I've tried posting blogs a lot lately and they just never seem to make it up because they'll disappear or I'd start it and then not finish it before my internet connection was gone... or I'd forget it was open and shut my laptop down.
I have home internet now. It got a beautiful new tattoo a few days ago. I'll post pics later, since it's in the awkward healing phase of getting dried out/flaking. I'm keeping it moist, but it's impossible to sit around all day applying lotion to your arm. It just is.
I was thinking today, while I was showering since there isn't much else that I can do in the shower... I used to be really depressed. I still am sometimes. But back when I was younger I didn't know why I couldn't just enjoy how beautiful life was. I wished pretty desperately that something horrible would happen to me. Something that would give me a reason to feel like that all the time. Lately, in light of still not feeling so sparkly and joyous all the time, I'm pretty scared that something bad will happen because I'm afraid it'll be something that takes Jon away from me.
I haven't felt so attached to a significant other in a long time, and never to someone who treats me so well and makes me feel so damn happy.
I just thought I'd share how great I'm feeling right now. I've loved Jon for a while, but I have no doubt that I'm in love with him too.
XoXo,
S
March 27, 2012
March 20, 2012
College
My brother told me he failed this composition class too. I don't feel so bad then.
I really hate it.
XoXo,
S
I really hate it.
XoXo,
S
March 16, 2012
A long entry where I whine about a little dog bite because it's the worst injury I've ever had
I had an assessment, interview and simulated assembly exercise as GM recently. Like earlier this week. I'm super stoked, hopefully they call before the end of the semester. I'm drowning in class.
I was dying my hair yesterday. I dyed the brown to even out the color, it was getting all fadey. I also put chunks of bleach that will hopefully peak out of my hair between the top and bottom layers. I planned on dying those sections teal, but I needed to reapply the bleach and let it process for about 15 more minutes to get it light enough, and while I was letting it naturally dry I went outside and Dan stopped on his four wheeler and apparently our dogs were fighting and he wanted to break them up.
The fuckers wouldn't budge, so he yelled for my help and I was trying to pull dodger away from Dan's dog, and being retarded (I haven't dealt with dogs fighting) I got my hand too close to their mouths and now my finger is cut open at a sickening angle and the tissue inside is puffing out. I had to go to the ER, and they couldn't stitch it up since it's a bite. I feel sick every time I have to clean it (and pretty much cry, because it's gross and it hurts, and it still bleeds a bit.) Hopefully it doesn't get infected, since I can't hope for quick healing with how bad it looks. Ibuprofen has helped keep the pain low, but it hasn't done much for the swelling (I suspect it isn't swollen, and it's just horribly bruised in the inside and the tissue is just puffing out because of the angle. )
I'm also lucky no tendons, nerves or muscles were hurt. Just skin and tissue. I can't use my finger at all though, and it even limits the use of my whole hand because moving other fingers pulls the skin, pulling the bandage which is attached to the wound.
Typing without your index finger is awkward and hard. Everything without your dominant index finger is hard, I totally appreciate the fact that I still have my finger. I've been taking little things like hair brushing for granted fir a long time. It's not until you risk running hair along a gaping wound that you realize how good you have it. I have NO idea how I'm going to wash my hair, since the bandage will get wet so I'll probably use it as breathing/rinsing/cleaning time... but no force on this planet will make me touch my hair without the bandage.
It hasn't bled through this bandage yet. :D It bled through the last one after an hour, which means it hasn't broken open yet. I'm heeeealing,
XoXo,
S
I was dying my hair yesterday. I dyed the brown to even out the color, it was getting all fadey. I also put chunks of bleach that will hopefully peak out of my hair between the top and bottom layers. I planned on dying those sections teal, but I needed to reapply the bleach and let it process for about 15 more minutes to get it light enough, and while I was letting it naturally dry I went outside and Dan stopped on his four wheeler and apparently our dogs were fighting and he wanted to break them up.
The fuckers wouldn't budge, so he yelled for my help and I was trying to pull dodger away from Dan's dog, and being retarded (I haven't dealt with dogs fighting) I got my hand too close to their mouths and now my finger is cut open at a sickening angle and the tissue inside is puffing out. I had to go to the ER, and they couldn't stitch it up since it's a bite. I feel sick every time I have to clean it (and pretty much cry, because it's gross and it hurts, and it still bleeds a bit.) Hopefully it doesn't get infected, since I can't hope for quick healing with how bad it looks. Ibuprofen has helped keep the pain low, but it hasn't done much for the swelling (I suspect it isn't swollen, and it's just horribly bruised in the inside and the tissue is just puffing out because of the angle. )
I'm also lucky no tendons, nerves or muscles were hurt. Just skin and tissue. I can't use my finger at all though, and it even limits the use of my whole hand because moving other fingers pulls the skin, pulling the bandage which is attached to the wound.
Typing without your index finger is awkward and hard. Everything without your dominant index finger is hard, I totally appreciate the fact that I still have my finger. I've been taking little things like hair brushing for granted fir a long time. It's not until you risk running hair along a gaping wound that you realize how good you have it. I have NO idea how I'm going to wash my hair, since the bandage will get wet so I'll probably use it as breathing/rinsing/cleaning time... but no force on this planet will make me touch my hair without the bandage.
It hasn't bled through this bandage yet. :D It bled through the last one after an hour, which means it hasn't broken open yet. I'm heeeealing,
XoXo,
S
March 08, 2012
March 02, 2012
Bold Parts and other ramblings.
today is probably the last day in this apartment seeing how it's "eviction day"
Funny how you trust people, even people you've known for quite some time, and they screw you.
I'll be staying with my dad more than likely. Jon will probably find a couch at a friends to sleep on because he thinks it's weird to stay at my dad's because they haven't met. No one actually cares. My dad realizes that I'm an adult and would just be happy to see me at home for a while. But I can't exactly change his mind so I'll move on.
Next week is spring break. I didn't even realize this until monday and I have nothing planned so I'll hopefully crochet more. Get the last skein of my rainbow hippie blanket used up and move on to stripes of each color. That blanket will be the death of me. What was I thinking when I decided to DC a queen sized fucking blanket? I wasn't. That's the problem. I'll hopefully also find some side projects since I have quite a bit of yarn :3 I should finish my friends baby blanket. Maybe hit up walmart, hobby lobby and michael's and find some yarn to make me a granny square blanket. Maybe try the never ending striped granny square project (I think doing it in rainbow will make it work up much faster and it'll look bad ass having 6 or so colors.)
I need to be looking for a dresser or something that can be used as one. My room needs set up.
OH. this should go into it's own entry because it's actually COOL and INTERESTING, but I'll just bold it instead.
I finally went to open mic to watch Jon and his friend play. Lacey came, which meant a lot to me since all of my other friends bitched out. Weird how someone who I used to have a lot of bad blood with has become one of my better friends. But it was great. Watching my man and his friends improve outside the Bean; Jon on guitar, his friend playing an african drum of some sort, a guy who's name I can't recall playing the violin and Brittany on the fucking BANJO. She also whipped out a guitar and a harmonica. Yeah, she's kind of bad ass as far as musicians go.
It was magical though. All these cool people in this little coffee place listening to each other place, and next door was a hookah lounge where Lacey and I had our first smoke on a hookah. We were total noobs about it, but it was fun. I've always wanted one and not that I know how to use it, I may just buy one. Why not?
Jon, his drumming friend and the guy with the violin were the last to play, and he basically rocked my world as he always does when he plays. He's so perfect. How did I manage to finally find someone like him? 2 months now, and I'm still in a state of disbelief over how fucking awesome my boyfriend is. Eventually I'll chill out, but we match up so well. When I'm in the bad mood and accidentally snap at him, he handles me like a GOD. He can't always pull me out of a depressive state, but he definitely puts my feeling in perspective with the rest of my life. I may feel miserable inside, but I'm still lucky. I still have someone special and I'm in a much better place than I was 2 months ago.
it also helped that while I was starting to pack up my stuff and prepare for the shit that's about to happen with this eviction (which was really pushing down on me, it's a heavy thing to try to shake off) I got an e-mail from miss M. It's not so much what she says, but the fact that she's still there.
According to this bag of cookie cereal (the off brand stuff) out of 120 calories per serving only 15 are from fat. Fucking crazy. Cookies with no fat? fuck yes. And it's for breakfast.
XoXo,
S
Funny how you trust people, even people you've known for quite some time, and they screw you.
I'll be staying with my dad more than likely. Jon will probably find a couch at a friends to sleep on because he thinks it's weird to stay at my dad's because they haven't met. No one actually cares. My dad realizes that I'm an adult and would just be happy to see me at home for a while. But I can't exactly change his mind so I'll move on.
Next week is spring break. I didn't even realize this until monday and I have nothing planned so I'll hopefully crochet more. Get the last skein of my rainbow hippie blanket used up and move on to stripes of each color. That blanket will be the death of me. What was I thinking when I decided to DC a queen sized fucking blanket? I wasn't. That's the problem. I'll hopefully also find some side projects since I have quite a bit of yarn :3 I should finish my friends baby blanket. Maybe hit up walmart, hobby lobby and michael's and find some yarn to make me a granny square blanket. Maybe try the never ending striped granny square project (I think doing it in rainbow will make it work up much faster and it'll look bad ass having 6 or so colors.)
I need to be looking for a dresser or something that can be used as one. My room needs set up.
OH. this should go into it's own entry because it's actually COOL and INTERESTING, but I'll just bold it instead.
I finally went to open mic to watch Jon and his friend play. Lacey came, which meant a lot to me since all of my other friends bitched out. Weird how someone who I used to have a lot of bad blood with has become one of my better friends. But it was great. Watching my man and his friends improve outside the Bean; Jon on guitar, his friend playing an african drum of some sort, a guy who's name I can't recall playing the violin and Brittany on the fucking BANJO. She also whipped out a guitar and a harmonica. Yeah, she's kind of bad ass as far as musicians go.
It was magical though. All these cool people in this little coffee place listening to each other place, and next door was a hookah lounge where Lacey and I had our first smoke on a hookah. We were total noobs about it, but it was fun. I've always wanted one and not that I know how to use it, I may just buy one. Why not?
Jon, his drumming friend and the guy with the violin were the last to play, and he basically rocked my world as he always does when he plays. He's so perfect. How did I manage to finally find someone like him? 2 months now, and I'm still in a state of disbelief over how fucking awesome my boyfriend is. Eventually I'll chill out, but we match up so well. When I'm in the bad mood and accidentally snap at him, he handles me like a GOD. He can't always pull me out of a depressive state, but he definitely puts my feeling in perspective with the rest of my life. I may feel miserable inside, but I'm still lucky. I still have someone special and I'm in a much better place than I was 2 months ago.
it also helped that while I was starting to pack up my stuff and prepare for the shit that's about to happen with this eviction (which was really pushing down on me, it's a heavy thing to try to shake off) I got an e-mail from miss M. It's not so much what she says, but the fact that she's still there.
According to this bag of cookie cereal (the off brand stuff) out of 120 calories per serving only 15 are from fat. Fucking crazy. Cookies with no fat? fuck yes. And it's for breakfast.
XoXo,
S
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