RP

quotes that make Ron Paul sound racist

#9 is ironic.
"9. “Immigrants can spread diseases for which we may have no immunity. There is also the question of crime and culture. Many immigrants come from countries with different legal structures and are not willing to behave in the way we expect American citizens to behave.”"

Sounds an awful lot like a group of big belt buckled people's pilgrimage over the ocean to settle on land that was already lived on by a large group of people who suffered from diseases, death, and forced removal from their land by that bunch of unwanted immigrants who didn't want to live by the laws already laid down on those lands.

juuuuuust sayin'. fuck anyone who talks about what "their" America is in relation to immigrants effect on the country. This land wasn't built on god or Christianity, it was built on illegals forcing current residents to assimilate to their own cultures. If America's most dominant language becomes Spanish then you can all happily sit there remembering the fact that hundreds (if not THOUSANDS) of languages have been lost due to English speakers forcing their language on others for their own convenience. Native Americans were put into school and onto reservations where they weren't allowed to speak the language they were born into without punishment. The list of what's happened to people who are ACTUALLY native to the Americas goes on and on, so every single person who wants to complain about how their life may be inconvenienced can shove their opinions up their asses. Learn a second language or go somewhere that's actually established English as their national language. We don't have one. We hopefully won't any time soon.

You may have been born here, but your ancestors weren't any more than mine were. We haven't even been settled here for 300 years, but apparently we own the continent that's been lived on for several THOUSANDS of years. riiiight.

(and stop saying "screw this, I'm moving to Canada/Australia." They don't want more of you there. Both are fairly liberal and verging on socialist. Most people complaining about immigration are against both of those. You'd have just as much to bitch about over there. And if you can't speak French in half of Canada they won't accept you any more than you accept non-English speaking immigrants. Both French and English are pretty much required.)

XoXo,
S

my mom

For whatever reason, I was thinking today...

About my birthday party that I had in high school my freshman year. I think I only invited 3 people.

I baked cookies and had party food and candy and the tv all ready for movies. Everyone told me they wouldn't be there til later, and I was fine with that. I was incredibly bored though.

I went inside to use the bathroom and to walk around (when I'm restless I like to walk around without a purpose) and mom asked me if anyone was here yet. When I told her no she asked me if I was sure they were even coming, and maybe they lied to me and didn't plan on showing up at all.

I'd never once doubted that any of them were going to show. I loved and trusted them because in the 3 or so months that I'd know them they had become be best friends I'd ever had. But then there was my mom, trying to push doubt on me; trying to hurt that confidence I had in them. I was upset by this. I stayed in the garage the rest of the night until everyone got there because I didn't understand how my mom could think such terrible things about those people. And maybe her words had worked a little and I felt a bit of doubt. More in myself than then. Why would they want to come over for my birthday? It would make much more sense in comparison to my past friends if they hadn't wanted to come over at all.

Obviously everyone showed. I still remember how sure my mom was that they wouldn't. Not vindictively, she felt bad, but she genuinely believed that I didn't really have friends.

XoXo,
S

tutorials

Only thing more discouraging that trying to watch dance/tumbling tutorials on youtube while your school's internet is working against you and stopping the video every 10 seconds... Is that you can't try them because you don't have the personal time and have absolutely no space to do it.

I'm tired

After a month or two of want, I finally got myself a unicorn beanie boo. Fucking cute. :3

Saw Twilight last night. The new one. Basically the first hour is her and Edward getting married, going on a honey moon, having sex and then not having it. The the last hour was her being pregnant and basically dying because she couldn't bear the thought of getting rid of what was possibly a demon baby. It had it's funny moments but basically it felt drawn out and boring. Could have been worse, and it made Micheal happy and that's what really mattered in that situation.

Besides, how can I be anything but cheerful. Pinkie Pie is hopping and rolling around my computer screen like the cutie she is.

XoXo,
S

Wants/lifes

My last post was #555. Huh.

I want to vlog again.

And wear make-up.

And have cute clothes.

And feel like I exist in the rest of the world.



I've considered dropping from the Americorps Program (the one sponsored by at IPFW at least). Besides not having time, I'm getting no help. I was told more than once that they were going to help me with my placement, especially since I got a late start. No one has. I've finally started e-mailing organizations asking if they need a happy little volunteer, but by the time that's settled I'll need to be doing 20 hours a week to complete the program. I've been all over the place as it is, and I know that once I get things in order I can find a good living pattern that works, but right now I'm having so many issues it's not even funny. Wednesday, in the span of 30 hours I was only awake for 6. And they weren't consecutive hours either. I wasn't tired, but I was exhausted so I crashed every moment that I had 2 seconds to myself. I didn't even WANT to.

Winter-like weather is also killing me. It's 10x's harder to get out of bed in the morning when you're cold. I'm wearing my striped sweater, my school hoodie and my wool coat today. And a scarf. There was ice on my windshield this morning. If's fucking cold. I hate this state.

XoXo,
S

Because I didn't say anything last post

• I have shit loads of Algebra homework
• 2 assignments that take for ever to do, both with 20 problems both due at Midnight
• A quiz I'm not ready for that will actually effect my grade that's due at midnight
• I have to take ANOTHER Algebra class next semester, and then another math class on top of that, just to get a Women's Studies degree
• fuck word problems
• I have a paper due at midnight that I haven't started
• along with a works cited page, and a page of "in text citation practice"
• I work 3 til 11. I have to get my work done NOW
• I've barely made a dent in my drawing portfolio that's due at the end of next month. 
• the one thing I've finished I need to redo
• the one thing I'm working on has taken two class periods and still looks like shit
• I don't have my resource materials for my other ones yet
• My job
• gives me 25-30 hours a week, but only 1 or 2 days off
• usually ignores my demanding classes
• only pays minimum wage
• fucking sucks
• Americorps
• has been hectic to find the time to get my information in
• I'm still not placed, so I can't start volunteering yet
• will take 12 more hours a week out of my life
• I can't quit because I need the job experience and I need the school loan credits
• the campus office is in the office my boyfriend works at
• My boyfriend
• Won't give me any space
• is too demanding of my attention
• especially considering the above things that demand my attention as well. Except one can bitch and yell at me, the rest can't
• gets offended when I have to work
• gets offended when I have to do homework
• gets offended when I can't stay up all night watching a movie
• gets offended that I don't have enough money to help him out
• gets offended when I don't have money to buy us food every night
• thinks my dad and brother should just buy everything for us
• I feel guilty enough that my dad is paying my car, I'm not asking him to pay my medical bills
• my brother has been paying my phone since the start of the summer and I still owe him $300. I'm not asking him for food and gas money.
• always enjoys the company of my dad, brother, and both sides of my extended family
• but whenever I bring up an occasion that we were invited to hang out it'll end with an argument and I'll be told to go along because "he doesn't like them anyway"
• Always asks if he was actually invited, despite the fact that I TOLD him it's always implied unless they say "just you." We ALWAYS accept significant others and close friends. That's how a good family functions
• I don't like my mom either, but if she invites us out for lunch and is PAYING for it, just fucking do it and shut up.
• Is so paranoid that
• I can't text without being accused of cheating
• I can't go to work without being accused of cheating
• I can't talk to, or about, a guy friend without being accused of cheating
• I can't go to parties I'm invited to without being accused of cheating
• I can't ASK to go to parties without being accused of WANTING to cheat. 
• I shouldn't have to ASK to go to a fucking party
• I can't disagree without being accused of cheating and being told that I'm only TRYING to start a fight because I want out of the relationship
• Doesn't take my opinion seriously
• Doesn't take ME seriously
• Finds any sort of disagreement to be a ploy to give me a reason to leave him
• Claims me not wanting to get married right fucking now means I can't possibly be committed to him or love him
• Claims me not wanting to plan out having 2 kids right fucking now to mean I don't want to be with him or love him
• Always complains about how the room is a mess and how there's not enough room for two people and he hates living with his mom
• claims the only reason we don't have an apartment is because of me having a bad job
• he makes just as little money
• I work more hours so my check is bigger
• he couldn't afford one on his own either
• my dad will always have a free room for me (and him) if we were willing to take it. He's just not willing to take it. 
• There would be free storage space for all of his stuff if he were to just live out there with my dad
• Yells at me about things I have no control over
• my sister having 2 kids
• my mom being a cunt
• my sister's boyfriend being 18 while she's only 15
• me not getting a raise
• things not going well for him in various parts of HIS life
• him not doing his homework
• him not getting any of his shit done on time
• Didn't have a job all summer and got upset with me when I told him we couldn't afford things, but when I was unemployed I still had to buy us lunch every day because he "can't afford it" and I wasn't allowed to just feed myself
• all of my savings are now gone because of this
• Despite having his own job still needs me to pay for his shit. 

Something has to give. Something has to fucking give NOW. I can't keep doing this, I have too much going on and too much is dependent on me being successful right now. Something has to give and it's not going to be the things prepping me for my future. 

How existence works when you give up

I wore my hair curly for a good 5 days (maybe only 4). It's too short to curl but it has that cute mess look.

Oh, joyous healthy feeling hair. Do I continue to look mediocre to allow you to be healthy while you grow, or do I straighten the shit out of you to boost my self-esteem and maybe just lay off the dying. Besides my bangs my hair is almost all chin length. Trimming will probably happen next month since I need some shaping and crap.

I could sit here and list off everything that's bothering me right now, as is my custom... But just don't have the energy. I'm kinda fuck-it-all and nothing-ever-changes. And lots of why-do-I-even-bothers. Possibly throw in a few I'm-too-empty-to-try-anymores and you can sum up me.

This is where I was about to write about why I'm so bleh. But I just fucking don't have enough energy to verbalize everything. And why bother? I'm not able to make myself change anything. I'm going to continue to exist in this bullshit because I'm fucking tired of trying.

Nothing is outweighing anything else. Everything just is, and I've pretty much just checked out.

XoXo,
S