Tank Girl

I've spent the better part of the last hour and a half trying to find a good outfit (or, even just PIECES of an outfit) so I can dress up like Tank Girl. Besides being a little annoyed with finding virtually NOTHING I got to day that I'm sick of people making her out to be a sex object.

Tank girl isn't sexy because she's wearing skimpy clothes, she's sexy because she has an amazing personality drives a fucking tank. She's unique. So I feel somewhat insulted by people taking her and her sexiness that is based on her unique personality and making it into something else. Dressing up in skimpy army green clothing with a pair of goggles and posing suggestively doesn't mean your dressed up as tank girl. It means your unoriginal and are using her uniqueness to try to make yourself look sexier.

She's not a porn star, she's a person. Why do we feel the need to sex up EVERYTHING that's even remotely cool.

I'm going to go to Plato's with my next check (in like... 2 weeks) and look for some tank-girl like basics. Anything that looks like she would have worn it.

Plus I'm really lusting after some new stockings and tights. Maybe a new pair of socks (I haven't gotten new socks in ages and I'm really needing some)

<3
S

My Jello

Just a bunch of pictures of my rainbow jello. I was up til about 12:30 before I finally poured the purple and could put it into the fridge. I Made about 12 of the larger clear cups, 1 of the wine glasses and then 20 little ones.

I want to try a rainbow cake. Or rainbow cupcakes. Then maybe get one of those round cake pans and make that something. I don't know. I actually really like baking and making desserts and such.

I'm eating ramen, laying in bed on my laptop and watching shitty T.V.
How could life possibly be any better than this?

My friend Steve gave me a flower. He's gay, but I still feel super awesome because of it.

Jello

I'm making rainbow jello. like what's pictured below but mine are in clear cups.The process takes several hours, and I want to bring them in to share at work tomorrow. I started as soon as I got home, and I know it's kinda late, but I still have blue and purple to add into it so I'm still up waiting to finish it up. It's VERY time consuming. It looks bitchin' though.

So I'm sitting in the kitchen with my laptop, because there's no sense in me sitting upstairs when I know I'm just going to fall asleep or get distracted. I'm not exactly being quiet I'm typing and walking around the floor and brushing my teeth and running the water and ice cube thing on the fridge... But for some reason my dad doesn't hear that and comes out of his bedroom in tighty fucking whities. I didn't look. I know better than to look when someone is entering a room at night here.

What gets me is that he YELLS AT ME because he came out here and I just happen to be here. Seriously? I'm working on something >:(

But anyway, It's quite fun. in about 15 minutes I can do the blue and only have purple left! I'm actually tired. Probably because I know I can't just go to bed. Also I have to go to town early in the morning to make sure I have time to drop the extra jello off at Brandon's before work. I don't even know HOW I'm gonna transport all this though :(

nevermind. Just searched the cabinets. found two good sized lidded trays. YAY!

Now, to clean them out!
<3

better now

Feeling a bit better.

Went shopping. Always the perfect remedy. Got a black shirt with a clock pattern all over the front that makes it look kinda like a Dresden Dolls shirt, I'm in love with it. And a grey shirt with the Joker and Harley Quinn and a green denim skirt.

It only cost about $25 total, which is less than the $30 jeans I was going to get from American Eagle (thank God I didn't buy them)

Worked out for 20 minutes straight. Haven't done that since gym class. Only because I'm fat now. Even a lot of the size 13s didn't fit. If I have to wear a 15... I'll be on the verge of being Plus size. Fuck that.

<3
S

stopping

I sometimes wish I wasn't so strong, because it'd be much easier if I could just let go of everything.

I wish I didn't have to hold on and keep trying.

At least if I stopped trying I'd have some sort of gratification in life. After years of trying, all I have is the same loneliness, self hate and depression I've always had.

Nothing changes when you strong, you just have to keep on going.

I don't want to go anymore.

Art

Did I talk about this yet?

When I was at Barnes and Noble with Brandon I found this book. It caught my eye instantly. (I mean, come on, rainbow)

When I picked it up I had NO idea what I just found. Decorated post cards filled with peoples secrets. I stood there in the aisle and read the book, beginning to end. It was ART. THIS BOOK is exactly what art is to me. It's touching, deep, profound and it -really- makes me think. Some secrets hit so close to home I nearly cried right there in the middle of the store.

I didn't have $21 though. I'd kill to buy it. It's the first truly artistically motivating thing I've seen all year.

As with all things I find artistic, I always end up in a state of self-hate and depression. I don't know why, but when I find something that holds so much meaning it just breaks me up and upsets me. I almost happily welcome that feeling, because I know it means that due to that art, I've changed a little. That's the purpose of art in my life.

<3
S

...

I spend a few days at Brandon's. I only stayed last night because I felt sick and I'm going back tomorrow and staying til Tuesday for his birthday. :D f

Brought home my sewing maching. I want to sew but I don't have anything TO sew.

My phone bill has been ridiculously random. First it was $40, then $80 then $58 and now $72. What the hell? Shouldn't it be consistent? Considering I have unlimited texting and don't talk on the phone it should always be the same. Whatever, I'll be done in a few months now.

tired. feel like reading.

<3
S

My Ears

couldn't find a picture of the rainbow tapers that I'm pictured holding, but This is my gauging adventure so far.

First a size 5 acrylic taper (gauging up from about a 16 or 14 gauge steel hoop) that I got at at my first tattoo convention after the man selling it to me talked me into finally starting to gauge.

Second, a size 2 acrylic rainbow taper that I'm pictured holding. I got that baby in in only 2 1/2 days.

3rd, the one I'm working on, is a size 00 acrylic taper. Pretty purple and white.

I'm aware that they're backwards in my ear, but when you skip two sizes your tapers tend to not go in far enough starting out. The 00's are quite a bit longer than the 2's. The 2's hung down horribly the first day. I don't want to deal with that with these, so there backwards until they aren't so front heavy :D

This is my last size. I wish I knew where my 6's went. They were my first tapers :( and I need them to gauge out my other piercings.

I just thought I'd share that, because I haven't posted many pictures lately.

<3
S

160

Mom finally got a new battery for the bathroom scale. I really wish she hadn't.

Or maybe I'm glad she did so that I now know and can maybe try to lose some of that 30lbs I've gained. I'm gonna calorie count, yay! And whenever someone tries to bring me down (because no matter what you do to lose weight, someone will say something negative about your method and suggest another) I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.

Like I just said, there's so much bullshit going around about what works to lose weight and what doesn't that I'm just going to bring myself to a 2,000 cal. diet a day. Some may think it's stupid or won't work, but really? You eat less calories you have less that needed burned. I WILL eat salads more, and NOT include such high fat dressings. Salads have less calories from fat that a burger, and sometimes less calories in general. I'll eat grilled chicken instead of friend (well, depending on whether or not our grilled wraps and sandwiches have less calories than our crispy)... Less pop. It's next to impossible because I hate water, but I know it's for the best.

Hell, I may even force my body to become accustomed to diet pop even though it makes me sick to my stomach.

Off to check calories online,
love,
S

chemistry.

Soooo, I finally make a thread in complaints. My favorite forum. And it was about how I found naked pictures on my little sisters old phone, possibly from her 13ish year old boyfriend. I'm aware that it's a 'touchy subject' but it's not the only one in the forums, especially if you go to help with life. But nooooo, my first thread has to be locked for being a serious matter. It was a popular thread too ;_; people actually commented. I was afraid it would fail.

Oh well. I did it. I feel accomplished.

Went to see X-men origins and it was gooood. Me, Brandon and Steve went shopping afterwards. But I'm broke.

I'm tired, feeling lonely and wanting to sleep but I don't feel at home so I can't.

A girl working at the Buckle said that me and Brandon had a style that worked together. We seemed to have a chemistry. She commented that if we weren't walking with eachother we wouldn't look as well. She said she could tell that we were close... :'( we do work together so well. Well, at least we're a lot alike. It just makes me feel more lonely.

Mom went into my room while I was gone and messed it up really badly. Didn't put anything back. That's what I came home to. At least I got Tia to get her stuff out of my closet. I haven't had a closet in a while now.

<3

money origama and life

tired
uninspired
bored
unmotivated
broke

I found my alarm clock in a clothes basket that I just put in my room. It was going off. The batteries should have died weeks ago. I can now know what time it is without having my laptop on OR trying to recalculate the time the time from my Cell.

Seeing X-Men Origins Wolverine with Steve and Brandon on Saturday. Hanging out at Brandon's Friday after his concert. Possibly playing volleyball with some people from work after I'm off.

I folded a dollar bill into an elephant. I'm not very good at Origami though. :D

<3
S

I'm not over him at all...

Smack Down

I want out of Wendy's. Out of this house, and the fuck out of this town.

Smack Down today. Awesome. But my beloved Chris Jericho didn't win his fight :(

<3
S

stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.

I feel like shit. My day got fucked. I'm lonely as ever and I hate myself.

I don't know anymore. I don't.

I hate writing blogs like this, they make me feel overdramatic and stupid, but I'm afraid of not getting it out.

I don't know.

S

today

SOOOOOOOO, I'm bored. I'm not doing anything. Time won't pass.

I guess I could always take a shower. I think I will in a minute.

uuuuugh. Why is it that every guy I know is literally Brandon, taken, or gay? I mean, seriusly. I have NO issues with age difference. But nooooo, there's no one who's straight and single. D:< WHY IS HE GAY!? Why am I obsessing over that even though I knew he was gay to begin with?

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!? (seriously, I don't get me sometimes. I could easily have not let myself get carried away, instead I choose to obsess over a 30ish year old gay guy because I think he's good looking and interesting. >:( he doesn't like vagina. I know this. )

Anyway. I'm lonely in a way, but kinda not. A little desperate, but not.

Someone FINALLY called in to Kent about the on-goings at Wendy's. My FUCKING HERO. I hope things turn out well for us all... well, MOST of us. I don't want to have to quit the job that I used to enjoy just because I can't take it anymore.

Shower time.

<3
S

zoo

I'm kind of losing track of everything. Life continues on.

I went the the zoo yesterday with Brandon, as friends. I think this photo sums it up pretty well.

So much fun.

I'm developing the pictures tomorrow and I'm going to continue to work on my scrap book, and making one for Brandon and our zoo trip. I really want to find someone new. I hate being single. At this point last year, there were a few different guys flirting with me, but now there's no such luck. No one is single anymore. It sucks.

My size two gauges are done. I'm already ready for me to move to double zero, but I don't have money for the tapers yet. My new piercings are doing super.

<3
S

ick

My head is hurting a little. It's not THAT late, but oh well.

Brandon was at a concert, and here I find myself immensely jealous. Not because he gets to see Killswitch Engage, I've seen them already, but because he felt the need to point out that one of the bands had a chick guitarist. :\

I know me, I know I'll have a hell of a time NOT caring about Brandon looking at other girls, at least until I find a new guy to think about... It still sucks though. We're doing okay as friends, we really are. He almost acts like he intends to date me again later, even though he wants to be single/date others right now. We were watching league of extraordinary gentle men, and he made a comment about how it'd be cool to be the hallow man, because of something having to do with having sex with me while invisible and how it'd be funny. I pointed out that it wouldn't be with me, and he said "well, who said we won't be together sometime in the future?" and I pointed out that he's the one who said he didn't want to get back together. :\

It almost feels like he just wants me to be a backup. Or like he thinks I'm "the one" but he's not ready to settle down so he's going to be single/date until he is....

I still think that everything that happened is because he's afraid of being committed to someone he doesn't trust to be committed to him. Honestly though, as much I was just wanna tell him that I love him and move back over than and curl up with him on the futon watching tv like nothing happened (I was -happy- there) I don't think I ever could. There's a lot of things he lied to me about. Like, about the number of girls he dated. And, you know, the whole cheating thing. It's the untimate betrayal of trust, and even though a lot of people who cheat don't realize how badly their actions affect their partner and usually regret it but you can't take it back. You wish you could, but you can't. I wish I could forget about it, but I can't. When I'm around him I just act crazy. I hate that he does that to me.

Well, I got my left ear triple pierced and bought Bitten (yay) and Dime Store Magic. Actually pretty good so far. I was worried because it wasn't about Elane and Clay so I didn't think I'd like it... but it's not so bad..

off to bed. I need to shower in the morning. going to the zoo in a few days and everything...

<3
S