So, I'm probably at the height of my health right now. Not only did I work out (cycling) for about 30 minutes Monday through today, I've cut back on a lot of my unhealthy eating. I've actually just realized that I've only been taking in about 1200 calories a day. In a way that's good, because 2000 is for the average person, and if your trying to lose weight (I am) you should eat less than that... But going from approx. 3000 a day to 1200 doesn't sound healthy to me, so I ate a cheesed toastie. Yes, it was heavenly. I've even been fucking drinking water. Seriously. I hate every moment of it, but it'll be worth it. I've never stuck to a health plan this well (5 days... how sad)
In general, I feel strange though. At first I felt amazing. After my second workout my skin was positively glowing and I FELT GREAT. I'm able to go to bed more easily, even if I don't feel tired, and get up even earlier without falling back to sleep. Hell, I've even been writing/planning out a novel. A fucking novel. AND I'M HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE SO FAR.
But at the same time, I've still been having anxiety troubles, and a part of me has given up on certain aspects of my life. I was researching drugs for my story, and as I read some description I half wanted to get my hands on some myself. Not pot, it sounded boring. But what would shrooms be like? Or LSD. LSD's have always interested me. Ecstasy, Oxycontin, Morphine, Speed. I have no desire to destroy my life with a drug addiction, but I just feel the need to -try- them.
I won't. I'm not stupid. But I feel unhappy in way. I want to rip my hair out and smash my head into the wall repeatedly. My stomach is knotted.
It doesn't help that I have minor writers block regarding the start of my story. I always have a hell of a time writing the start of a story, and even when I finally write one I have a hell of a time tying it into the story.
Maybe I'll just go to bed.
XOXO
2 comments:
If you're gonna try anything, try shrooms. Unlike the others, shrooms aren't addictive and the only adverse side effects are farting. :P
I had to read the sentence "I've even been fucking drinking water," three times to realize that "fucking" was an adverb.
Also, Queen Victoria did mary jane and Hitler did methamphetamines. The history of drugs was on in between two marathons of the history of sex. I love watching the history channel at two o'clock in the fucking morning. It makes me wish I had cable.
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