Post 300

I'd die for someone to just be here. The more time I spend alone the more I realize how little I do. I never follow through with anything. I've started so much in my life, but have accomplished so little.

It seems pointless to bother with things anymore.

And with every project that lays unfinished, and every idea that's stored for another day, I remind myself more and more of my mom. My temperament, my useless creativity, my waste of money. I'm so much like her that it makes me sick. Of all the people in the world, she has to be the one whose personality I was most directed by. I wish I had more of my dad's qualities. Endless love of history and learning. Business know-how. Money management. Dedication. Follow through. Where are those qualities? Why is it that I take after the only parent that truly made me feel so inferior? If I dislike my mother, how can I not dislike myself? I'm not prepared to look at her differently, so how can I be content with myself.

Why can't I fix all of these problems? I'm still carrying so much with me from Brandon. All the little things. Insignificant actions. I'm so afraid of everything happening again that I can't let myself move forward. I want to move forward. I try to trust like I used to and I try not to be so negative. But I can't figure out why it's not working. Why can't I do this? Am I just not ready to let go yet? Have I not given myself enough time to cope with all of this?




Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply. - Kurt Tucholsky.

XoXo
S

Francais!

Je suis shayla. Je suis la fille. J'ai un bon frere.
I am Shayla. I am the sister. I have a good brother. (and the num lock on my keyboard doesn't work so I can't put the fancy thing over the E in frere.)
:)

Pre-lesson in my new french workwook. I typed most of it without help. Oh yeah.

And I got a french dictionary. $50 invested and hopefully it'll be worth it. When I look at french words, I recognize it. I just can't remember it. I can't remember how it's pronounced (and when in doubt I pronounce all small words as Ay just like in French class. hahaha.)

If I keep up with it (which I tend not to. shame on moi.) I'm getting the grammar workbook too. This is like a huge workbook as is. And has 3 CDs to help me out. Awesome.

Getting taxes done up tomorrow. :)

XoXo
S

speechless

I want to strip down,
and kill this disease
Pick myself back up
and relearn how to breath.

I need some peace of mind
to stop this refrain
This thing could have worked
but your loves a fucking game.

I'm chilled, completely
chilled to the bone
the cold shoulder I give
Is the only shit I know

I'm never gonna say
the monsters got my heart
I'm completely speechless
cuz you leave me in the dark






I don't feel like I've gotten any better with writing in all these years. At all. I still feel like its all cliched shit and like I'm a little teenager talking about how sad their lives are and how much they can't live life the way it is going. blah blah whine whine. At least I'm inspired though. I'm got the first two verses while in a pissy mood at work. Ironically, I had poker face stuck in my head, and once again it kiiiiiinda matches at first. I should do parody songs for a living... Just not funny ones. I'd be the first SERIOUSLY parody song writer. Now if only I could learn to sing or play an instrument.

Bottom line, I'm really confused at the moment. I had a really bad day. and I'm really fucking jealous and way to insecure to keep my jealousy intact.

XoXo
S

Hate

"And someday I'll be gone"

Well, fuck, someday needs to come sooner because I want your sorry ass out of my life. You're a poor excuse for a human being. I've never felt so much dislike towards someone without guilt before.

And shame on YOU manager for not picking up on my hints about hating her. How much more clear do I have to be when I say "well, I really don't like her, but I'm not going to tell you you can't talk to her."

That very phrase equates to "I'd be much happier if you just told them to shut the fuck up and never speak to hem tagain." You should know this because you used the same line on me regarding Brandon.

Things aren't going to work like this. They just aren't. I refuse to put aside who I am (a jealous bitter bitch) because you don't want to feel bad for her. You agree that she brings all of her 'sufferings' on herself. You agree that only she can help herself. So you really have no excuses left as to why your talking to her. No amount of being "funny" can possibly make up for the fact that she took your car (probably sell-able for $10,000) drove it as her own, never put oil in and and turned it into a hundred dollars worth of scrap metal. Used you for your money on multiple occasions by manipulating you into feeling bad for her, lies to me to my face, left my brother when he was willing to stand up for her to her father. Then tried to ruin his next relationship to get him back (even though she then just went back to the guy she broke up with before trying to ruin said relationship)

OOOOH, and she lied to THAT guy too (for confusion purposes, his name is Don)... Saying that Brandon told her a bunch of shit that MY BROTHER had actually told her, and Don ended up going to Brandon's house with a buddy and beating the SHIT out of him while he was pinned down. Dons a huge guy, Brandon is not. He had to go to the hospital. Then you woulnd't speak against him to the cops, or fess up to how things went down. Don got off scott free. Can you imagine what it's like to not feel safe in your own home? To look at things that used to comfort you and remember how it felt when you were blacking out thinking you were going to die? To fear for you life because someone out there threatened to kill you and no one is willing to stop him? Because that's what Brandon got to go through because you lied. No one ever wants to think about how their shitty actions and lies will effect others. You could have gotten him killed.

AND THE BEST PART.. After you abandon your family and move in with the guy, sleep around like the whore we guessed you'd become, you begged brad to give you money to help you with your rent, and begged him to help you get away from Don because you were afraid of him. I bet you wished you'd have helped put the fucker in jail... But no, you defended him. You turned your back on everyone and expected them to pull you out of the hole you dug yourself. And sadly some people did. And here you are again, trying to manipulate everyone around you. Sorry, everyone is going have more friends than just you. You aren't the center of the fucking universe.

The last time I was jealous of my friends having friends I was a FRESHMAN in HIGH SCHOOL. You're almost 18. And I got over it as soon as I realized I was pushing my friends away. But when you do that, you blame them and everyone else and play the sad little victim.

I hate you. If I believed in hell, I'd tell you to go there. If you died, the only reason I'd feel anything but apathy would be because it bothered someone I'm close to. I understand the severity of that statement. I stand by it. I won't hope for it, but I can still think about it.




Fucker this all.
S


(sorry Michellery, I'm just pissed and need to get it all out. It's not even all out yet, but it's better.)

Gaga

So through the whole inspection today I kept thinking

"Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun, and when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun."

Along with all of Bad Romance. For fucking real. Must have done me some good though since we got a 92.8% :) which is pretty amazing.

Getting there with my wrist warmers. Getting about 4 rows done on each a day. Hopefully will get more than that tonight.



XoXo
S

yarning :)

I'm flipping loving Lady Gaga. :) No joke.

Got the first stage of my wrist warmers done. About to switch my first colors. THIS IS EXCITING. (and I'm afraid I'm gonna fucker it up, but it's okay.)

Haven't done anything but crochet today (and, you know, go to work.) It's greeeat because even when it's not perfect it's so yarny that you can't really tell :)

must continue. We'll probably be inspected at work tomorrow (which sucks) so I can't stay up til 2 AM crocheting again.

And michellephant, I'm gonna make more of an effort to work french into my every day routine (like crocheting is at the moment) but I'm gonna find something like "french for dummys" because I was too retarded to get past verb conjugation as a sophomore, and probably have not overcome this. I WILL love to try to speak french via vlog though, since I have no other way to learn the verbal part, and I know you'll be able to help me.

The french think strong American accents are sexy, right? :)

XoXo
S

SUCCESS

I GOT IT! :D

Making armwarmers.

So far I've gotten the foundation (chain) and two rows of single crochet and one row of double.

I think I'm gonna do

2 single black

2 double black

2 double purple

4 double black

2 double purple

4 double black

2 double purple

so on until desired length is reached. Then the other one will be the exact opposite. I'm super psyched.

XoXo
S

French Yarn

It's not mouth Herpes, its a zit, I swear.

I'm pretty much about ready to give up on crocheting already >:( I don't like failure. Maybe I just should have started off with the bigger needle thing. I finally kinda got chain stitching down. Good, I get ready to learn single crochet and even while watching the video on it I can't figure it out. It doesn't help that my chain stitches are way to small for me to work into them. uuuugh. But I wanna learn because I wanna crochet cute stuff :'( Like crochet a fancy see throughy gothy top to ear over shit.

About to try AGAIN. Wish me luck.

I'm also thinking about taking up french again. :\ because I have ADD when it comes to learning stuff.

XoXo
S

Yarn

I'm crocheting. By crocheting I mean I'm making a really long chain link thingy because I can't figure anything else out yet. Ha. It's cool though. I'll figure it all out :)

I was writing Michelle an email and half way through I guess it logged me out an when I tried to send it I lost half of the email and now I feel really discouraged to finish it (sorry Michellephant :'( I'll get there eventually!)

Well, I'm hoping to crochet a scarf at least. If that goes well I'm gonna do a scarf with a different type of knot (or whateverthefuck you call them) and then try arm/wrist warmers.

Then if I ever get far enough to be good at this, I'll give knitting another try, but I was too retarded to handle it last time. Sure, freshman me was a retard, but I'm also still not great at crocheting and this isn't even my 3rd attempt. Probably 5th. Ha.

XoXo
S

Gaga

I'm run down at the moment. This whole week has involved a lot of going places and hanging out with people and I find it exhausting. I know I want a social life, but at the same time I really like being able to sit on my own playing on my laptop and writing and making shit. I need lots of me time to stay sane, and I'm about to go into a weekend of hanging out and having zero of this. Making me flippin crazy.

Listening to Lady Gaga's music for the first time (Aaron and Brit were playing it on youtube last night) and I LOVE IT. I think so far Paparazzi and Bad Romance are the best (even though the video for Paparazzi basically takes the general idea of Amanda's Who Killed Amanda Palmer and completely rapes it, making an exrememly bastardized version.) But shit I need this CD and I need it on my iPod. I haven't found a female pop singer I liked this much since Gwen Stefani.

My aunt and uncle may be buying our local anytime fitness, and my aunt is going to let me clean up all the equipment and vacumm and will give me free memembershipf or it. So I should be getting off my ass and working out a LOT in the future. It's one thing to just have the membership, but if I have to be there anyway to work I'm a lot more likely to work out.

Also, thanks to our buddies with the government I won't be raped with rent payments when jacob leaves for basic :) YES. At least I'm bennefiting from the government in SOME way.

Must be getting ready

XoXo
S

Amanda is sexy, deal with it. (and other stuff)

I got a bunch of stuff from hot topic because they had 50% off of the clearance price and thats how I roll.
Green houndstooth bandana, purple houndstooth bandana, cute little black gloves with white lace and cut out fingers, rainbow shoelaces and a red fishnet shirt (last two obviously not pictured.)

On another note, I was reading links from Amanda's Twitter, to pages about her outfit at the golden globes.

I suppose my opinion is pretty biased, but I think she looks flippin sexy. What really gets me though, is the fact that 90% of the negative feedback has to do with her unshaved pits. Seriously? Her dress looks hot, her hair is cute and she herself is gorgeous anyway. I know some people are more comfortable with having their own pits shaved, but there are absolutly no reasons for why shaving is better for you. In fact, it's UNNATURAL. Why can't someone be NATURAL? Why would her pits stink? Because they're hairy? I'm sure she partakes in basic hygeine like BATHING and DEODERANT. Hell, I didn't even look at her pits until someone pointed them out, I was too excited about how awesome her outfit turned out.

What REALLY gets me, is men who think women need to shave. Why would you want your woman to have the vagina of a prepubecent girl? Pedophilia really is becoming more the 'norm' nowadays with younger and younger girls trying to dress and act older and older, but that doesn't mean it's something that has to be done. I have body hair to signify that I am in fact a fully matured women. If I CHOOSE to remove it, it's my own business. If I choose not to, get over it. The only time a man should be able to demand a women show no signs of physical maturity (sans breasts, of course. 12 year old girls body with DD breasts is hot I guess) then they can remove every hair on THIER bodies that show signs that they're physically mature. That's pubes, chest, back, legs and pits. Enjoy.
As for being a fame whore, no, not really. She's just being way fucking out there and that's just who she is. Self absorbed? Probably a little (but who amoung us with any self-esteme aren't?) On hard drugs or drunk? No. Never do drunk what you wouldn't do sober. She'd do it all sober, so really she has no need to get drunk and "loosen up" she can be herself and have fun without the booze. Yeah, she DOES enjoy wine quite a bit. And does still get drunk. But had she been drunk at the Golden Globes she'd have been saying so via Twitter.

In short, LEAVE AMANDA ALONE

My little sister's baby daddy isn't allowed to see her anymore (legally, not parentally) because someone finally realized that HE HAD SEX WITH A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL. This is ILLEGAL regardless of HIS OWN age (15 at the time.) It doesn't matter that they claim to love each other, or that it was consentual, she's a minor and younger than him. It would have been just as easy to NOT have sex with a 13 year old girl. He should pay child support, maybe get some sort of visitation rights, but he also should get the charges pressed against him because he DID commit a crime. Old phrase, don't do the crime if you can't do the time. True, and fucking OBVIOUS.


Anyway-
My fanfiction so far is an OC/Toad (X-men) story. As of now I have 3 pages (written, not typed) that involve a sex scene and establish the two main characters and the minor plot. Larger plot isn't fully determined, but the minor plot is enough to make up for it (in my sick twisted mind. I couldn't find a story in the twisted nature when I was looking, so I'm kinda incorperating my thouhts into this.)

Quick Replies
I was actually planning on buying this for my artistic smoking. I probably wouldn't even inhale. Maybe not even put them in my mouth. There is just something sexy and artsy about a cigarette held daintily in someone's hand, with the smoke wafting around them.

And it's Arika. Yeah, spelled like that. I remember how she reminded me of freshman you, and how it was funny because Erika was always your characters name. The videos were about her, because she had a nasty herpes outbreak on her face and tried to play it off as a 'rash' from her boyfriends stubbly chin (seriously? It's not sandpaper and steel wool, it wouldn't look THAT bad.) but yeeeeah. At least you weren't a herpes whore. Or fucking retarded. In the military you only need to score a 30% to join as the most basic level of soldier. This is a low F. She didn't score high enough for them them to accept her. I don't think her or her sister even have their high school diplomas, and every grade they got while homeschooling is actually the result of them cheating. My brother witnessed this.

Anyway, it's late so I need to be trying to sleep. This is when I get the better ideas for my story :)

XoXo
S

More Replies+ QUESTION MARK?

We do need a new system for replies. I think I can switch my setting so that I HAVE to read all my comments in order to post them, which means I'll know I have comments, but how can I comment on my old entries and have you know that I replied? So confusing. And I only drank wine once and it was nasty as hell, but I felt cool. I think I'm gonna buying some cloves from overseas so I can feel cool for having them. Maybe I'll be an art smoker, and only smoke for artistic purposes. What those purposes are, I have no idea.

Neil refuses to make a funny name out of both or their names, so we lovingly refer to them as Steve. :) I think they should have their legal last names be changed to Steve, but for business purposes use their premarital names on everything. Amanda and Neil Steve. Ha, that's horrible.

The girls not Becki, but fuck if she isn't WORSE. (Her sister is that girl I made all the herpes youtube videos about. The one I used to work with that I said kinda reminded me of freshman you. This was a while ago, you probably don't remember.)

I actually used my past experience with you to formulate my layers :) I think that I have to trust people for them to see layer 4. It's like layer 3 is almost a test to see how someone will react when they see me at my worst, and if after all the shit I give they still feel that I'm worth having around they get layer 4. You made it to layer 4, and I think I trust you more than anyone else because of this. Brandon saw layer 3, and he couldn't handle it.

QUESTION MARK
I really don't know what I have to add to this. No pictures. Probably will lighten my hair again before too long (I found some good bleach for already light brown hair) but I'm really enjoying this color :) It's so pretty. But I got some green dye from Nirvana and I really want to use it. But it's not like either dyes are going anywhere.

Writing fanfictions, but they suck and are going no-where. Haha, sounds like my non fanfiction stories. Oh well. I'll keep ya posted if I post anything.

XoXo
S

Layers

Hum. I discovered something about myself last night.

Here is what I determined about me. You know Shrek? And the whole thing about onions and layers?
This is me. Little happy onion me. Possibly a clove of garlic. I'm not so good at quick sketches. :)
These are my layers, peeling away from onion/garlic me. The layers only peel if you get to know me. To most, I'm just the onion.
This is the first layer of the onion/garlic. I appear to be pretty rough. Maybe a bit angry. I don't necessarily look approachable. Most people tell me that their first impression of me is just that I'm never happy.
But then they get to know me better, and find out that I'm really a pretty sweet and caring person. I love love, and I love the people I surround myself with. And I love to take care of everyone important to me. I think most people who seem kinda rough at first are sweet once you get to know them.

But then you become more acquainted with me, and find out that despite being a sweet and loving person, I'm still kinda harsh. My heart can be cold, and I can be a cynical person. The loving caring self is often just me trying to fight my inner bitterness.
But it all boils down to my inner most layer. The stem of every layer I've built for myself is my inner insecurities. All the bitterness, all the bleeding heart kindness I try to show, and the walls I put up to keep people away all come down to how insecure I really am.

Now that I know this, I know what to work on most towards my goal of being a happier person.

:) I'm pretty happy with everything to be honest. How long it will last is irrelevant. I'm just gonna enjoy it all while I got it.

XoXo
S

STEVE :)

Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman are getting married.

What was my last post about? Hm? Perfect relationships? Hum, yeah. Lookie here :)

I nearly cried with joy/excitement/pure glee.

That may just be my period talking.

No, I think I'm just that fucking happy for them :')

XoXo
S

STEVE

From here on, I'm never referring to a good relationship as Jack and Sally (and not because it's cliche) I will forever say that I am Amanda trying to find her Neil. Hoping I FOUND my Neil.

I'm on an X-Men high. I can't get enough of those cartoons. I'm gonna start writing shitty fanfiction. :) shitty DIRTY fanfiction. YES.

I always have really really dirty (and AWESOME) dreams the day my period starts. I love that day, and hate it all the same.

Bed/dirty fanfiction writing time.

XoXo
S

Because I feel useless right now

Just wrote it. Kinda has the flow of "another year," because I had it stuck in my head and couldn't get it out to write. Half rhyming, mostly not.

Probably a pile of shit, but Michelle is the only person reading so it'd okay.



My eyes a truer shade of green,
I never blink, it's pretty clear,
As I catch myself again,
"I think I'll wait another year."

Frustration grows from day to day,
My shadow moves and I don't breathe,
The closest thing to death I'll get,
As I bend but never bleed.

Laying down to get some rest,
The static blurs but I don't hear,
"It could be worse, I could be her"
falsely live and never feel.

It's getting colder as I go,
My heart can not take in your warmth,
The layers grow rough and shut me in,
My head seems fine but there's no pulse.

My hopes and dreams will shatter,
Falling apart I just can't bear,
There's nothing left inside this shell,
You're always like this when she's near.





what matters is that writing it made me feel better. Went pretty low this time. Fuck you, PMS-related depression. I hate these lows.

XoXo
S

LA.

I jumped rope for 3 minutes today. I was exhausting.

I also put air in my tires. And realized that my drivers side front tire is ALWAYS 10 psi less than the other tires. Am I that fat? :'( (lol. silly car)

I'm pmsing AGAIN (re: false PMS 2 weeks before PMS is supposed to take place.) and today I was supposed to start and didn't. I'm not worried. Just frustrated because I was having a good pattern going with super accuracy and now I'm PMSing all over the place. Fuck you period. I'll find a way to get rid of you (THERE ARE WAYS. I WOULD GIVE UP MY ABILITY TO HAVE BABIES FOR THIS IF DOCTORS WOULD LET ME.)

I'm looking for a cord for my sewing machine. I feel like SEWING but my cord got lost the first time I moved. I feel like sewing. I was talking about me and Michelle's clothing line, and how I wanted to open a REAL goth shop (not a trend based one. Lets face it, adult goth style stays pretty much the same, minus a few branches of the alt tree.)

I've been wanting to make my bustle vest/corset for a while now. I feel like starting it. At least getting the pattern drawn up. I need that damn cord!

I'm really happy right now.

This just in: stabbing at a Christian school. Anyone wanna remind me why religious people think they're better than everyone else? Oh well. I have my delious, noodly diety to keep me happy.

XoXo
S

The BEST of my blog

Comment on Apartments and Corsets
by Michelle:

"I like how in one paragraph you use the phrase "its time to save save save," and in the next you're talking about ebay. i love you."

It's so me :)

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Post: Men
8 trufax about men. A good read.

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Comment on Fake Titties
by Anonymous:
"Interesting the last lines....Not many guys do look past tits...Which is pretty stupid..because in my odd oppinion boobs are boobs and it doesn't matter how big they are or small or anything for that matter i's how a girl is and what she wants is what really matters. Sorry you hated guys on this...But I agree with you and i am one so...This shows how stupid we truely are."

I just found this comment today. It brightened my day a bit. Even though I've resolved my boobie issues with my chest tattoo. And I feel kinda bad for ragging on men so badly in that one. I think I was on my period or something (haha, if a guy said that, I'd have been pissed)

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Exert from Dreams

"I had a dream that a really hot black guy was walking by me (who was sitting on a random couch in the middle of some place) and the hot one (there were two, one was hot. I find it odd, cuz I'm not usually attracted to black guys) came up to me, sat next to me and started to make out with me, telling me how beautiful I am... then walked away.. and I realized after he had left, that he stole my wallet. --- I'm not racist. I swear :D"

I forgot about this dream. I laughed out loud. Literally. I need to find my dream journal so I can write that shit down.

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I Just Realized that I'm Real
I REALLY Exist

Two posts that my BFF said should be included in this blog, and therefor I am including them :) Posts where I figure out that I am, in fact, a real person. Being real is a good thing.
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I hope you enjoyed

XoXo
S

Inkscape. Piercings.

I just downloaded inkscape. I'll play around with it in a minute. Gonna do something with:

Because I submitted it to Electronic Rainbow's Christmas secret santa thing but she didn't pick me :( It'll give me a chance to work with different hair (straight, short, and wavy)

Probably getting my lip pierced in a few weeks if the money is there. Electric bill was a little high.
I think I have the lips for one though. Just a little stud for starters.
I just now realized that I have found one facial piercing that I DO think is trashy one 95% of people. The Monroe. I've seen maybe 5 girls that look cute with it. Maybe 10 that look decent and NONE of those were in real life. A manager at work just got one. She's a hardcore pot-head. This will not help my image of them. I want to be equally accepting of all facial piercings. I WANT TO.

I just realized my face looks really crooked in that picture of my lips. Rest assured my head is just tilted slightly. And I have no chin. I know this. I accept this. Or I'll just get a chin implant :) lol. (Yes, I did at this moment just google this and they do exist)

Anyway. Michellephant. I love you :) And our quirkinesses.

XoXo
S

ramblings, replies, and ramblings.

So I'm looking for a book.

Not just any book, nooo. I want a sick book. Something truly disgusting and grotesque. Something that most people probably couldn't stomach. I don't care the topic so much, as long as it's somewhere along the lines of sick drug use, rape, murder, suicide, pretty much any disgusting sexual act, and maybe tie paranormal shit into it (not "omg vampires and ghosts" demonic possession and the like.)

Why? because reading about serial kills is boring. I can only take so much information for me to store in the "reality" part of my brain. I need to store some shit in the "fiction" side. That fact that I have the desire to read such disturbing things makes me wonder about my subconscious mind, but not too much.

------------

Now, to cover all to comments I found from Michelle in one place for simplicity.

First off, this is my hair at the moment:


Me accompanied by my big ugly yellow sunglasses and the scarf you made me. The two closest accessories to me at the moment. I understand your fear of facebook. There are a lot of people there and it can be very overwhelming. If it weren't for my fear of having my crops whither I'd avoid it altogether. Social Networking isn't your thing is it?

Thank you for liking my tattoo :) I'm quite in love with it. Definitly my second favorite so far (My Heart Plane is just too perfect to top it though)

I don't think prostitution could be the FIRST proffession, only reason being: people needed to money/cows/whatever to trade the prostitute for sex to begin with. They had to get those things somehow. And, if there weren't nice things to have then there would be no reason for prostitition and those nice things were made by proffesionals and then bought by the men who paid the prostitute for the sex. So probably not the FIRST proffesion, just one that has lasted the longest.

No, commenting with different names doesn't bother me :) it's very amusing.

I haven't listened to very much Lady Gaga (song snipets here and there) but for fashion value alone I like her :) and if AMANDA says that her lyrics are good (she mainly disagreed with her choice of musical genre) then she's fine by me as a musician.

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And brother, I love you to death. I know I only "have a headache" when your around and doing something annoying... but I had the headache before-hand. But we were just talking then, and now your jumping up and down on my bed and throwing a cardboard tube at me. I hate being a kill joy like mom, but being annoyed when I already have a headache doesn't go well. Sorry :(

XoXo
S

a few things that don't quite fit together.

It has been decided. I'm glad Amanda agrees with me in a way.

Tattoo is in itchy peeling phase. I'm one of those people who sees peeling paint and feels an emptiness inside until all the peely parts are off. I'm not allowed to look at my own foot for the time being. I've already picked a little. Will have to be touched up.

Not so sure about my life at the moment. Can't think quite straight. Not really happy with a few things but I don't want to fuck up my life quite yet.

And now here are two pictures I just found of me from the tattoo convention last year (Phunk N Ink, Fort Wayne, Indiana. Be there this year! I will be!)

I loved my black hair back then... and I miss my blue fishnets.

XoXo

S

Finally.

My new years resolution is to be less bitter and have more fun.

This does not include people I dislike, due to there being very very very few people that I flat out don't like and generally there being reasons behind my dislike. Not being bitter does not mean being stupid or bubbly or always acting falsely happy when something pisses me off. Just not quite so angry at the world.

This by the end of this year I should hopefully be a happy well adjusted dark-on-the-inside girl.

XoXo
S

Rave

Tada! I compromised a bit with the artist on this. Kenny of Cardinal Tattoo (great guy)

"Why would you compromise? It's going to be on YOU forever not him." You ask...

Simple. I want all of my tattoos to have little bit of every artist in them. A little of their style or preference. MY ideas, MY general design, but a little of the artist. I actually am more likely to like my tattoo longterm if it's not 100% what I want. What I want changes. What I see others do and like doesn't. A little me, a little them. One big artistic collaboration.

I love it.

Got a book about the pyramids. I think my next tattoos will be an ankh and a bunch of hieroglyphs down my spine. I've always loved Egypt. I remember the project I did about hieroglyphs in fifth grade. :) Can't wait to figure what all I want out.

Oh, and SHE was in my apartment while I was gone. I feel somewhat violated. I want her the fuck away from everyone.

XoXo
S

The Weekend

Why do I feel the need to be such a cynical bitch?

Well, I hate stupidity for one. :\ I downright can't stand it. We all have dumb moments and make mistakes... but we don't have to be stupid about them.

Anyway, I'm getting my tattoo today. In about 2 hours. :) My rave birdy with AFP eyebrows will be GLORIOUS.
goodbye bare skin upon my foot.

Yes, Amanda Palmer is enough of an influence in my life that I have incorporated her into 3 of my 4 tattoos now.

And I just found out that my new Dresden Dolls shirt, that I've been wanting for YEARS just got a fucking bleach stain on it. A big one, in a very visible area. FUUUUCK. Must restrain cynical tendencies before more shirts are harmed.

Must continue to get ready.


XoXo
S

My super original and awesomely artistic works.

Look at me, I have photoshop. I'm deep and profound.

XoXo
S