I'm feeling very non-artistic. Like, really really non-artistic. I painted the other day though. I'm pretty proud of it, even though it's not my best work ever. but now... I'm just kinda drained.
I'm supposed to get the rest of my WKAP package this month... but there are only two more mailing days left... it doesn't help that I didn't get my e-mail confirmation... had I not gotten my CD I'd have thought they totally screwed me over... but I haven't heard anything about them setting the date back a bit... or that they weren't shipping the shirts out yet, cuz I still don't have mine and I'm starting to feel angry... really... I forked over 100 fucking dollars to them because I'm a dedicated fan, and a true obsesor... but this is really pissing me off... If I miracualously get my things in the next two days I'll be ridiculously happy (even without my free downloads that I can only access through the e mail notification that I didn't get) but I just don't see it happening.
I just watched the Incredibles. . . one of very few good computer animated films.
Thanksgiving... went to my grandma and grandpa lee's house and didn't realy talk to anyone. I don't usually... Got some deserts to bring to brandon. Went to Grandma Rhymers and made two plates of food (everyone was teasing me about it) and after about 40 minutes left to go eat a thanksgiving meal with my baby on his lunch break. Then some bitch who worked there came in and started getting pissy with him for taking hour long breaks all the time, and when he tried to explain to her that my Mom made his schedule out so that he was -required- to take an hour long break (so he gets to be out of jail longer, and doesn't end up on overtime) and before he could even say anything the bitch was like "I don't know who told you this was alright, and I don't care, that's not how we do things here and if you're not going to get back to work now you can just go home"
who does she think she is? no, seriously. She wears the red vest, not the red button up formal shirt of the management of RK. My mom, the ASSISANT FUCKING MANAGER told him that he -had- to take an hour break, or the company will be over in hours, and she thinks she's so fucking special that she can overrule the assistant managers? wtf, stupid cunt.
Nothing much going on. Just me getting pissier and pissier every day. I sent a message out to EVERYONE that i've talk to in the last couple months saying happy thanksgiving... And I actually wrote a different message out to each and every person. . . didn't get any responces. not ONE. but I guess everyone else is out living their new fucking lives. who has time to text back? I can't wait for Brandon to be out of jail so I won't have to bother with other people anymore. even if I talk to somone non stop for a week, they'll eventually start ignoring me. I didn't know I was that annoying........
well, much love <3
S
November 27, 2008
November 24, 2008
Tires and Vampires
I was about to ask my dad for a little help with buying tires for my car... but right as I was about to open my mouth he started to talk to mom about how fleetwood (the factory that his factory is owned by) closed down 8 plants. That means him having a job in the future may be unlikely.
So yeah... It looks like I'm on m own with the tires, despite Christmas coming up. Jacob changed my oil for me though, thankfully.
So Glass House is really poorly written.. Well, not so much poorly written, but it wasn't with written like a book should be. It's like, a book version of a tv show. It's kinda how I write actually, with little jokes and character interaction that doesn't really suite a book. I can -totally- imagine this being a tv series though. I'd watch it. Plus, the first main villian in the book is a vampire named -brandon-.... it made my imagination veeery veeery happy. hell, it gave my imagination a hard on. :D
I don't like how all of the characters have exrtemely common names. Claire, Brandon, Monica. Hell, even in my small group of high school friends one of us had a somewhat uncommon name (me)... It would add a little personality to the book if SOMEONE had a name that wasn't ultra common. story isn't so bad. The author kinda created a unique isolated town, like the one in The Lost Boys... I mean, it's a place that's secretly a vampire town. A lost of people are oblivious to it. blah blah blah. I just hope something -good- happens soon. I'm almost 1/2 way through it. It's too bad that the vamps are the bad guys though. ): that means no sexy vampy scenes for me.
anyway. <3
S
So yeah... It looks like I'm on m own with the tires, despite Christmas coming up. Jacob changed my oil for me though, thankfully.
So Glass House is really poorly written.. Well, not so much poorly written, but it wasn't with written like a book should be. It's like, a book version of a tv show. It's kinda how I write actually, with little jokes and character interaction that doesn't really suite a book. I can -totally- imagine this being a tv series though. I'd watch it. Plus, the first main villian in the book is a vampire named -brandon-.... it made my imagination veeery veeery happy. hell, it gave my imagination a hard on. :D
I don't like how all of the characters have exrtemely common names. Claire, Brandon, Monica. Hell, even in my small group of high school friends one of us had a somewhat uncommon name (me)... It would add a little personality to the book if SOMEONE had a name that wasn't ultra common. story isn't so bad. The author kinda created a unique isolated town, like the one in The Lost Boys... I mean, it's a place that's secretly a vampire town. A lost of people are oblivious to it. blah blah blah. I just hope something -good- happens soon. I'm almost 1/2 way through it. It's too bad that the vamps are the bad guys though. ): that means no sexy vampy scenes for me.
anyway. <3
S
November 22, 2008
my books, a boy, and my brother
My books came today. I wished they'd made a note in the description that the main character was a 16/17 year old in college. I wouldn't have gotten them had I known. :\ main characters should be semi-normal people with certain traits that make them special enough to have a book written on their behalf, or at least normal people going through a big and interesting situation (like 13 little blue envelopes girl... whatever her name was)
I'm gonna keep reading anyways, since I've got nothing else to do. I mean, it's probably better than twilight, and if I end up liking it I won't be some fan-tard statistic. How the hell does psychotic stalker= romantic cuz a hundred some year old guy following around a 17 year old girl is creepy as fuck, I don't care -how- young he looks.
but anyway. I'm gonna read the first book with hopes that it at least kills time and entertains me, then if I hate it, I'll read Stolen next (the book that takes place after Bitten)
and my brother found out that I used to have a crush on his friend Brian (like, when I was yooooung and stupid and in middle school) and now everyone is like "omg, if things don't work out with brandon you should totally go out with brian" which, yeah, I'd give him a chance, but fuck, I don't even want to THINK that me and Brandon won't be forever. I said it in an older entry, I think he's the one. one what? I'm not so sure, but god knows I don't want to be without him even in the bad times.
anywho, if my feelings of sick grossness clears up (really runny nose and icky stomach) jacob is taking me out to go bowling with him and his friends. it's better than sitting at home alone I guess.
<3
s
I'm gonna keep reading anyways, since I've got nothing else to do. I mean, it's probably better than twilight, and if I end up liking it I won't be some fan-tard statistic. How the hell does psychotic stalker= romantic cuz a hundred some year old guy following around a 17 year old girl is creepy as fuck, I don't care -how- young he looks.
but anyway. I'm gonna read the first book with hopes that it at least kills time and entertains me, then if I hate it, I'll read Stolen next (the book that takes place after Bitten)
and my brother found out that I used to have a crush on his friend Brian (like, when I was yooooung and stupid and in middle school) and now everyone is like "omg, if things don't work out with brandon you should totally go out with brian" which, yeah, I'd give him a chance, but fuck, I don't even want to THINK that me and Brandon won't be forever. I said it in an older entry, I think he's the one. one what? I'm not so sure, but god knows I don't want to be without him even in the bad times.
anywho, if my feelings of sick grossness clears up (really runny nose and icky stomach) jacob is taking me out to go bowling with him and his friends. it's better than sitting at home alone I guess.
<3
s
November 21, 2008
Everything seems kinda pointless right now. I have no one. All I want is to have someone to hold me while I sleep and someone to hang out with me when I'm awake.
my only friends don't hang out with me. one is dating my brother, so if the option of free time is there, she's with him... which means I also don't have my brother to hang out with. Erica's parents are fuck-tards (I sent a text to the numbers Erica gave me because no one was answering, and he called me back saying "For future reference, don't send text messages to this phone. Oh, you're not a member of Verizon? I guess Erica can talk to you, but only for a short amount of time." And I went through his ass hole attitude just to hear from Erica that she couldn't come over because her parents haven't met mine.
Her fucking dad had an interview at Rural King... and interview with MY MOM. Her mom has met my mom when they were both at Wendy's, and erica told her that my mom worked there... He's just a bitter douche because RK didn't want him for a managing position because he's NEVER WORKED IN RETAIL. get over it.
but what can she do about it? she's fucking 15, and has no say in it. I fucking hate that. Who else do I have? cuz really, I don't have anyone else. The people I know, I don't like, and the people I do don't have time for me. I hate this place. I can't stand being here anymore. Life goes on without me. Everyone else has other people, and I have no one. I hate having such a negative mindset but it's true. When was the last time someone sat at home and thought "lets call up shayla, I'm bored." they have people they'd rather talk to, or people that are more convinient because say, they're neighbors or you see them in you're daily routine. People start to phase out of you're life, thats normal. that's fine. But why does it seem like I've phased out of everyone elses but no one is phasing into mine?
I mean, hell, I'm not even close to being on my period and I feel so horribley alone and shut out right now that I'm crying. I'm so sick and tired of always being alone. I'm always alone. Every time someone comes into my life they eventually have to leave. I know that that's how life is. I understand. but fuck, why is it that every time I think I've found someone new to talk to any hopes of a strong friendship is cut. As much as all this shit has made me strong, and build character or whatever the fuck it's doing, it's not worth it. I had nearly fully developed my personality and character by the time I hit 8th grade. I don't need to build any more, I just want to stop being alone.
and when it comes right down to it, no matter what, I'll be alone.
there are some things that you just never get used to, I guess.
<3
S
my only friends don't hang out with me. one is dating my brother, so if the option of free time is there, she's with him... which means I also don't have my brother to hang out with. Erica's parents are fuck-tards (I sent a text to the numbers Erica gave me because no one was answering, and he called me back saying "For future reference, don't send text messages to this phone. Oh, you're not a member of Verizon? I guess Erica can talk to you, but only for a short amount of time." And I went through his ass hole attitude just to hear from Erica that she couldn't come over because her parents haven't met mine.
Her fucking dad had an interview at Rural King... and interview with MY MOM. Her mom has met my mom when they were both at Wendy's, and erica told her that my mom worked there... He's just a bitter douche because RK didn't want him for a managing position because he's NEVER WORKED IN RETAIL. get over it.
but what can she do about it? she's fucking 15, and has no say in it. I fucking hate that. Who else do I have? cuz really, I don't have anyone else. The people I know, I don't like, and the people I do don't have time for me. I hate this place. I can't stand being here anymore. Life goes on without me. Everyone else has other people, and I have no one. I hate having such a negative mindset but it's true. When was the last time someone sat at home and thought "lets call up shayla, I'm bored." they have people they'd rather talk to, or people that are more convinient because say, they're neighbors or you see them in you're daily routine. People start to phase out of you're life, thats normal. that's fine. But why does it seem like I've phased out of everyone elses but no one is phasing into mine?
I mean, hell, I'm not even close to being on my period and I feel so horribley alone and shut out right now that I'm crying. I'm so sick and tired of always being alone. I'm always alone. Every time someone comes into my life they eventually have to leave. I know that that's how life is. I understand. but fuck, why is it that every time I think I've found someone new to talk to any hopes of a strong friendship is cut. As much as all this shit has made me strong, and build character or whatever the fuck it's doing, it's not worth it. I had nearly fully developed my personality and character by the time I hit 8th grade. I don't need to build any more, I just want to stop being alone.
and when it comes right down to it, no matter what, I'll be alone.
there are some things that you just never get used to, I guess.
<3
S
November 20, 2008
I got a new heater in my room. My other one broke last night. It was a cold night.
this one is generally too hot, but I'm glad it works. I can always work on turning it down to the right temp.
None of the things I've ordered have come. boooring. I'm bored. d:
like.. I could be reading a crappy book, or watching a really bad high budgeted movie and be happier than I am now. ):
but it's cool. Erica will hopefully come over tomorrow. I guess we'll just hook up the N64, cuz I don't really have anything else to do.
I'll tell you how it goes. <3
S
this one is generally too hot, but I'm glad it works. I can always work on turning it down to the right temp.
None of the things I've ordered have come. boooring. I'm bored. d:
like.. I could be reading a crappy book, or watching a really bad high budgeted movie and be happier than I am now. ):
but it's cool. Erica will hopefully come over tomorrow. I guess we'll just hook up the N64, cuz I don't really have anything else to do.
I'll tell you how it goes. <3
S
November 16, 2008
books.
So, by Michelle's recommendation I went on Amazon and searched from Vampire Kisses... I was about to buy, but then I saw this book called House of Glass. It looked -really- interesting, and was about a college girl I believe ( It's easier to relate to people in books where you're similar in age) so I thought "I'll get -that- one" and found a think that gave me the first 3 books of the series for a fairly cheap discounted price... so I clicked it... then I come to find out that if I added $7.03 to the order, shipping would be free ( $25 free super saver shipping) so I was like "lets find a book that's only 7.99, cuz a book that's exactly 7.03 isn't likely. Almost got Twilight, I won't lie, But it was like, 7 cents too cheap. It was a SIGN that I shouldn't get it. For real.
after a bit of searching I wasn't finding anything cheap enough, or interesting enough, so I search for 'werewolf' and came up with some random crap... Which is when I remembered that AMAZING werewolf novel I read a couple years back called Bitten, and I -knew- there were more in the series. So I searched it and found the book... $7.99 exactly. It was meant to be so I got it.
After paying, I realised that by getting that exact book, It made me eligible for the 4 for 3 book deal, meaning I got one of the books for free. So I got 4 books for $19.99... and free shipping.
Not only did that browsing and compairing get me my shopping fix, it'll give me something to do for at least a week or so.
I hope the vampire series I got it good, but if not, at least the werewolf book will have good sex scenes, I remember them from bitten :D
much love and hope <3
s
after a bit of searching I wasn't finding anything cheap enough, or interesting enough, so I search for 'werewolf' and came up with some random crap... Which is when I remembered that AMAZING werewolf novel I read a couple years back called Bitten, and I -knew- there were more in the series. So I searched it and found the book... $7.99 exactly. It was meant to be so I got it.
After paying, I realised that by getting that exact book, It made me eligible for the 4 for 3 book deal, meaning I got one of the books for free. So I got 4 books for $19.99... and free shipping.
Not only did that browsing and compairing get me my shopping fix, it'll give me something to do for at least a week or so.
I hope the vampire series I got it good, but if not, at least the werewolf book will have good sex scenes, I remember them from bitten :D
much love and hope <3
s
dreams
Don't try to dig too deep into my mind, I think you'll be very disappointed. I'm not as simple as I seem, but I'm not as deep as I try to lead on through simplistic ways.
really. I like learning about deep and complicated scientific and psychological things, but that doesn't mean that I myself am as deep as the things I learn about. I can understand them but that doesn't mean they apply to me.
but anyway. it's early. for me. I just woke up.
I had a dream that a really hot black guy was walking by me (who was sitting on a random couch in the middle of some place) and the hot one (there were two, one was hot. I find it odd, cuz I'm not usually attracted to black guys) came up to me, sat next to me and started to make out with me, telling me how beautiful I am... then walked away.. and I realized after he had left, that he stole my wallet.
it's funny. I laugh at that dream.
I'm not racist. I swear :D
<3
S
really. I like learning about deep and complicated scientific and psychological things, but that doesn't mean that I myself am as deep as the things I learn about. I can understand them but that doesn't mean they apply to me.
but anyway. it's early. for me. I just woke up.
I had a dream that a really hot black guy was walking by me (who was sitting on a random couch in the middle of some place) and the hot one (there were two, one was hot. I find it odd, cuz I'm not usually attracted to black guys) came up to me, sat next to me and started to make out with me, telling me how beautiful I am... then walked away.. and I realized after he had left, that he stole my wallet.
it's funny. I laugh at that dream.
I'm not racist. I swear :D
<3
S
November 14, 2008
Scene, Science, and Stuff
I just realized that ALL scene kids have the SAME haircut. No seriously, I didn't realize that they ALL truly had the same cut. ): and it's just a longer version of what I can do with my hair... I like to tease the top up, but not like this
more like this
pleasantly poofy. except I think it looks different on me cuz I don't have long hair on the bottom... not that long at least. just a little past my shoulders.
and while looking for that I found this
i'm not so much fond of the red white and blue, but that's bad ass coloring and styling right there.
this one too
and she has come clip in extensions. she's not fooling anyone:
but anyways. apart from hair...
I'm reading about this new scientific theory called string theory, which could eventually prove multiple dimensions existing (besides space and time)... 11 to be exact, and all of them are tied together through mathematical equations. it's interesting, but I need a guide for dummy's cuz this is way over my head. I -really- want to learn what I can about it though. This opens up a world of possiblities in the science world involving the supernatural. I'm not talking vampires or anything, just the true enexplained phenomenon. This is the first thing I learned since school let out. And it's science and math. go figure, the two things I used to hate most (until Smith opened my eyes in astronomy. I still feel that not being able to retrieve my astronomy binder from him is the biggest mistake I've ever made. The one thing I will ALWAYS regret. ): why didn't I wait just a little longer for the people's presentation to finish? WHY!)
I think he's the teacher that's changed my life. For realz. I mean, I was a science hating/failing girl. Thought "there's no piont to it!" "who cares about science" I honsetly didn't care how things were put togther or how anything work and had no curiosity about molecules and gravity and space time. thought it was all a bunch of stupid "theorys"
He opened my eyes to just how damn fascinating science is, and in and ASTRONOMY class of all things. I thought I was signing up for looking at the dark ceiling every day memorizing made up shapes. And, since science and math walk hand in hand, I learned math in a way that actually made sense to me. Not just a bunch of equations that a math teacher trys to convince you will be useful in the future. No, we learned mathmatical equations that were used to prove things, and that are being created due to theorys. We used math as a tool, a device to learn about science. A device that actually does more than find the sqare footage of a building.
hether he needs some help with his anger and stuff and whether or not he's a bit prejudice against religion is all debatable. But he was definantly a man who could make you -want- to learn.
things are going okay. I miss brandon, but I see him for a bit every day. I'm driving incredibly well, but I'm hating it less.
much Love <3
S
more like this
pleasantly poofy. except I think it looks different on me cuz I don't have long hair on the bottom... not that long at least. just a little past my shoulders.
and while looking for that I found this
i'm not so much fond of the red white and blue, but that's bad ass coloring and styling right there.this one too
and she has come clip in extensions. she's not fooling anyone:
but anyways. apart from hair...
I'm reading about this new scientific theory called string theory, which could eventually prove multiple dimensions existing (besides space and time)... 11 to be exact, and all of them are tied together through mathematical equations. it's interesting, but I need a guide for dummy's cuz this is way over my head. I -really- want to learn what I can about it though. This opens up a world of possiblities in the science world involving the supernatural. I'm not talking vampires or anything, just the true enexplained phenomenon. This is the first thing I learned since school let out. And it's science and math. go figure, the two things I used to hate most (until Smith opened my eyes in astronomy. I still feel that not being able to retrieve my astronomy binder from him is the biggest mistake I've ever made. The one thing I will ALWAYS regret. ): why didn't I wait just a little longer for the people's presentation to finish? WHY!)
I think he's the teacher that's changed my life. For realz. I mean, I was a science hating/failing girl. Thought "there's no piont to it!" "who cares about science" I honsetly didn't care how things were put togther or how anything work and had no curiosity about molecules and gravity and space time. thought it was all a bunch of stupid "theorys"
He opened my eyes to just how damn fascinating science is, and in and ASTRONOMY class of all things. I thought I was signing up for looking at the dark ceiling every day memorizing made up shapes. And, since science and math walk hand in hand, I learned math in a way that actually made sense to me. Not just a bunch of equations that a math teacher trys to convince you will be useful in the future. No, we learned mathmatical equations that were used to prove things, and that are being created due to theorys. We used math as a tool, a device to learn about science. A device that actually does more than find the sqare footage of a building.
hether he needs some help with his anger and stuff and whether or not he's a bit prejudice against religion is all debatable. But he was definantly a man who could make you -want- to learn.
things are going okay. I miss brandon, but I see him for a bit every day. I'm driving incredibly well, but I'm hating it less.
much Love <3
S
November 09, 2008
I'm gonna start making clothes, like I've been wanting to. Starting easy, making little goth tutus. they cost about $7 to make, and I could sell it for $15. make 3 a week and if they -sell- (considering that they're cheaper than the others I hope they do) that'll be $24 a week I didn't have. They look like they're a quick to make thing too. so I'll be getting almost $50 extra every pay time (which is bi-weekly)... If I can make other stuff, that'll be even more money.
I miss brandon.
We all went to Pizza Hut, so I got to see him for a while, but I forgot to bring him his pictures that I made ): I feel horrible, cuz now I have something to look at til tuesday when I get to see him next, but he only has the old note I gave him. I want my emo back.
Much <3
S
I miss brandon.
We all went to Pizza Hut, so I got to see him for a while, but I forgot to bring him his pictures that I made ): I feel horrible, cuz now I have something to look at til tuesday when I get to see him next, but he only has the old note I gave him. I want my emo back.
Much <3
S
November 08, 2008
day one
I went to Rural King at 9 in the morning to see Brandon, who didn't work until 12. I can't drive cuz I don't have the CARD that says I passed my drivers test, and because I'm not insured to drive alone (I'm sure I mentioned this already) but I sat in the car til 10 when Wendy's opened, walked there in the cold, sat there for an hour until I got bored, walked back in the even colder cold, sat in the car more, and finally Brandon got there and it was worth it all.
I hung around with him, went to lunch with my mom (he gets in trouble if I just stand there and hang around) went back and he took his lunch :) Tacos. Then I took a nap in his car until a little bit before he and mom were off work. just for that small amount of time that we were together all the cold and rain and waiting was worth it.
I feel lonely and anti-social right now. I don't wanna ride to town with anyone, not because I can drive, but because I don't wanna be around people. I don't check my phone anymore because I know he can't text me. But I still keep it next to me in case....
I'm alone. I want my baby back.
<3
S
I hung around with him, went to lunch with my mom (he gets in trouble if I just stand there and hang around) went back and he took his lunch :) Tacos. Then I took a nap in his car until a little bit before he and mom were off work. just for that small amount of time that we were together all the cold and rain and waiting was worth it.
I feel lonely and anti-social right now. I don't wanna ride to town with anyone, not because I can drive, but because I don't wanna be around people. I don't check my phone anymore because I know he can't text me. But I still keep it next to me in case....
I'm alone. I want my baby back.
<3
S
November 07, 2008
lonely.
Brandon went in today. 6 p.m.
after wednesday, when I was sure they'd take him to the jail right after sentancing in court, he got an extra few days before they made him turn himself in. I can't believe that was only a few hours ago. 4 and 1/2. if feels almost like days have passed. I miss him. and I'm lonely. Being here does give a bit of a sense of homeliness. but not the same comfort or safety I felt with him. His home is my home.
I passes my drivers test, even though I had to try to parellel park twice, and I didn't fully stop at one stop sign (I was sure that I failed) but they're computers are down for ID's, so they couldn't give me an ID (I'm sure they could have given me a slip saying that I had my license, but if I got pulled over how could a cop check it if it didn't have a number, which is given to it by the computer along with your picture and so on. I drove myself home anyway. I'm not insured to drive without another person in the car, but I only ran one red light ;) (actually, I kinda did... it was an accident. I hit the gas instead of the break when the light switched to yellow. honest, I didn't want to do it ^^; )
My dad now knows that Brandon is in Jail. Mom told him. I was surprised though, I thought he'd at least be upset or mad... but he was like "believe it or not, I've spent a few weekends in prison myself" (I really never thought that he'd done any time, even just a weekend) and he just said that brandon should have gotten a better laywer. My family is really surprising me. Jacob started dating Laycee from work, she's 16, and he turns 21 in january. about 4 1/2 years differnce. Just like me and Brandon. they're good for eachother. Jacob needs someone who will be sweet to him and treat him right and be honset with him, and Laycee is -very- loud and outgoing and almost brutally honest (but -not- brutally honest. That's the point. She's not mean about her honsty like the LAST girl he like.)
but now that Jacob has a girlfriend I won't have Jacob to hang out with anymore. Not as much as I was hoping for at least.
I dyed my hair. The same color that I dyed it when I was a sophmore (I redid the first color I ever dyed my hair :'D I let Brandon pick it out) since my hair was blond it turned out MUCH more red that the first time. but still very dark and somewhat natural. If it was more black than brown it'd be the color I was hoping to make, a deep black/red. There's still time for that.
I miss my sweet emo boy. I feel so lonely. so alone.
Instead of trying to eat away my pain, I'm gonna try to DIET away my pain. I tried slimfast... it taste the way the milk tastes after eating coco puffs.... I like that taste... but only if I just at coco puffs ): I'll keep trying different things to help, and I'll cut back on fast food and try to get more exersize. I'm really chuncky now and I -really- don't like it.
much Love <3
S
after wednesday, when I was sure they'd take him to the jail right after sentancing in court, he got an extra few days before they made him turn himself in. I can't believe that was only a few hours ago. 4 and 1/2. if feels almost like days have passed. I miss him. and I'm lonely. Being here does give a bit of a sense of homeliness. but not the same comfort or safety I felt with him. His home is my home.
I passes my drivers test, even though I had to try to parellel park twice, and I didn't fully stop at one stop sign (I was sure that I failed) but they're computers are down for ID's, so they couldn't give me an ID (I'm sure they could have given me a slip saying that I had my license, but if I got pulled over how could a cop check it if it didn't have a number, which is given to it by the computer along with your picture and so on. I drove myself home anyway. I'm not insured to drive without another person in the car, but I only ran one red light ;) (actually, I kinda did... it was an accident. I hit the gas instead of the break when the light switched to yellow. honest, I didn't want to do it ^^; )
My dad now knows that Brandon is in Jail. Mom told him. I was surprised though, I thought he'd at least be upset or mad... but he was like "believe it or not, I've spent a few weekends in prison myself" (I really never thought that he'd done any time, even just a weekend) and he just said that brandon should have gotten a better laywer. My family is really surprising me. Jacob started dating Laycee from work, she's 16, and he turns 21 in january. about 4 1/2 years differnce. Just like me and Brandon. they're good for eachother. Jacob needs someone who will be sweet to him and treat him right and be honset with him, and Laycee is -very- loud and outgoing and almost brutally honest (but -not- brutally honest. That's the point. She's not mean about her honsty like the LAST girl he like.)
but now that Jacob has a girlfriend I won't have Jacob to hang out with anymore. Not as much as I was hoping for at least.
I dyed my hair. The same color that I dyed it when I was a sophmore (I redid the first color I ever dyed my hair :'D I let Brandon pick it out) since my hair was blond it turned out MUCH more red that the first time. but still very dark and somewhat natural. If it was more black than brown it'd be the color I was hoping to make, a deep black/red. There's still time for that.
I miss my sweet emo boy. I feel so lonely. so alone.
Instead of trying to eat away my pain, I'm gonna try to DIET away my pain. I tried slimfast... it taste the way the milk tastes after eating coco puffs.... I like that taste... but only if I just at coco puffs ): I'll keep trying different things to help, and I'll cut back on fast food and try to get more exersize. I'm really chuncky now and I -really- don't like it.
much Love <3
S
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