early anniversary...

This was my walk into my home today. little electric tea candles everywhere, lining the stairway to the top, and all over the bedroom, and surround this pretty little ring on the side table. Heart shaped stone with a slight purple tone. It's so pretty. Probably not real (probably not even real silver band) but it was so sweet and he put so much effort into it.

Happy early anniversary to us! in 13 days we'll have been together for 11 months. He said he was too excited to do this for me to wait any longer. we're both horrible and keeping secrets like this :D

<3
S

Last Days & black hair

March 22, 2009
Last day before Brandon and I officially get back to the work force. Good day. I made cinnoman rolls for breakfast :D I worked on the puzzle a bit and me and Brandon jammed a bit (he played his new instruments while I screwed around on my tiny guitar)... When we were at Guitar Center yesterday we found out that they had Ukes there. $100 for the cheapest one. I really want one. I have to save though, because money don't grow on trees bitches. I got bills to pay.

After a bit we ate and went on a walk through the river greenway. A lot of trees are gone there. Probably due to the floods that happened a while back. I had a hell of a time keeping my breath though. I'm so out of shape. But by the time we were on our way back I was breathing a bit better. Dad brought my bike over, so I'll be biking daily I hope.

Kandi was supposed to come over today. But some stuff happened and she couldn't ): Michelle and I never went and hung out yesterday either. Sucks. But I had Brandon so it was cool. I finally put a little bit of A&D on my tattoo. The rash thing was starting to clear up, and I only used a little... as in, a lot less than I had before. It got kinda itchy and I've got more red bumps now ): I need some hypoalergenic stuff. ;_;

Went back to my parents house to eat. :D pork and beans bitches! I love that. We took home leftovers. While we were there we watched some gardening show and now Brandon wants us to work on the yard to make it pretty :) so we went to Rural King and then K-mart to look at gardening stuff... which is were we found that bear with the gnome under its paw. Fucking funny. I want that. On our way to the exit Brandon stopped to read the Guiness Book of World Records and I ventured over to the artsy stuff the next row over. I found a huge box of Crayola Sidewalk Chalk. Only $5. Yeah. There are so many colors. :'D 3 whites, 2 greys (sad attempts at black. but at least they tried) and 2 shades of every color of the rainbow... and pink. and brown. It's a chalk lovers wet dream. We had fun with them.

Water is finally running again. Still cold though. At least I can wash my hands and flush now.

<3
S

PS
hopefully going to the library tomorrow after work. Maybe a bike ride through the trails. I prefer taco bells connection because they don't limit my sites (I really missed gaia back in the summer days I spent here) but I have to at least buy a drink to stay there and their food has been upsetting my stomach.

march 23
at taco bell for brandon's lunch :D I have some pictures of my black hair to upload now, cuz I took them last night. I'll separate them from the others by putting them at the bottom.

<3 S

The past few days... and pictures.

march 18, 2009
So. I haven't really had time to blog since I moved out. I've been keeping myself busy for the most part... Things have been WONDERFUL though, despite me being on my period. I got my new tattoo, and it hurt like a bitch, but it looks awesome... Except I picked at it a little this morning because the skin was peeling. I hope that's not going to compromise the outcome considering it was peeling off anyway... right? Oh well. I love it. I used to not like lowcut shirts because it just accentuated the fact that I don't have any cleavage because my boobs are tiny, but now I like my low cut tops because I can show my tattoo off. Who cares if I don't have boobs, I have a bitchen tattoo.

Brandon got his done too. Even though it's black and white it's really really good. A memorial to his parents. It turned out beautifully.

Now, my room is starting to very slowly come together. We got some shelves up, and got almost all of the stuff that isn't mine out. All of it, actually, now that I think about it. Got that done today. Brandon stayed up all night working on it. Yeah, he's awesome.

Went shopping, got some orange hairdye that I'm kinda excited to try in the fall. I need to dye my hair black soon, but we don't have warm water at the moment. I haven't showered since we finally go the water working on sunday. I was the only person to get a hot shower. Poor Brandon. Water pressure in the kitchen sink is still really low, but we got a new fixture for it at Good Will. That was what was wrong with the shower's water pressure. . .

Brandon's friend is over... Albert or Arthur. I don't fucking know which one. The one with the beard. :) I'm happy he's hanging out with someone, that way he doesn't hold it against me that I hung out with Michelle today. I don't think he would, but it means he can't. Yeah, Michelle came over and we reminiced about high school by going though my high school shit. We're going to take pictures either tomorrow or Sunday. Fucking awesome. XD

<3
S

march 19, 2009

so I have this nasty habbit, right? I like to pick at scabs. It's a bit of an OCD thing I've had going on my whole life. So, I think, thanks to this habbit of mine, I've fucked up my tattoo in a few places. It was just going through the skin peeling phase and due to it's visibility and my OCD-like scab picking I've been in front of a mirror. I was only removing the skin that was peeled or flaking off, not really picking at anything that wasn't ready to be picked at. I figured it wouldn't do too much damage because the skin I was picking was already detached from the tattoo/my body.

Unfortunatly there are some place where the tattoo is a bit thick. I don't know why it does that in some places, but as I rub the ointment on I can feel it... I have mostly smooth skin on my tattoo now, ecxept for those places... so I get this urge to pick... It's mostly in the line work, and the areas with black ink... but I had a little bit in a colored part... and I picked at it a little (I'm not letting myself sit in front of a mirror with my tattoo visible anymore. it's baaaad) and it too the tattooed part clean off and bled a little... I hate myself right now ): I always fuck stuff like that up.I have no patience.

I also finally dyed my hair black. I like having black having black hair, It complements my skin just as well as any other color I've done my hair in... but the color looks so unnatural. ): you can just tell that it's dyed. I mean, people who know me will know it'd dyed, but unless my hair is unnaturally colored (or bleached blonde) I want it to look semi natural. It's not like it has a blue or purple hue like other dyes do... it's just too -black-... I guess naturally black hair is usually a different and lighter shade. :\ Maybe I just need to wait and wash it. I'll probably take some of the unatural hues out. We don't have hot water. Not even warm water. Dad will be working on the water heater tomorrow. It's leaking and may need replaced... Just rinsing the dye out hurt because of how cold it was... and we had to turn our water off again because of the leak. It's just little, but it can apparently add up with the water bill comes.

My skin around my tattoo is all broken out. Brandon said the A&D Ointment is causing it. It sucks. and it itches... and for some reason is causing my shoulder to break out as well. I've never had my chest break out before... a little of the tattooed skin is like that too. ick.

I work tomorrow. And Brandon is gonna take me in cuz he doesn't :D what a sweetie! Then I get to take pictures with Michelle on Saturday... My last orthodonitst appointment ever was today. And I got my box of stuff. Everything fits but the 2 pairs of capris, but they almost do. Soooo close. The skirt fits like a glove :D

Well... going to watch Harry Potter and go to bed.
<3

At taco bell with Brandon. <3 Just got back from ft. wayne. Hopefully going to see Michelle later for a photoshoot... and now, pictures...


oh, and i dyed my hair black :D

<3
S

Ptosis... What I have is called Ptosis.

Surgery can fix it. It's expensive and considered cosmetic. I'm going to start saving some extra money. Maybe the money I make in my de-cluttering yard sale will go to that (hopefully I make a hundred or so. I have a lot of shit)

Probably won't get fixed for years. :( but I'll keep dreaming.

My shitty eye and my last entry before I move.

ick. I was just taking pictures (for my last night in this bitchen' space) and one of my eyes is NOTICEABLY smaller than the other... it's most noticeable when I'm not looking up...

I know it's called a lazy eye, but when I hear that term it feels... demeaning. Like an insult. I've had this for a long time... not forever, but I'd say around mid 7th/8th grade. I suppose it's not technically a lazy eye then, because they are caused between birth and age 7 (i'm a researching)

but I have little shame these days, so here's a few pics



I took this series of pictures just to study my eye. eye on left (my right) is clearly smaller. The vision in it (although still pretty damn good) is slightly less strong than the other. It takes a moment longer to focus and i actually have to -try-.

The only reason I know it wasn't always like this is because in pictures now, you can clearly see it, in old pictures I look fine. I suppose it could just now be getting bad. I still hate it. I want it fixed. The only problem I have is I don't know how an eyedoctor would actually diagnose me with it, because despite an exremelly minor problem with focus in the eye, it has pretty nice vision. When I was young and being tested for a lazy eye the doctor said it was likely that my vision was better than 20/20. WTF?

I'll continue to work on it though. Fuck my shitty eye. According to research, if I wear an eyepatch over my good eye for 6 hours a day while doing nearsited activities it'll work to fix that, even though I'm older now. I'll give that a try.

<3
S

Reformed Clutter Junkie

I really really like the simplistic look of my room right now. I think I'm in love with it. Literally. I feel inspired by it's bareness. I think... that now I'm finally ready to rid myself of the clutter in my life. I'm finally going to be a reformed clutter junkie. Look out salvation army and eBay, my shits gonna be there soon. Maybe we'll have a yard sale :D

I didn't know my webcam was on black and white, but as you can tell 90% of my room is bare (slightly dirty) floor. And I love it.

<3
S

My Home :(

My sister missed the bus this morning and Jacob couldn't take her because he was already late for work. He told me this at 7 this morning, and I layed there hating every moment I spent knowing that I would have to get up, put shoes and a hoodie on and drive all the way to town and all the way back. Mom gave me $10 for it. I spent it getting Brandon and I KFC :D

I didn't really get any sleep after that until like, 30 minutes before I had to be up and off to work. Slow ass day. Not busy at all.

Dad had to saw open the door to the crawl space under the house. Then he's gonna have to cut a hole in our bathroom floor. At first it didn't bother me, because I thought it was just another hard wood floor under the carpet (I know, hard wood is expensive, but when it's under carpet it's not well kept and pretty worthless)... But he ripped up an end of the carpet... and it was a beautiful light green linoleum floor. It matched the wall tiles GORGEOUSLY. Now it's going to have a huge hole in it ;_; you can't just patch up linoleum like you can wood. And THAT is just one more surface that needs covered or replaced.

It bothers me a lot that Brandon's dad didn't put any work into the house. Instead of working on something, they just covered it up. wood floor starting to look bad? cover it with carpet... and don't let someone else do it nice, do it yourself... then he didn't take care of the carpet at all, it was dirty and mated together. The water stops running in the bathroom shower and sink? Build a little shower (poorly) in the washing room. It leaks, the floor is now soft. That isn't safe. He did what he could I guess, but sometimes it's better to put some money in and have a professional do it well.

My dad is doing all he can though. My brother is going to be helping too. Hopefully they get it mostly taken care of tomorrow. I want running water in my home. Dad fixed the electricity. I think... He's working as fast as he can. I'm starting to feel worried again about moving, but I know that it's because I'm emoootional.

<3
S

:D

I downloaded this program called Paint.net

It's basically the best photo program you can get. The only real benefit Gimp has over it is the ability to animate, which I haven't even tried on Paint.net, so for all I know making layers will animate this as well. It was a bit tricky, but I'm getting the hang of it.

2 1/2 days. Most shit is out. I carried most of it over today. some paintings, some furniture, my DVD player and some junk on my headboard. I'm getting the rest of my stuff tomorrow besides my TV and clothes. Fuck Yeah.

Work was ooookay. Rachel was there, therefor it was better than usual.

I ate at the Indiana Pancake House today, I got the Chicken Alfredo, which came with a piece of garlic bread and a fucking salad. I LOVE that place. all that for only $7. It's the sit down restaurant in Decatur. I WILL take Michelle there. And Brandon, for waffles and Pancakes.

I'm loving the Brit-spears comeback. I want to go the see Circus.

<3
S

EDIT:
note to self, still have $30 in checking, and about $15 in cash. This is RARE for how long it's been since my check. I get paid again in a week. Sweet. I'm usually about to start hurting for money but I'm still okay :D

good things, life looks up up and up

Dear life,

I made a CafePress account for Michelle and I's clothing line Radiohazard. Here I believe. if not, here.

Look for custom mods of said clothing on my eBay.

wtf, Miley Cyrus has a book? why? Seriously. Stop whoring yourself to the world. I suppose I should tell her dad to stop whoring her...

I washed my clothes in this house for the last time! I also just shut the cats tail in the dryer door. Fuckin' cat.

Jacob talked mom into letting him get this room :D I'm so happy for him, cuz this is the best room in the house. I shit you not. Sure, I'll miss my family and the home I pretty much grew up in, but most of all I'll miss this room. Seriously, it's beautiful. And since Jacob will be coming in here instead of the family room, I won't have to worry about cleaning up the paint on the one wall. yay!

I got 3 extra hours today at work, and Rachel is having me come in 30 minutes early tomorrow. Good. I'm gonna bring my last 3 unneeded boxes, some empty alcohol bottles and my rolling drawer thing. Maybe another mirror and VCR box and corkboard. I'm so close. so so close. 3 days, 17 hours and 44 minutes. FUCK YES!

Oh, I set my alarm clock for 3:30 AM to make sure I could get in a last bid on my eBay order, and it actually woke me up (TV puts me to sleep and music wakes me up...) and I was still the high bidder and just went back to sleep because I didn't want to end up unable to sleep... When I got up I checked my eBay and GOT IT for my lowest bid! YEAH.

so many good things are gonna happen, Brandon gets out, I get to move out of here and into his house and MICHELLE IS COMING BACK FOR A WHILE! PHOTOSHOT!

<3
S

sooo, I too some different roads to get to town (NOT the way mom was trying to get me to go) and I got there fine. I did a PERFECT 3 point turn :D oh yeah.

And on the way home I took the road mom was talking about and turns out, it WAS the road I said it was that mom denied it being. She "misunderstood" me... just like she misunderstood me when I said I'd LIKE to go out to eat with them.

At least I got Brandon to eat his first potato bowl and he LOVED it. Thought it was delicious and filling :D and right now they're only $2.99 which is WAY better than the $5 is used to be (or the $30 buckets of chicken)

This Friday Brandon gets out :D I'm nearly there with packing. I need to get my dresser drawers my last few boxes, and some odds and ends. the rest my dad will likely have to take because we need a truck... Or perhaps Brandon and I will take em the day he gets out. who knows.

But I'm super excited. I thought I'd be feeling emotional again because i'm supposed to be on my period soon but I'm totally pumped right now. XD

<3
S

Oh, and I'm bidding on a great lot on eBay. about 10 articles of clothing ALL of them are my size and as of now they're only $25 with $13 shipping. It equals out to about $4 per article. Think of it like this... That's about Salvation Army price, with the quality of things from Plato's.

ugh. I feel really strange. hyper and excited and really really low and a bit sickened (not stomach sick though... emotionally) really down. mixed emotions suck. I wanna just go to bed. But I'm not tired...

Driving

Early Blog. Kinda early. 2:00 pm

I'm really tired of my mom assuming I know every road out there. This is the country, land of the million roads marked only by a number. Some of these roads stretch all the way across the country area, some are barely a mile long. I have never had the need to know any but 3 ways to leave my house, seeing how I've only been driving since November and have never gone anywhere but Decatur and Ft. Wayne.

I know I've dealt with flood waters before, and if you recall it was pitch black out and I had to call you to figure out how to get home several times because I ended up are the far side of a largely flooded area around my house. I've never driven to Ossian, so no, I didn't know where that road connected to the one I was on.

Now you keeps repeating the same fucking road in the same two ways. You make NO effort to try to explain it thoroughly. No, repeating the road name and where it takes you doesn't ring any bells, because I've never taken that road to get that place. Why would I just randomly know those things?

I probably sound like a total dumbass right now. I won't help things by saying that I still get lost when I drive in town. I also have never had to drive very far off of 13th street, our main road. I am capable of navigating between my workplace and my new home on nearly any road I turn onto. That's all I've ever needed to drive.

But when you get angry with me and wonder why I yell in response, have you ever considered that I'm not just being a difficult bitch? I'm notoriously bad with directions. I don't know what road you're talking about and yelling it at me won't make me understand it any better. It's not like I couldn't hear you, I just didn't know.

tl;dr
Shouting at me won't change the fact that I suck at directions, nor will it effect the lack of respect I've gained towards you as a person.

5 days

I got most of my stuff at Brandon's now. Dad helped me to bring some bigger stuff in, like my desk drawers and 2 shelf unit things. I finally found the crawl space entrance.

To the left is my username spelled out in alphabet blocks. I didn't have another A to make it A-Coin-Operated-Girl, which is my Vampire Freaks account.
I also have a few pics from penguin point, some of a pair of Rainbow shoes, some hearts frosted onto my car window and where I want the deviantArt symbol on my foot. I'm just putting them here to entertain you a little while you read.. and because I just blue toothed them from my phone. I have a lot of trouble keeping these things in place when I type. I'll probably be publishing and checking it and redoing it over and over until it's right.

Well, my room looks so damn empty right now. It's okay though. My carpet looks horribly messy though, because I've never vacuumed. I fucking hate how this site formats shit. Nothing is in place quite right and I can't just upload all of my images when I need them because they always upload at the very top.

Anyway. 5 days. :D And Michelle is coming back over that week that I'm off, because she's on spring break. I'll be on my period, but I'm still TOTALLY gonna do a photoshoot. With Brandon there, because it's our week together. And I guess April is gonna be there too, which is okay I guess. I don't know how Brandon will act :\ oh well.

Time changes tonight I guess. It's bullshit. I didn't even know because I don't get any news channels on my 2 fucking tv stations. It's a bullshit move for the stations to stop giving an analog signal before they have to. A lot of people still only get that signal and they're fucking us over. We're their viewers. I don't think very highly of them at the moment, and my stick with Fox and channel 15.

Mom and I worked on a puzzle together. I totally Pwned her. I got twice as much done as her in less time. I like puzzles. I can't wait to be doing them with Brandon.

I'm rambling.

<3
S

7 days

I found something out about myself today. I hate dieting. I hate "lifestyle changing"...

I've realized that the later in the week it is, the harder it is for me to keep on track with what I'm eating.

Realizing this, I think I'd be more suited to eat "right" Sunday-Thursday, and let myself enjoy food to it's fullest on Friday and Saturday, because after a stressful week at work I just want to scarf down cheeseburgers and fries and pop and any random unhealthy thing I find. I ate a grilled sandwich with swiss cheese and extra honey mustard... Then I ate some fries. Then I ordered myself a chicken sandwich and fries and a big chocolate chip cookie dough frosty. Now I just finished eating more fries, a tenderlion, and I'm drinking a Dr. Faygo. I just -feel- like eating. It's either because I'm hormonal or I just get too stressed out from work by the end of the week to care.

Either way. I feel shitty for doing all this to my body, but I know I can make up for it. Brandon is SET on working out with me. I also think I'm gonna get one (just one) cardio video that I can play on my TV in the living room every morning. I plan on doing so in my underwear :D

MY stuff is almost totally packed up. Not much left but odds and ends.

My dad is possitively AMAZING. He's fixing the house for free. FREE. He said he didn't even want money for the supplies. I'm not gonna let him pay for my floor tiles. He keeps offering to pay for things and help out. Best dad EVER. Jacob is going to help me move tomorrow. If he comes home...

well. I'll be off now. Not to pack more. To browse ebay. I feel like browsing.

Jacob aprroves of my Pikachu tattoo idea. That's a surefire sign that it's gonna be good.

<3
S

mostly shit about moving

I have two boxes of alphabet blocks, courtesy of my mom :D I still don't have enough to spell me and Brandon's names. I'm one N short, because the dumbasses put an N on the back of an A block. Two common letters.

I'm scouring eBay for more. I think I may have found some, but I don't want to spend the money. I want my Pikachu tattoo. Even Jacob said it sounded pretty cool, and he thinks most tattoos are stupid.

Brandon is out in 8 days. Almost only 7. One week! xD getting to be with Brandon outweighs me starting my period on the first night we'll have together in 4 months. I'm so lonely without him. Jacob is doing okay with bass right now, so hopefully him and Aaron will be coming over a lot so that Brandon can "jam" with someone. He wants to get the Roland Fantom keyboard I want. Not for -me- but for him that I can use whenever I want :3 I need to get my Dresden Dolls/Virginia/Who Killed Amanda Palmer companion so that I can play that shit :D

shit I should be sleeping right now.
<3
S

Some random thoughts on moving and lifestyle changes (as in, dieting)

I got my second car load of boxes to Brandon's house. I fit 12 boxes into my car for tomorrow. Jacob is going to take 6 for me as well for letting him use my bass and amp. that leaves... 13 boxes that are packed at the moment. I still need to box up my more fragile stuff, like my lava lamps and such. And get my odds and ends sorted out... get my Desktop over there. My room looks really empty and it makes me feel gooood. I'm almost there. I'm almost out!

The guy came to turn the water on today. There's a leak somewhere at the main shutoff in the house (thankfully not the main shutoff on the street; that would require extensive repairs.) My dad will be back from Canada tomorrow i think, so he'll be able to take care of all that shit. The floor will have to wait though, sadly. We just won't have the money yet.

He wants to get his tattoos to celebrate getting out of jail (since I'll be on my period most of our week off, that's basically the only celebration he'll get. We'll probably argue a LOT, but going to Golden Coral and Penguin Point and the Pancake House will make up for it)...

I want a tattoo too. I think I want a pikachu (I may be fucking lame, but at least I'm not delusional enough to think I like the Mario games when I was younger. I was bad at them. I didn't play them) and he's gonna be right below my outter ankle and he'll be shooting a blue lightning bold like he did in the original Super Smash Bros, and it'll go down my foot to my toes. Bas Ass.

Not to mention I'd rather have my X pole NOW to exercise than a new floor. I know. Priorities. I like exercise. Well, I need it. I worked out for 15 minutes this morning. Then I carried boxes to my house for 10 minutes. Then I carried boxes to my car for 15 minutes. 45 minutes of workout including weight training and cardio :D (but I ate Burger King and had their Irish shake. yuuum. but baaaad)

ugh. I'm gonna go to bed. I want to make sure I have time to work out tomorrow morning. And I start my pasta thing tomorrow. I need an extra big breakfast because I'll only be able to eat a small lunch (wendy's obviously doesn't have pasta...)

yeah...

<3
S

Diet, exercise, moving and so on.

Hmmm.

I got paid today. I haven't bought anything with my money yet though. I'm still determined to save it. I know I can. Brandon is going to live with Ramen noodles for the next 9 days so that we can afford to go to Penguin Point and Golden Coral when he gets out.

I've also decided on a diet plan. This may sound a bit "extreme" to people, but I've heard it's more effective than starvation/carb can calorie cutting/diet pills/eating food sent in by a diet plan that tastes TERRIBLE...

You eat pasta for 4 days, then whatever for 4 days. I think I'm not gonna eat straight up pasta, I'm thinking Ramen, Penne, and bow pastas with light sauces. Still much healthier than, say, a cheeseburger and fries and a large Vault... I AM trying to eat healthier, so on the 4 "whatever" days I'm not going to gorge myself. But those four days will be days were I won't make myself feel guilty about eating a candy bar or drinking a sprite or eating a burger. Maybe I'll even have a piece of cake :D

I sound crazy right? Don't worry. I think the anorexic look is the most disgusting thing I've ever laid eyes on. I feel bad for the poor girls for thinking they're fat, but that doesn't make them attractive.

I'm about 150-155 pounds now. 2 years ago I weighed 135-140. I've always had a 'goal' of 125. I hope to god when I'm down to 130 my hip bones don't portrude. I've noticed that girls with a flat stomach tend to have abnormaly protruding hips. I have big hips to being with. But if I drop a lot of stomach weight but not a lot of thigh and upper arm weighed I'll have to either sacrifice having thin arms and legs or let my stomach look like nasty shit.

): I'll figure it out. Brandon said we'd get me the X Pole as soon as he gets out. I'll be doing that for exercise plus bike riding. awesome.

Starting moving my boxes. 8 are in the house, 9 more in my car. My room looks soooo big again.

9 days til my baby is out.

<3
S

No pictures today

I feel extremely broke right now. I'm supposed to be saving my money for my tattoo. Every time I'm in the store I ask myself "is this more important than my tattoo?" to which I ALWAYS say "no" and keep on walking. I haven't spent ANY of my money on new shit. NONE. I got the converter box like I said I was going to, I got gas and then I got food for me and Brandon every day. I spent a LOT less money than usual. (I did spend about $10 at dollar tree)

But, I'm still broke before my next check. It's like no matter what I do I'm fucked with money. I hate that. I'm either unhappy about spending my money and being broke, or I'm unhappy about not spending my money and STILL being broke.

I just wanna go shopping. badly.




anyway. Brit's been over for the past few days. It's been fun. We think we're gonna make a cult together about being losers. :D I wore my new red converse, did some shitty picture edits, made signs for vampire freaks...

I think going to Khol's is what put me in a spending mood. Fucking mom made me go with her. She spend 300 fucking dollars. I already talked about that though right?

ugh. I hate this feeling.

I move out in 12 days :3

<3
S