lonely.

Brandon went in today. 6 p.m.

after wednesday, when I was sure they'd take him to the jail right after sentancing in court, he got an extra few days before they made him turn himself in. I can't believe that was only a few hours ago. 4 and 1/2. if feels almost like days have passed. I miss him. and I'm lonely. Being here does give a bit of a sense of homeliness. but not the same comfort or safety I felt with him. His home is my home.

I passes my drivers test, even though I had to try to parellel park twice, and I didn't fully stop at one stop sign (I was sure that I failed) but they're computers are down for ID's, so they couldn't give me an ID (I'm sure they could have given me a slip saying that I had my license, but if I got pulled over how could a cop check it if it didn't have a number, which is given to it by the computer along with your picture and so on. I drove myself home anyway. I'm not insured to drive without another person in the car, but I only ran one red light ;) (actually, I kinda did... it was an accident. I hit the gas instead of the break when the light switched to yellow. honest, I didn't want to do it ^^; )

My dad now knows that Brandon is in Jail. Mom told him. I was surprised though, I thought he'd at least be upset or mad... but he was like "believe it or not, I've spent a few weekends in prison myself" (I really never thought that he'd done any time, even just a weekend) and he just said that brandon should have gotten a better laywer. My family is really surprising me. Jacob started dating Laycee from work, she's 16, and he turns 21 in january. about 4 1/2 years differnce. Just like me and Brandon. they're good for eachother. Jacob needs someone who will be sweet to him and treat him right and be honset with him, and Laycee is -very- loud and outgoing and almost brutally honest (but -not- brutally honest. That's the point. She's not mean about her honsty like the LAST girl he like.)

but now that Jacob has a girlfriend I won't have Jacob to hang out with anymore. Not as much as I was hoping for at least.

I dyed my hair. The same color that I dyed it when I was a sophmore (I redid the first color I ever dyed my hair :'D I let Brandon pick it out) since my hair was blond it turned out MUCH more red that the first time. but still very dark and somewhat natural. If it was more black than brown it'd be the color I was hoping to make, a deep black/red. There's still time for that.

I miss my sweet emo boy. I feel so lonely. so alone.

Instead of trying to eat away my pain, I'm gonna try to DIET away my pain. I tried slimfast... it taste the way the milk tastes after eating coco puffs.... I like that taste... but only if I just at coco puffs ): I'll keep trying different things to help, and I'll cut back on fast food and try to get more exersize. I'm really chuncky now and I -really- don't like it.

much Love <3
S