Two Poems

I love/hate going back to poems I wrote a long time ago and reading them and realizing that some were really good… and that others were horrible. So I wrote this in the margin of my notes for Algebra (it’s okay! it was an easy class today)

I vomit my disgust on the world,
a tattoo with no ink
bared on the cyber skin
which we created in our own images.
We are the gods and the demons of our own creation.

a million lies
make a beautiful silk web
to deceive ever generation
so the poison has time to take its effect

The random frantic action
of a million minds collide
and collapse our universe within itself
sucking us all into darkness

(I still got the emo writing thing going on, STILL. yeaaaah….)

a 45 degree angle bisects,
red pooling, exponentially growing as it falls
a quarter of the way down my skin.
the stalking “x”
a sadistic past love,
will never be answered,
because the solution is too unclear,
head and heart explode,
the 3 second half life
of a glimmer of a fraction of hope
towards discovering the imaginary
end of life’s problems.

(yes, it’s about my algebra class. No, I don’t get algebra, so it’s quite possible that my phrases are mathematically incorrect, and therefor metaphorically incorrect. But yes, I’m comparing math problems to suicide. HA.)

shit friends are shitty.

Correct me if I'm wrong in this, but I'm not...

But if I only date someone for about 4 months... and they barely have time to get to know my friends... Is it or is it not completely shitty of my friend to suddenly become their friend after I break up with said boyfriend? Especially if I myself am not in any way shape or form on speaking terms with that guy? That's shitty, right? It's not just me being a bitch? I'm not feeling unwarranted betrayal right now, am I?

I'm not just gonna get over it either way... Because that was a shitty situation. I'm sorry, but just because someone is nice doesn't mean I'm a bad person for breaking up with them. My ex WAS really nice, but he also didn't bathe, didn't brush his teeth or hair, never cleaned his home or his clothes, never tried to go to college and I made more money in a single day than he did in a normal week. That's just not good future potential right there. And post-breakup he involved people in our fucking personal matters that I wouldn't in a million years involve. People who were MY friends and MY family that I didn't want to have anything to do with the whole thing. He posted about it OVER AND OVER on facebook. My personal life, His personal life, my new boyfriends personal life. That's not okay.

So no, I really don't want my so called friend to be friends with him. The rarely talked while I was dating him, and he has a different girlfriend now so clearly it has nothing to do with that, so what the fuck?

Shit friends. That's all I have right now.

XoXo,

S

I'm crumbling under end of semester stress.

I have 3 papers that need written and turned in and I'm about to fail algebra. Fuck.

XoXo,
S

I…

never realized before how absolutely unimportant I really am.

I think I’m doing my research paper over whether or not celebrities help or hurt the gay community and their struggle for equality.

XoXo,
S

JUDAS

http://perezhilton.com/2011-04-15-lady-gaga-judas-song-premiere-debut-early-leak/?feat=yes

 

Fucking go there already. NEW LADY GAGA SONG HOLY SHIT. It’s 100x’s better than Born This Way… And born this way has really grown on me… but I’ve been listening to this on repeat for a while now.

 

XOXO!!!!!
S

I Payed For What?

If I could fill a book with the stupid things I hear people on campus saying I’d be rich.

XoXo,
S

school and trips

I’m struggling along through my classes still. I got signed up for the Fall, and started on the summer (because I decided it was for the best to make up for not going full time last fall or this spring.

I also found out that for my B.A. in Women’s Studies I don’t have to take M153, which is algebra and pre calc. I can take math for the Liberal Arts Major or Statistics. Neither sound fun, but both sound much less scary than M153.

I went camping over the last weekend. Tent, campfire, no electricity, and I tried kayaking, even though I wasn’t out for long. We’ll be doing that again, hopefully soon. And hopefully often over the summer I need some summery clothes so I don’t overheat.

XoXo,
S

It'll be the best year ever.. I think I'll wait another year.

So far today, I've listened to APGDU, Ukulelehead and WKAP. Watched the new AFP music videos, the gaga parody with the Boston Pops, the Labyrinth parody, and faved some Amanda Palmer related stuff on deviantArt. I'm also wear my "We are the Media" shirt today.

this combined with my recent artistic revelation... I feel good. :)

My stomach and knees stopped hurting.

XoXo,
S

pains

My knees are killing me and my stomach is hurting, both in a way that only happens right before my period. And yet, I just finished that. I just want to feel healthy. I'd trade actually being healthy for feeling healthy. The only reason I can think of for my stomach feeling like this without it being pms related is if I ate or drank something this morning to upset it, but I haven't ate yet. My hunger pains feel different than this. My knees could be a result of us being really busy at work last night, but my shoes have only ever effected my back and knees when I had a pair that didn't fit me.

My paycheck sucked ass for some reason. Is that the check from my vacation? probably, considering at minimum wage with the hours I normally have I make about $126. So biweekly that'd be $250ish. At least I have something good to look forward to next time I'm paid. Not only the normal hours, but the extra 6 I worked this week! Hopefully a 6 hour a day, 4 days a week thing sticks.

XoXo,

S