p-p-p-poker face p-p-poker face

I love acoustic Gaga. I love techno gaga. I love Lady Gaga.

In other news... I'm not sure.


XoXo,
S

Picture Dump

I was going to paint my bike sparkly purple today, but alas, it was rainy. It gave me a chance to get my new Color-Me-Stunned entries taken care of though, as well as more writing taken care of for a certain book that will some day hopefully become a real thing. I also bluetoothed a shit load of stuff from my phone, so happy picture dump entry :D

I want it, it's flippin cute
I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO SEE YOUR TAMPONS YOU SICK LAZY FUCKS
my little sister's babies wardrobe is bigger than mine
okay, it's sideways. This is what I had to climb through to find my sewing shit.
Trying clothes on at Plato's. Didn't buy these.

My TUK Creepers that I got for $6 at Plato's
Shayla is Rainbow. Yes I am. I love work some days.
hat from Salvation Army. I'm in love with it, but it's $10 and I'm poor :(
This is a red Wendy's Uniform at Salvation Army. No, I didn't buy it, but it made me happy.
I curled my hair a little.
First Popsicle this season (Brandon was helping me take some shit to SA and the truck came by)
It made me lol
Duckie from Rural King
Things you don't wanna see spilling out of your car, but look pretty
Brad's tattoo, almost done coloring
Me deciding what kind of piercing to get
Snake Bite
Inside my mouth

My dad was just here to fix a little more of the hole in the wall, and told me that he honestly doesn't mind my lip piercing, as long as I don't cover my face in metal. :) that really brightened my day.

Enjoy
XoXo,
S

Beatiful Accidents

Brandon's new girlfriend seems really nice. It makes me sad, since he's a psychologically damaging douche bag. The few times me and him were all in a group together, he seemed to be trying to make her jealous of me and that doesn't fly to well. I think that all the detached and emotionally damaging shit he did to me wasn't just him being an ignorant ass hole, I think he was flat-out trying to upset me and make me jealous so that I clung to him more. :\ Or maybe I'm just a bitter ex. I hope he treats Keisha better than he treated me. She seems too nice to date someone like Brandon (of course, Brandon seems really nice and loving at first, so it's an easy hole to dig yourself.)

I think that any problems or awkwardness between me and Brad is gone now. We had a pretty good time at the convention, and we had a long talk on the way home about everything that's been happening. I hope I keep this mindset. I tend to be happy about a situation one day and then mad about again when I wake up. Some call it crazy, I call it FUN :D (okay, I call it crazy too.)


I think this is the cutest my hair has ever been. EVER. EVER EVER EVER. I hope it doesn't fade too badly. I want to keep it til it grows out. 8D

Anyway. I'm gonna take a nice bike ride tomorrow, shower maybe, search for my SD card (which is missing and it why there are no convention pictures) and write up my hair blog and whore this beautiful and improvised color job. Complete with tips for at-home amatures to keep you from turning your bathroom your new hair color while RECYCLING :D

XoXo
S

dye

I'm dying my hair, and it will be epically cute if it comes out right. And it means another entry to my Color-Me-Stunned blog! Woot. I hope I get around to it tonight because I won't have too much time tomorrow.

Tomorrow=Phunk-N-Ink. Since me and Brad split things have been... high tension. Uncomfortable. and me personally; acting neurotic, jealous, and defensive. (normal me, really.) And because of a 'mishap' last week where a certain ex chose to ignore me for his entire vacation because he was hanging out with the girl that is partially to blame for the break-up... Well, I'll give the long story short, we were having a tough week and I was going to have to go to the convention with Brandon and his new Girlfriend and be a third wheel, but Brad is pulling through and being a decent person and going with me. (i.e. Lacey had other plans so Brad had nothing better to do. Better than being third wheeled to my fucking ex and his new girlfriend.

Well, anyway. I'm eating a KitKat and have dye to rinse.

XoXo,
S

Rah)² + (Ah)³ + Ro(Ma + Ro + Ma²) + (Ga)² + Ooh(La)² = Bad Romance

My Dearest Amanda Palmer,

I was the first to stand up for you and your antics and your love of the spotlight. I have dedicated a tattoo to the Dresden Dolls, one to your song Astronaut, and even slipped a bit of an AFP eyebrow onto my last tattoo (a rave-toned swallow) just to commemorate my love to you.

But I think you've stepped a little far here with your constant criticism of Lady Gaga. Mostly regarding her new music video, Telephone. What confuses me the most is that the two of you stand so much for the same things. Yes, there was product placement in the Telephone video. Before twitter was filled with your tweets of these placements, I had only truly noticed one, the Virgin Mobile logo on her phone. I also only caught it the first time around, mainly because the colors did fit with what I'd seen so far.

This being said, after taking another look I now see the phone pops up again. The computer has a dating site on it, they ate a honey bun, she had Diet Coke cans in her hair, she was playing with a Polaroid Camera and she made the sandwiches with Miracle Whip and Wonder Bread. Did I not see those things the first time through? Well, yes, I did. I saw every one of them, but considering those are things I see constantly in life and on TV shows, I failed to have them stand out to me. They're just THINGS. Back ground objects the fill up space.

I think, sadly, that youcan't quite deal with the fact that Lady Gaga is becoming more and more famous by being so much like you, but choosing the path of Pop. She loves the spotlight, she loves dark humor, she likes making people go "what the fuck" and walking around as nude as possible. Amanda, my love, your lyrics generally have 100x's more meaning than hers. You have an amazing voice. You stand up for what you believe in and refuse to let the music industry hold you down just because you don't want to feel like your selling out.

I have the utmost respect for you for that. THAT is how you choose to pursue your career and you say endlessly that you wouldn't change the life you have and that you love how close you can be to your fans and how you couldn't function in a life where you didn't have so much control and where you couldn't be so spontaneous. It's YOUR path. YOU chose it. If you're truly happy with yourself and your career, you'd let others pursue theirs as they choose.

I personally don't care if Gaga's product placement was ironic or just for budget reasons. Hell, you know yourself that there is no money under a record label, and any money you make has to go right back into what you're working on and paying the bills. At least Gaga reuses her clothing in other videos and performances (and in her everyday wardrobe) unlike most artists that like to be "made up" on stage. She lives it.

I think (however out of place my thoughts may be) that there is a bit of resentment towards Gaga because she took a concept very similar to Who Killed Amanda Palmer (so much so that I caught it 10 seconds into the video) and made it POPULAR. Paparazzi TOPPED CHARTS. The video was beautiful. It took you years of work to put everything together. Lots of collaboration. A book, shirts, and entire album, "crime scene" photos and so much hard work and love. And she made the concept famous.

I love you Amanda. I've never been more moved by lyrics in my life than when I hear yours. Let Gaga do her thing, a keep doing your own. You both have your own place in the music world so there's no point in fighting over the same seat.

My thoughts feel scattered and I'm not sure if I even made my point,
XoXo,
S

Spider Bite and IPFW

Yep yep. I got my spider bite today and even though it's swelling a little and the jewelery has to be a bit larger to accommodate it, I LOVE it.

It looks like it's pretty far from my lip, but it's really not, the outer edge of my lip is (for some reason) a little lighter and disappears on camera.

Cardinal Tattoo, Fort Wayne Indiana. The first one felt like getting your ears pierced. You felt it touch and go through, and then it got warm and numb. Not really any pain at all. He warned me that the second one would probably hurt more though (said, "the second one always hurts more than the first") and HOLY FUCK was he right. That one was a bitch. But, like all piercings it stopped hurting after a few seconds. It ached a little on the drive home, but it's good now. I'm literally in love with this :]

I hope it doesn't swell too much. And, even though I'm not looking forward to hanging out with Brandon and his new girlfriend (who seems pretty dumb, but I'll wait til I meet her to judge that) I'm excited about the convention. Even if I don't get any touch up tattoos I'll be able to check out Atzland's jewelery for my lip studs. :] That's where I got my first taper. They're the people who do the body suspension.

My visit at IPFW was pretty good. The MOST I got out of it was the tour though, because I guess I did better research than I thought. I got to talk personally with the head of the Women's Studies department and she told me that my class were all gonna be really small (the higher up ones with as few as 6 people in them) so I'd probably get to know my other Women's Studies majors really well. Even though the original excitement about going to college has worn off I'm still really happy I'm going.

I got this bear cuz they were asking questions about the campuses larger than IPFW and (after a really big hint) I guessed the last one. IUPUI. How I forgot about them is beyond me. I also get to pretty much decide if my diploma/degree will be from IU or Purdue, depending on my Minor. Still debating Religious Studies (which sounds really fucking fun) and Psychology.

XoXo,
S

EDIT: I forgot I needed to get my Evelyn Evelyn pre-order in before my next paycheck and I wanted the damn Elephant Elephant Tote for college so I had to spend $70. No more money for Phunk-N-Ink. Oh well. I can get touch up at Cardinal whenever.

bleeding like a fucking god ):< (and a lip stud)

I want Spade stud

Tomorrow is the big day. I'm excited. Except I FINALLY got my period, and even though it wasn't too painful of a day, it's starting to get worse. You aren't supposed to be on pain killers when you get piercings. I'm not sure if Naproxen Sodium is a blood thinner though, at all (since if it were it'd make cramps much much worse like aspirin does) And I'm not sure if heat wraps will work enough without the pills...

I'll stop talking about my vaginal functions for 2 seconds.

College visit TOMORROW :D I have to be there at 9:20 though. I normally have to be at work at 9, but that's a minute away, so the drive to the Fort means getting up EARLIER so I can get ready. Maybe I should be going to bed. I'll post pictures asap. :D

XoXo,
S

pregnant teens and gaga

16 and pregnant pisses me off. The girls family always blames the guy, the rest of the world blames the girl (she should have kept her legs closed, lololol) and the parents are never supportive of their kids so it's easy to see why the make such poor decisions. The parents in this episode of just talked constantly about how much they hated the her boyfriend. She was clearly already feeling unsure about her relationship with him (because of his drinking and inability to man up) but by trying to push him away they're only going to make her cling to him. When you know someone is bad for you, and you need to give them up it's best for people to let them make the decision on their own terms. Otherwise they'll feel like they did it for someone else and they'll go back to them. I know this, I've lived it.

It also makes me realize that girls are stupid. Usually. The guys they date are shit. Alcoholics, jobless, can't drive, act poorly towards them when they're fighting. That's the last guy I'd want stuck in my life forever.

They all also seem to have Monroe piercings and it makes me sad.

Also, it's making me mad that people who have no idea about Lady Gaga try to put her down by saying she's the the image to a persona that someone else is creating. She's as much in control of everything she does as Amanda Palmer. She writes her music, collaborates with the designers to make her clothes and absolutely loves her fans. But I don't feel like ranting about that anymore. Stupid 16 and Pregnant really brings me down.

BLEED VAGINA, BLEED. I want this bullshit to be over with. If I have to miss my college visit AND my piercings because I'm on the first day of my period and therefor can't move, I'm gonna cut my fucking uterus out myself.

XoXo
S

Heath

I washed the dishes. Did my laundry.

Drove up to Fort Wayne by myself, to make my own piercing appointment and buy my own Phunk-N-Ink tickets. Came back and rode my bike for 45 minutes on 10th gear. Mostly leisurely, but there's a lot of up hills.

I think I'm the best I've been my whole life. :) I still haven't lost any weight, but I feel amazing. Not just healthier, happier (although, the happiness is a part of me being a free bitch)

I wanna take a nap, but I also want to work on my Tattoo Memoirs. Someday I'll have enough tattoos to make myself a book.

I just wish I'd get my damn period already. >:( At this rate, I'll be having one of the bad days when I get my piercings. FFFffffffffffffffffff- I'll be doing better once I have more money and can afford a birth control that WON'T increase my risk of migraines.

XoXo
S

Boredom

I'm feeling pretty good :) Saw Kandi tonight, but she was hopped up on vicodin from getting her wisdom teeth pulled. My only two friends getting their wisdom teeth out around the same time... Coincidence? I think not :)

I'm gonna have to find something to wear to Kandi's wedding that is stylish but doesn't show any of my 3 new tattoos that my dad hasn't seen yet. I'd be cool with showing my foot one, since it's rarely visible so my dad would have a hard time arguing with me about it. To be fair, I've had the chest piece for a year now and he's STILL not seen it. Obviously it's in a decent non-job altering place.

Still, I'll keep 'em under wraps. Don't like taking chances.

I'm kinda bored with life. I think college is going to remedy that boredom but it won't be until at least the fall. It's exhausting. (boredom is exhausting? ha irony)

Anyway. tired. Got things to think about, stuff to do. Not really anything to do. Whatever. :)

XoXo
S

screw that

Paper Gangster: Lady Gaga
Midnight rush with a pen in my hand.
Dinkin, linking, sanscript with a fan.
Remembering me before we began.
Sometimes I feel so def in the jam.
But the ones who loved me told me to stop.
Like homegirl cant catch shit if it drop.
A superwoman chick you know that I am.
Some shit dont fly by me and the man.

'Cos I do not accept any less than someone.
Just as real, as fabulous.

Don't want no paper gangsta.
Won't sign away my life to.
Someone who's got the flavor.
But don't got no follow through.
Don't want no paper gangsta.
Won't sign no monkey papers.
I don't do funny business.
Not interested in fakers.
Don't want no paper gangsta.

Oh Ohhh
Don't want no paper gangsta.
Oh Ohhh
Don't want no paper gangsta.

Got something so shiny to start.
Want me to sign there on your Range Rover heart.
I've heard it before, yeah the dinners were nice.
Till your diamond words melted into some ice.
You should have been rapping to the beat of my song
Mr. California paper gangsta raw.
I'm looking for love, not an empty page.
Full of stuff that means nothing but you been played.

'Cos I do not accept any less than someone.
Just as real, as fabulous.

Don't want no paper gangsta.
Won't sign away my life to.
Someone who's got the flavor.
But don't got no follow through.
Don't want no paper gangsta.
Won't sign no monkey papers.
I don't do funny business.
Not interested in fakers.
Don't want no paper gangsta.

Oh Ohhh
Don't want no paper gangsta.
Oh Ohhh
Don't want no paper gangsta.
Don't want no paper gangsta.

Don't want no paper gangsta.
Won't sign away my life to.
Someone who's got the flavor.
But don't got no follow through.
Don't want no paper gangsta.
Won't sign no monkey papers.
I don't do funny business.
Not interested in fakers.
Don't want no paper gangsta.

Don't want no paper gangsta.
Won't sign away my life to.
Someone who's got the flavor.
But don't got no follow through.
Don't want no paper gangsta.
Won't sign no monkey papers.
I don't do funny business.
Not interested in fakers.
Don't want no paper gangsta.

XoXo
S

dumbass

uuurgh. I have to wait until Tuesday to get my lip pierced but it'll be a good day :)

Brad hasn't texted me since Monday when I asked about the piercing. I get the feeling he's being a hypocritical douche bag. He does that a lot. Closed minded people do that a lot. :\ And when they THINK they're open minded it's just worse.



New episode of South Park. I should take a shower, but I think I'll wait til it's over.

XoXo,
S

visits

I'm starting to get cramp-y. It sucks because I'll be getting my lip done (hopefully) soon and I hate not being able to be hopped up on something due to it causing me to bleed more. At least I'm sure that rule applies to piercings as much as tattoos.

Plus, you know, periods suck. At least I won't be on it during my COLLEGE VISIT NEXT WEEK :D Fuuuck I already put in 5 extra hours this week to make up for that day I'm missing, and now it looks like I may have to miss a day of work. If the cramps are bad enough there's really nothing I can do.

super sigh.

I'm going to bed... Right after Robot Chicken.

XoXo,
S

defacing

the hot guy that added me to myspace defriended me. Ass. Anyway, I was talking with Zach at work and he was talking about how bad he wanted to get his lip pierced and I was like ":D if you do it I'll go with you and get mine done too."

So hopefully he'll have made the appointment and we'll be doing that. I want spider bites, two on one side. I think I'll do left side. Righty would feel weird. I'm very left oriented for a righty.

XoXo,
S

Le sigh

Relationship ends. I feel out of it.

Cute guy adds me on myspace. Cheers me up. Actually lives fairly nearby compared to most random add (about 45 minutes. Ohio) After looking over his profile and through his pics and friends to determine if it's someone to bother with, I add him and leave a comment. guy hasn't replied.

Cute guy that I used to talk to leaves me a comment on facebook. Cheers me up.

Still feeling kinda shitty. It had to happen. I'm glad there are possible options (by a longshot. Neither may be interested, but maybe. I see no reason for a random single guy that's friends list ISN'T made up of "sexy girls" would add someone they've never met.)

I'll try to keep possitive.

XoXo
S

Bank of Boston Beauty Queen

I want to write a short story based on the Bank of Boston Beauty Queen. I've read the lyrics a few times before now and could piece a few things together but didn't get much from it besides the nostalgia she felt.

In a lot of ways, she wants to grow up, but at the same time she doesn't. She wants to fit in with the younger crowd. Even though she's a bit delusional about how she's living (like she's still young) but feels that it's justifiable because at least she's grown up enough to move out of her parents house and live on her own.

The place she's grown up has changed very drastically but she's still filled with nostalgia at those places, making her feel as if she were still young.

She likes to keep things to remember her past. Autographs, patches. "Love's not good enough, I want photographs. Something that will stand the test of time and time again" because the love may not last but you can always have the photo as proof and a reminder. She talks about proof and evidence.

Basically, it's about a lot of things. I like it. She like a beauty queen to those skateboarders behind the Bank of Boston. :)

I wanna take those and make a write something. I'm waiting til it's late before I get started. I'm more artistic the more tired I become.

XoXo
S

Cemetery and Transgenders

Michelle, I actually cleaned my room up quite a bit just because the weather makes me feel clean-y. :)

I'm in love with Decatur Cemetery. It's beautiful. I need to take pictures there sometime. They have mausoleums for FSM's sake. :) fairly pretty ones at that. If I'm feeling courageous I may ride across and down the road a bit and ride through the Catholic cemetery too some day. I ate HORRIBLY. But I can do better tomorrow. I think it was a 15 minutes bike ride today. Tomorrow I'll try for 20. When I'm up to 45 minutes I'll start riding across town, and eventually ride through the river green way as well.

The other day a bill went up in Fort Wayne to enforce equal treatment of transgenders, making it illegal to deny a transgenders person a job or home. So basically they want to make it a law that you have to treat them equally, which they already should have to. But they don't. It's sad that we need to put up a bill like this, but we do.

And, do you know what happens to said bill? Denial. It was a close vote (4 to 5 I think) but the fact that they won't pass a bill demanding the equal treatment that these people already should be getting bothers me. I mean, it's not like they're demanding MORE. Just what they should already be given.

Good going Fort Wayne.

And, to make it comical, Arika (the girl that at first reminded me of Freshman Michelle) commented that she was HAPPY that the bill didn't pass. And that anyone who felt like they should be the opposite gender is fucked up mentally and should be put out of their misery. It's funny because Cassie and Chris had a mini field day with it :) Nice. I'm psyched about Pride Fest now.

XoXo
S

Health

Dad is getting my FAFSA information to me by tomorrow. Hopefully that's good enough to turn it in, or I'm out of that money. I probably won't get much money anyway, but it's better than none.

I worked a 9 1/2 hour shift today, which unfortunatly meant no bike ride through the cemetery like I wanted. At least working 3 extra hours probably burns more calories than riding a bike for 10 minutes. And I ate pretty well today (and drank a shit load of water, which is good )

I like my Low Fat Yoplait yogurt. It's delicioius, and even though it's got 140 calories per serving, none of those calories are from fat. That actually a big deal. 90 calories with 75 calories from fat is worse than 140 with zero from fat.

Bike ride tomorrow. For sure.

XoXo
S

goals

I decided to get some new (but cheap) clothes for myself, because I've gained quite a bit of weight these last two years and I've been wearing the same clothes since high school. I look at some of them and even I think they don't look like they fit my personality the same way anymore. Plus, a lot of them don't fit quite right anymore.

Went to Plato's, and I found a lime green leopard print pair of TUK creepers :) They were technically a US size 10, but they fit me fine and I'm wearing 9's. They're ugly and I love them. I also got 6 shirts. I need some undershirts because they're all fairly low cut, but they also don't have a print on them so they don't feel so high school to me. Just gotta stop at Salvation Army and buy a few.

And, because I'm STILL on my health kick (2, 3 weeks now? oh yeah) I took every single top, dress, and skirt in my closet that didn't fit me and put them in my reusable shopping bag. I can't touch them until I've lost the weight for them to fit. I can still see them, but I can't touch them.

Everyone has a goal when they're trying to lose weight. Mine is to fit a 9 again. Or, at least an 11. At an 11 I could still fit fairly well into most of my clothes. I'd love to fit my 9's again though.

Haven't drank pop in a full week. The only drink with calories I've drank in that week would be ONE glass of orange juice.

Wish me luck.

XoXo
S

(still awaiting FAFSA stuff from mom)

Life :)

Got my IPFW stuff, working on FAFSA information, and set up a visit on campus for the 23rd. Will be calling/contacting Bellmont for my transcript when it's a little less late.

My only fear is that I'll have to wait until NEXT fall to go because I lack SAT and ACT scores. It says that they're required if you graduated less than two years ago. So, by the end of this school year I'll have been out of school for two full years. Does this just mean I can't apply until after this semester is out?

I'm putting that down on my list of questions to ask when I do my visit. My brother is going with me :) FAFSA is supposed to be in by the 10th so I told my I needed the information ASAP (Monday at the latest, so I can file online and be taken care of before Wednesday.)

I'm excited. Not just the burst of excitement when I'm starting to try something new. I really really want to do this. I may have to take 5 years instead of 4 so that it alleviates some of the financial stress. I'll be 24/25 when I graduate. Hopefully I will have transferred to IUPUI by then too. :)

Everything is slowly coming together, but coming together nonetheless.

XoXo
S

Because I'm a tarot douche bag

Recent Past	Current Situation	Future Influences
Click to View	Click to View	Click to View

RECENT PAST
Five of Cups
Possible change in a relationship for the better. Contract or agreement restructured with new benefits. Loss not as serious as originally thought. Things may be looking up. Coming out of a rough time. Able to regroup and continue forward with new understanding of what needs to be done if lessons have been learned. A longing for what could have been. Regret.

CURRENT SITUATION
Five of Swords Reversed
Feeling that you are standing alone in the fight. Others no longer support the same cause. Us vs. them mentality. Gain of friendship and camaraderie. Time to concentrate on yourself and your own goals. Selfishness. Others' concerns no longer your cause. A power play is at work. Boastful. You are trying to raise yourself up in others' eyes only to look a fool. Stop asking for others' approval.


FUTURE INFLUENCES
Eight of Pentacles Reversed
You may need to rest before you are too wore out to continue your work. Time to backdown your efforts a bit and get ready for the conclusion of the journey. Distractions are possible, but are also encouraged a bit. With a little more balance the project would be more enjoyable. Your attention to detail is wavering a bit because of too much intensity.




When I agree with the cards, I agree with the cards. This may very well be the end. We'll find out in an hour or so. It's unfortunate that it isn't working out. I really wanted it to. But... I don't think it's gonna change at all. At least I've probably found a good friend.

XoXo
S

Study

I'm enrolling/applying to IPFW.

A major in either Women's Study or Psychology

and a minor in Religious study, liguistics, journalism, visual communication and design OR the one I don't pick for a major.

:) I don't know what in my brain clicked of changed, but I really want to do this. If anything, I can transfer to IUPUI and I'm pretty sure I can do Religious study as my major there (or, a shit ton of other things I like for a minor.) Or even Ball State or IU of Bloomington. I may never ever use those things in real life, but I already love Psychology. I think Women's Study sounds really interesting (being the pseudo feminist I am) and Religious Study sounds fun, me being agnostic/pastafarian and all.

I'll get back to you all on that. I requested an application and enrollment information in the mail. I'll say so when I get it. :)

XoXo
S