trust, fetish, and techno

"they're just so skinny. it makes me feel bad about myself."

"you know beauty is only skin deep"

"yeah... still makes me feel bad"

"well, I see your beauty"


this, along with several other things that have been said over that past few days... I've never had someone actually make me feel better about myself like that. Besides a few fights (that he actually broke and settled with me) things have been pretty good.

Yeah, when we fight, he ends them now. I sat there crying, telling him that doing ANYTHING to make me feel better was better than doing nothing, and he grabbed ahold of me, hugged me tight, and pulled me down to lay with him on the air mattress in the side room until I stopped crying.

We had another fight the next day, and I called my mom to come take me home because I couldn't take it and right after I called he said to call her back, because he didn't want me to leave. (usually, when I threaten to call he just says 'fine' ... this time he said to get my shit and get out of his house. I don't think he thought I'd actually do it this time. Told him... well, shouted at him that all I want is for him to act like he cares. . .)

still fighting isn't exactly a good thing, but overall, things have been better. much better. I feel like we're more connected.

I think I'm actually building some trust for him. I know, 4 1/2 months of dating, and a lot of sex, and I don't really trust him yet... but he's earning it. considering it took me and michelle (ha, i talk like you aren't the only person who can read my blog) 4 years to be where we are today, me and Brandon are doing well. he's a bit more open with me emotionally, ever since his dad died.

I'm starting to let my suspicion die, because I really don't think he'll cheat. I know not with Rebecca. She's been the start of quite a few arguments, but when I comes right down to it, whether she's interested or not, and whether she hates me or not, he wants ME, not her.



If you're looking for an interesting porn, Brandon found one.

Fashionista: Safado, The Challenge
It has a bit of story line, starting out with a fashion show of vinyl and latex fetish gear, a battle between two up and coming fetish designers, a love quadrangle, and then about 2 hours of weird fetish stuff followed by a full hour of a room full of people all gang fucking eachother. it's really strange, and artistic, as far as porn goes.
and you know it's good, simply for the fact that it's $40, and that even guys don't want to fast forward to more interesting parts.


I've been dying to find a porn with a story. I mean, it doesn't need much, but I like to know the characters a little.

14 person orgy anyone?



and I've been invited to the high school homecoming dance. Techno Rave themed. My brother and I are going shopping tomorrow, and I'll be buying some stuff for my outfit, and some things for Brandon. We only have about a week and 1/2 left :'( I'm getting him a soccer ball, he told me that before he fucked up his knee he played soccer in highschool. He said he was going to try to go to college for it. I asked if his knee was better now (just in case, because I wouldn't want to hurt him by making him realise what he still can't do) and he said it was, besides his minor limp... I think we'll enjoy doing that :D and since Kim got a job at Blondies Cookies, she's gonna custom design a cookie with Jack and Sally on it, saying "sally is gonna miss her Jack." I'm gonna give it to him tomorrow, cuz I'll be seeing kim at work in the afternoon, and Brandon later that day.

I hope he loves it.

I told him that he was honestly one of the greatest people to ever come into my life, and as I said it I got tears in my eyes. That's how I know it's true.

much <3
S