VF addict

Brit came over again. We made a new vid. I'll post it later. I've been obsessing over Vampire Freaks. It's addicting. I'm a-coin-operated-girl if you want to add me (for those non existent people who may randomly stumble upon this blog... Stumble Upon, also addicting)




If you're not a member and you're interested in joining, click the pretty link right there k? It's a bit hard to navigate if you don't do a lot of social networking sites, but it's also pretty easy to pick up on.

Went to Fort Wayne today. Guilt tripped my mom into getting me some red converse (on sale) and a pair of red tights (also on sale)... why? because she got Tia a pair of $69 Vans, and a pair of jeans... and a tank top. Her shoes cost more than my shoes and tights combined.

FUCK I forgot to put my clothes in the dryer!

<3
S

Herp's Girl, and me needing to go to bed.

The Adventure of Herp's Girl. The latest in Brit and I's serious about Herpes. I like the little paper anime puppets. I still haven't gotten much more sleep since last night. But I'm not -that- tired, but after I post this I'm definitely going to make myself go to bed.

I didn't even know Brit and Aaron were coming over, but I'm glad they did because I wasn't feeling very happy or social before they got here. I mean, I have a lot of laundry that I was gonna do, but screw that. This was more fun.

Lacey gave me her hours on Saturday because she's going to a formal dance. I did some math, and I'll have to pick up at LEAST 6 extra hours a week to make sure bills get paid. Jacob got me an app. for Subway at Wal-Mart. I don't know if I want to work there, but I need a job. Brad kept trying to tell me that hours will pick up again, but I don't think he gets that I need at least 30 hours a week EVERY week of the year. So when winter rolls around again next year and my hours get cut again, I'm fucked.

I need to get some sleep...

<3
S

Wired

So mom got home and had Excedrin Migraine. I took some and layed in the fetal position (on my knees, with my head on my pillow, actually, to block out the light while I waited for the pills to kick in) this was around 9:30 I think. I could be wrong. Fell asleep, woke up at 11:30, layed in bed trying to determine if I had to pee or if I was just aware of my bladder (it happens, I'm strainge) fell back asleep for 30 minutes, woke back up and tried to decide the same thing. I didn't want to get out of bed if I didn't have to pee since it would mean that I would have trouble getting back to sleep... But I was like "I'm up anyway. I'll just go"

I've been up for 3 and 1/2 hours now. I can't get back to sleep. I just now got sick of being awake and laying in bed doing nothing so I got online even though there's nothing to do on here either.

I think there's caffien in those pills, cuz I felt -wired- at first. I'm not as energized now, but still nowhere near being tired. I only got 3 hours of sleep, there's no way I should be this awake. I can't even get into the mindset of falling asleep. At least the migraine is gone though. Seriously, I'd rather be up all night than have a migraine.

<3
S

Migraine

I had to fight with Lacey to get the 3 hours that Kim couldn't take for being sick. She can't even drive, she doesn't even need to pay for gas. She throws away her money and thinks the solution is nabbing more hours while some of us are struggling to pay for food, gas, bills and insurance. I need my wisdom teeth pulled. As soon as possible. If they're a possible cause of my migraines (which I worry about) then it's got to be taken care of. I don't have $1500 for it. Not even $100 a month for payments. but Lacey needs the hours more. I'm fucking sick of it.

about an hour into my new shift, I get that pain... A little headache. nothing much. But I know what it's leading to. about 3 hours later I'm home and it really starts to hit. Light Sensitivity, nausea. My head hurts so badly. I go upstairs to brush my teeth (when I have a migraine I can -feel- how dirty my teeth may be. It makes me more nauseous.

I can't even look at the screen while I type anymore. At least I can type without looking right? I went upstairs to tell mom that I really needed migraine medicine. I hoped maybe she had some more that she bought when I took the last of hers. No such luck. "just go lay down" she tess me. "try some Tylenol"... because I haven't tried both of those methods a hundred times before back when I didn't know these weren't just bad headaches.

I just start crying. I feel so helpless and weak. I think I'm going to throw up. I don't want to. It's not like an upset stomach. I won't feel better. I won't just get better. Mom threw a hissy fit when I asked if she could go to town NOW to get me something. I know it's late. I know you're tired. I know this is a god aweful inconvienience for you. But getting me fucking medince in the morning will NOT help me in the least bit. I know how these things go. I won't be able to sleep because it'll hurt to badly. I'll throw up over and over. When I finally do fall asleep I'll wake up and feel the pain and fall back asleep and wake up and hurt even more.

If I'm lucky it'll be gone in the morning. They always seem to last a certain amount of time. About the duration of time that you're usually awake during the day. 16 hours. She wants me to be in this pain for 16 hours because she doesn't want to drive to town to get me pills. I'd do it my fucking self if I -could-... I don't have the money, or the ability to drive at the moment considering I'd throw up every time I passed another car. The headlights would kill me.

it hurts and I just want it to stop.

S

having a bit of a life

Jacob and I went to Fort Wayne. I got a Harujuku Lovers shirt from Plato's Closet for $5, and it's the girl scout style shirt. Very cute. Ate tacos, Jacob got a game (Banjo Kazuee?) and we went to B&N and I got an issue of Gothic Beauty (very overrated if you ask me. Besides the adds in it it probably wasn't worth my money)..

Jacob played his game for a bit and Kandi texted me so we could all go to Wendy's to hang out before her and Jon went back to Purdue. <3 I've missed her! I'm so glad we got to hang out and talk a bit before she went back. Next time I see her I'll likely be moved out. We'll get to go furniture shopping together :D

Jacob and I have been playing his game for hours now (the only thing on non-converter-box tv was Nascar) ... and by that I mean he played and I watched. 90% of the fun of that game is making and testing out cars. It's hillarious. I remember way back when I used to watch Jacob play video games all day. I never liked to play on account of me being a god aweful gamer. I really do suck... "I'm only good if you can get me a game that a mentally retarded person could play... and cheat codes"---yeah, I said that today. It's sad but true.

I'm tired. it's crazy, right?
<3
S

HDTV and a Converter Box

I bought a converter box. It was $48 and my parents let their coupons expire, so it all came out of my pocket. I hooked the bitch up according to the manual. I went through the setup process and thought I was set for the bad ass TV viewing... Boy was I wrong. My antenna isn't good enough because I'm in the basement. I get no signal at all. The antenna I would need is going to be $30 more at least. Why is it that my cheap-o rabbit ear antennas don't work with digital TV just because I'm in the basement, when I get a crystal clear analog signal down here. Why does the government want me to spend all this fucking money just to watch TV? It's supposed to be FREE. For the $100 I'm going to spend on my converter box and antenna I could make my first payment on a $400 HDTV.

Is this their little ploy to get people to spend their money and help the economy? I don't mind putting money into the economy, as anyone who knows my shopping habits will know (I spend as much of my pay check as possible while saving a bit and paying bills. I enjoy shopping) but for me to be forced to spend over $100 just because they want me to have this "all-or-nothing much better signal" pisses me off. Really.

Should Dial-up be eliminated just because it's insanely inferior? I don't care that people actually pay for dial-up, it's utter shit, but people are still allowed to choose it because it's an option they can afford. I can't afford digital tv. Where's my choice for the shitty option?

<3
S

You Tube

Brit and I have been making youtube videos. here they are for your viewing enjoyment.




:D well. I saw my Brandon today. We ate Wendy's. He was sweet and I love him. <3

<3
S

the nothing muches that have been going on

my hair is curly right now. it's almost cute.

I had another nervous 'breakdown' over moving out. I was yelling and crying at Brandon on the phone. Then he got to the jail and I was kinda over it (not crying at least) and theeeen, the sweet heart called me back from the payphone to make sure I was okay.

I finished Brittany's hair last night. We made some youtube videos about herpes. it was fun. I hope I got the streaks all the way to her roots this time. I almost dislike my tint brush for being so large. When I use a paintbrush I can get much closer without making a mess (but the damn brush keeps dye inside it, waiting to rub off when you try a NEW color D: )

I shampooed my hair 3 times trying to make it lighten. I think that makes it 5 shampoos since I've dyed it. It's still the same damn color (don't you love how that pisses me off for some reason?) I also trimmed the sides for the first time and it doesn't look that great. Brandon said he'd trim it with his good trimmers when he has at home. The ones I have are from dollar general. I'm tempted to shave the sides off altogether.

No pictures this blog... well, I suppose I can post one...
yeah

ain't that the truth.

<3
S

wordle and life

this is a Wordle. You take words and type them into this big box on Wordle.com and it makes this bad ass shit!

This is made from the lyrics of all my favorite Amanda Palmer lyrics. You can change their colors and text and the directions the words go (vertical, horizontal both...)

This is almost as awesome as the fact that Wendy's now has ISpy toys! I FUCKING LOVE I Spy! Once I'm moved in, I plan on making my very own I Spy pictures. I have the shit to do it. Random odds and ends. Beads, hairclips, push pins bracelets little plastic soldiers and dinosaurs. buttons... It'll be easy. :D I can't wait.

Today was shitty. I hate my job. I love love LOVE my boyfriend and my poor brother is going through a lot of shit right now. I cashed my check. I found the tiles Brandon and I need for the floors which is good, but expensive.

But Wordle makes all that shit okay.

<3
S

stuff that ended up being really random

Brandon got me and easter bunny. To spice up a boring journal, I will include pictures of me eating it. Seriously though. He bought me a cute little Easter bunny full of yummy chocolately goodness. I hate how fat I feel because of all my holiday eating. but Damn I love candy.

Today was really... weird. We were busy as all hell. It's unusual for a Monday, and it wasn't just shitty orders like "I want 9 stackers" (They're not even fucking called stackers here. That's my biggest work pet peeve right now.) And it went on and on and on like that the whole time. The WHOLE time.

Our pop machine broke today. Something having to do with the carbonation pump and CO2. Who fucking knows. But that meant that the only drinks we had to server were non carbonated ones. Meaning fruit punch, lemonaide and iced tea. Needless to say, some people weren't happy. But NO ONE blew up at us for it. it was crazy. Usually people get a bit hostile about shit we can't control (because they assume we can)... Brad went out and got us a bunch of two liters so that we still could sell Coke, Diet and Sprite. Cuz, our selection is more than a bit lacking. We did fine while he was gone, despite being busy. not normal. The day really seemed to just fly by too. Like, before I knew it, it was already 1.

Despite all these things going wrong but still being okay, it was a shitty work day. I'm tired of people who can't just -let go- of shit. If it happened more than 5 minutes ago, then shut up and focus on something NEW because nothing horrendous happened today so there's no reason to take your problems with life out on others.

I hate that. I really do. Believe me, whatever is wrong, it COULD BE WORSE. I'm moving in 3 weeks and I've run out of tape for my boxes and I'm still not fully packed but you don't see me talking about how badly I want to cuss out all the customers because we're making them wait 9 minutes on a chicken. I know it's not totally our faults, and I'm sure they're aware of it too. Does that change anything? No. Does that make any problem any easier? no. Plus, I didn't get to eat lunch with Brandon which upsets me. But I got to spend the last half of his break with him. What a sweetheart. He's my baby.

I got paid today. Best check I've gotten this year. Jacob agrees that I need a second job, or to make any second form of income possible. I need a converter box, $40. Some of our stations are fully switching to digital soon, even though the date was moved to June. Fuck them. February 17 is TOMORROW. I need to pay my phone bill (and I downloaded the Oasis ringtone which somehow costs $3 now instead of $2) that's $50. Gas, $20 (yes, I only spend $40 a month on gas. I pay less for gas than my phone bill) That's nearly 1/2 my check.

at least I have a job I guess. More of my bunny eating adventures tomorrow when I finish my cute little Easter Bunny.

<3
S

Tarot

Just a quick morning update (to no one )

I added the Tarot Card app on my facebook. I read my card from yesterday. It's was dead on. :D I love stuff like that. Yesterday's was really vague (imagine that) but today definitely said I would have good fortune in the form of a big change that I couldn't control. :D Let's see how that works out. It's so interesting. Makes me want to get back into astrology and rune reading. Maybe I'll get a Crystal Ball for my room xD

<3
S

trees and my boobies

I'm still waiting for Amanda to update her blog. I check it at least 5 times throughout the day. Is that sad? over obsessive? I don't know. I enjoy reading about whats up with her, and she's been in Europe touring and I'm curious about what all is going on there. Plus, I have no life and am bored.

The biggest apple tree in our orchard didn't make it through the wind and rain from a few days ago. Dad chopped it into little pieces and got rid of it today. It's really weird to look outside right now. That trees been there since my mom was little. Plus, we now have to walk through all the fallen rotten apples to get to the other trees. That's 4 of the 9 trees out there that haven't made it through the past few years. ): sadness.

I always say this, and then everything goes in reverse and it makes me feel self conscious, but I think my boobs have gotten bigger. They got bigger sooner than usual (they always get bigger when I'm PMSing) but my period came earlier than usual... by that I mean on time though. Anyway, the swelling usually goes down around the time my bloating does, and now my period is almost over and they're still the same slightly bigger size. maybe it's just how I've been sitting, maybe I'm just imagining it. Maybe I shrunk my bra when I washed it ): but A girl can always hope, right? A full A cup would be glorious! Hell, think of if they went to a B.

It won't. It'll go back to normal soon and crush my hopes. I always start to feel content about my boobs right before they get bigger and I go "golly gee! I like this much more!"

): dear boobs. Grow you mother fuckers.

<3
S

My Rollercoaster of a Valentine's Day

Okay. So I was really worried that Brittany's hair would turn out shitty. the picture to the left would be her hair. I'm not too enthused by how it came out, but it definitely could have been worse. She said it was okay, and she just wants me to touch it up to make it darker. :D YAY! first time dying someones hair and I haven't completely fucked it up yet!
plus, we get along pretty well so far. She get really talkative when she's nervous, which is good cuz I get quite when I am, so there was never really much silence, and it's only the first time I ever talked to her in person. that's pretty well unheard of for me.

However, it seems a bit like when I met Kim and Michelle. My good friends just kinda fall into my lap by accident and it usually works out. When I make an effort to be friends with people it never ends well. Hopefully her fiance Aaron gets along with Brandon. That way Jacob, Aaron and Brandon can all go to my house and me and her can hang out. We can all go to concerts together... She won't try to steal my boyfriend and I have no interest in trying to steal hers. It works quite well.

It was a crazy Valentines day today. My headache carried over to the morning, so I felt like utter shit. I ate breakfast when dad made it really early in the morning. I just laid back in bed and tried to sleep the pain off before I went to town. Then dad made lunch and I felt even worse. I apologized to Brandon for not being able to talk to him last night (I was about to drive Brittany to wal-mart to get bleach. I don't drive too well with a phone to my ear, and I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. I still felt really bad though) and he was all upset with me so we were text arguing. Then I threw up Breakfast AND lunch. But I started to feel better after that.

Me and Brandon resolved our problem like we always do and I headed to town early to get some tissuepaper for his V-day gift. At Wal-Mart I found a better bag than the one I bought at Dollar Tree, and it came with tissue paper and curled ribbon. I also got a bag with cupcakes on it, cuz it was 50 cents and adorable. I still felt like I wasn't getting him enough, so I walked around the few spots with Valentine's stuff and I didn't see anything I wanted to get him, so I started to head out to check out and BAM right there I saw a bag of heart shaped chocolate covered pretzels. The EXACT thing I was looking for a few weeks ago. So I bought 2 bags for him. Went to check out and rang everything in in the self-checkout just to realize I left my debit card at home. The only money I had with me was the $15 left from the twenty brandon gave me for gas and subway... But I already rang it all in so I just payed for it with that.

I dug around in my purse hoping to find a few dollars and only found one. I had Jacob drive all the way across town to give me some money to help me buy Subway for me and Brandon (I didn't want to upset him more by saying I left it at home, and I didn't want to have to drive all the way home if I didn't have to)... SO Jacob gets there and tells me that ALL foot longs are only $5 right now.... .................................................... fuck. If I had just walk into the Subway I would have saw the sign. I thought they were only doing that for certain subs still. Problem solved though.

Drove back and me and Brandon did a verbal make-up (we always appologize again in person when we fight through texts) and I went and set his stuff up in the break room. Yeah. I took a pic cuz I loved the bag so much. And that's a chocolate rose :D and then I go down to talk to him and Tia comes up crying because one of her friend was texting Brandon (his phone used to be hers, so I guess Tia never told him that she changed phones) and Brandon was pretending to be her and Micheal almost broke up with Tia because of it. I got mad at him. I don't care if Tia isn't my favorite person ever, you don't do shit that could make my little sister cry (she fucking 13. she's immature and stupid, but she's only 13)... He took his break and I sat there crying because he didn't get it and he sat there pretending I wasn't crying. He opened his present and I left to go blow my nose because I was STILL crying. I think that's when it hit him that maaaybe he had done something wrong. And he started being a bit sweeter again.

He left to go get my present from his car and Mom came up cuz she heard that I was crying (a guy came up while we were there, and told her) and we talked for a bit and I was starting to worry about Brandon since he'd been gone for a while. I went all the way to the front of the store just as he was getting in and I swear he was crying a bit ): poor thing. He was sniffling, like you do when you manage to hold back tears. That's when everything got okay again.

He gave me my presents, a really sweet note (I've nearly cried every time I've read it) a box of those chocolate turtles and a big heart shaped locket. The chain on the locket was broken, but I fixed it with a safety pin. He still looked upset, so I hugged him and we held eachother and cuddled and all that sweet lovey dovey crap that Valentine's day is all about. (OMG the "any sub $5 foot long commercial just came on. I still feels so stupid for that) and I think he started to feel a bit better. He still doesn't understand how I could love him. He really doesn't. It make me so sad, because he's my baby <3

I really love the locket. I've ALWAYS wanted one, but only ever found heart shaped pendants or fake lockets (the -look- like they open, but don't. gay)... but as you can clearly see, this one opens, and it holds pictures. Two of em. I need to get two pictures of us for it (or two of him, or one of each of us) so I can put them in there. He's so fucking sweet. I hate that I get mad at him (but sometimes I also hate that he isn't more mature. It's who he is though, and I'll learn to accept it... within reason. )

There is ONE good thing about fights like that. We always make it through, and when we make up it leaves me with this renewal feeling. Like, the sweet little happiness you have at the start of your relationship. I felt that the whole drive home (and the whole time we talked on the phone. and still now) That "omg, I LOVE that he LOVES me and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH" thing. It's great.

Happy VD,
S

tired

I just got done dying Brittany's hair. I'm fucking tired. lots of fun. going to bed.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I haven't gotten Brandon anything special yet. I hand sewed a black heart shaped pillow though. Hope he loves it.

<3
S

Wendy Hair and PMS

So, the other day I got a comment card filled out about my hair.

The lady said that the food was good and the service was very quick, but she was really turned off by the sandwich maker with the bright red hair....

I will now refer to a picture from a blog I made a few days ago and I hope you catch why I find that remark to be so ridiculous.
okay..... you catch it yet? now?
Yes. My hair is the same mother fucking color as Wendy. I work at Wendy's. When they pull into the parking lot, they are met by a large sign with Wendy's head (and bright red hair) at the top. It's on the enter and exit signs. Every bag, cup and nearly every sign in the store. It doesn't bother her. But the fact that someone who worked there has it OMG IT'S SUCH A TURN OFF FOR THIS STORE! for real? It's pretty ironic, honestly. It made me giggle and I don't think it upset me at all. But I'm so perplexed by peoples thinking sometimes. If anything, I figured people would look at me and go "lol, look it's Wendy" (That's what they did when my hair was pink. And it didn't even look slightly red... but when it IS red omg it's so blah)

anyway. I get to move in a month. 29 days exactly. I'm excited again. Mainly because the PMSing is over and the period is on. And just like I thought, it's pretty light and cramp-less (when I say crampless I mean midol takes care of my cramps. It's pretty rare to have medicine actually work for me)

Well. My brother is trying to help me make friends. His friend's Fiance is pretty cool. The biggest benefit is that she's as crazy about her boyfriend as I am about mine, so I won't feel paranoid about hanging out with her when Brandon is there. nice. I hope things work out. It'll be nice to have some friends.

much love, and with a hopeful outlook,
S

ps. I was thinking about scrapping the top of the dress that came with my pattern and making a corset for the skirt instead. It'd be a bit more punk, so it'd fit our theme better. Plus, I really want to make a corset.

Wendy and my sweetie.

Today I went to Wal-Mart and got the pattern for my Wendy cosplay (I figure if it's my convention-going outfit I can call it a cosplay instead of a costume or outfit) and I found the PERFECT pattern for it. After a long while of trying to find the -perfect- fabric for the dress I think I may very well have done it! It's difficult, because it's a light blue with white, mostly even stripes.

I've found dark blues, light blues with any give color, multiple small stripes teamed with big ones... but I think I found it!
okay. So the stripes are on the small side, and the blue (which I now find it aqua... I never knew wendy wore aqua, but this color matches my picture perfectly) stripes a bit smaller than the white, but considering this is the only fabric I've found that had stripes this close, I think I'm gonna use it. It's 100% cotton, so it may be kidna thin so I may have to line it... but it's okay, since I found the perfect pattern for it. Too bad there's only one pattern in the whole thing that I want. There's usually at least 2. I found ANOTHER pattern that was kinda similar, but I want accuracy for this. It's sadly a really big deal to me.
I'm using the bottom left one. The Alice in Wonderland one. Without the black bow and the hearts and spades on the apron it's pretty much the same. Puffy sleeves, little white apron. It doesn't have a collar, but I think older Wendy would definitely be wearing a square neck top.



and my God could Brandon get any sweeter? I've been really nervous and uneasy lately. Obviously. He's been trying so hard. and it's just so sweet. Needless to say I'm PMSing pretty badly. It's not usually so bad, but bad PMSing for me has tended to mean less crampage for my period. Will that for sure be the case? probably not, but I can dream right? I already stocked up on tampons so I should be set.

But sweet sweet Brandon. Trying to make me feel better. Telling me how it will all be okay. what a great guy. <3 He agreed to cosplay as Ronald McDonald at Ikazucon (I believe that's the spelling) but we're both going as slightly punk versions of our fast food icons. His outfit it gonna be cute. It's already planned out.

Oh, new Cosmo is out. I'm gonna read it when I'm done typing this. I may have more to talk about when I'm finished :D

<3
s

Brandon <3 and WENDY!

oh Brandon. Sweetest of sweet boys. I can always count on you to make me feel better when you upset me.

Despite the fact that you called me while I was peeing... you made my day 100% better just by apologizing. We CAN make it babe, because no matter what you always fix things.


on a just as bright note, I'm planning on making a Wendy's outfit. I took one of our baby bibs at work because it has a full body pic of Wendy on it. Bitch got fashion. I'm gonna "punk" her up a bit (I'm Wendy's rebel teenager phase) with my sparkley skull flats and thigh highs and maybe do something different with the apron (I'm already either going to do my hair in a mohawk or my side part.

Then, to make it truely the shit, I'm gonna make Brandon a punk Ronald Mc Donald outfit somehow. Maybe give him black and red stripes instead of red and white, change up the make-up.

but check that shit out, my hair is actually Wendy's hair color. I have an unhealthy obsession with that bitch. Really. She's my idol.

<3
S

red

This is a better picture of my hair. Nuclear Red. Special Effects. That red thing I'm eating is my red Dell. I swear I should get a Dell commercial of my own for having hair that matched my fuckin' laptop.

I was looking at Macs though, and they have one called Alpine Green and it's downright teal. You know how I feel about teal! but the only Mac Book I could ever afford is 13" screen. I can't go from a 17" widescreen to a 13" regular one. Maybe a 15" one, but not 13. Also pictured are my new black and red glasses. bad ass. I need some lip gloss that gives my lips a more red color, to balance my face out.

OH! mom did my tax returns, I'm getting back $325 total. the X-pole is $299. So I'm putting my whole return into savings and KEEPING IT THERE until Brandon get outs, because I have no use for it in my cramped basement. Plus, I still may be able to talk Brandon into paying for 1/2 of it.

I'm still having problems with him though. I wanna just ignore it all and pretend nothing bad is going on, but if I'm gonna be moving in with him shit better get settled because I don't wanna have to move back home. I don't want our relationship to go sour, but he just doesn't want to talk anything out.

well. TV has eliminated my options by putting Obama on. I love the guy, but I'd rather CHOOSE to watch him than have to. Maybe I'll put a movie in. Or maybe I just don't care.

My cold is slightly better, I'm gonna be on my period soon and it gonna be shitty. I hate my job. My relationship looks like it's falling apart. life just fucking sucks.

<3
S

Mom had me go to Kohl's with her because she didn't want to walk around with Tia. I've come to the conclusion that she's the most selfish piece of shit ever, and mom does nothing but encourage it.

Then Jacob came home and took me to the mall and I got a jack and sally shirt and some red and black glasses and red eyeshadow. Laycee and Arika couldn't make it but I don't know if I'm upset about that. I had fun hanging out with Jacob. Brandon called when we were at Mc Donald's eating and it was kinda a silent call. I was still a bit upset about the arguement we had the other day, and he wasn't talkative because he probably didn't think I was interested in talking to him because I was with my brother... even though talking to him still makes my day.

I just can't figure the guy out though ): most of the time he seems like he's totally completely in every way crazy in love with me, but I keep feeling like it's all just a bunch of shit. Words only go so far. There are just little things he does that make me wonder. It sometimes seems like he isn't sure if he's totally into me or like he is just settling or something. I know for a fact that I totally and completely love him. I don't have any desire to be with anyone else or to even look at other guys, but it doesn't always seem like he feels the same way. Like, he talks about the future just to keep me happy or something.

Maybe I just want a sure thing too badly. Or maybe he's gonna have to grow up a little to be a guy who doesn't make me feel so insecure about our relationship

<3
s

my hair.

So, did I tell you that the mail people left my hairdye on my front porch? No one uses the front door, so the dye probably came on time and we just never knew. I did my hair today despite having a cold.

I've been using Born Blonde bleach on my hair since I think my second adventure into bleaching my hair. . . and somehow I fucked it up and put the liquid lightening cream in before the powder, but it still worked so all is good.


it looks downright pink in due to my web cam, but in real like it looks a bit more like
(she dyed her hair the same color)

it's gorgeous. Not my favorite color ever, but I really love it.
This is the process of me dying my hair. First step, bleaching. As you may or may not know my head was a light magenta/purple before this. It bleached to a nice cupcake pink (as in, the special effects color. a pretty and pastel pink)

after that I put in the Nuclear red. I rubbed a lot of conditioner on my dry hair on the sides where I wanted to keep it blonde (this helps to keep the red from coming off onto it while my hair flops around when I dye it.
there. the final product. It's still wet, but you can see the red better in this than the other picture I took. as you can see, the blonde kept light and white while I rinsed just as planned. It's so cute. I love this haircut so much.





Sorry to dedicate a blog to my vanity, but I spent the better part of the day doing this so I felt like I had to show it off a bit. Going to the mall tomorrow, possible pictures from that.
<3
S

late mail and moving.

I need to pack. Like, I -really- need to get on that. When I look around my room, most of my packable stuff IS packed, but It's because I've held off the harder things for the end. Plus, I have bags and bags of things outside my room that need to get packed up.

I didn't get my dye in today. I really want to do my hair. no such luck. Michelle's letter that I work HOURS on didn't make it to her either. I wasted 2 stamps, the one on the envelope and the one I put in the envelope for her to use to mail me back. it's so sad.

<3
s

I have 35 days until I move into Brandon's. Which means 28 days until I start moving stuff over there. that's less than a month.

$ The Dollar Store $

I love Dollar Tree. It's one of my favorite places to shop, and that includes the internet.

Today, I got 4 clear plastic bins (in orange, green, blue, and purple. Props for having orange but not red and yellow. Usually they cut Orange out. poor orange) I plan on using them for my markers/ paint brushes/color pencils (not crayons though. They're too messy and the wax will come off on the inside) and I got these stackable bins. Black and white. Easily the best things I've ever bought, despite the fact that I didn't know WHAT I wanted them for. They're the perfect size (made for CD's and slightly larger objects)... the Special Effects Dye, the remains of my Splat and Color Fiend dye AND the root touch up bottle all lay perfectly in this thing. I can fit two boxes of dye on the sides in one, which I did... And I put some of my styling products in another.

I already plan on buying more. I found DollarTreeDirect.com and once I have the money, I'm buying their $48 large stock of it. That's 48 more of these. I honestly think I can fill them all. I have a shit ton of odds and ends things from art sewing and make-up/hair and I have only a small room to put them in. Hell, if it fits my little dye bottles it'll fit my acrylic paint bottles too. Plus, being black and white, I can make a checkered pattern with it. :B

I'm serious, these things are the shit. I can put a few in the bathroom and fill them up with tampons :D (I plan on taking over the bathroom. I WAS going to fill the medicine cabinet up with my hair dye and midol, but now that I have these bins... FUCK, even my first aid medical shit can go into them! My lap top acessories... spair ink cartriges for my printer! CANDY! mmmm.

I used to swear I'd never live in an organized plastic world... but this makes it so fun and easy...

<3
S

(yes. I just dedicated this blog to blacks storage bins from Dollar Tree, because they're the best invention ever.

Tax Returns

Tax return time. I haven't filed mine yet (more like, I haven't had my mom file them yet) so I'm not quite sure what my return will be. I plan on "stimulating the economy" buy spending it all. I'm quite torn between two things.

1) the Canon Rebel Xti
2)the X-pole, for vertical dance (ie, pole dancing. I've blogged on this before)


Pros and Cons time...

Pros of Camera: It's pretty well top of the line in it's price range. Pop up flash. Continuous shooting mode (up to 14 pictures) and removable lens, giving me the Macro option if I decided to fork up $100 more. I like art, I love photography and with the superior maneuverability it will help me to up my abilities. Plus, I could sell my Polaroid for at least $50 if I ever had too, because I'd still have a camera.

Pros for X-Pole: It's cheaper than the camera by a few hundred dollars, being $299. It's something new that I've been interested in for a while. I'm already a dancer, but dancing at home alone is no fun, so this would be something challenging and new that incorporated things I already know. It's good exercise and I can take it down and set it up anywhere with a ceiling (for the price of the camera I could get the free standing stage which will set up anywhere indoors, outdoors... ANYWHERE.)

Cons of Camera: PRICE. It's nearly $500. My tax return will definitely not be that much, which means tapping into my savings a bit. I already have digital that works even if it's "old technology"

Cons for X-pole: I may not get as into vertical dance as I hope, which may lead to it being unused.




well fuck me, I'm getting an X-pole. One con? How I even mad that into a dilemma is beyond me. For $300, it's worth is. It'll be fun.

thanks for wasting that time reading this. Even though I don't think I have a single reader now that Michelle doesn't blog anymore.

<3
S

ramblings

Amanda Palmer is my blog idol.

I strive to someday write blogs that are as powerful as hers. Things that (significant or not) have 100 people reading and interested. To be a blogger who has fans, all of which WANT to hear about my life because I'm talking about or going through interesting controversial things.

<3
S

p.s. I didn't expect so much of a negative reaction to my mohawk. I always just assumed that I couldn't surprise these people because they're my friends. They know I'm a little strange with my hair. However, the general reaction was either an eyeroll (because I MUST be trying to hard, even though I've never felt so free as a person) or just plain asking me why I'd want to do it.

I suppose I grew up and developed as a person in a much more open minded world. That world being the Internet, and more specifically deviantArt.

I don't get nipple piercings. I downright find them to be gross (mainly because I just don't get the allure and sexiness of a bar through your nipple) but when I was told that someone had them, I gave them a virtual high five for self expression. I don't have to like it or 'get it' to understand how LIBERATING it feels to be able to express yourself.

A lot that I went through at my poracial school caused me to feel like I needed to change myself. I once saw a thong outside of a store on a sale table and it made me feel -dirty- inside. Like looking at something like that was a sin. Masturbation and sexual desire in general made me feel even worse. I felt like I was going to hell for going through puberty. A lot of that carried over to my high school days. Despite finally taking on an alternative appearance, I kept my mind set that I shouldn't stand out. Had emo not been the rage those days, I would have never had the balls to do it. My mind was at a constant battle of "is this acceptable, can I do it?" and it made me a miserable little shy girl.

I'm still shy, but once I started to realize that the beliefs that were placed in my head back in those days about controversial things didn't have to be my beliefs, I started to be happier. I made my own choices, despite what I was told was acceptable. I'm being me, with no second guesses about how other people think I should be.

I guess no matter who you are you have to deal with people who don't see eye to eye with you. I guess it makes the world interesting, if nothing else.

<3 for real,
S

The sunset today was so beautiful. I love how 3 dimensional things are in natural. Even some of the best painters and photographers can't quite capture it as well as it is in real life. So I drove slowly so that I could enjoy it more.

I got my mohawk evened out today. Famous Hair is so nice. She immediately sat me down and fixed it in less than 5 minutes. Not even a frown for me saying that it wasn't perfect. I'll definitely go back there when the middle needs a trimming. They're so kind.

Only 40 days.

<3
S

IT'S GONE

I took some really cheap migraine relief pills from my mom and took a nap and I'm fucking cured... well, I feel better now. It's amazing.

I'm gonna go to the store to find some of these pills.

Their only downfall is that I can take two at a time, and only two pills every 24 hours. So if they don't work when I first take them, I'm fucked for the rest of the day, cuz I can't take any other medicine.

who cares though. I don't have a migraine anymore! and it didn't cost me $9 a pill!

<3
S

Sunday Migraine

I'm starting to get a migraine. I managed to not get one yesterday, even though they regularly occur on Saturdays.

fuckettey fuck. It hurts already.

I'm gonna take a nap. It never works, but I don't want to be awake for this.

<3
S