12th 14th my whiplash, and surgery... WKAP!!

10-12-08
So I’m sitting in Brandon’s room while he is in the other room working on his MP3.

I’d be using my new microphone to do a video blog, but when I’m at Brandon’s house the cam tends to zoom in and out on it’s own accord. I assume it’s the ‘ghosts’ (I swear his house is haunted) since it doesn’t happen when I’m in other places. . . I feel weird sitting in the other room talking to no one anyway.

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little bit upset by what Pat was saying about Brandon. I mean, Pat didn’t exactly have a good rep when he started dating Michelle. I may not know everything about his past, but I’ve heard all the rumors just like everyone else. Hell, Mariah was one of my close friends when she was a freshman, the year after her relationship I’ve heard everything she said about him.

Then I’ve heard the rumors about them, from other people, friends and random people. Which didn’t quite match up what she said about them, and then I’ve heard his side of the story, which didn’t quite match any of the other ones I’d heard. I asked him about how long he knew and hung out with Mariah before they dated, and I didn’t tell him anything about what I had heard or why I was asking, just asked out of the blue because he’s more likely to give a fully honest answer, and he said that he knew Mariah and hung out with her for over a year before they dated. In he twisted mind that could be considered dating. And most rumors I hear about people come from her mouth in some way.

I don’t know. Maybe he does have a thing for “younger” people, but all of the younger people I’ve met that talk to him look at least 16, so how the fuck would he know? He’s naïve, and I’m not just saying that to defend him. He’s not the brightest crayon. He trusts peoples intentions until they screw him over, and even then he thinks that they are still trustable.

I don’t know what I’m getting at with all that, but I’ll just say that it’s wrong to assume something about anyone based off of rumors and what you think they’re personality is. Brandon isn’t into being single. He wouldn’t have asked me to live with him if he didn’t want girlfriend, or a wife in the future. If he really wanted to cheat on me, he has an opportunity every time he goes to a concert, and yet people who work with my mom always say they see him there alone, just like he says he is. Maybe his past is sketchy and fucked up, but he’s been more dedicated to me than anyone. We had even gotten into an argument the other night and in desperation to keep me promised to throw out his porn and take the pictures of girls off his walls. Why the hell would you do that for someone if you weren’t being faithful? You wouldn’t.

No matter how good your relationship is, you’ll still argue and have problems. Most don’t have the problem of going to jail, but why should I let it get in the way when he’s never purposely hurt me emotionally or physically. Ever since I told him that it scared me when he gets really angry, he’s been keeping his anger down. He hasn’t blown up once since. Even when I persistently argue and question and badger him he keeps his cool and works things out.

Sorry I just went on and on about something that my only readers boyfriend said. That makes me feel kinda bad, cuz I used to believe the rumors I heard about him, and judge him based on them. Maybe someday people will see the changes the Brandon has made in his life. He doesn’t even drink much anymore, besides about one weekend a month when he’s with Greg, who just happens to be his oldest (and basically only) friend.

Or maybe I’m just as naïve as he is, and maybe he’s not naïve at all and really just making an elaborate plan to make me not suspect him of cheating by doing things like having me live here and taking me to work, and canceling his plans with his friends… I’m not being sarcastic, I’m a paranoid person, I’d believe if it happened.

Anyway. This house is haunted and I’m afraid to be in it alone. I don’t know how I’m going to do Vlogs then, since I feel weird doing them when Brandon is here… and they mess with my zoom thing anyway so it’d be fucked up (seriously, that scares me how I can play with the webcam ANYWHERE and it’s fine, but when I open it here it gets all screwy.) … but I spent $10 on a microphone so I better use it, right?

Well, I hope I get the chance to post this soon. I could always go to Taco Bell while Brandon works, or walk to the library (except that would require me to be here, alone, while Brandon is gone and it gets daaaark out) but I feel like a douche when I pull out my laptop. Like, I’m trying to make myself look important or something when really I just wanna check my facebook and deviantArt. Not to mention the laptop bag I have looks stupid, cuz it’s brown… It may work for some people, but I wear black, and I carry a big black coffin shaped backpack, so a brown and dark colored polka-dotted bag just looks dumb with me.

ANYWAY.
Much love,
S

10-14-08
I’m watching South Park… Brandon is putting minutes on his phone…

You know you found a great guy when he’s willing to dig around in your vag while you’re on your period to help you find a tampon that you think was lost in it. Don’t ask. I may have to go to a gyno soon. ):

Anyway. We were looking at paint colors for the walls. I want grey and he wants to keep it blue. But I -really- like the idea of a grey room. But he’s attached to the way it was… small steps. I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to change everything.

I’m tired but it’s only 8. I only work til 5 tomorrow. It’s so easy to work 11-5. It feels like it flies right by. Unfortunately I have to work 8 hours on Friday and there’s a football game ): poo. And I’ve got surgery in two days. Minor, but surgery is surgery.




I don’t know what else to say. So I’ll talk later.

Much love.
S


NOW
I got Who Killed Amanda Palmer today.

Even though I didn't think it would be, it was signed :D

in the same gold marker pen that I saw her have in her picture... and I was really upset because it was smeared and had a big finger print in it.... Then Jacob pointed out to me that that made it worth more, technically, because it was most likely the finger print of Amanda, cuz she was most likely to have held it like that RIGHT when the marker paint was still wet... so yeah. I have Amanda Palmer's finger print on my copy of WKAP. I only got the album though. I'm 100% positive I should be getting more. Is the rest being shipped separately? I want my "I Killed Amanda Palmer" tshirt, and vinyl record, and photobook!

Anyway. I'm about to use my new Mic for the first time. I got it at Wal-mart for $9. And my mouse came today, and after about 45 minutes of trying, I found out how to put batteries into it, just to realise that I gave brandon all my AAAs. pooey.

I got into surgery tomorrow. YAY! I mean, seriously, it's my 3rd surgery. I'm not even scared, just don't wanna go through the recover. It's the hard part. And I have whiplash right now. My Neighbor/coworker/friend took me home today, and smashed into the door of Eric, my coworker/friend... IN THE PARKING LOT! yeah. My neck hurts though. I'm helping Brandon navigate the internet :D it's so cute. I love him.


much love,
S