relationshit

I don't understand it. I don't understand him. I never will, will I?

I tell my mom he's going to a concert tonight so she'll have to pick me up from work. I find out he's supposed to be at a meeting and he tells me that they think he has class EVERY Tuesday and Thursday (he only has them SOME) but when I tell him that I already said something to my mom about it he flips out and tells me to stay out of his work.

He told me he was going to Bryan, Ohio (well, no, he told me he was going to a friends house, then later told me he was in Bryan) with his friend Greg... Then I find out that this chick he knows, Beth, lives in Bryan (no, I am NOT a snoop) and chances are he was hanging out with her. Thing is, I know she's married with kids, so I know he wasn't doing shit with HER so why couldn't he admit that he was going to her house? The only reason for the omissive lie would be feelings of guilt. Why would he be feeling guilty about staying at someones house who is married with kids, chick or not? I know that if he'd said "Me and Greg are staying with my friend Beth" I'd have been a little uneasy, but overall I'd have been okay. maybe asked him his plans or something minimally jealous... but to flat out not tell me? Then after saying he was in Bryan STILL not tell me with her? I mean, come the fuck on, he's with GREG AND the chick's got a family. Why the hell would he think that I was going to flip out over it?

but now that I've found out about this (via myspace) I'm just kinda wondering what the hell really went on. The lies make me paranoid. He also has a chick friend in Montpelier ohio, which is pretty nearby... but her page is on private, so I don't know if she's "seeing" someone.... so yeah.

and about not being a snoop...

It's honestly not like I go through and read every single comment in his comment box and go to all his friends pages to check for him... He just never lets me meet his friends. I only know of greg... I could have met him once, but it would have been just me Brandon and him, and you KNOW I'd be the 3rd wheel (and I even told brandon that it was the only reason why I didn't want to)... but the rest of them? he never talks about his friends. When he texts, regardless of WHO he's texting, it's just his friend... he'll even lie and always call it his "gay friend" even if it says "aly" at the top... claiming that the text he got the he FIRST opened was from his gay friend, then he replied to the other one. ...

ANYWAY, I figured that the only way to get to know any of his friends would be to check them out on myspace, which actually calmed a lot of my paranoia about him cheating on me, because most of his friends were taken/engaged/had kids...

but now the lies. . .

I really don't understand his need to not tell me the full truth about things. My friends used to do this to me as well. Do I really blow up every time I hear something that could be considered disagreeable? Are my reactions to things really so scary that people feel the need to hide things?

I'm asking him about it tonight. Casually ask where he stayed in bryan, then if he doesn't say any place in particular (or says "with a friend") I'll ask about beth. I've asked him about her before, but that was when we were text fighting, and he completely ignored me. I just want honestly. If we have to fight AGAIN over it (like we did the other night) then so fucking be it. I just want him to know that I won't stand for hiding anything in our relationship.

Just last night I opened up to him about my childhood, with my mom cheating on my dad, and the horrible fights they go into and just about everything... I put myself out there for him, and I didn't hold anything back. I feel closer to him... but he keeps so much from me that I still feel pushed away.

much confusion,
<3