My hair.

I take back what I said about my sister. She broke up with her new boyfriend of one week to go back out with her last boyfriend. Playing with peoples emotions in any way is stupid.

In other news, I grew a pair and finally did something that I've wanted to do for ages but didn't think I'd ever be brave enough to do.... I got a mohawk. As you could already see from the picture. I'm excited to try to spike it up or tease it or whatever. The stylist did such a good job. Got it done at Famous Hair even, and usually the mainstream hairstylists aren't too good with alternative cuts (note my emo hair cut several years ago... They did okay, but really, they've never seen that style before? it's EVERYWHERE!)

They weren't busy at all when I came in, so I had like, 5 to 8 stylists sitting there watching this lady work, telling me how brave I was. They said they've never had anyone come in there who was daring enough to try it (ha, made me feel special. I'm such a pussy, I'm not brave at all) and it was just a great experience. And she did a wonderful job. I wish I could have left her with more than a $5 tip. But I'm a poor ass bitch.

My hair is soooo nice now. All the dead ends are gone. ALL of them. All that's left is healthy only-bleached-one-or-two-times hair. Barely an inch long at the shortest.

Brandon LOVED it. Said "you know... if you wanna keep that style for a while... That'd be nice"
:D he was being a super sweetie today. Even when I was being bitchy (which I proptly stopped the moment I realized how sweet he was being. I can't be mad at him when he's like that) I generally change my hair every couple of months. But I like this, and Brandon is beyond satisfied so I'll probably keep it for as long as I can put up with it. Maybe go into an undercut for a while.

The stylist said I had the face for short hair. Looking in the mirror, I really do look good with it. You'd never know by looking at my crappy web cam pictures though. So I feel like I can do more with my hair. Freedom. feels so good.

<3
S

my sister

this is my 100th post on this blog.

My 13 year old sister brought her new boyfriend over today for supper. He's just like all her other boyfriends in 2 ways, he's chubby and he's got a less-than-perfect face. My sister is no uggo, to say so would be like calling myself ugly because we look a lot alike, and she's much more social than I was, so I wouldn't doubt that she could get an attractive boyfriend. Even I could, and I'm a social retard.

For a long time I used to think she chose these boys because they were greatful to be with someone who was pretty and had a nice personality. The guy would think he was lucky and he'd basically worship the ground she walked on. She dated one boy who had the worst most manipulative personality. I suppose I thought that all of her boyfriends were similar. Teased to the point of become an ass because they were chunky and unatractive.

Now though, I'm starting to think that she is kinda like me in one aspect. She sees people for who they really are, not just their appearance. And it's not even an "I like your personality even though you're ugly" thing, she genuinely is attracted to them. That's how I was with my first boyfriend. He's not what you'd normally call good looking, but I thought he was adorable, and I like that he was a poet. (thought is a key word there. I'd hate to give the wrong message, because I've been in no way attracted to him since a few weeks after we broke up... Now I sound like a bitch, but that's fine. I like to clarify things like that....)

Basically, I have a little more repect for my sisters choice in boys.

<3
S

goooood.

After a few days of being insanely productive, I'm back to being a lazy internet junkie. I've been eating much better lately, though. My pay check comes Tuesday and I still have $20 in my checking account, so I'm doing better about spending. Things are looking good.

Listening to the Dresden Dolls. I can't wait til I get back to my pianos. I'll finally be able to learn. I'll buy the Dresden Dolls companion and the Virgina companion and I'll be -happy-

I'm gonna be visiting Michelle over my mini-moving vacation. Me and Brandon, heading up to Indy, maybe looking at houses. just 44 days.

<3
S

rainbow fuck. I fucking love it.

Hand sewing sucks. Or I suck and hand sewing. Who knows. But I've started my laptop case. I didn't want to buy a full yard of black felt because I didn't want to cut it up into smaller pieces (lazy, I know.) So I sewed two pieces of black felt together. I didn't make a pattern of any kind, which is unfortunate, because after I made the orange stripe I kept fucking up, but I make it work out in the end. The colors were supposed to just make a zig-zagged rainbow, and be touching... but separating them looks okay. I sewed the button eyes on backwards because they were ridged on the outside and I wanted them to be smoother. I hand sewed the cute little 3 mouth and I'm working on putting cute little pink cheeks on him too. I need more thread, because I only have dark purple, red and light pink. Yes, I sewed the mouth, buttons and black felt without black thread. It's hardly noticeable.

And i just felt like sharing this picture. I love my job 90% of the time. They were making fun of Becki because her pony tail flippd out like a horses tail. Laycee's idea, but my work. Becki loved it, and actually kept the original d: I mean, it's no master piece, but i haven't drawing a horse in forever. RAAIIIIINBOOOOOW. I love rainbows. fuckin' love rainbows.

I practiced drawing Girl-in-the-big-box/electronicrainbow/megoboom styled dreads. as in, rainbooooow dreads. I love dreads. Esspecially the rainbow kind. But I didn't have the patientce to draw eyes, a nose, lips or the shape of a face in general. So instead I drew a bird and... well, here's the pictures:

so, here it is. The bird isn't too detailed. It's just a few sketchy lines , trying no to make it not look too shitty. I know that it could kill the whole picture if I didn't make the bird look somewhat decent.

Doing dreads in full of more tedious work than handsewing. it took about an hour and a 1/2 just to draw the outline, then the dreads, then sketch in the shading and THEN color
(I would prefer it if I had pens to color, because you can get more depth with pens than markers, but you work with what you've got. that's how artists are, right?) I can't wait til I get some art pens. But it won't be for a while. Need to save save save my $$
A blurry picture of the dreads and their minuscule details. the colors are so flat ): but again, gotta save my money. Brandon is going to make a doctors appointment about his headaches, so we're gonna be spending some money on that.




The 'finished' product. I decided not to do all the dreads, because I think it looks best with what i colored. I'm probably going to cut out the extra and glue it onto some sort of cardstock, to preserve it better.



Much <3
S

The Lover's Name Tattoo.

Brandon told me he would get my name tattooed to his chest in big legible letters for everyone to see... if I did it with him while he was at work (being on work release, that would be the only time/place we could. but we haven't been. because I know a lot of people who work there and it'd be AWKWARD if someone caught us. ) and I don't know about store policies but he could possibly lose his job...

So I was thinking... I -really- like the idea of him having my name tattooed to him, but it's in an insecure I-want-everyone-to-see-that-he's-mine-mine-mine-you-skanky-whore kind of way. Basically I want him to display that he's MINE in a way that he can't take off. I have a chain necklace with a lock with our carved initials in it. He has a ring, but doesn't wear it often because it gets in the way... Buuuuut, I really don't want to have sex at his work place. Or at all until he gets out of jail.

It seems, though, that as soon as you tattoo someones name to your body you're relationship goes downhill. Fact is, a tattoo is considered more permanent than even marriage. Marry a girl and break up, no harm (well, you know what I mean) but if you tattoo someones name to you you're stuck with it unless you spend 4 times the cost of the tat to get it removed.

I would think that the reason it causes a relationship to fall apart is because before you get it you kinda feel like it's to show how much you love the person and how dedicated you are the them. However, once it's there the relationship doesn't change at all, it doesn't become happy blissful fun. Then maybe the person who got the tattoo feels like the person is ungrateful, because they made that loved one an eternal part of their body and somewhat feel entitiled to be treated better. When they argue it ends up being like:
"I did the dishes last time, why can't you do it"
"I got your fucking name tattooed across my chest because I love you and you can't even do the god damn dishes?"

So, I think I'll pass on that.

He IS getting his wedding ring tattooed on though. And it WILL contain at LEAST my initials. If we make it that far, there's no way in hell I'm gonna let him walk around with a ring that he'll need to take off to keep it from getting snagged. I have an easy time remembering to put my ring on when I take it off for work, his memory isn't so good though. He suggested it even.

What am I getting at? I don't know.

<3
S

sewing, drawing and I'm getting fuckin old,

I feel like creating.

More specifically, I feel like sewing. I was looking at felt and fleece on the internet to use to make my own laptop case like The Girl in the Big Box's because it's positively adorable and I've been needing a case for my laptop. I'm not really interested in non-rainbow filled ideas. Original, I know. So I'm looking at felt EVERYWHERE on the internet to find some cheap fleece and felt. You'd think it'd be simple to find cheap felt right? WRONG. a yard of felt is as expensive and a freakin yard of canvas.

After adding all the costs up it ended up being $57. Her custom laptop cases are only $40 for Christ's sake. But I want to make it. gaaaaaaash. I'm not gonna pay for someone else to make one for me, not for $40... Maybe I'll go to Wal-mart to find some cheaper stuff. I mean, Felt is $5 a yard? it's supposed to be the CHEAP crafting fabric.

Anyway. I'm working on drawing again. I go through those phases where I try to get better, but I lack the discipline to sit and sketch and sketch and sketch again and THEN draw the final picture. I figure if I study and practice and refine individual skills during each of these drawing phases.... well, by the time I'm 25 I should be okay.

Holy FUCK, I'm almost 20. I'm having to say "when I'm 25" instead of "when I'm 20" because I'm so god damn old. D:> I'm fuckin OLD.

<3
S

Social Retardation and the A.W.

For the past few years I lived thinking that the reason I didn't have many friends was because I was a huge social retard. I put shyness to a level that most people don't understand. In some cases it could take a full year for me to become comfortable enough around someone to really talk to them or have them get to know me. Normally it was closer to a few months, but it's a situational thing here.

I've gotten a lot better about it though. I'm still shy to a crazy extent around someone who I haven't hung out with in very much, but I open up more easily and I'm less afraid to put myself out there when I talk to people.

Thing is, I still have yet to make any new friends since graduation almost a year ago, and I've come to find out that a lot of the people who used to talk to me (besides Kim and Michelle, who I met my freshman year) haven't even attempted to contact me since my graduation day. It's not like I haven't met a lot of great people at work, but for some reason people don't seem to want to be anything but a work friend. For the longest time I thought it was ME and it was because they didn't like me enough to want to.

I've realized now, though, that the reason I haven't made new friends is because deep down, beside my loneliness and desperation and the deep yerning to connect with people; there also sits subconscious me. She knows everything before I do. She's my instinct. I realize now that most of the people who I talk to I don't actually want to be friends with. The people at school who don't talk to me, I've realized that I never really connected with them because deep down I knew that I was just wanting that connection with someone so I talk to any person who'd be willing to talk to me.

Maybe there is something wrong with me. I've only had that strong bond with maybe 3 people in my lifetime.

I'm rambling and I forgot what I was getting at. Long story short, The reason I don't make friends is because I think that subconsciously I know that I won't connect with the person and I don't want to bother with friends that I don't connect with.




on another note, my brothers girlfriend is really starting to put me off. She's a bit of an attention whore, and by a bit I mean she basically demands the full attention of anyone in a room. At first she seems like a bubbly happy person that gets along with everyone... but I'm starting to get tired of her "me me me" attitude. I was trying to talk to my manager, and BAM she starts talking to him about -her- life problems and they sit and talk for fucking ever while I stand there waiting for them to shut up so I can tell him something IMPORTANT that I actually need to say. Not something personal. something WORK related.

Then I talk to my brother, and ask him what he's doing this weekend because I had nothing going on and wanted to go somewhere and hang out. Right when he says "I don't have anything going on" she jumps in and says "You're gonna hang out with me and my house" and he pauses for a second and goes, "well, I guess I'm hanging out with her"

I mean, HE'S MY BROTHER for fucks sake. You hang out with him every day. You text him constantly. GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO HANG OUT WITH HIM TOO. I told him I wanted to do something, but it didn't matter, because SHE decided what he was going to do for him. I know that's partically my brother letting her choose that, but she NEEDS his constant attention.

I've met people who fought to keep everyones attention, and they were unpleasant people who lied a lot and used false claims to get it. They're the people who are easy to hate and that people won't look at you funny for saying that they bother you. But when an attention whore comes in an honest person, well fuck, I'll have to keep my thoughts to myself. I hate keeping my thoughts to myself. It makes me broody and angry looking. The anger face makes you aaaage.

I'll stop bitching now. I got pretty good hours this week, and I got to talk about my problems with my other manager :D

<3
S

the Saturday Migraine

I just now woke up after an excruciatingly painful day of migraines and non-digested food.

Originally I had thought that I had been finished the damned Saturday Migraine. It's been two full weeks since I've suffered from one. It seems like they're back, and they brought friends; the non-aching stomach. Non-aching? Yes, my stomach didn't hurt for a second, but as I ate more food (thinking that maybe my headache was increasing because I wasn't eating) My head hurt worse and worse until I finally threw up. I felt so much better after that. And I ate a LOT of calories too, because my body couldn't have gotten much nutrition from food that didn't digest through the whole day. And, of course, I started feeling worse AGAIN so I determined it was best for me to go to sleep even though it was just nearing 10.

Brandon was so sweet about it too. I had my head down the entire time we ate together, and he just reached out an held my hand, and sat on my lap so that I could nestle my head on his shoulder comfortably (I don't feel right when I sit on his lap. It feels really awkward, like our shapes don't fit together quite right that way.) Then he offered to let me use his coat as a pillow, telling me I shouldn't be driving, and I should lay up there until I felt better so I would be safe. So sweet. And that was at the peak of my pain, right before it all came out.

The headache is gone now though. But I can't fall back to sleep and it's only 3:30 in the damn morning. I need to shower... and to wash my clothes.

My wisdom teeth may not be coming in after all, by the way. I was thinking, and it's totally possible that I just inadvertently forced a hole into my gums from chewing food on them. So I'm putting that off for now, in hopes that I can get my savings back up before I have any more appointments or spend any more large amounts of money.

Well, it's time to attempt more sleep before the -real- morning comes.

<3
S

expenses espenses expenses

So I finally decided to do it. I get my new tires. It's $270 out of my savings bringing me down to $250 in my savings. I've been taking a lot of money out of every check to make sure that I get money saved back up after buying this damn laptop and going through the big spending ordeal of Halloween and Christmas. I'm set way back now. I wanted to have at leats $1000 saved up by this summer, so that Brandon and I would be able to afford to do things like go to the zoo and to Cedar Point and Warped Tour.

And noooow, I find out that the little problem I have in the back of my mouth is my fucking wisdom teeth growing in. Now I have to go spend hundreds of dollars to get them removed.

While some people would be saying "I wish I'd have gone to college so that'd I'd still be covered by insurance" but I say "I'm glad I have the freedom to spend enough time at work to pay for this and still have free time to enjoy my life"

I know. My thinking seems a bit odd. It's okay.

I felt really isolated at work these past few days. And I'm itching to tell everyone off for making fun of a cutter we know. I know he's not exactly the nicest guy ever, but if they don't know how to handle the situation then they need to back out and stop talking about it period. Seriously, how can you wonder why someone doesn't want to open up to you when you go around work declaring anything they say or saying how annoying the person is. Leave him be. Be nice and shut up. And I don't think they can understand that someone can tell the difference between 'pity ne-iceness' and just plain acting kind.

anywho. I didn't feel the pressure from the tooth until I found out it was growing in. So, now it's all pressure-y and in pain. Oh well...

<3
s

cardboard world

boxes. They're everywhere. climbing up the walls. Dividing the room. Scattered across the floor, laying half empty waiting to be filled and taped and stacked up with the rest. There's even an empty box on my bed.

I kinda feel out of place now. I'm sitting in a room of cardboard. My room is slowly loosing the little touches that make it my own. My posters are missing, my photos are down, even my stuffed animal pile is slowly ebbing away.

I feel out of it now. My book shelf is even empty, aside from a coloring book and a few tiny resin tomb stones I got at dollar tree. At least I think it's resin. Come to think of it I don't even know what resin is.

I know, my room is huge. Of everything, all the memories I've made here, and of all the rooms I've been in with all the various belongings, the one thing I'm going to miss the most is this room and the amazing book shelves my dad built into the walls. I never finished getting his books off of it, so I was only able to claim the upper shelf, but god did I love those shelves. This room was my freaking bat cave.





I have more boxing and taping and stacking to do.

<3
S

feeling lonely. and taxes.

Me and Brandon have a mini argument on the phone. We act like we're okay and say bye because he ran out of coins for the pay phone.

I feel unhappy and upset and want to apologies to him. but I can't call him, because payphones only work one way.

15 minutes later he calls me back to say sorry and tell me he loves me.

God I miss him. I just want to have him here. only 52ish days left.

I got my tax stuff today. I hope I get a good tax return. I want the money to replace the money I have to pay for new tires. I'm getting them tomorrow.

<3
S

Girl Anachronism

My text ringtone is the refrain from Girl Anachronism.

I felt like listening to music. So Girl Anachronism came on, and right as the refain starts someone texts me. it was weird. and I love it.

I have nothing to blog about.

<3
S

stand still

I feel kind of blank right now. Things are still building up and not getting taken care of, but there's nothing I can do quite yet.

My check past $200. It'll be the last time I make that much money in a LONG time. I still have bills and need tires and still haven't had my doctors appointment made because my mom seems to refuse to help me out even though I'M IN PAIN and I keep missing work because of it.

I'm 19 though. I need to take care of things myself I guess. Grow up a little. I hate the phone, I hate phone calls. I'd much rather e-mail the doctor to make an appointment. I'll have to fill out pages and pages of paper work, because I've only been to the doctor once since I was 9, and it wasn't for a check-up, just a referral to a surgeon to remove the cyst that was on my face. I hate doctors offices. I'm more scared to go to the doctor alone than I was when I went up to get my first tattoo ALONE.

Maybe if I wait a few month Brandon will go with me. I can't go alone. What if something is really wrong with me? I'd probably have a big emotional breakdown right there in the office and no one will be there to comfort me.



but nothing matters right now. Nothing is going on and I have nothing to do that I can actually do right now.

I need to pack my stuff.

I need more boxes.

Dear Twilight. GTFO --->

http://twilightsucks.proboards81.com/index.cgi?board=fangirls&action=display&thread=5175

so, let's think about this for a second. Harry Potter fans dressed up like kids going to Hogwarts and wondered around harmlessly shouting spells at people.

Twilight fans go around harassing and (sometimes) harming people because they dislike Twilight.

lolwut?

<3
S

an accomplisment

I made art today.

<3
s

Fake Titties

I've been obsessing over this the past few days (and just a little bit of it ALWAYS gets me so far down) but I still don't understand the hate around fake breasts. Seriously.

Newest found complaints

1."lol, if a guy had a penis implant would you still do him"
- fact: as much as people don't seem to think about this (especially single guys who don't get any) if I loved someone, I wouldn't CARE how they looked or whether they were real or fake. If a dick still functioned the way it should during sex, then why would it matter if they artificially made it larger (there's not actually a surgery for that it's hypothetical)... and since boobs are really only for forplay and feeding babies then it doesn't hinder a mans ability to have sex with a girl. You can't bounce around or motorboat a pair of A cups (I have them, I would know) but you'd HONESTLY deny a girl with fake breasts because you can't do those same things?

2. "Most women's bodies are made in proportion, so why would you want to try to change that to make yourself look out of proportion"
-Personal Experience dictates that only ONE in every 3 people has a naturally well proportioned body. My breast of extremely small. My hips are very wide and my ass is huge. My friend michelle is well proportioned (I believe. It's possibly that her boobs are slightly larger than her hip/butt. but as far as visually proporated she's perfect) and Kim has enormous boobs and no butt whatsoever. However, it's a bit of a double standard to deny a girl larger boobs just because they're fake when it's okay for a larger breasted girl to get them reduced (which harms their ability to feed a baby more than getting impants does)... Lets also not forget that unless your breasts are larger than D's, if your back is hurting it's because you have the wrong sized bra and don't exercize the right places so you have a weak back.

I fucking hate double standards. and for some further proof of the "naturally in proportion myth-Laycee has huge boobs and a small waist. As does her sister. Erica has smaller boobs and a larger figure. basically I know very few people with a proportionate breast to body ratio.




I really just can't get over the hate radiating towards women who do this. Calling her a skank or a freak? Saying that the girl just has low self esteme or wants to look hot for guys? Not all boob jobs are for making your breasts ridiculously huge. And do you REALLY think that if a girl with huge fake breasts and a nice body wanted to bang you that you'd say no?

Men are sick disgusting pigs. A blanket statement, because I saw ONE MAN stand up to these men who are full of shit. "I like large boobs. but only real ones. I'd rather have no boobs than big fake ones" what a load of shit. They don't care if the girl wears some make-up, curls/straightens/dyes her hair, paints her nails or shaves her legs (in fact, they seem to REQUIRE shaved bodies) but if her boobs aren't real it's a deal breakers.

I need an eyeroll emote.

I love my boyfriend, and he loves my body. but fuck-it-all if I say I wouldn't get a boob job if I had the money for a nice surgeon. I think I've come to a conclusion on the topic.

If you can't look past my body, like hell if you'll ever see me naked. If you can't except me for who I am or accept the choices I've made for my body then I don't WANT to talk to you or know you. Nor would I care if you'd tap me. fuck you.

this is what good independant thought feels like. I feel liberated. I was about to cry when I started this because I felt so run down to hell about mens behavior... but I feel better now.

fuck you all,
S

my boyfriend

Last night I had a dream. It was horrible. It was about Brandon and he was cheating on me. I woke up with a heart ache and crying. It was a good 2 hours before I felt okay again, even though I kept telling myself it was a dream. Just the thought hurts.

I went to work. I got sick and went home after and hour. that's 10 hours of work this week. fuck, that's not enough. My paycheck won't reach $200.

My car didn't start this morning, so my mom brought me to work, so I had to sit and wait for her to get me from work. While I was there I wrote a note to Brandon telling him about the dream and how badly I missed him and needed to hear his voice and be with him.

I went home, got online and got really bored. Just then I got a call from Brandon. It was only 2:30 so it was a really early call. Not normal. His car wouldn't start and he needed me to come get him and take him to cash his check and pay bills and his lawyer.

What an amazing day. My car started, I went to town and forgot my license and found out that my insurance card wasn't in my glovebox. They needed my license, registration AND proof of insurance for me to drive Brandon. He called and told me that they'd let me take him anyway. :D So I got to spend over an hour driving my baby around town. We got to talk and hang out and not worry about him being at work and getting in trouble.

Then we jumped his car, because the battery was just dead. I had jumper cables in my trunk.

It was a great day. Had I not gone home sick I wouldn't have been able to because I wouldn't have had my car. Everything that went wrong went wrong for the best. Most importantly I got to see my sweetie when I really needed to. He's gonna call me again soon.

God I love him.

<3
S

dirt poor.

I'm a blogger at heart.

I always will be.

holes are being burned in my pocket, but it's not by choice.

This is WHY I save my money though. The just in case things, for when unexpected expenses happen.

We're barely making it by, but we're making it together.

I feel happy.

<3
S

better

My boyfriend bought me a chain necklace and a lock that he used a utility knife to carve our initials into. It's so cute.

I'm getting an appointment to planned parenthood soon. It'll be cheaper than a gyno.

Enough about my vagina though! I move out in one month and twenty-eight days. I haven't done any packing for several days, and I don't have enough money for everything/anything.

I still need tires. $250.
Doctors appointment. $35-$250
the Pill (whichever I get) up to $50
BILLS BILLS BILLS:$66 (thanks to my sweet boyfriend, who's taking the larger amount of the bills because of everything I need to pay for)

I'm stressed out. I really am. I'm worried that ends just won't meet. I'm terrified of going into debt. Being part of Brandon losing his house. Getting BAD CREDIT that will haunt me the rest of my life. Brandon tells me it'll all be okay. I know it won't be 'okay.' but damn it, he's such a sweetheart and it makes me feel better at least. But god my life is gonna suck for a long while.

At least we have OBAMA to look forward too! :D hellz yeah. Things will get better, even if gas doesn't go down to $1 a gallon, and even if the damned euro is worth more than our money, things will be -better-






<3
S

Birth Control

I feel siiiiick.

It's god damned period problems just like every month. I'm gonna ask my mom to take me to the doctor to get some fucking birth control. I never want a fucking period again. Or, if I can't have that, to have super light never-a-cramp periods. end of fucking discussion. I'm tired of missing work. I'm tired of being curled up in my bed, in too much pain to even sleep it off. Feeling dizzy all day, having some honest to god hot-flashes while I nearly pass out. I missed a lot of school in my day due to periods. And now a lot of work and with my hour cuts I can't afford that.

I lose at least 5 hours of work every month because of cramps, which equals out to $35. That's enough for birth control, so fuck it, I'm gonna go get some. I have $400 in savings, that should handle my doctor visits.

plus, brandon will be happy because he won't need condoms. cuz, that's how he thinks about stuff. Hell, he may even pay for it just because of that... I'd ask him to get himself checked out too though.... it's the safe way...

I feel better now. at nearly 3 o' clock. I was supposed to work til 4 today.

I think I deserve a cramp free period. or a periodless-life.

Much Love,
S

house shopping

I'm looking at houses in Indy for me and Brandon. Most of the ones I see that I really like are Bungalows, which is funny because I used to think they were the ugliest things ever, but it you painted it just right, I'd look kinda like a Victorian bungalow. They almost all have 2nd floors, attics AND basements, and most of them have room dimensions around the 12x12 range.

I'm just waiting to find out where michelle is likely to be located so I can be nearby. Maybe Brandon will move as soon as he's out of jail, just so we can get a good deal on a beautiful place. Because some of these places are GORGEOUS. And a lot of houses under $50,000 (the most I'd ever be willing to pay... I'm looking more into the $20,000-$30,000 range) and all "minor fixer-uppers" but considering brandon's house would be considered a fixer-upper (poor plumbing, floor needs repair one needs replaced.. walls have holes in some places..) and I LOVE his house and I'd live in another like it.

house buying are EXCITING!

What love is like

he's so sweet he makes me cry! ;_;

it's love, goddamnit! He said we're married right now, and that he hopes to get married to me for REAL some time when we're older and have been together longer.

he's got mah hart!








2 months and 4 days. on Tuesday, it'll be 2 months exactly <3

He said I was his hero (and that it's okay if he needs to 'save' me and by my hero sometimes too)

cheesy happy goodness. THIS is what love is like.

<3
S

ps

the 13 year old sister is 'goth'

she looks kinda like crystal in the face, and looks older/as old as the 15 year old.

she's quirky though... more so than the other characters at least.

Dear Nobody,
through the complaints forum I've found this show called Secret Life of an American Teenager (or something to that extent) and the complaint was due to the main character being a preggers 15 year old.

However, this complaint is another complaint from me about how fucking skinny some girls are. Looking through the comments I realize I'm not the only one who thinks they're too fucking thin. 4 main character girls. Each of which have upper arms that are the same size or SMALLER than their elbow. WHAT? these are YOUNG actresses. Maybe not 15 like the characters they play, but defiantly under 20. It sickens me. Michelle, the ONLY naturally thin girl I know. She has upper arms larger than her elbows. Her whole BODY is model/actress material. The ONLY way your arms could get that think is with cardio is combined with exreme dieting (because cardio+healthy dieting would build muscle before their arms got that thin) NO metabolism is THAT fast.

On deviantart, a member who got away with claiming their fast metabolism later died of heart failure due to their anorexia. Fast metabolism? that means you gotta EAT MORE CALORIES. (not more veggies and fruit.)

that, and in the first 5 minutes of the show they played Girlfriend.. as in Avril Lavigne. That song doesn't fit ANY tv situation (and the ones the it does, the poppy happy music kills it)

besides that, the skirt-over-jeans looks tacky, unlike in Juno where it was quirky and cute. Maybe it's because 3 people in the hall had them. then 2 more in another shot. It's not THAT popular.

and besides that, it was an okay show. But just like when I watched the movie Speak, when people are that thin, I can't help but stare at their ridiculously stick-like arms. SICKENING.

sorry, I could go on and on about how pissed off I am about girls outlook on body image and how many guys only worsen it. blah blah. ):< faith in humanity loses 3 points. I'm gonna keep up with it this year.

<3
S

I keep fucking my hair up. I got a kit to do purple instead of getting a brand I knew would do well. The color turned out magenta/fuchsia. I was actually -happy- with the color. SERIOUSLY after I got over how off it was from the box I was in love with it's red/pink toned purple. Then I cut bangs. My hair looked fine, but I wanted to give it a try. It turned out okay. I liked it. THEN, I decide that instead of doing exactly what I planned to do with I did purple on top of my hair, I thought I'd just do purple bangs with black hair and blond on bottom. So I bleach my hair, no big. But I wanted to make the bangs more of the color on the box, so I thought "well, if it turned pink/red toned, maybe adding a bit of blue will make it more purple... Cuz, do the art-math. Red+blue=purple. instead of purple I got and almost black purple with a bit of a magenta highlight. And now that I sit here and look at it, I -really- wish I'd never colored it. I LIKED that magenta ;_; it's pretty. I shampooed it and used really warm water but it's still really dark. So I'm waiting until it fades to do the black at the top... cuz I don't want to bleach it AGAIN this week ;_;

I know it's such a stupid thing to get worked up about. But I'm spending all day trying to seem like I think everything I've done looks good, but I -don't- but I refuse to act like it to people, some would see that as something that would be good to tease me about ;_;

oh well. what can I do about it, right?

<3
S

Poems from 8th grade (I had a thing for rhyming)

Michelle will probably not read this anymore, seeing how we e-mail now. But I am a blogger at heart (I found my first diary from when I was 6. I've been writing since then.) And I've been going through all the notes from high school and just found my 8th grade steno-journal. I found a suicide poem that I wrote. I also found my Diary from right before freshman year started, where I blatantly stated that I would never fit in. I didn't.

Anyway. Here's the poem:

Puddles of Mud
Pattering rain,
feelings of pain,
a terrible thought,
what if I'm caught?
Under a tree,
Head to my knee.
Tie up my Shoe,
I must follow through
~unfin

There's also a part about my favorite halloween memory being the year that my mom's friends scared the shit out of Tia, because I found it funny. And talk about how I need more time away from my family.

A poem I wrote in 8th grade, about high school

High School
Jock, geek, prep and Punk,
jeans, shoes, shirts and junk,
Acceptance into groups we hunt,
To hang with them is what we want.
It's real fun to joke and play,
Until true friends are pushed away.
We know it's wrong, but do we care?
How bad we made them feel in there...

Partied, people, beer and drugs.
All our new mans friends are thugs.
Then they turn on us too fast,
All their friendships in the past
We sit, lay, hurt and cry,
We watch TV and wish to die.
We think of good times long ago,
spent with friends we truly know.

We go to school and watch the 'bunch'
They still save spots for us at lunch.
We sit, eat, talk and learn,
Our true friends backs will never turn.

pretty accurate for a sheltered 8th grader, right?

Last poem in the steno/last entry

UNTITLED
Falling rain, burning pain,
the reason I am so insane,
buried deep within my brain.
Withing my brain it's buried deep,
The reason I can never sleep.
Fall into a painful heap.



And people think I didn't turn alternative until I started school and met Michelle. :d that's just when I started to dress the part.


Bottom line. I used stenos before stenos were cool ;)