Hey Michelle 2 I up now. still processing.
I didn't get to get my pianos yesterday, but I did get to go to the parade. it was nice (:
we're hopefully getting the piano thursday or friday. Thursday is trick-or-treating... and Brandon has sentencing in a week, so we only have a week left ): it feels like we've only got a day left, and like we're gonna be apart for a years and years.
well. I really have to pee and there's nothing left that I can think of for me to do on the internet so I should head home before I wet myself :P
much love,
S
October 28, 2008
October 26, 2008
24 25 and after
October 24
Holy fuck. I just realized that Brandon’s sentencing is in about 11 days ):
I need to learn to drive PRONTO.
Like. NOW.
And I need to do everything I can to enjoy the time I got with him ):
October 25
Brandon took me out on a date today. We went up to Ft. Wayne and he paid for our food at Golden Coral.
It was really sweet of him. We don’t usually go out like that. I even made myself all pretty for it. But anyway, we went to the Halloween shop at Glenbrook and I’ve decided to save up about $100 to buy they’re masks the day after Halloween. I LOVE masks more than I love costumes. Maybe one costume, or a wig or wings or something. But I really just want the masks. I almost bought a pair of fake eyelashes, but decided against it right as we were about to pay for them. Went around the mall, and saw Brandi! (it’s been forever!) and I almost got a really cute coat from hot topic. It’s pink plaid and -warm- and on sale… but they didn’t have anything bigger than a small (surprise surprise) so I decided not to, since I could always get the same coat online for the same price in any size I wanted. . . We eventually left and went around to find that goth store that just opened but we weren’t having any luck and somehow found ourselves on the same street as the Salvation Army where we got my couch. We wanted to just walk around town so we were gonna park there, and I needed a warmer coat so we went in to get me one…
Sooo, while I’m browsing I notice a sign on the pianos that they have there, saying that they’re $9.99... I assumed it was a typo, and that they were 99.99 or 999.00 but then I saw it on another sign on another piano…. Same thing… I asked Brandon if he thought we should ask about it ($10 for a piano, who could pass it up right) so we asked at the counter and they were like “yeah, the signs are right… in fact, if you want you can buy one get the other two free. We have to get rid of them”
….FUCK YEAH
So we’re picking them up on Monday… dad is gonna help us, and we’re gonna get some friends to help too.
I’m now the proud own of 3 fully functional upright pianos… they may be a little out of tune, but for the price we got them for, a little money on a dude to come in and tune them is NOTHING. I’m giving one to Brandon (cuz he’s always wanted one too) and I’m keeping one for just playing (one is better looking than the other two) and I’m painting one Amanda Palmer-esque styled. Yeah. I’m turning one of my pianos into art. My music book for playing cost more than all 3 together. HAHAHAHAHA.
It’s bad ass.
Much <3
S
NOW
still excited about my pianos. I'm going to sew a laptop case today, and if It goes well I'm gonna finish michelle's corset as well. I don't know though, cuz the stiching that's already been done to the edges is really small. it'll take a while just to get out. But i got my double edged bias tape. I'll be good. And I got batting so I can quilt the case (at least on the inside) so it'll actually protect my laptop.
well. Got other stuff to do online and only about an hour to do it.
Much Love <3
S
Holy fuck. I just realized that Brandon’s sentencing is in about 11 days ):
I need to learn to drive PRONTO.
Like. NOW.
And I need to do everything I can to enjoy the time I got with him ):
October 25
Brandon took me out on a date today. We went up to Ft. Wayne and he paid for our food at Golden Coral.
It was really sweet of him. We don’t usually go out like that. I even made myself all pretty for it. But anyway, we went to the Halloween shop at Glenbrook and I’ve decided to save up about $100 to buy they’re masks the day after Halloween. I LOVE masks more than I love costumes. Maybe one costume, or a wig or wings or something. But I really just want the masks. I almost bought a pair of fake eyelashes, but decided against it right as we were about to pay for them. Went around the mall, and saw Brandi! (it’s been forever!) and I almost got a really cute coat from hot topic. It’s pink plaid and -warm- and on sale… but they didn’t have anything bigger than a small (surprise surprise) so I decided not to, since I could always get the same coat online for the same price in any size I wanted. . . We eventually left and went around to find that goth store that just opened but we weren’t having any luck and somehow found ourselves on the same street as the Salvation Army where we got my couch. We wanted to just walk around town so we were gonna park there, and I needed a warmer coat so we went in to get me one…
Sooo, while I’m browsing I notice a sign on the pianos that they have there, saying that they’re $9.99... I assumed it was a typo, and that they were 99.99 or 999.00 but then I saw it on another sign on another piano…. Same thing… I asked Brandon if he thought we should ask about it ($10 for a piano, who could pass it up right) so we asked at the counter and they were like “yeah, the signs are right… in fact, if you want you can buy one get the other two free. We have to get rid of them”
….FUCK YEAH
So we’re picking them up on Monday… dad is gonna help us, and we’re gonna get some friends to help too.
I’m now the proud own of 3 fully functional upright pianos… they may be a little out of tune, but for the price we got them for, a little money on a dude to come in and tune them is NOTHING. I’m giving one to Brandon (cuz he’s always wanted one too) and I’m keeping one for just playing (one is better looking than the other two) and I’m painting one Amanda Palmer-esque styled. Yeah. I’m turning one of my pianos into art. My music book for playing cost more than all 3 together. HAHAHAHAHA.
It’s bad ass.
Much <3
S
NOW
still excited about my pianos. I'm going to sew a laptop case today, and if It goes well I'm gonna finish michelle's corset as well. I don't know though, cuz the stiching that's already been done to the edges is really small. it'll take a while just to get out. But i got my double edged bias tape. I'll be good. And I got batting so I can quilt the case (at least on the inside) so it'll actually protect my laptop.
well. Got other stuff to do online and only about an hour to do it.
Much Love <3
S
October 24, 2008
indirectly
Cory. his name is Cory. He didn't know I had a boyfriend, but does now. It hasn't changed our conversations at all. talking with him is soo good. I mean, I haven't had a conversation that -really- made me think in a long time. it's like he can get into my brain and make me realize things that I didn't know about myself.
it's fun. i wish him and I could talk more often.
and old guy complimented my smile the other day. I like my smile now... and since I've had the surgery my upper lip is fuller now. Not swollen anymore, just fuller. it's nice, cuz I used to be self-conscious about how thin it was. good good. all my flaws are indirectly being fixed. big boobies here I come!
much love
S
it's fun. i wish him and I could talk more often.
and old guy complimented my smile the other day. I like my smile now... and since I've had the surgery my upper lip is fuller now. Not swollen anymore, just fuller. it's nice, cuz I used to be self-conscious about how thin it was. good good. all my flaws are indirectly being fixed. big boobies here I come!
much love
S
October 20, 2008
Goth
to continue what I was saying yesterday....
So, I went through my message folder, the ones from my talking with Cortemus. In the first few sentences of our convo I said “I don’t have internet, I’m usually at my boyfriends house and he doesn’t have internet” so I -know- he’s gotta know. So I feel less like I’m leading someone on. Me and him have such fun conversations. I think what actually reminds me of pat when I talk to him is actually just the fact that he’s really perverted, but in a way that doesn’t really make you feel weird or offend you. :D
Hanging out with Hillary was good. She’s still really upset with Zach, so that’s mostly what we talked about, but I don’t mind. It stops weird silences. I didn’t get any good pictures, because only a few trees are really changing with their colors. A few really nice ones on the way to the library, but none in the river greenway. Who’d have thought. There’s a tree I really want to get a picture of though, but I want to wait until the leaves are changing.
Ummmm… I don’t know what else there is to say. Oh, Michelle, I was talking to Cortemus (it’s strange that I only know him by his deviant name, isn’t it) and he lives in Massachusetts, near Providence Rhode Island… as in, new RISD. He told me that if I didn’t come out for that fire festival next summer I’m just stupid because it’s AMAZING. He also said Providence was better than Boston, which he used to have a delivery route in (he knows it like the back of his hand)… I think if I ever convince Brandon to travel to Boston (and if I ever learn Cortemus’s real name) I’ll have to meet up with him there for the festival and all that.
I’m kinda chilly… and tired.
And I just realized how used to this new keyboard I am now. I screw up a LOT less than I used to… that’s good. I only work til 4 tomorrow. I think I’m going to go to the library again after work, but I don’t want the librarians to get pissy with me for going INTO the library with my laptop and accessing the internet, but not using the libraries. It’s still called Decaturwireless or whatever. But it’s not the Decatur public library’s. Maybe I’ll just ‘ask’ about wireless when I stop in :D I don’t wanna leave Cortemus waiting too long to hear from me. We lost touch for a few months.
Well. I think I’m gonna go take pictures. It’s almost sunset. I missed sunset last night because the colors only last like 15 minutes and I wasn’t in the right place to take them ): <3
Well. Much love,
S
hmm. I like the library's internet. It's as fast (if not, faster) the the internet at home. and the librarians, even the older ones are -really- nice even though I'm all "gothy" (to old people carrying a coffin backpack makes you gothic)
speaking of gothic. I've finally ended the internal battle with myself and decided to be full-pledged 'goth'. I'm gonna go to ebay and buy lace/spider web gloves and armwarmers as a start. No more hot topic t-shirts (unless they're irresistable, like my muffin shirt)... Yeah, just in general I'm gonna shift my style back in that direction. it won't be hard. the backpack does half the work for me :D
so yeah. be ready for that... Maybe it's just the fact that it's autumn and that brings out the artsy alt. side of me. This is totally gonna be MY table in this place. I can just look out the window at the pretty red leaves on the tree next to me... it's nice.
wow... coldness makes me gotta pee... and I have to walk through the cold to get here... so I really gotta pee ):
much Love
S
OH by the way, did you know that Ft. Wayne now has a -real- goth store!? yeah, better than Hot Topic because it sells more goth and less "popular goth" (it's still not exactly mainstream)......... yeah. I wanna go there...
So, I went through my message folder, the ones from my talking with Cortemus. In the first few sentences of our convo I said “I don’t have internet, I’m usually at my boyfriends house and he doesn’t have internet” so I -know- he’s gotta know. So I feel less like I’m leading someone on. Me and him have such fun conversations. I think what actually reminds me of pat when I talk to him is actually just the fact that he’s really perverted, but in a way that doesn’t really make you feel weird or offend you. :D
Hanging out with Hillary was good. She’s still really upset with Zach, so that’s mostly what we talked about, but I don’t mind. It stops weird silences. I didn’t get any good pictures, because only a few trees are really changing with their colors. A few really nice ones on the way to the library, but none in the river greenway. Who’d have thought. There’s a tree I really want to get a picture of though, but I want to wait until the leaves are changing.
Ummmm… I don’t know what else there is to say. Oh, Michelle, I was talking to Cortemus (it’s strange that I only know him by his deviant name, isn’t it) and he lives in Massachusetts, near Providence Rhode Island… as in, new RISD. He told me that if I didn’t come out for that fire festival next summer I’m just stupid because it’s AMAZING. He also said Providence was better than Boston, which he used to have a delivery route in (he knows it like the back of his hand)… I think if I ever convince Brandon to travel to Boston (and if I ever learn Cortemus’s real name) I’ll have to meet up with him there for the festival and all that.
I’m kinda chilly… and tired.
And I just realized how used to this new keyboard I am now. I screw up a LOT less than I used to… that’s good. I only work til 4 tomorrow. I think I’m going to go to the library again after work, but I don’t want the librarians to get pissy with me for going INTO the library with my laptop and accessing the internet, but not using the libraries. It’s still called Decaturwireless or whatever. But it’s not the Decatur public library’s. Maybe I’ll just ‘ask’ about wireless when I stop in :D I don’t wanna leave Cortemus waiting too long to hear from me. We lost touch for a few months.
Well. I think I’m gonna go take pictures. It’s almost sunset. I missed sunset last night because the colors only last like 15 minutes and I wasn’t in the right place to take them ): <3
Well. Much love,
S
hmm. I like the library's internet. It's as fast (if not, faster) the the internet at home. and the librarians, even the older ones are -really- nice even though I'm all "gothy" (to old people carrying a coffin backpack makes you gothic)
speaking of gothic. I've finally ended the internal battle with myself and decided to be full-pledged 'goth'. I'm gonna go to ebay and buy lace/spider web gloves and armwarmers as a start. No more hot topic t-shirts (unless they're irresistable, like my muffin shirt)... Yeah, just in general I'm gonna shift my style back in that direction. it won't be hard. the backpack does half the work for me :D
so yeah. be ready for that... Maybe it's just the fact that it's autumn and that brings out the artsy alt. side of me. This is totally gonna be MY table in this place. I can just look out the window at the pretty red leaves on the tree next to me... it's nice.
wow... coldness makes me gotta pee... and I have to walk through the cold to get here... so I really gotta pee ):
much Love
S
OH by the way, did you know that Ft. Wayne now has a -real- goth store!? yeah, better than Hot Topic because it sells more goth and less "popular goth" (it's still not exactly mainstream)......... yeah. I wanna go there...
October 19, 2008
uh-oh
I think I've screwed something up. maybe lead someone on by accident. I don't know how, maybe I'm more trusting towards people than I thought. But I think I may have accidentally let my deviantArt friend Cortemus think that I may in some way be interested. I mean, long distance isn't an option when I'm single, but I don't think I made if fully clear that I'm not.
Hillary is here now, so I'm gonna be going. I'll tell the rest of the story later.
<3
S
Hillary is here now, so I'm gonna be going. I'll tell the rest of the story later.
<3
S
October 16, 2008
I realized today that I most have Frienemys. They're people I talk to often, help eachother... but in general we don't get along we aren't friends.... Read what Cosmo says about Frienemies. they make more sense than me.
Speaking of, I've reconnected with a friend. Cortemus (of Deviantart)... we have been video chatting two nights in a row now. He's cool. 23... so about Brandon's age. the way he looks kinda reminds me of pat. like, his hair color and skin tone. I forget how we met. I think he added me and justarted talking.
I'm eating. it's weird. I inherited that connected lip thing from my dad. Tia has it too. I bet Jacob does too.
bleh...
much love <3
S
Speaking of, I've reconnected with a friend. Cortemus (of Deviantart)... we have been video chatting two nights in a row now. He's cool. 23... so about Brandon's age. the way he looks kinda reminds me of pat. like, his hair color and skin tone. I forget how we met. I think he added me and justarted talking.
I'm eating. it's weird. I inherited that connected lip thing from my dad. Tia has it too. I bet Jacob does too.
bleh...
much love <3
S
October 15, 2008
12th 14th my whiplash, and surgery... WKAP!!
10-12-08
So I’m sitting in Brandon’s room while he is in the other room working on his MP3.
I’d be using my new microphone to do a video blog, but when I’m at Brandon’s house the cam tends to zoom in and out on it’s own accord. I assume it’s the ‘ghosts’ (I swear his house is haunted) since it doesn’t happen when I’m in other places. . . I feel weird sitting in the other room talking to no one anyway.
I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little bit upset by what Pat was saying about Brandon. I mean, Pat didn’t exactly have a good rep when he started dating Michelle. I may not know everything about his past, but I’ve heard all the rumors just like everyone else. Hell, Mariah was one of my close friends when she was a freshman, the year after her relationship I’ve heard everything she said about him.
Then I’ve heard the rumors about them, from other people, friends and random people. Which didn’t quite match up what she said about them, and then I’ve heard his side of the story, which didn’t quite match any of the other ones I’d heard. I asked him about how long he knew and hung out with Mariah before they dated, and I didn’t tell him anything about what I had heard or why I was asking, just asked out of the blue because he’s more likely to give a fully honest answer, and he said that he knew Mariah and hung out with her for over a year before they dated. In he twisted mind that could be considered dating. And most rumors I hear about people come from her mouth in some way.
I don’t know. Maybe he does have a thing for “younger” people, but all of the younger people I’ve met that talk to him look at least 16, so how the fuck would he know? He’s naïve, and I’m not just saying that to defend him. He’s not the brightest crayon. He trusts peoples intentions until they screw him over, and even then he thinks that they are still trustable.
I don’t know what I’m getting at with all that, but I’ll just say that it’s wrong to assume something about anyone based off of rumors and what you think they’re personality is. Brandon isn’t into being single. He wouldn’t have asked me to live with him if he didn’t want girlfriend, or a wife in the future. If he really wanted to cheat on me, he has an opportunity every time he goes to a concert, and yet people who work with my mom always say they see him there alone, just like he says he is. Maybe his past is sketchy and fucked up, but he’s been more dedicated to me than anyone. We had even gotten into an argument the other night and in desperation to keep me promised to throw out his porn and take the pictures of girls off his walls. Why the hell would you do that for someone if you weren’t being faithful? You wouldn’t.
No matter how good your relationship is, you’ll still argue and have problems. Most don’t have the problem of going to jail, but why should I let it get in the way when he’s never purposely hurt me emotionally or physically. Ever since I told him that it scared me when he gets really angry, he’s been keeping his anger down. He hasn’t blown up once since. Even when I persistently argue and question and badger him he keeps his cool and works things out.
Sorry I just went on and on about something that my only readers boyfriend said. That makes me feel kinda bad, cuz I used to believe the rumors I heard about him, and judge him based on them. Maybe someday people will see the changes the Brandon has made in his life. He doesn’t even drink much anymore, besides about one weekend a month when he’s with Greg, who just happens to be his oldest (and basically only) friend.
Or maybe I’m just as naïve as he is, and maybe he’s not naïve at all and really just making an elaborate plan to make me not suspect him of cheating by doing things like having me live here and taking me to work, and canceling his plans with his friends… I’m not being sarcastic, I’m a paranoid person, I’d believe if it happened.
Anyway. This house is haunted and I’m afraid to be in it alone. I don’t know how I’m going to do Vlogs then, since I feel weird doing them when Brandon is here… and they mess with my zoom thing anyway so it’d be fucked up (seriously, that scares me how I can play with the webcam ANYWHERE and it’s fine, but when I open it here it gets all screwy.) … but I spent $10 on a microphone so I better use it, right?
Well, I hope I get the chance to post this soon. I could always go to Taco Bell while Brandon works, or walk to the library (except that would require me to be here, alone, while Brandon is gone and it gets daaaark out) but I feel like a douche when I pull out my laptop. Like, I’m trying to make myself look important or something when really I just wanna check my facebook and deviantArt. Not to mention the laptop bag I have looks stupid, cuz it’s brown… It may work for some people, but I wear black, and I carry a big black coffin shaped backpack, so a brown and dark colored polka-dotted bag just looks dumb with me.
ANYWAY.
Much love,
S
10-14-08
I’m watching South Park… Brandon is putting minutes on his phone…
You know you found a great guy when he’s willing to dig around in your vag while you’re on your period to help you find a tampon that you think was lost in it. Don’t ask. I may have to go to a gyno soon. ):
Anyway. We were looking at paint colors for the walls. I want grey and he wants to keep it blue. But I -really- like the idea of a grey room. But he’s attached to the way it was… small steps. I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to change everything.
I’m tired but it’s only 8. I only work til 5 tomorrow. It’s so easy to work 11-5. It feels like it flies right by. Unfortunately I have to work 8 hours on Friday and there’s a football game ): poo. And I’ve got surgery in two days. Minor, but surgery is surgery.
I don’t know what else to say. So I’ll talk later.
Much love.
S
NOW
I got Who Killed Amanda Palmer today.
Even though I didn't think it would be, it was signed :D
in the same gold marker pen that I saw her have in her picture... and I was really upset because it was smeared and had a big finger print in it.... Then Jacob pointed out to me that that made it worth more, technically, because it was most likely the finger print of Amanda, cuz she was most likely to have held it like that RIGHT when the marker paint was still wet... so yeah. I have Amanda Palmer's finger print on my copy of WKAP. I only got the album though. I'm 100% positive I should be getting more. Is the rest being shipped separately? I want my "I Killed Amanda Palmer" tshirt, and vinyl record, and photobook!
Anyway. I'm about to use my new Mic for the first time. I got it at Wal-mart for $9. And my mouse came today, and after about 45 minutes of trying, I found out how to put batteries into it, just to realise that I gave brandon all my AAAs. pooey.
I got into surgery tomorrow. YAY! I mean, seriously, it's my 3rd surgery. I'm not even scared, just don't wanna go through the recover. It's the hard part. And I have whiplash right now. My Neighbor/coworker/friend took me home today, and smashed into the door of Eric, my coworker/friend... IN THE PARKING LOT! yeah. My neck hurts though. I'm helping Brandon navigate the internet :D it's so cute. I love him.
much love,
S
So I’m sitting in Brandon’s room while he is in the other room working on his MP3.
I’d be using my new microphone to do a video blog, but when I’m at Brandon’s house the cam tends to zoom in and out on it’s own accord. I assume it’s the ‘ghosts’ (I swear his house is haunted) since it doesn’t happen when I’m in other places. . . I feel weird sitting in the other room talking to no one anyway.
I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little bit upset by what Pat was saying about Brandon. I mean, Pat didn’t exactly have a good rep when he started dating Michelle. I may not know everything about his past, but I’ve heard all the rumors just like everyone else. Hell, Mariah was one of my close friends when she was a freshman, the year after her relationship I’ve heard everything she said about him.
Then I’ve heard the rumors about them, from other people, friends and random people. Which didn’t quite match up what she said about them, and then I’ve heard his side of the story, which didn’t quite match any of the other ones I’d heard. I asked him about how long he knew and hung out with Mariah before they dated, and I didn’t tell him anything about what I had heard or why I was asking, just asked out of the blue because he’s more likely to give a fully honest answer, and he said that he knew Mariah and hung out with her for over a year before they dated. In he twisted mind that could be considered dating. And most rumors I hear about people come from her mouth in some way.
I don’t know. Maybe he does have a thing for “younger” people, but all of the younger people I’ve met that talk to him look at least 16, so how the fuck would he know? He’s naïve, and I’m not just saying that to defend him. He’s not the brightest crayon. He trusts peoples intentions until they screw him over, and even then he thinks that they are still trustable.
I don’t know what I’m getting at with all that, but I’ll just say that it’s wrong to assume something about anyone based off of rumors and what you think they’re personality is. Brandon isn’t into being single. He wouldn’t have asked me to live with him if he didn’t want girlfriend, or a wife in the future. If he really wanted to cheat on me, he has an opportunity every time he goes to a concert, and yet people who work with my mom always say they see him there alone, just like he says he is. Maybe his past is sketchy and fucked up, but he’s been more dedicated to me than anyone. We had even gotten into an argument the other night and in desperation to keep me promised to throw out his porn and take the pictures of girls off his walls. Why the hell would you do that for someone if you weren’t being faithful? You wouldn’t.
No matter how good your relationship is, you’ll still argue and have problems. Most don’t have the problem of going to jail, but why should I let it get in the way when he’s never purposely hurt me emotionally or physically. Ever since I told him that it scared me when he gets really angry, he’s been keeping his anger down. He hasn’t blown up once since. Even when I persistently argue and question and badger him he keeps his cool and works things out.
Sorry I just went on and on about something that my only readers boyfriend said. That makes me feel kinda bad, cuz I used to believe the rumors I heard about him, and judge him based on them. Maybe someday people will see the changes the Brandon has made in his life. He doesn’t even drink much anymore, besides about one weekend a month when he’s with Greg, who just happens to be his oldest (and basically only) friend.
Or maybe I’m just as naïve as he is, and maybe he’s not naïve at all and really just making an elaborate plan to make me not suspect him of cheating by doing things like having me live here and taking me to work, and canceling his plans with his friends… I’m not being sarcastic, I’m a paranoid person, I’d believe if it happened.
Anyway. This house is haunted and I’m afraid to be in it alone. I don’t know how I’m going to do Vlogs then, since I feel weird doing them when Brandon is here… and they mess with my zoom thing anyway so it’d be fucked up (seriously, that scares me how I can play with the webcam ANYWHERE and it’s fine, but when I open it here it gets all screwy.) … but I spent $10 on a microphone so I better use it, right?
Well, I hope I get the chance to post this soon. I could always go to Taco Bell while Brandon works, or walk to the library (except that would require me to be here, alone, while Brandon is gone and it gets daaaark out) but I feel like a douche when I pull out my laptop. Like, I’m trying to make myself look important or something when really I just wanna check my facebook and deviantArt. Not to mention the laptop bag I have looks stupid, cuz it’s brown… It may work for some people, but I wear black, and I carry a big black coffin shaped backpack, so a brown and dark colored polka-dotted bag just looks dumb with me.
ANYWAY.
Much love,
S
10-14-08
I’m watching South Park… Brandon is putting minutes on his phone…
You know you found a great guy when he’s willing to dig around in your vag while you’re on your period to help you find a tampon that you think was lost in it. Don’t ask. I may have to go to a gyno soon. ):
Anyway. We were looking at paint colors for the walls. I want grey and he wants to keep it blue. But I -really- like the idea of a grey room. But he’s attached to the way it was… small steps. I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to change everything.
I’m tired but it’s only 8. I only work til 5 tomorrow. It’s so easy to work 11-5. It feels like it flies right by. Unfortunately I have to work 8 hours on Friday and there’s a football game ): poo. And I’ve got surgery in two days. Minor, but surgery is surgery.
I don’t know what else to say. So I’ll talk later.
Much love.
S
NOW
I got Who Killed Amanda Palmer today.
Even though I didn't think it would be, it was signed :D
in the same gold marker pen that I saw her have in her picture... and I was really upset because it was smeared and had a big finger print in it.... Then Jacob pointed out to me that that made it worth more, technically, because it was most likely the finger print of Amanda, cuz she was most likely to have held it like that RIGHT when the marker paint was still wet... so yeah. I have Amanda Palmer's finger print on my copy of WKAP. I only got the album though. I'm 100% positive I should be getting more. Is the rest being shipped separately? I want my "I Killed Amanda Palmer" tshirt, and vinyl record, and photobook!
Anyway. I'm about to use my new Mic for the first time. I got it at Wal-mart for $9. And my mouse came today, and after about 45 minutes of trying, I found out how to put batteries into it, just to realise that I gave brandon all my AAAs. pooey.
I got into surgery tomorrow. YAY! I mean, seriously, it's my 3rd surgery. I'm not even scared, just don't wanna go through the recover. It's the hard part. And I have whiplash right now. My Neighbor/coworker/friend took me home today, and smashed into the door of Eric, my coworker/friend... IN THE PARKING LOT! yeah. My neck hurts though. I'm helping Brandon navigate the internet :D it's so cute. I love him.
much love,
S
October 12, 2008
October 10, 2008
.
still no period. fuck fuck fuck. But I'm calmer about it now. I'm not really worried because the cramping symptoms should have ended by now if I were pregnant. I'm probably just really really late. I'm taking the second test tomorrow. If it's still negative and I don't get my period soon I'm gonna take another, if still negative I go to the doctor. maybe I started menopause early? that would be sweet. but if brandon wanted a kid I'd honestly love to have one for him... just not while he's in prison.
I've gotten in contact with an old friend. Hillary. She's going through a bad break-up. we've been talking a LOT.
well... I'm gonna go. If I think of something else to write I'll be back.
Love,
S
I've gotten in contact with an old friend. Hillary. She's going through a bad break-up. we've been talking a LOT.
well... I'm gonna go. If I think of something else to write I'll be back.
Love,
S
October 08, 2008
miss computer
The test says no. The period still hasn't come.
I could have done it wrong, I could have miscalculated the day, I could have tested too soon.
Either way, if my vagina doesn't start bleeding in the next few days I'm going to take the other test in the kit to see if the results are different. I'll just keep my cool for now.
I'm on my laptop. it's amazing. I'm just ripping all my CDs onto it instead of using my SD card to transfer it. all I wanna use them for is the pictures. there's a lot :( i'll do that later.
It's gonna take a long while for me to get this all transferred and done isn't it?
I'm awful. Lazy. :D
well. I'm gonna go do something else now. There's a really cute game called purple place. LOVE IT.
<3
shayla
I could have done it wrong, I could have miscalculated the day, I could have tested too soon.
Either way, if my vagina doesn't start bleeding in the next few days I'm going to take the other test in the kit to see if the results are different. I'll just keep my cool for now.
I'm on my laptop. it's amazing. I'm just ripping all my CDs onto it instead of using my SD card to transfer it. all I wanna use them for is the pictures. there's a lot :( i'll do that later.
It's gonna take a long while for me to get this all transferred and done isn't it?
I'm awful. Lazy. :D
well. I'm gonna go do something else now. There's a really cute game called purple place. LOVE IT.
<3
shayla
October 06, 2008
no no no no
okay, I have a way of scaring myself when I begin to think that something is wrong with me. I'll find something wrong, name it, look up the symptoms and then get scared as shit thinking that I have it until I find out otherwise (symptoms change or go away)
well, I have myself scared pretty shittless right now thinking that i could be pregnant. I mean, I've been WEEKS late before, but the fact that I show such few signs of a period to come (bloating, and having water make me feel sick) I'm getting worried. It's only been 5 days, which used to be normal, but it just doesn't seem to be coming. I keep getting cramps randomly, but according to all these medical pages, that's NORMAL when you become pregnant. I had a huge headache yesterday, also normal.
I'm really afraid of what's gonna happen. I mean, I can't do this. Brandon is gonna be gone for 6 months, in one month. that would be 7 months of being ALONE that I had to deal with this. I could have been pregnant for a full month for all I know, so I could have a fucking baby before it's daddy got out of prison, and I CAN'T DO THAT. If I don't get my period soon I'm gonna be such a mess that I don't know how I'm gonna even function.
fuck, I don't even know HOW I could have gotten his sperm in me, considering he ALWAYS pulls out. No condom, no finishing in the vag. I mean, sometimes it'll drip a little in the area, but I clean it up, and make sure it doesn't touch anything that could let it get in... The stress is killing me... and then there is always a chance that stress is causing me to come late... it happened with Brooke the first time her and Jacob had sex...
really though. I done with our method of 'protection'
condoms whether he likes it or not. I'll go get on the pill too. Both or no sex. and a morning after pill for those accidents like broken condoms and forgeting a day.
What a great birthday, right?
besides that, it was fun. I went to a park with brandon and played soccer for a bit, then we played batmitten. it was tons of fun. Me and him are getting along really well compaired to our first few months. Maybe its the change in season. I'm always kinda cranky in the heat, and I think he is too. It's too cold out now though.
I got a new perscrption strength deoderant, it rolls on, and will last 72hours once you get it going. I won't even have to put it on every night like I do the old kind. And it works, I played sports while wearing a sweater and there was no sweat marks to be found (even my old brand had some after exercising) and, best part, it's CHEAPER. old stuff, $8, new stuff, $5.50.
Brandon came to my house after that, for my birthday 'party' and we played N64 in my room. Mario Kart first. Played it twice. First time Brandon got 4th place overall an I got first. Second time he got the hang of it and got 1st for 3 of the 4 races, and 1st overal, while I got 3 most of the time but my first place in one race put me at 2nd.
Then we played Super Smash Bro. and whooped ass. He's gotten a lot better since last time. only died completely once. and we were playing for over an hour. Thats pretty good... all that followed by eating with the family, and then more video games in my room and a tickle fight.
You know how you feel and act when a relationship is new? everything is carefree and fun and you feel AMAZING all the time. I've been getting that high a lot lately when me and him are together. We lost it for a while, it always does fade away... but today when he left, I felt AMAZING. Happy and energized (even with the pregnacy thing in mind)... it only lasted about an hour, but me and him can still have it. I didn't know you could still get that feeling so often after the newness of the relationship wears off. he's my baby.
I get my braces off tomorrow! I'm going to subway to eat my first sub without braces in 2 and 1/2 years! nothing to get the bread stuck in! and it was soooo cute, cuz when mom asked brandon how he felt about it, he just got a sad look and said he'd miss them. awwww. he thinks they're so cute. I'll have to find out what ugly betty does, so I can wear fake braces every now and then. for him and his silly fetishes.
I wish he were here to hold me. I miss him. I'll be with him again tomorrow though.
well, I gotta be up bright and early, so I'll be off...
may be on my laptop tomorrow, so WATCH OUT :D I may be stealing your WIFI!
much love
S
well, I have myself scared pretty shittless right now thinking that i could be pregnant. I mean, I've been WEEKS late before, but the fact that I show such few signs of a period to come (bloating, and having water make me feel sick) I'm getting worried. It's only been 5 days, which used to be normal, but it just doesn't seem to be coming. I keep getting cramps randomly, but according to all these medical pages, that's NORMAL when you become pregnant. I had a huge headache yesterday, also normal.
I'm really afraid of what's gonna happen. I mean, I can't do this. Brandon is gonna be gone for 6 months, in one month. that would be 7 months of being ALONE that I had to deal with this. I could have been pregnant for a full month for all I know, so I could have a fucking baby before it's daddy got out of prison, and I CAN'T DO THAT. If I don't get my period soon I'm gonna be such a mess that I don't know how I'm gonna even function.
fuck, I don't even know HOW I could have gotten his sperm in me, considering he ALWAYS pulls out. No condom, no finishing in the vag. I mean, sometimes it'll drip a little in the area, but I clean it up, and make sure it doesn't touch anything that could let it get in... The stress is killing me... and then there is always a chance that stress is causing me to come late... it happened with Brooke the first time her and Jacob had sex...
really though. I done with our method of 'protection'
condoms whether he likes it or not. I'll go get on the pill too. Both or no sex. and a morning after pill for those accidents like broken condoms and forgeting a day.
What a great birthday, right?
besides that, it was fun. I went to a park with brandon and played soccer for a bit, then we played batmitten. it was tons of fun. Me and him are getting along really well compaired to our first few months. Maybe its the change in season. I'm always kinda cranky in the heat, and I think he is too. It's too cold out now though.
I got a new perscrption strength deoderant, it rolls on, and will last 72hours once you get it going. I won't even have to put it on every night like I do the old kind. And it works, I played sports while wearing a sweater and there was no sweat marks to be found (even my old brand had some after exercising) and, best part, it's CHEAPER. old stuff, $8, new stuff, $5.50.
Brandon came to my house after that, for my birthday 'party' and we played N64 in my room. Mario Kart first. Played it twice. First time Brandon got 4th place overall an I got first. Second time he got the hang of it and got 1st for 3 of the 4 races, and 1st overal, while I got 3 most of the time but my first place in one race put me at 2nd.
Then we played Super Smash Bro. and whooped ass. He's gotten a lot better since last time. only died completely once. and we were playing for over an hour. Thats pretty good... all that followed by eating with the family, and then more video games in my room and a tickle fight.
You know how you feel and act when a relationship is new? everything is carefree and fun and you feel AMAZING all the time. I've been getting that high a lot lately when me and him are together. We lost it for a while, it always does fade away... but today when he left, I felt AMAZING. Happy and energized (even with the pregnacy thing in mind)... it only lasted about an hour, but me and him can still have it. I didn't know you could still get that feeling so often after the newness of the relationship wears off. he's my baby.
I get my braces off tomorrow! I'm going to subway to eat my first sub without braces in 2 and 1/2 years! nothing to get the bread stuck in! and it was soooo cute, cuz when mom asked brandon how he felt about it, he just got a sad look and said he'd miss them. awwww. he thinks they're so cute. I'll have to find out what ugly betty does, so I can wear fake braces every now and then. for him and his silly fetishes.
I wish he were here to hold me. I miss him. I'll be with him again tomorrow though.
well, I gotta be up bright and early, so I'll be off...
may be on my laptop tomorrow, so WATCH OUT :D I may be stealing your WIFI!
much love
S
October 04, 2008
these past few days.
Michelle, as you will notice, I can get to your blog again. I commented on your entries.
SOOOOO, I just found out today that Dell CANCELED my order with them. Why? because I wasn't at home to reply to their "we're gonna take even longer" email. My response was necessary for them to continue to process my order. I gave them my phone number. Something as important to a customer as a $1200 order should at least get a call as well as an e-mail. Is it my fault that I came home today instead of yesterday?
But I'm kinda glad. I found a laptop just as nice as the one I customized (but sadly without my pretty blossom pattern) for about $800. I'll just buy it off eBay, and find used accessories to match what I was buying before, minus the external hard drive. I mean, I -really- want to prove to jacob that I CAN fill it up, but without the deal that I got, it's not worth it.
Tantric was great. My first concert for a -good- band that didn't involve me being sick from heat exhaustion and over exposure to the sun. Unfortunatly we just kinda parked and went, and the parking was on the city streets, and we lost his truck. we looked for HOURS on one side of the town, then thought "what if it was on the other side" and started looking there for another hour. After a lot of fighting and crying and frustration, we finally decided to go find a cop and have him drive us around until we found it... right then, not more than 10 seconds later we start to cross the street and I see a truck and say "I know it's probably not, but do you want to check that one? I think I saw something in the window" (he has a misfits patch in his back window) and low and fucking behold, right when we give up we FOUND IT.
I didn't get pictures, cuz we left the truck in a hurry to see the band. :(
I bought another pair of converse on eBay. This pair is gray and pink, and so new that they still have the stickers on the inside and you can still see the residue on the bottom from the stickers that were there... they even feel like no one has worn them cuz they aren't broken in at all... $10. real converse, brand new for $10. I mean, I knew that the owner hardly wore them, but that's how it was for my black ones and they still had some scuff marks and the sole was kinda broken in... this was insane.
I'm liking my new backpack coffin. it's huge compaired to the coffin purse. I could put the coffin purse IN it, and still have room for more. :D and the shirt... I haven't tried on yet... I'll go do that right now. Wow it's really tight. but it streches comfortably. I'd almost go as far as saying that I look at bad as Mariah does, but I'm capable of sucking in... so I know I'm better looking. not a bad buy for $4. I'll put pics off all those up once I have time.
hmmm... I bought my halloween costume. It's super cute. I'm a bumble bee... I mean, I know cassie was one last year, but it was cute. I didn't get the same one though. Hers is a tube dress, my is a corset-styled top with a frilly skirt. It came with wings, a choker, antenae, striped stockings AND striped armwarmers. I even threw in an extra $20 to get the black and yellow striped shoes. oh look. I found pictures on Amason.
I still want a tube dress version though. They have a reversible one that is a lady bug dress on the other side.
I bought my first piece of furniture this past week! right before we found out where Halloween USA is (thanks to Laycee for telling us where) we went to Salvation Army to get this couch that i saw when we were there the day before. It's my ideal piece of furniture. Ugly yellow with the old school/retro design and it's RECTANGULAR! and low to the ground. It's got the type of used cushions that sink in when you sit, but still feel comfortable and springy. I love it. Usually SA charges about $40 for really old couches (into the $100s for newer) and about $20 for chairs, but this was so ugly that they gave it to me for $20.
it's kinda like this --->
but the arms as as high as the back, and thinner... and it's UGLIER! XD it's so perfect. he even let me keep it in the livingroom! where people will -see- it. and we found about 5 pianos there as well. I'm gonna save up and buy one. He wants me to have one in my room so he can hear me play throughout the house.
So Brandon had court the other day, and we were sure that he'd maybe get a week before they put him behind bars... He signed the plea agreement of 6 months with work release. and then the judge said that he would be sentanced on November 5. I get too keep him til November 5! we alearday celebrated my birthday... but now he's gonna be here for it! And for halloween! and he'll be getting out the day before our 1 year anniversary. I'll do a lot of planning and make it special.
For my birthday, he got me a few electronic games, as side gifts, and Death Note (which I found out is actually -really- good. I'm probably not gonna read the manga or anything, but I'll deffinantly get the next movie when it comes out. I even don't mind that it's english dubbing doesn't match the lips. I'm more of a subtitle girl myself, so that's saying something. (Brandon hates subtitles though. said they give him headeaches) and... my favorite gift was my PICKLE card. yeah, it was a birthday card that looked like a PICKLE! he knows me so well. He truely understands my randomness. I took pictures. I'll post them later.
Speaking of him, I've been thinking lately about our relationship. I can honestly say that I believe he's he one. It's scarey saying that, because I'm afraid I'll get hurt even more if I think it's gonna be forever and ends up ending... but we haven't really argued this last week. Well, we argued twice, but didn't fight. And the arguements were settled with appologies. The arguements we have are so stupid and unimportant that I don't remember that we even have them. He works things out with me now. I feel kinda like he completes me. I used to feel kinda empty or alone, but never when I'm with him...
well. I'm gonna buy my laptop now.
love,
S
SOOOOO, I just found out today that Dell CANCELED my order with them. Why? because I wasn't at home to reply to their "we're gonna take even longer" email. My response was necessary for them to continue to process my order. I gave them my phone number. Something as important to a customer as a $1200 order should at least get a call as well as an e-mail. Is it my fault that I came home today instead of yesterday?
But I'm kinda glad. I found a laptop just as nice as the one I customized (but sadly without my pretty blossom pattern) for about $800. I'll just buy it off eBay, and find used accessories to match what I was buying before, minus the external hard drive. I mean, I -really- want to prove to jacob that I CAN fill it up, but without the deal that I got, it's not worth it.
Tantric was great. My first concert for a -good- band that didn't involve me being sick from heat exhaustion and over exposure to the sun. Unfortunatly we just kinda parked and went, and the parking was on the city streets, and we lost his truck. we looked for HOURS on one side of the town, then thought "what if it was on the other side" and started looking there for another hour. After a lot of fighting and crying and frustration, we finally decided to go find a cop and have him drive us around until we found it... right then, not more than 10 seconds later we start to cross the street and I see a truck and say "I know it's probably not, but do you want to check that one? I think I saw something in the window" (he has a misfits patch in his back window) and low and fucking behold, right when we give up we FOUND IT.
I didn't get pictures, cuz we left the truck in a hurry to see the band. :(
I bought another pair of converse on eBay. This pair is gray and pink, and so new that they still have the stickers on the inside and you can still see the residue on the bottom from the stickers that were there... they even feel like no one has worn them cuz they aren't broken in at all... $10. real converse, brand new for $10. I mean, I knew that the owner hardly wore them, but that's how it was for my black ones and they still had some scuff marks and the sole was kinda broken in... this was insane.
I'm liking my new backpack coffin. it's huge compaired to the coffin purse. I could put the coffin purse IN it, and still have room for more. :D and the shirt... I haven't tried on yet... I'll go do that right now. Wow it's really tight. but it streches comfortably. I'd almost go as far as saying that I look at bad as Mariah does, but I'm capable of sucking in... so I know I'm better looking. not a bad buy for $4. I'll put pics off all those up once I have time.
I still want a tube dress version though. They have a reversible one that is a lady bug dress on the other side.
I bought my first piece of furniture this past week! right before we found out where Halloween USA is (thanks to Laycee for telling us where) we went to Salvation Army to get this couch that i saw when we were there the day before. It's my ideal piece of furniture. Ugly yellow with the old school/retro design and it's RECTANGULAR! and low to the ground. It's got the type of used cushions that sink in when you sit, but still feel comfortable and springy. I love it. Usually SA charges about $40 for really old couches (into the $100s for newer) and about $20 for chairs, but this was so ugly that they gave it to me for $20.
it's kinda like this --->
but the arms as as high as the back, and thinner... and it's UGLIER! XD it's so perfect. he even let me keep it in the livingroom! where people will -see- it. and we found about 5 pianos there as well. I'm gonna save up and buy one. He wants me to have one in my room so he can hear me play throughout the house.So Brandon had court the other day, and we were sure that he'd maybe get a week before they put him behind bars... He signed the plea agreement of 6 months with work release. and then the judge said that he would be sentanced on November 5. I get too keep him til November 5! we alearday celebrated my birthday... but now he's gonna be here for it! And for halloween! and he'll be getting out the day before our 1 year anniversary. I'll do a lot of planning and make it special.
For my birthday, he got me a few electronic games, as side gifts, and Death Note (which I found out is actually -really- good. I'm probably not gonna read the manga or anything, but I'll deffinantly get the next movie when it comes out. I even don't mind that it's english dubbing doesn't match the lips. I'm more of a subtitle girl myself, so that's saying something. (Brandon hates subtitles though. said they give him headeaches) and... my favorite gift was my PICKLE card. yeah, it was a birthday card that looked like a PICKLE! he knows me so well. He truely understands my randomness. I took pictures. I'll post them later.
Speaking of him, I've been thinking lately about our relationship. I can honestly say that I believe he's he one. It's scarey saying that, because I'm afraid I'll get hurt even more if I think it's gonna be forever and ends up ending... but we haven't really argued this last week. Well, we argued twice, but didn't fight. And the arguements were settled with appologies. The arguements we have are so stupid and unimportant that I don't remember that we even have them. He works things out with me now. I feel kinda like he completes me. I used to feel kinda empty or alone, but never when I'm with him...
well. I'm gonna buy my laptop now.
love,
S
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