ramblings

Amanda Palmer is my blog idol.

I strive to someday write blogs that are as powerful as hers. Things that (significant or not) have 100 people reading and interested. To be a blogger who has fans, all of which WANT to hear about my life because I'm talking about or going through interesting controversial things.

<3
S

p.s. I didn't expect so much of a negative reaction to my mohawk. I always just assumed that I couldn't surprise these people because they're my friends. They know I'm a little strange with my hair. However, the general reaction was either an eyeroll (because I MUST be trying to hard, even though I've never felt so free as a person) or just plain asking me why I'd want to do it.

I suppose I grew up and developed as a person in a much more open minded world. That world being the Internet, and more specifically deviantArt.

I don't get nipple piercings. I downright find them to be gross (mainly because I just don't get the allure and sexiness of a bar through your nipple) but when I was told that someone had them, I gave them a virtual high five for self expression. I don't have to like it or 'get it' to understand how LIBERATING it feels to be able to express yourself.

A lot that I went through at my poracial school caused me to feel like I needed to change myself. I once saw a thong outside of a store on a sale table and it made me feel -dirty- inside. Like looking at something like that was a sin. Masturbation and sexual desire in general made me feel even worse. I felt like I was going to hell for going through puberty. A lot of that carried over to my high school days. Despite finally taking on an alternative appearance, I kept my mind set that I shouldn't stand out. Had emo not been the rage those days, I would have never had the balls to do it. My mind was at a constant battle of "is this acceptable, can I do it?" and it made me a miserable little shy girl.

I'm still shy, but once I started to realize that the beliefs that were placed in my head back in those days about controversial things didn't have to be my beliefs, I started to be happier. I made my own choices, despite what I was told was acceptable. I'm being me, with no second guesses about how other people think I should be.

I guess no matter who you are you have to deal with people who don't see eye to eye with you. I guess it makes the world interesting, if nothing else.

<3 for real,
S