such fun conversations. I think what actually reminds me of pat when I talk to him is actually just the fact that he’s really perverted, but in a way that doesn’t really make you feel weird or offend you. :D
Hanging out with Hillary was good. She’s still really upset with Zach, so that’s mostly what we talked about, but I don’t mind. It stops weird silences. I didn’t get any good pictures, because only a few trees are really changing with their colors. A few really nice ones on the way to the library, but none in the river greenway. Who’d have thought. There’s a tree I really want to get a picture of though, but I want to wait until the leaves are changing.
Ummmm… I don’t know what else there is to say. Oh, Michelle, I was talking to Cortemus (it’s strange that I only know him by his deviant name, isn’t it) and he lives in Massachusetts, near Providence Rhode Island… as in, new RISD. He told me that if I didn’t come out for that fire festival next summer I’m just stupid because it’s AMAZING. He also said Providence was better than Boston, which he used to have a delivery route in (he knows it like the back of his hand)… I think if I ever convince Brandon to travel to Boston (and if I ever learn Cortemus’s real name) I’ll have to meet up with him there for the festival and all that.
I’m kinda chilly… and tired.
And I just realized how used to this new keyboard I am now. I screw up a LOT less than I used to… that’s good. I only work til 4 tomorrow. I think I’m going to go to the library again after work, but I don’t want the librarians to get pissy with me for going INTO the library with my laptop and accessing the internet, but not using the libraries. It’s still called Decaturwireless or whatever. But it’s not the Decatur public library’s. Maybe I’ll just ‘ask’ about wireless when I stop in :D I don’t wanna leave Cortemus waiting too long to hear from me. We lost touch for a few months.
Well. I think I’m gonna go take pictures. It’s almost sunset. I missed sunset last night because the colors only last like 15 minutes and I wasn’t in the right place to take them ): <3
Well. Much love,
S
hmm. I like the library's internet. It's as fast (if not, faster) the the internet at home. and the librarians, even the older ones are -really- nice even though I'm all "gothy" (to old people carrying a coffin backpack makes you gothic)
speaking of gothic. I've finally ended the internal battle with myself and decided to be full-pledged 'goth'. I'm gonna go to ebay and buy lace/spider web gloves and armwarmers as a start. No more hot topic t-shirts (unless they're irresistable, like my muffin shirt)... Yeah, just in general I'm gonna shift my style back in that direction. it won't be hard. the backpack does half the work for me :D
so yeah. be ready for that... Maybe it's just the fact that it's autumn and that brings out the artsy alt. side of me. This is totally gonna be MY table in this place. I can just look out the window at the pretty red leaves on the tree next to me... it's nice.
wow... coldness makes me gotta pee... and I have to walk through the cold to get here... so I really gotta pee ):
much Love
S
OH by the way, did you know that Ft. Wayne now has a -real- goth store!? yeah, better than Hot Topic because it sells more goth and less "popular goth" (it's still not exactly mainstream)......... yeah. I wanna go there...
So, I went through my message folder, the ones from my talking with Cortemus. In the first few sentences of our convo I said “I don’t have internet, I’m usually at my boyfriends house and he doesn’t have internet” so I -know- he’s gotta know. So I feel less like I’m leading someone on. Me and him have such fun conversations. I think what actually reminds me of pat when I talk to him is actually just the fact that he’s really perverted, but in a way that doesn’t really make you feel weird or offend you. :D
Hanging out with Hillary was good. She’s still really upset with Zach, so that’s mostly what we talked about, but I don’t mind. It stops weird silences. I didn’t get any good pictures, because only a few trees are really changing with their colors. A few really nice ones on the way to the library, but none in the river greenway. Who’d have thought. There’s a tree I really want to get a picture of though, but I want to wait until the leaves are changing.
Ummmm… I don’t know what else there is to say. Oh, Michelle, I was talking to Cortemus (it’s strange that I only know him by his deviant name, isn’t it) and he lives in Massachusetts, near Providence Rhode Island… as in, new RISD. He told me that if I didn’t come out for that fire festival next summer I’m just stupid because it’s AMAZING. He also said Providence was better than Boston, which he used to have a delivery route in (he knows it like the back of his hand)… I think if I ever convince Brandon to travel to Boston (and if I ever learn Cortemus’s real name) I’ll have to meet up with him there for the festival and all that.
I’m kinda chilly… and tired.
And I just realized how used to this new keyboard I am now. I screw up a LOT less than I used to… that’s good. I only work til 4 tomorrow. I think I’m going to go to the library again after work, but I don’t want the librarians to get pissy with me for going INTO the library with my laptop and accessing the internet, but not using the libraries. It’s still called Decaturwireless or whatever. But it’s not the Decatur public library’s. Maybe I’ll just ‘ask’ about wireless when I stop in :D I don’t wanna leave Cortemus waiting too long to hear from me. We lost touch for a few months.
Well. I think I’m gonna go take pictures. It’s almost sunset. I missed sunset last night because the colors only last like 15 minutes and I wasn’t in the right place to take them ): <3
Well. Much love,
S
hmm. I like the library's internet. It's as fast (if not, faster) the the internet at home. and the librarians, even the older ones are -really- nice even though I'm all "gothy" (to old people carrying a coffin backpack makes you gothic)
speaking of gothic. I've finally ended the internal battle with myself and decided to be full-pledged 'goth'. I'm gonna go to ebay and buy lace/spider web gloves and armwarmers as a start. No more hot topic t-shirts (unless they're irresistable, like my muffin shirt)... Yeah, just in general I'm gonna shift my style back in that direction. it won't be hard. the backpack does half the work for me :D
so yeah. be ready for that... Maybe it's just the fact that it's autumn and that brings out the artsy alt. side of me. This is totally gonna be MY table in this place. I can just look out the window at the pretty red leaves on the tree next to me... it's nice.
wow... coldness makes me gotta pee... and I have to walk through the cold to get here... so I really gotta pee ):
much Love
S
OH by the way, did you know that Ft. Wayne now has a -real- goth store!? yeah, better than Hot Topic because it sells more goth and less "popular goth" (it's still not exactly mainstream)......... yeah. I wanna go there...
October 19, 2008
uh-oh
I think I've screwed something up. maybe lead someone on by accident. I don't know how, maybe I'm more trusting towards people than I thought. But I think I may have accidentally let my deviantArt friend Cortemus think that I may in some way be interested. I mean, long distance isn't an option when I'm single, but I don't think I made if fully clear that I'm not.
Hillary is here now, so I'm gonna be going. I'll tell the rest of the story later.
<3
S
Hillary is here now, so I'm gonna be going. I'll tell the rest of the story later.
<3
S
October 16, 2008
I realized today that I most have Frienemys. They're people I talk to often, help eachother... but in general we don't get along we aren't friends.... Read what Cosmo says about Frienemies. they make more sense than me.
Speaking of, I've reconnected with a friend. Cortemus (of Deviantart)... we have been video chatting two nights in a row now. He's cool. 23... so about Brandon's age. the way he looks kinda reminds me of pat. like, his hair color and skin tone. I forget how we met. I think he added me and justarted talking.
I'm eating. it's weird. I inherited that connected lip thing from my dad. Tia has it too. I bet Jacob does too.
bleh...
much love <3
S
Speaking of, I've reconnected with a friend. Cortemus (of Deviantart)... we have been video chatting two nights in a row now. He's cool. 23... so about Brandon's age. the way he looks kinda reminds me of pat. like, his hair color and skin tone. I forget how we met. I think he added me and justarted talking.
I'm eating. it's weird. I inherited that connected lip thing from my dad. Tia has it too. I bet Jacob does too.
bleh...
much love <3
S
October 15, 2008
12th 14th my whiplash, and surgery... WKAP!!
10-12-08
So I’m sitting in Brandon’s room while he is in the other room working on his MP3.
I’d be using my new microphone to do a video blog, but when I’m at Brandon’s house the cam tends to zoom in and out on it’s own accord. I assume it’s the ‘ghosts’ (I swear his house is haunted) since it doesn’t happen when I’m in other places. . . I feel weird sitting in the other room talking to no one anyway.
I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little bit upset by what Pat was saying about Brandon. I mean, Pat didn’t exactly have a good rep when he started dating Michelle. I may not know everything about his past, but I’ve heard all the rumors just like everyone else. Hell, Mariah was one of my close friends when she was a freshman, the year after her relationship I’ve heard everything she said about him.
Then I’ve heard the rumors about them, from other people, friends and random people. Which didn’t quite match up what she said about them, and then I’ve heard his side of the story, which didn’t quite match any of the other ones I’d heard. I asked him about how long he knew and hung out with Mariah before they dated, and I didn’t tell him anything about what I had heard or why I was asking, just asked out of the blue because he’s more likely to give a fully honest answer, and he said that he knew Mariah and hung out with her for over a year before they dated. In he twisted mind that could be considered dating. And most rumors I hear about people come from her mouth in some way.
I don’t know. Maybe he does have a thing for “younger” people, but all of the younger people I’ve met that talk to him look at least 16, so how the fuck would he know? He’s naïve, and I’m not just saying that to defend him. He’s not the brightest crayon. He trusts peoples intentions until they screw him over, and even then he thinks that they are still trustable.
I don’t know what I’m getting at with all that, but I’ll just say that it’s wrong to assume something about anyone based off of rumors and what you think they’re personality is. Brandon isn’t into being single. He wouldn’t have asked me to live with him if he didn’t want girlfriend, or a wife in the future. If he really wanted to cheat on me, he has an opportunity every time he goes to a concert, and yet people who work with my mom always say they see him there alone, just like he says he is. Maybe his past is sketchy and fucked up, but he’s been more dedicated to me than anyone. We had even gotten into an argument the other night and in desperation to keep me promised to throw out his porn and take the pictures of girls off his walls. Why the hell would you do that for someone if you weren’t being faithful? You wouldn’t.
No matter how good your relationship is, you’ll still argue and have problems. Most don’t have the problem of going to jail, but why should I let it get in the way when he’s never purposely hurt me emotionally or physically. Ever since I told him that it scared me when he gets really angry, he’s been keeping his anger down. He hasn’t blown up once since. Even when I persistently argue and question and badger him he keeps his cool and works things out.
Sorry I just went on and on about something that my only readers boyfriend said. That makes me feel kinda bad, cuz I used to believe the rumors I heard about him, and judge him based on them. Maybe someday people will see the changes the Brandon has made in his life. He doesn’t even drink much anymore, besides about one weekend a month when he’s with Greg, who just happens to be his oldest (and basically only) friend.
Or maybe I’m just as naïve as he is, and maybe he’s not naïve at all and really just making an elaborate plan to make me not suspect him of cheating by doing things like having me live here and taking me to work, and canceling his plans with his friends… I’m not being sarcastic, I’m a paranoid person, I’d believe if it happened.
Anyway. This house is haunted and I’m afraid to be in it alone. I don’t know how I’m going to do Vlogs then, since I feel weird doing them when Brandon is here… and they mess with my zoom thing anyway so it’d be fucked up (seriously, that scares me how I can play with the webcam ANYWHERE and it’s fine, but when I open it here it gets all screwy.) … but I spent $10 on a microphone so I better use it, right?
Well, I hope I get the chance to post this soon. I could always go to Taco Bell while Brandon works, or walk to the library (except that would require me to be here, alone, while Brandon is gone and it gets daaaark out) but I feel like a douche when I pull out my laptop. Like, I’m trying to make myself look important or something when really I just wanna check my facebook and deviantArt. Not to mention the laptop bag I have looks stupid, cuz it’s brown… It may work for some people, but I wear black, and I carry a big black coffin shaped backpack, so a brown and dark colored polka-dotted bag just looks dumb with me.
ANYWAY.
Much love,
S
10-14-08
I’m watching South Park… Brandon is putting minutes on his phone…
You know you found a great guy when he’s willing to dig around in your vag while you’re on your period to help you find a tampon that you think was lost in it. Don’t ask. I may have to go to a gyno soon. ):
Anyway. We were looking at paint colors for the walls. I want grey and he wants to keep it blue. But I -really- like the idea of a grey room. But he’s attached to the way it was… small steps. I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to change everything.
I’m tired but it’s only 8. I only work til 5 tomorrow. It’s so easy to work 11-5. It feels like it flies right by. Unfortunately I have to work 8 hours on Friday and there’s a football game ): poo. And I’ve got surgery in two days. Minor, but surgery is surgery.
I don’t know what else to say. So I’ll talk later.
Much love.
S
NOW
I got Who Killed Amanda Palmer today.
Even though I didn't think it would be, it was signed :D
in the same gold marker pen that I saw her have in her picture... and I was really upset because it was smeared and had a big finger print in it.... Then Jacob pointed out to me that that made it worth more, technically, because it was most likely the finger print of Amanda, cuz she was most likely to have held it like that RIGHT when the marker paint was still wet... so yeah. I have Amanda Palmer's finger print on my copy of WKAP. I only got the album though. I'm 100% positive I should be getting more. Is the rest being shipped separately? I want my "I Killed Amanda Palmer" tshirt, and vinyl record, and photobook!
Anyway. I'm about to use my new Mic for the first time. I got it at Wal-mart for $9. And my mouse came today, and after about 45 minutes of trying, I found out how to put batteries into it, just to realise that I gave brandon all my AAAs. pooey.
I got into surgery tomorrow. YAY! I mean, seriously, it's my 3rd surgery. I'm not even scared, just don't wanna go through the recover. It's the hard part. And I have whiplash right now. My Neighbor/coworker/friend took me home today, and smashed into the door of Eric, my coworker/friend... IN THE PARKING LOT! yeah. My neck hurts though. I'm helping Brandon navigate the internet :D it's so cute. I love him.
much love,
S
So I’m sitting in Brandon’s room while he is in the other room working on his MP3.
I’d be using my new microphone to do a video blog, but when I’m at Brandon’s house the cam tends to zoom in and out on it’s own accord. I assume it’s the ‘ghosts’ (I swear his house is haunted) since it doesn’t happen when I’m in other places. . . I feel weird sitting in the other room talking to no one anyway.
I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little bit upset by what Pat was saying about Brandon. I mean, Pat didn’t exactly have a good rep when he started dating Michelle. I may not know everything about his past, but I’ve heard all the rumors just like everyone else. Hell, Mariah was one of my close friends when she was a freshman, the year after her relationship I’ve heard everything she said about him.
Then I’ve heard the rumors about them, from other people, friends and random people. Which didn’t quite match up what she said about them, and then I’ve heard his side of the story, which didn’t quite match any of the other ones I’d heard. I asked him about how long he knew and hung out with Mariah before they dated, and I didn’t tell him anything about what I had heard or why I was asking, just asked out of the blue because he’s more likely to give a fully honest answer, and he said that he knew Mariah and hung out with her for over a year before they dated. In he twisted mind that could be considered dating. And most rumors I hear about people come from her mouth in some way.
I don’t know. Maybe he does have a thing for “younger” people, but all of the younger people I’ve met that talk to him look at least 16, so how the fuck would he know? He’s naïve, and I’m not just saying that to defend him. He’s not the brightest crayon. He trusts peoples intentions until they screw him over, and even then he thinks that they are still trustable.
I don’t know what I’m getting at with all that, but I’ll just say that it’s wrong to assume something about anyone based off of rumors and what you think they’re personality is. Brandon isn’t into being single. He wouldn’t have asked me to live with him if he didn’t want girlfriend, or a wife in the future. If he really wanted to cheat on me, he has an opportunity every time he goes to a concert, and yet people who work with my mom always say they see him there alone, just like he says he is. Maybe his past is sketchy and fucked up, but he’s been more dedicated to me than anyone. We had even gotten into an argument the other night and in desperation to keep me promised to throw out his porn and take the pictures of girls off his walls. Why the hell would you do that for someone if you weren’t being faithful? You wouldn’t.
No matter how good your relationship is, you’ll still argue and have problems. Most don’t have the problem of going to jail, but why should I let it get in the way when he’s never purposely hurt me emotionally or physically. Ever since I told him that it scared me when he gets really angry, he’s been keeping his anger down. He hasn’t blown up once since. Even when I persistently argue and question and badger him he keeps his cool and works things out.
Sorry I just went on and on about something that my only readers boyfriend said. That makes me feel kinda bad, cuz I used to believe the rumors I heard about him, and judge him based on them. Maybe someday people will see the changes the Brandon has made in his life. He doesn’t even drink much anymore, besides about one weekend a month when he’s with Greg, who just happens to be his oldest (and basically only) friend.
Or maybe I’m just as naïve as he is, and maybe he’s not naïve at all and really just making an elaborate plan to make me not suspect him of cheating by doing things like having me live here and taking me to work, and canceling his plans with his friends… I’m not being sarcastic, I’m a paranoid person, I’d believe if it happened.
Anyway. This house is haunted and I’m afraid to be in it alone. I don’t know how I’m going to do Vlogs then, since I feel weird doing them when Brandon is here… and they mess with my zoom thing anyway so it’d be fucked up (seriously, that scares me how I can play with the webcam ANYWHERE and it’s fine, but when I open it here it gets all screwy.) … but I spent $10 on a microphone so I better use it, right?
Well, I hope I get the chance to post this soon. I could always go to Taco Bell while Brandon works, or walk to the library (except that would require me to be here, alone, while Brandon is gone and it gets daaaark out) but I feel like a douche when I pull out my laptop. Like, I’m trying to make myself look important or something when really I just wanna check my facebook and deviantArt. Not to mention the laptop bag I have looks stupid, cuz it’s brown… It may work for some people, but I wear black, and I carry a big black coffin shaped backpack, so a brown and dark colored polka-dotted bag just looks dumb with me.
ANYWAY.
Much love,
S
10-14-08
I’m watching South Park… Brandon is putting minutes on his phone…
You know you found a great guy when he’s willing to dig around in your vag while you’re on your period to help you find a tampon that you think was lost in it. Don’t ask. I may have to go to a gyno soon. ):
Anyway. We were looking at paint colors for the walls. I want grey and he wants to keep it blue. But I -really- like the idea of a grey room. But he’s attached to the way it was… small steps. I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to change everything.
I’m tired but it’s only 8. I only work til 5 tomorrow. It’s so easy to work 11-5. It feels like it flies right by. Unfortunately I have to work 8 hours on Friday and there’s a football game ): poo. And I’ve got surgery in two days. Minor, but surgery is surgery.
I don’t know what else to say. So I’ll talk later.
Much love.
S
NOW
I got Who Killed Amanda Palmer today.
Even though I didn't think it would be, it was signed :D
in the same gold marker pen that I saw her have in her picture... and I was really upset because it was smeared and had a big finger print in it.... Then Jacob pointed out to me that that made it worth more, technically, because it was most likely the finger print of Amanda, cuz she was most likely to have held it like that RIGHT when the marker paint was still wet... so yeah. I have Amanda Palmer's finger print on my copy of WKAP. I only got the album though. I'm 100% positive I should be getting more. Is the rest being shipped separately? I want my "I Killed Amanda Palmer" tshirt, and vinyl record, and photobook!
Anyway. I'm about to use my new Mic for the first time. I got it at Wal-mart for $9. And my mouse came today, and after about 45 minutes of trying, I found out how to put batteries into it, just to realise that I gave brandon all my AAAs. pooey.
I got into surgery tomorrow. YAY! I mean, seriously, it's my 3rd surgery. I'm not even scared, just don't wanna go through the recover. It's the hard part. And I have whiplash right now. My Neighbor/coworker/friend took me home today, and smashed into the door of Eric, my coworker/friend... IN THE PARKING LOT! yeah. My neck hurts though. I'm helping Brandon navigate the internet :D it's so cute. I love him.
much love,
S
October 12, 2008
October 10, 2008
.
still no period. fuck fuck fuck. But I'm calmer about it now. I'm not really worried because the cramping symptoms should have ended by now if I were pregnant. I'm probably just really really late. I'm taking the second test tomorrow. If it's still negative and I don't get my period soon I'm gonna take another, if still negative I go to the doctor. maybe I started menopause early? that would be sweet. but if brandon wanted a kid I'd honestly love to have one for him... just not while he's in prison.
I've gotten in contact with an old friend. Hillary. She's going through a bad break-up. we've been talking a LOT.
well... I'm gonna go. If I think of something else to write I'll be back.
Love,
S
I've gotten in contact with an old friend. Hillary. She's going through a bad break-up. we've been talking a LOT.
well... I'm gonna go. If I think of something else to write I'll be back.
Love,
S
October 08, 2008
miss computer
The test says no. The period still hasn't come.
I could have done it wrong, I could have miscalculated the day, I could have tested too soon.
Either way, if my vagina doesn't start bleeding in the next few days I'm going to take the other test in the kit to see if the results are different. I'll just keep my cool for now.
I'm on my laptop. it's amazing. I'm just ripping all my CDs onto it instead of using my SD card to transfer it. all I wanna use them for is the pictures. there's a lot :( i'll do that later.
It's gonna take a long while for me to get this all transferred and done isn't it?
I'm awful. Lazy. :D
well. I'm gonna go do something else now. There's a really cute game called purple place. LOVE IT.
<3
shayla
I could have done it wrong, I could have miscalculated the day, I could have tested too soon.
Either way, if my vagina doesn't start bleeding in the next few days I'm going to take the other test in the kit to see if the results are different. I'll just keep my cool for now.
I'm on my laptop. it's amazing. I'm just ripping all my CDs onto it instead of using my SD card to transfer it. all I wanna use them for is the pictures. there's a lot :( i'll do that later.
It's gonna take a long while for me to get this all transferred and done isn't it?
I'm awful. Lazy. :D
well. I'm gonna go do something else now. There's a really cute game called purple place. LOVE IT.
<3
shayla
October 06, 2008
no no no no
okay, I have a way of scaring myself when I begin to think that something is wrong with me. I'll find something wrong, name it, look up the symptoms and then get scared as shit thinking that I have it until I find out otherwise (symptoms change or go away)
well, I have myself scared pretty shittless right now thinking that i could be pregnant. I mean, I've been WEEKS late before, but the fact that I show such few signs of a period to come (bloating, and having water make me feel sick) I'm getting worried. It's only been 5 days, which used to be normal, but it just doesn't seem to be coming. I keep getting cramps randomly, but according to all these medical pages, that's NORMAL when you become pregnant. I had a huge headache yesterday, also normal.
I'm really afraid of what's gonna happen. I mean, I can't do this. Brandon is gonna be gone for 6 months, in one month. that would be 7 months of being ALONE that I had to deal with this. I could have been pregnant for a full month for all I know, so I could have a fucking baby before it's daddy got out of prison, and I CAN'T DO THAT. If I don't get my period soon I'm gonna be such a mess that I don't know how I'm gonna even function.
fuck, I don't even know HOW I could have gotten his sperm in me, considering he ALWAYS pulls out. No condom, no finishing in the vag. I mean, sometimes it'll drip a little in the area, but I clean it up, and make sure it doesn't touch anything that could let it get in... The stress is killing me... and then there is always a chance that stress is causing me to come late... it happened with Brooke the first time her and Jacob had sex...
really though. I done with our method of 'protection'
condoms whether he likes it or not. I'll go get on the pill too. Both or no sex. and a morning after pill for those accidents like broken condoms and forgeting a day.
What a great birthday, right?
besides that, it was fun. I went to a park with brandon and played soccer for a bit, then we played batmitten. it was tons of fun. Me and him are getting along really well compaired to our first few months. Maybe its the change in season. I'm always kinda cranky in the heat, and I think he is too. It's too cold out now though.
I got a new perscrption strength deoderant, it rolls on, and will last 72hours once you get it going. I won't even have to put it on every night like I do the old kind. And it works, I played sports while wearing a sweater and there was no sweat marks to be found (even my old brand had some after exercising) and, best part, it's CHEAPER. old stuff, $8, new stuff, $5.50.
Brandon came to my house after that, for my birthday 'party' and we played N64 in my room. Mario Kart first. Played it twice. First time Brandon got 4th place overall an I got first. Second time he got the hang of it and got 1st for 3 of the 4 races, and 1st overal, while I got 3 most of the time but my first place in one race put me at 2nd.
Then we played Super Smash Bro. and whooped ass. He's gotten a lot better since last time. only died completely once. and we were playing for over an hour. Thats pretty good... all that followed by eating with the family, and then more video games in my room and a tickle fight.
You know how you feel and act when a relationship is new? everything is carefree and fun and you feel AMAZING all the time. I've been getting that high a lot lately when me and him are together. We lost it for a while, it always does fade away... but today when he left, I felt AMAZING. Happy and energized (even with the pregnacy thing in mind)... it only lasted about an hour, but me and him can still have it. I didn't know you could still get that feeling so often after the newness of the relationship wears off. he's my baby.
I get my braces off tomorrow! I'm going to subway to eat my first sub without braces in 2 and 1/2 years! nothing to get the bread stuck in! and it was soooo cute, cuz when mom asked brandon how he felt about it, he just got a sad look and said he'd miss them. awwww. he thinks they're so cute. I'll have to find out what ugly betty does, so I can wear fake braces every now and then. for him and his silly fetishes.
I wish he were here to hold me. I miss him. I'll be with him again tomorrow though.
well, I gotta be up bright and early, so I'll be off...
may be on my laptop tomorrow, so WATCH OUT :D I may be stealing your WIFI!
much love
S
well, I have myself scared pretty shittless right now thinking that i could be pregnant. I mean, I've been WEEKS late before, but the fact that I show such few signs of a period to come (bloating, and having water make me feel sick) I'm getting worried. It's only been 5 days, which used to be normal, but it just doesn't seem to be coming. I keep getting cramps randomly, but according to all these medical pages, that's NORMAL when you become pregnant. I had a huge headache yesterday, also normal.
I'm really afraid of what's gonna happen. I mean, I can't do this. Brandon is gonna be gone for 6 months, in one month. that would be 7 months of being ALONE that I had to deal with this. I could have been pregnant for a full month for all I know, so I could have a fucking baby before it's daddy got out of prison, and I CAN'T DO THAT. If I don't get my period soon I'm gonna be such a mess that I don't know how I'm gonna even function.
fuck, I don't even know HOW I could have gotten his sperm in me, considering he ALWAYS pulls out. No condom, no finishing in the vag. I mean, sometimes it'll drip a little in the area, but I clean it up, and make sure it doesn't touch anything that could let it get in... The stress is killing me... and then there is always a chance that stress is causing me to come late... it happened with Brooke the first time her and Jacob had sex...
really though. I done with our method of 'protection'
condoms whether he likes it or not. I'll go get on the pill too. Both or no sex. and a morning after pill for those accidents like broken condoms and forgeting a day.
What a great birthday, right?
besides that, it was fun. I went to a park with brandon and played soccer for a bit, then we played batmitten. it was tons of fun. Me and him are getting along really well compaired to our first few months. Maybe its the change in season. I'm always kinda cranky in the heat, and I think he is too. It's too cold out now though.
I got a new perscrption strength deoderant, it rolls on, and will last 72hours once you get it going. I won't even have to put it on every night like I do the old kind. And it works, I played sports while wearing a sweater and there was no sweat marks to be found (even my old brand had some after exercising) and, best part, it's CHEAPER. old stuff, $8, new stuff, $5.50.
Brandon came to my house after that, for my birthday 'party' and we played N64 in my room. Mario Kart first. Played it twice. First time Brandon got 4th place overall an I got first. Second time he got the hang of it and got 1st for 3 of the 4 races, and 1st overal, while I got 3 most of the time but my first place in one race put me at 2nd.
Then we played Super Smash Bro. and whooped ass. He's gotten a lot better since last time. only died completely once. and we were playing for over an hour. Thats pretty good... all that followed by eating with the family, and then more video games in my room and a tickle fight.
You know how you feel and act when a relationship is new? everything is carefree and fun and you feel AMAZING all the time. I've been getting that high a lot lately when me and him are together. We lost it for a while, it always does fade away... but today when he left, I felt AMAZING. Happy and energized (even with the pregnacy thing in mind)... it only lasted about an hour, but me and him can still have it. I didn't know you could still get that feeling so often after the newness of the relationship wears off. he's my baby.
I get my braces off tomorrow! I'm going to subway to eat my first sub without braces in 2 and 1/2 years! nothing to get the bread stuck in! and it was soooo cute, cuz when mom asked brandon how he felt about it, he just got a sad look and said he'd miss them. awwww. he thinks they're so cute. I'll have to find out what ugly betty does, so I can wear fake braces every now and then. for him and his silly fetishes.
I wish he were here to hold me. I miss him. I'll be with him again tomorrow though.
well, I gotta be up bright and early, so I'll be off...
may be on my laptop tomorrow, so WATCH OUT :D I may be stealing your WIFI!
much love
S
October 04, 2008
these past few days.
Michelle, as you will notice, I can get to your blog again. I commented on your entries.
SOOOOO, I just found out today that Dell CANCELED my order with them. Why? because I wasn't at home to reply to their "we're gonna take even longer" email. My response was necessary for them to continue to process my order. I gave them my phone number. Something as important to a customer as a $1200 order should at least get a call as well as an e-mail. Is it my fault that I came home today instead of yesterday?
But I'm kinda glad. I found a laptop just as nice as the one I customized (but sadly without my pretty blossom pattern) for about $800. I'll just buy it off eBay, and find used accessories to match what I was buying before, minus the external hard drive. I mean, I -really- want to prove to jacob that I CAN fill it up, but without the deal that I got, it's not worth it.
Tantric was great. My first concert for a -good- band that didn't involve me being sick from heat exhaustion and over exposure to the sun. Unfortunatly we just kinda parked and went, and the parking was on the city streets, and we lost his truck. we looked for HOURS on one side of the town, then thought "what if it was on the other side" and started looking there for another hour. After a lot of fighting and crying and frustration, we finally decided to go find a cop and have him drive us around until we found it... right then, not more than 10 seconds later we start to cross the street and I see a truck and say "I know it's probably not, but do you want to check that one? I think I saw something in the window" (he has a misfits patch in his back window) and low and fucking behold, right when we give up we FOUND IT.
I didn't get pictures, cuz we left the truck in a hurry to see the band. :(
I bought another pair of converse on eBay. This pair is gray and pink, and so new that they still have the stickers on the inside and you can still see the residue on the bottom from the stickers that were there... they even feel like no one has worn them cuz they aren't broken in at all... $10. real converse, brand new for $10. I mean, I knew that the owner hardly wore them, but that's how it was for my black ones and they still had some scuff marks and the sole was kinda broken in... this was insane.
I'm liking my new backpack coffin. it's huge compaired to the coffin purse. I could put the coffin purse IN it, and still have room for more. :D and the shirt... I haven't tried on yet... I'll go do that right now. Wow it's really tight. but it streches comfortably. I'd almost go as far as saying that I look at bad as Mariah does, but I'm capable of sucking in... so I know I'm better looking. not a bad buy for $4. I'll put pics off all those up once I have time.
hmmm... I bought my halloween costume. It's super cute. I'm a bumble bee... I mean, I know cassie was one last year, but it was cute. I didn't get the same one though. Hers is a tube dress, my is a corset-styled top with a frilly skirt. It came with wings, a choker, antenae, striped stockings AND striped armwarmers. I even threw in an extra $20 to get the black and yellow striped shoes. oh look. I found pictures on Amason.
I still want a tube dress version though. They have a reversible one that is a lady bug dress on the other side.
I bought my first piece of furniture this past week! right before we found out where Halloween USA is (thanks to Laycee for telling us where) we went to Salvation Army to get this couch that i saw when we were there the day before. It's my ideal piece of furniture. Ugly yellow with the old school/retro design and it's RECTANGULAR! and low to the ground. It's got the type of used cushions that sink in when you sit, but still feel comfortable and springy. I love it. Usually SA charges about $40 for really old couches (into the $100s for newer) and about $20 for chairs, but this was so ugly that they gave it to me for $20.
it's kinda like this --->
but the arms as as high as the back, and thinner... and it's UGLIER! XD it's so perfect. he even let me keep it in the livingroom! where people will -see- it. and we found about 5 pianos there as well. I'm gonna save up and buy one. He wants me to have one in my room so he can hear me play throughout the house.
So Brandon had court the other day, and we were sure that he'd maybe get a week before they put him behind bars... He signed the plea agreement of 6 months with work release. and then the judge said that he would be sentanced on November 5. I get too keep him til November 5! we alearday celebrated my birthday... but now he's gonna be here for it! And for halloween! and he'll be getting out the day before our 1 year anniversary. I'll do a lot of planning and make it special.
For my birthday, he got me a few electronic games, as side gifts, and Death Note (which I found out is actually -really- good. I'm probably not gonna read the manga or anything, but I'll deffinantly get the next movie when it comes out. I even don't mind that it's english dubbing doesn't match the lips. I'm more of a subtitle girl myself, so that's saying something. (Brandon hates subtitles though. said they give him headeaches) and... my favorite gift was my PICKLE card. yeah, it was a birthday card that looked like a PICKLE! he knows me so well. He truely understands my randomness. I took pictures. I'll post them later.
Speaking of him, I've been thinking lately about our relationship. I can honestly say that I believe he's he one. It's scarey saying that, because I'm afraid I'll get hurt even more if I think it's gonna be forever and ends up ending... but we haven't really argued this last week. Well, we argued twice, but didn't fight. And the arguements were settled with appologies. The arguements we have are so stupid and unimportant that I don't remember that we even have them. He works things out with me now. I feel kinda like he completes me. I used to feel kinda empty or alone, but never when I'm with him...
well. I'm gonna buy my laptop now.
love,
S
SOOOOO, I just found out today that Dell CANCELED my order with them. Why? because I wasn't at home to reply to their "we're gonna take even longer" email. My response was necessary for them to continue to process my order. I gave them my phone number. Something as important to a customer as a $1200 order should at least get a call as well as an e-mail. Is it my fault that I came home today instead of yesterday?
But I'm kinda glad. I found a laptop just as nice as the one I customized (but sadly without my pretty blossom pattern) for about $800. I'll just buy it off eBay, and find used accessories to match what I was buying before, minus the external hard drive. I mean, I -really- want to prove to jacob that I CAN fill it up, but without the deal that I got, it's not worth it.
Tantric was great. My first concert for a -good- band that didn't involve me being sick from heat exhaustion and over exposure to the sun. Unfortunatly we just kinda parked and went, and the parking was on the city streets, and we lost his truck. we looked for HOURS on one side of the town, then thought "what if it was on the other side" and started looking there for another hour. After a lot of fighting and crying and frustration, we finally decided to go find a cop and have him drive us around until we found it... right then, not more than 10 seconds later we start to cross the street and I see a truck and say "I know it's probably not, but do you want to check that one? I think I saw something in the window" (he has a misfits patch in his back window) and low and fucking behold, right when we give up we FOUND IT.
I didn't get pictures, cuz we left the truck in a hurry to see the band. :(
I bought another pair of converse on eBay. This pair is gray and pink, and so new that they still have the stickers on the inside and you can still see the residue on the bottom from the stickers that were there... they even feel like no one has worn them cuz they aren't broken in at all... $10. real converse, brand new for $10. I mean, I knew that the owner hardly wore them, but that's how it was for my black ones and they still had some scuff marks and the sole was kinda broken in... this was insane.
I'm liking my new backpack coffin. it's huge compaired to the coffin purse. I could put the coffin purse IN it, and still have room for more. :D and the shirt... I haven't tried on yet... I'll go do that right now. Wow it's really tight. but it streches comfortably. I'd almost go as far as saying that I look at bad as Mariah does, but I'm capable of sucking in... so I know I'm better looking. not a bad buy for $4. I'll put pics off all those up once I have time.
I still want a tube dress version though. They have a reversible one that is a lady bug dress on the other side.
I bought my first piece of furniture this past week! right before we found out where Halloween USA is (thanks to Laycee for telling us where) we went to Salvation Army to get this couch that i saw when we were there the day before. It's my ideal piece of furniture. Ugly yellow with the old school/retro design and it's RECTANGULAR! and low to the ground. It's got the type of used cushions that sink in when you sit, but still feel comfortable and springy. I love it. Usually SA charges about $40 for really old couches (into the $100s for newer) and about $20 for chairs, but this was so ugly that they gave it to me for $20.
it's kinda like this --->
but the arms as as high as the back, and thinner... and it's UGLIER! XD it's so perfect. he even let me keep it in the livingroom! where people will -see- it. and we found about 5 pianos there as well. I'm gonna save up and buy one. He wants me to have one in my room so he can hear me play throughout the house.So Brandon had court the other day, and we were sure that he'd maybe get a week before they put him behind bars... He signed the plea agreement of 6 months with work release. and then the judge said that he would be sentanced on November 5. I get too keep him til November 5! we alearday celebrated my birthday... but now he's gonna be here for it! And for halloween! and he'll be getting out the day before our 1 year anniversary. I'll do a lot of planning and make it special.
For my birthday, he got me a few electronic games, as side gifts, and Death Note (which I found out is actually -really- good. I'm probably not gonna read the manga or anything, but I'll deffinantly get the next movie when it comes out. I even don't mind that it's english dubbing doesn't match the lips. I'm more of a subtitle girl myself, so that's saying something. (Brandon hates subtitles though. said they give him headeaches) and... my favorite gift was my PICKLE card. yeah, it was a birthday card that looked like a PICKLE! he knows me so well. He truely understands my randomness. I took pictures. I'll post them later.
Speaking of him, I've been thinking lately about our relationship. I can honestly say that I believe he's he one. It's scarey saying that, because I'm afraid I'll get hurt even more if I think it's gonna be forever and ends up ending... but we haven't really argued this last week. Well, we argued twice, but didn't fight. And the arguements were settled with appologies. The arguements we have are so stupid and unimportant that I don't remember that we even have them. He works things out with me now. I feel kinda like he completes me. I used to feel kinda empty or alone, but never when I'm with him...
well. I'm gonna buy my laptop now.
love,
S
September 25, 2008
Replies, My Boyfriend, and the N64
well michelle, when I go to your profile page, your blog link doesn't appear anymore, and when I type in your name it says that page doesn't exist or something :(
I'm feeling too normal too, even though I've got my bright colored pants, and my coffin shaped purse, but still, that's kinda more normal now (in my eyes at least)...
You can always be a child-at-heart-adult. The ones who can pay the bills but is still super crazy and fun.
I feel too much like an adult right now too. Sometimes... other times I wish I was a little more grown up. I think I'm going to go with the former though, and try to act more like a little kid. :D
anywho.
I've been showering Brandon with love the past few days. I'm doing everything I can to make sure he knows how much I appreciate him before he goes. Just to kill any doubt in his mind. He's my baby. I saw him for like, 2 minutes when he stopped into wendy's on his break, and it killed me to let him go when we hugged. I miss him :( and we've only been apart for a day or so.. Imagine when he's in jail! then I went to Rural King when I was off work and I just sat there and talked to him while he worked, cuz i MISSED HIM THAT MUCH. I could tell he missed me too. I mean, he said "i love you" a million times, he does that when we've been apart for a while.
We're going to go see Tantric tomorrow I think :D fun, right? and going to the halloween shop saturday after he gets off work.
I just got my N64 to work! (well, actually jacob cleaned it for me last week, but I just now plugged it in to play...) and after about 10 minutes I remembered that I SUCK ASS at video games. I've played EVERY game that I have ever played, and after a few minutes said "fuck it" cuz I can't win. I now remember why I stuck to playing Pokemon on Gameboy.
oh well. maybe I'll get a play station 3 so I can play Guitar Hero. I beat it on easy. And it's fun to play, even when I'm loosing, cuz it's good music.
welll... I don't know where I'm going with all of this.
so Much <3
S
(and I hope we figure out why you bloggy isn't working michelle. Maybe you took me off your preffered list? I'm usuing my Hotmail account here instead of my Gmail)
I'm feeling too normal too, even though I've got my bright colored pants, and my coffin shaped purse, but still, that's kinda more normal now (in my eyes at least)...
You can always be a child-at-heart-adult. The ones who can pay the bills but is still super crazy and fun.
I feel too much like an adult right now too. Sometimes... other times I wish I was a little more grown up. I think I'm going to go with the former though, and try to act more like a little kid. :D
anywho.
I've been showering Brandon with love the past few days. I'm doing everything I can to make sure he knows how much I appreciate him before he goes. Just to kill any doubt in his mind. He's my baby. I saw him for like, 2 minutes when he stopped into wendy's on his break, and it killed me to let him go when we hugged. I miss him :( and we've only been apart for a day or so.. Imagine when he's in jail! then I went to Rural King when I was off work and I just sat there and talked to him while he worked, cuz i MISSED HIM THAT MUCH. I could tell he missed me too. I mean, he said "i love you" a million times, he does that when we've been apart for a while.
We're going to go see Tantric tomorrow I think :D fun, right? and going to the halloween shop saturday after he gets off work.
I just got my N64 to work! (well, actually jacob cleaned it for me last week, but I just now plugged it in to play...) and after about 10 minutes I remembered that I SUCK ASS at video games. I've played EVERY game that I have ever played, and after a few minutes said "fuck it" cuz I can't win. I now remember why I stuck to playing Pokemon on Gameboy.
oh well. maybe I'll get a play station 3 so I can play Guitar Hero. I beat it on easy. And it's fun to play, even when I'm loosing, cuz it's good music.
welll... I don't know where I'm going with all of this.
so Much <3
S
(and I hope we figure out why you bloggy isn't working michelle. Maybe you took me off your preffered list? I'm usuing my Hotmail account here instead of my Gmail)
September 24, 2008
I'm getting a new coffin purse (maybe) from ebay. It's got a black bat on it, and straps that can either make it a backpack, or an over the shoulder purse. it's also larger than the one I have. But I still gotta win the auction. Also bidding on some $10, perfect condition converse. They're grey and pink, which doesn't totally interest me, but it'll be nice to have just in case.
I'm also browsing cloths now. It's hard to get the look I want without wearing something that screams "lyk omg! I think im so gothic"
I just want some cute black shirts, or cute dark colors or colors with black. Or normal things with cute gothy accents.
oh well. I'll just try to make stuff myself and see where that gets me.
I'm just going through and bidding on almost anything that'll fit me that's under $5... I feel like spending a bit of cash, but making it a bit harder for myself than just clicking and putting in my card number.
idk. I'm happy right now, but I feel really lonely. I miss Brandon, and I miss having friends.
I'm bored.
I'm also browsing cloths now. It's hard to get the look I want without wearing something that screams "lyk omg! I think im so gothic"
I just want some cute black shirts, or cute dark colors or colors with black. Or normal things with cute gothy accents.
oh well. I'll just try to make stuff myself and see where that gets me.
I'm just going through and bidding on almost anything that'll fit me that's under $5... I feel like spending a bit of cash, but making it a bit harder for myself than just clicking and putting in my card number.
idk. I'm happy right now, but I feel really lonely. I miss Brandon, and I miss having friends.
I'm bored.
September 23, 2008
i was right, i was right!
oh, btw, I've also decided to not go to homecoming. I still have a few more years that I could go, so I'd much rather hang out with Brandon that night, even if he's at work.
And Brandon admitted that I was right about Rebecca, she hasn't been showing up for work, and went back to her abusive boyfriend. Her friend went into Rural King and told Brandon it was because she couldn't get with him.
it's strange how I can feel pulled blindly by jealousy, but in the end I generally end up being right to follow my intuition.
This means a few things, firstly that I know now that I can trust my first instinct, secondly, I know I can trust Brandon to be just friends with other girls. and thirdly, well. I don't know. I'm sure there's something else that I learned.
anyway, just thought I'd gloat SOMEWHERE about how I was right about her :D cuz I won't gloat at Brandon, I wouldn't want to make him feel bad for not listening to me. He's a sweety, he just wanted to help someone out.
much <3
s
And Brandon admitted that I was right about Rebecca, she hasn't been showing up for work, and went back to her abusive boyfriend. Her friend went into Rural King and told Brandon it was because she couldn't get with him.
it's strange how I can feel pulled blindly by jealousy, but in the end I generally end up being right to follow my intuition.
This means a few things, firstly that I know now that I can trust my first instinct, secondly, I know I can trust Brandon to be just friends with other girls. and thirdly, well. I don't know. I'm sure there's something else that I learned.
anyway, just thought I'd gloat SOMEWHERE about how I was right about her :D cuz I won't gloat at Brandon, I wouldn't want to make him feel bad for not listening to me. He's a sweety, he just wanted to help someone out.
much <3
s
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