Fuck Up

So, I wasn't feeling too well, and because I didn't want to find out if it was going to turn into a migraine I took some Excedrin before it got that far.

Apparently there's a new animated series about Wolverine coming out. It's an anime, of all things. Looks god-awful. I'd probably still watch it at least once, to make sure I wasn't missing out. X-Men Evolution sounded stupid until I finally watched some of it.

I made a list of wants and needs, and the want list is 36 lines and counting, whereas the needs list is 17 and pretty much done. I'm even trying to generalize in the "wants" section with things like "vampire Novels" and "shoes" instead of listing specific boots or shoes that I want.

Jacob said that we may (or may not) move into an apartment together in a few months to GTFO before my sister has her baby.

Oh yeah, btw, my 13 year old sister is 4 months pregnant. I would have written when I first found out, but I was so unsurprised by it that I didn't bother. Seriously, it's sad that instead of being blown away at the fact that my sister will probably be having a baby days before she's 14, all I could think about was "damn, I was just hoping she was getting fat, so that I wouldn't be the fat one anymore" >:( I'm tired of being the fat one. Maybe she won't lose her baby weight. I can always hope. Yes, I am such an uncaring bitch of a sister that I don't care about her well-being at the moment. Getting pregnant at her age is not only stupid on her part, but most likely on purpose in a way. Seriously, who is dumb enough to not at LEAST pull out if there isn't a condom around. She IS smarter than that.

Maybe we took her out of therapy too soon. All I know is I will not fucking be across the hall from a screaming baby. I hate babies enough as it is.

I DO care that my sister makes it through the pregnancy, don't get my wrong. No one deserves to die (or, in a way we all do, but I prefer to hold my current oppion) but I'm so finished with giving a shit and trying to help her out. Getting pregnant is petty much the most selfish thing she's ever done. She isn't even in high school yet, so you know who is going to be paying for everything and taking care of the baby? My mom, who has shit to do and bills to take care of as it is. But no, it's not enough for my sister to drain my mom of her money to constantly buy her new shoes and clothes and junk food, she has to bring a fucking baby into the picture.

I've conluded that once I'm capable of getting out and living on my own, I gone an I'm not looking back. I'll visit during christmas maybe, to see my grandparents and aunts and uncles, I'll visit with my brother and maybe call my dad, but as far as my mom and sister go (yes, my sister is the product of the way my mother raised her. my brother and I were raised very differently and taught that we should rely on our own devices while my sister was taught to leach) they're pretty much dead to me.

Why allow myself to spend all this time trying to figure out why they're so fucked up when I can just move on and try to not be as fuck up as they are.

Speaking of being fucked up. I'm looking at books on Necromancy and watching youtube videos of pole dance routines. I'm fucked up, but I'd rather be my version of fucked up than pregnant with a kid who will be 5 or 6 when I graduate high school (that is, assuming my sister does so)

Weeell. On that note, I suppose this is good night.