The Killing Dance

I'm reading the Killing Dance (finally) and I love reading the back-and-forth in Anita's head about the pros and cons of Jean-Claude and Richard.

Been opening, feeling drained and tired and needing more time for living. Feeling out of place, not seeing friends, not doing anything that feels worth while. I think the feeling will pass once I get moved out and start hanging with my brother and his friends more. Maybe I'll adopt some of them.

I also now realize the ultimate problem behind Brandon and I is our body schedules. I get up at 7 in the morning. He gets up at 4 in the afternoon (occasionally noon if he has to) so, by the time I see him when I get off of work (at 4) he's got his whole day ahead of him and had the fresh energy of someone who's just gotten up, whereas I've been up for 9 hours. My mid-day is his morning, and my night time is his mid-day. It's only a slight alteration, but it makes a world of difference.

Once I hit 9 o'clock I'm exhausted and tired and just want to sit and rest, but he's all hyper and energized and playing around and it drives me crazy. I actually LIKE it when he's being all cute and annoying, but when I've been on my feet for 14 hours and he wants me to be walking around and have the patients of morning and mid-day me... well, I just can't do that. I want to, and I try to, but I fucking can't. and even when I stay the night with him, I'm up by at least noon, usually sooner and I'll have been up for hours before he's up and I'll have the energy to go do something and he'll just want to scoot around the house and do morning things.

There are never resolutions to my problems. I always get stuck with the difficult ones.

I need a shopping trip to some salvation army/plato's closet. Spending money makes me feeeel good.

XoXo