ick

My head is hurting a little. It's not THAT late, but oh well.

Brandon was at a concert, and here I find myself immensely jealous. Not because he gets to see Killswitch Engage, I've seen them already, but because he felt the need to point out that one of the bands had a chick guitarist. :\

I know me, I know I'll have a hell of a time NOT caring about Brandon looking at other girls, at least until I find a new guy to think about... It still sucks though. We're doing okay as friends, we really are. He almost acts like he intends to date me again later, even though he wants to be single/date others right now. We were watching league of extraordinary gentle men, and he made a comment about how it'd be cool to be the hallow man, because of something having to do with having sex with me while invisible and how it'd be funny. I pointed out that it wouldn't be with me, and he said "well, who said we won't be together sometime in the future?" and I pointed out that he's the one who said he didn't want to get back together. :\

It almost feels like he just wants me to be a backup. Or like he thinks I'm "the one" but he's not ready to settle down so he's going to be single/date until he is....

I still think that everything that happened is because he's afraid of being committed to someone he doesn't trust to be committed to him. Honestly though, as much I was just wanna tell him that I love him and move back over than and curl up with him on the futon watching tv like nothing happened (I was -happy- there) I don't think I ever could. There's a lot of things he lied to me about. Like, about the number of girls he dated. And, you know, the whole cheating thing. It's the untimate betrayal of trust, and even though a lot of people who cheat don't realize how badly their actions affect their partner and usually regret it but you can't take it back. You wish you could, but you can't. I wish I could forget about it, but I can't. When I'm around him I just act crazy. I hate that he does that to me.

Well, I got my left ear triple pierced and bought Bitten (yay) and Dime Store Magic. Actually pretty good so far. I was worried because it wasn't about Elane and Clay so I didn't think I'd like it... but it's not so bad..

off to bed. I need to shower in the morning. going to the zoo in a few days and everything...

<3
S