stand still

I feel kind of blank right now. Things are still building up and not getting taken care of, but there's nothing I can do quite yet.

My check past $200. It'll be the last time I make that much money in a LONG time. I still have bills and need tires and still haven't had my doctors appointment made because my mom seems to refuse to help me out even though I'M IN PAIN and I keep missing work because of it.

I'm 19 though. I need to take care of things myself I guess. Grow up a little. I hate the phone, I hate phone calls. I'd much rather e-mail the doctor to make an appointment. I'll have to fill out pages and pages of paper work, because I've only been to the doctor once since I was 9, and it wasn't for a check-up, just a referral to a surgeon to remove the cyst that was on my face. I hate doctors offices. I'm more scared to go to the doctor alone than I was when I went up to get my first tattoo ALONE.

Maybe if I wait a few month Brandon will go with me. I can't go alone. What if something is really wrong with me? I'd probably have a big emotional breakdown right there in the office and no one will be there to comfort me.



but nothing matters right now. Nothing is going on and I have nothing to do that I can actually do right now.

I need to pack my stuff.

I need more boxes.