Mostly irrelevant pictures.

Picture from the last week or so, because I haven't posted any recently and I hate not having pictures in my blog. Yes.

My new haircut. CAN look like the traditional Emo cut.
Or I can part it all the way to the side and make it look like an asymmetrical cut.
Boob shot.
Bleached out my hair.
Instead of turning orange, it turned a weird light light brown/dark blond. And the red spots are yellow blond.
Yeah, I cut my face out in pictures because it makes me feel deeeeeep.
Gumball from Toys 'R Us. I had to break through the shell with my keys a few times just so I could break it into small enough pieces to put it in my mouth. It hurt my jaw just to chew on it.
The Skittles bag that me and Michelle designed a few years ago. Yeah, Thanks for stealing ideas from our Radiohazard clothing line. We haven't even gotten started and you've already hurt us.
Yeah, you even made the back in the same fucking way.

A Juku doll. Yes, like Harujuku. As in, the cutesy Japanese style. I wanted one.
The snow man Brad built
XoXo
S

this is NOT pms

My upper back has been super achy. I've been keeping up with Excedrin back and body, but for every 6 hours that the dosage is supposed to cover, I get about an hour of no pain. I've been trying to stand straighter as well, since it COULD be because my slumpy posture finally catching up to me after all these years. Either way, it fucking hurts. And I worked out for 45ish minutes today in hopes of strengthening my back.

Now, the real reason I'm blogging, after a blog drought on my part. I was on my period about 2 weeks ago. I won't be on it for another 2 weeks. And yet, besides just my upper back, my joints have been ACHING like they only do when I'm PMSing. I've been having HORRIBLE mood swings. Yes, I've been a grade A bitch this whole week (and crying at every sad thing, and feeling overly crazy.) I'm being stubborn PMS me. My stomach looks bloated (My fucking work pants don't fit, neither do my smaller shirts) but it doesn't FEEL bloated...

Then, as I was exercising downstairs, I realized my boobs were fucking bouncing. My boobs only get bigger around my period. ONLY. They have not gone up in size since they grew to the A's they are. THEY ARE BIGGER. I even had cramps while I was working out... Hell, I only even get the DESIRE to work out when I'm PMSing. It's INSANE.

I swear if I start early I'll be pissed.

Now I'm exhausted. So easily. Oh, and I started to bleach out my hair. Bought some oil treatment for it that cost $7 for 2 oz. It works beautifully.

Hope this is all sorted out soon.
XoXo
S

reading material

I need something to read.

The Women of the Otherworld has gotten boring. I liked the werewolves, not the damn witches.

The Anita Blake series has gotten boring. What the point of all this sexual tension built up in the first few books if the lady can't even write a decent sex scene? Why has sex and Anita's relationship problems taken over most of the book? I LIKED that story lines. Sure, I skimmed through to find the parts with her and the vamp, but she can't write the sex right so I NEED THE STORY BACK pleeease. (Seriously, she the sex scenes make sex... unsexy.)

THERE SHOULD BE MORE IN THE HARRY POTTER SERIES. If not, why is this not a cute little animated tv show yet? Fuck the majority of the plot for the books, I want a little irrelevant "teenagers life in school" show about HARRY, that occasionally follows other various characters, like Snape, Draco, the Weasly Twins, and Hermione. It can even suck. I will watch it.

Make Vampires go away. I miss back when the only vamp show on tv was Buffy. At least they got rid of the boring "I love you and I stalk you and I'm dark and brooooding" vampire halfway through the show. At least Spikes obsession with her makes sense, and at least Buffy wasn't some average girl who is somehow so SPECIAL that everyone must love her. She was a 3 dimensional character.

X-Men... Make the movie about Magneto. He's the only character that is TRUELY dynamic in that series (though, the real changes happen pre-movie... which is why they need to make a movie for HIM.)

Also, more Toad in the series. SERIOUSLY. I know, it's a weird obsession, but a valid one. No one keeps up with their GOOD Toad fanfictions. This dissapoints me.





I was at Barnes and Noble this weekend and didn't buy a book so I hate myself.

Migraines

Tattoo appointment made for Jan 2nd. Fuck yeah.

Got a migraine today. I'm going to start keeping better track of them. I COULD feel it coming on early in the day, because my body temperature was way higher than usual. My body felt like I was burning up even though I felt normal. My head got a little... blurry. The pains I have for most of the day before I get the migraine, but they aren't bad enough to notice most of the time. Just THERE.

And my Excedrin DOES get me a kind of high. I feel pretty good right now. Light headed, dizzy, my heart is beating faster than if should most of the time... but I feel sooo good and so energetic right now.

I'm also putting forth the effort to make lifestyle changes to help prevent migraines. Yeah, I hate exercise but if it helps it helps.





I'm pretty psyched about Christmas. I'm gonna have money to put in my savings, enough money to pay my half of rent and bills AND I'll be able to get my tattoo (it'll be about $100, the guy said) So things are good.

I'll post some of the pics I took this weekend.. but tomorrow, because it's getting late and I don't want to spend all that time blue toothing them tonight.

Sketches

One of these toxicy rave birdies will be tattooed to my foot next week :) not sure what colors I want to go with.

They all have AFP-esque eyebrows and the green ones have bright pink blush like back in the olden Dolls days. (done with black, hot pink, lime green and yellow sharpie)

XoXo
S

Happeh

Have you even just felt happy? Content with life. Fully aware that things aren't perfect, and that there's so much wrong around you and there are serious things that need taken care of but it honest to god doesn't matter to you?

That's how I feel right now. THIS is the feeling I'm talking about when I say that all I want in life is to be happy. I'm HAPPY. It's amazing and crazy and I don't think I've ever felt quite so whole in my entire life.

Then again, I took a few more than the recommended dosage of Excedrin Migraine. Maybe I'm just high. (I legitimately had a bad migraine, don't judge me.)


Didn't get my tattoo today. But I think I'll be stopping back at Garfield's for all my tattoo touch ups. The man was so nice, and so reasonable. He either really loves his job or really needs business, because he WANTED us to be nitpicky. He WANTS to touch up every little mistake in our past tattoos. Plus he's got 30 years in the field. When I have to cash, he'll definitely be touching up my chest piece and shoulder blade.

Was going to post pictures... but can't find good ones.

XoXo
S

Prostitution

Being a prostitute doesn't mean your opinion is invalid. Selling your body for money (though, still very taboo, at least in America) whether to make a living or just so you can buy some drugs, is fully your choice and I respect your ability to make that decision for yourself.

I still stand by my opinion that that's not a real job nor do I respect what a prostitute does for a living. I know plenty of girls who use guys for money and possession.

There are two differences between them and hookers.
1) They don't pretend it's a job. And a lot of them have a job on the side for their REAL cash flow.
2) They actually use their powers of manipulation to get what they want. They WORK at it. Use their charm. It's ALL WRONG and a horrible thing to do, but at least they put forth some effort into getting those things.

The only thing a hooker has over a girl like this would be that the hookers are more upfront about it.





To long? Didn't Read?
A hooker was complaining because her choice of profession causes her to not be respected. I work in a fast food restaurant. You pick your job, you deal with the way people treat you because of it.

XoXo
S

Lady Gaga: friend or foe

As continually debated by Amanda Palmer, I had a nice sit down with myself and decided that Lady Gaga is indeed a friend.

No, I haven't heard much of her music, but anyone who looks THIS influenced by the club kid scene is fine by me.

Lady Gaga

Club Kids

See? :) How can anyone who's ever loved the Club Kids dislike her? Even if she were full of herself, untalented and a celebutant. IT'S A PART OF THE SCENE. Exactly. I think I'm going to buy her cd now.

My Brother is Playing 7 Nation Army

I got my big boxes from work. Made up a pattern thing and made a coffin box. I'll post a tutorial once I get the process down a bit better... and finish one. Still need to tape one full up and put the fabric on it. Also. latch it.

Got TWO Christmas presents taken care of. Still need Jacobs. Still need my sugers (at least a present-y part. I got part of it done.) Michelle is taken care of totally though :) just have to have them shipped here and shipped out.

Life is moving too fast. It feels kinda good.

Period soon. Very emotional. I hate this. :\

XoXo
S

#LOFNOTC

I hearby clear all Friday nights just so I can be a a Loser Of Friday Night On Their Computer.

Amanda Palmer WebCast last Friday was AMAZING. I forgot to blog about it I think.

XoXo
S

My Job and Me

Sometimes, all you have is yourself. Even when you have someone else in your life. When it comes right down to it, no matter what you share with someone else, when it comes right down to it, you still need yourself and you still need to be true to whoever that is.

If you keep that, then you can make it through whatever it is that happens to you. True-ness to myself is more important to anything else in my life. The ability to be me will make me happy. Being happy is one of my only goals in life.

No, I'm not having "trouble in paradise" it's just something I've been thinking about.

I've gotten a dozen complaints from customers about my hair in the workplace. Complaints that refer to nothing than the fact that they don't like my hair or don't think it belongs in the workplace. All the comments I get are regarding nothing but my appearance (and not that I look "dirty" just "inappropriate" ) but those customers never comment negatively about my work. Not once.

I know what I signed up for with the hair. It does still get frustrating sometimes. I do as good (and in some cases BETTER) of a job than those I work with whose appearance you claim "work place friendly." Take our back register operator for instance. She gets at least 4 or 5 comments a week about how rude she is, or how she keeps fucking up everyone's order. She has long naturally colored hair, looks pretty, and has no piercings. I, in my 3 1/2 years of work, have yet to get ONE negative comment about my work.

I don't even mind people being turned off by me at first. It happens. First impressions are based on appearance. However, once I prove my worth as a worker you'd think people would change their minds or at least become a little more tolerant.

Bottom line, if I were ever stuck with the decision to choose bettween my job and who I am, I'd quite without a second guess. Sorry Brad. No job is worth giving up myself.

XoXo
S

Shopping

Christmas shopping... Not going so well. Also, having a hard time finding a good winter coat, since mine seems to have gone missing. It doesn't help that I'm picky with this stuff, but with my abnormal body shape it's hard to find something that fits well AND doesn't make me look like a complete fat ass.

Found a few, some were too tight around my hips, or too loose around my chest, or just looked awkward on my body (or weren't in my size.) You really wouldn't think that it was that hard to find a cute black coat that would keep me warm :( Lots of cute ones, lots that would keep me warm, lots in black but NONE that fit properly. Bastardly coat industry. Making coats for thin or shapeless girls. The only way to get a coat tailored for girls with hips is to be plus sized or have to boobs to fill out the top of the XL's.

Anyway. Hopefully will be getting SOMETHING bought tomorrow. Even if it's just my brother's gift. Or even if it's just a coat.

feeling next to on top of the world :)

Should get to use my Lomo at the park tomorrow. Hopefully. I want more than pictures of my apartment and my brother about to attack me. I want to mount the camera to my bike and take cycling motion pictures :) it'd be cool.

I'm going to start eating healthy...

Oh look a cookie.



<3
S

Closure. Finally.

I just found out that my first real relationship ended because of lies. :(

Don't get me wrong. Brandon and I both agree that we just can't work right together. We tried. We loved each other, but we just didn't work. Not to mention I'm pretty damn happy with my life at the moment. VERY happy.

But to know my first true love, my first lover, the first person I could see myself with for a long time and the first person who could change my mind about marriage never cheated on me (the reason we had our first breakup) really hit me hard. I have no doubt we'd still be together if that hadn't happened.

Apparently a girl that was dating one of Brandon's friends (met her once or twice while having a bad day. She didn't like me much and I thought she was a bitch) and I guess not long after meeting me she started telling Brandon that I was cheating on him with some guy from work.

I guess when he didn't break up with me they decided to work the other way around and try to tell me that he was cheating on me. He DID sleep with that girl (crystal) he never denied that. Just said it wasn't while we were dating.

I DID break up with him. And our relationship was never the same again.

I'm the kind of girl who needs closure with bad situations. And now I have it. Makes me feel a little better.

I wouldn't change what I have now for anything. Ever.

XoXo
s

Money

Getting a Christmas present should be SO FUCKING HARD.

I have a TON of BRILLIANT ideas. Seriously, I know exactly what 2 or 3 perfect gifts would be, but can't for the life of me afford either of them. I could afford one with my next check, but it requires me to monitor eBay and keep my eye on the bids and me searching to find a good one.

The other is just a set price and twice of what the eBay gift is, but literally the perfect gift. I can already see the the excited facial expression when this one is opened. I can't afford it in time, but I want THIS to be the gift. THIS ONE.

I should have started looking sooner. I'd have had more time to pick something out. lame. And once Christmas is over I have to pay my brother $300 for the Wii. I hate money sometimes. I'm usually happier when I'm broke and not buying things.

XoXo
S

THIS

I love cuddling.

I love being held.

I love waking up next to someone I care about.

I love there being someone who wants to wake up next to me.

I love the POSITIVE overwhelming feeling I get when things are going well.

I love being able to play around and NOT have someone try to grope me.

I love being cared for.

I love having someone to care about.

And I love how my life is going right now.

XoXo
S

Another Year: Amanda Palmer

I tried to fall in it again
My friends took bets and disappeared
They mime their sighing violins
I think i'll wait another year

I want my chest pressed to your chest
My nervous systems interfere
Ten or eleven months have passed
I think i'll wait another year

This weather turns my tricks to rust
I am a lousy engineer
The winter makes things hard enough
I think i'll wait another year

Plus i'm only twenty-six years old
My grandma died at eighty-three
That's lots of time if i don't smoke
I think i'll wait another year

I'm not as callous as you think
I barely breath when you are near
It's not as bad when i don't drink
I think i'll wait another year

I have my new bill hicks cd
I have my friends and my career
I'm getting smaller by degrees
You said you'd help me disappear

But that could take forever
I think i'll wait another year
It'll be the best year ever
I think i'll wait another year
Can't we just wait together
You bring the smokes, i'll bring the beer
I think i'll wait another year

Lomoholic

Loving my new camera. One roll of film down, 9 1/2 more to go :)

Hopefully the pictures turn out well, and I can post them once I get paid and can develop them all :)

Should be taking pics in Fort Wayne soon. Even though it's chilly out.

Need to make some carrying bags. One of my Digital Polaroid, one for my Lomo, and a little bag for my batteries and film. OOOOOH and some lenses.

I fucking want filters...

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I hope I have money for this stuff in the future. And a new Lomo. Maybe a Diana Mini.

oooooh, I just found a new one called Horizon, which takes really wide framed shots. I FUCKING WANT IT.




tl;dr I'm a camera fetishist/junkie
X0X0
S