The heart wants what the heart wants

I haven't blogged in a while. Mostly because my thoughts have been so painfully scrambled and jumbled that I couldn't really put them into decent legible sentences. my G key is also still acting funny, but my word checker usually catches it so I'm not worried.

I bought about $30 worth of sharpies the other day. I'm considering buying more online, the ones you can only get online. I'm fucking bored and I don't have shit to do. I finally found my flat iron and hair brush though.

I feel used and taken advantage of. We said "time apart" but see eachother daily. He doesn't know if he wants to be with me but he still says "I love you" and hugs me good bye. He keeps bringing up that I'm the one that broke up with him so it's my fault that he doesn't know and he still refuses to admit that he cheated (which, I found out that only 7% of men will, even if the evidence all points to it. You'd have to catch them in bed with the other girl)... I think he just wants to be clean of guilt or blame if he's caught sleeping with other girls right now, because he can say that it's time apart, and it's not HIS fault I wanted to spend time with him and it's not HIS fault the we took the time off (even though it was his sugestion) and if I had never broken up with him things would have been fine (even though thats when I found out that he didn't really like me living with him and wanted me to spend more time away and said he decided that he didn't want to move to Indy, and had we never broken up I would have never found out about this.

He's either using me or doesn't have the balls to break up with me. If I thought we could just be friends then I would love that, but the sexual tension builds up between us fast, and friends don't kiss or make out.

I'm pretty lost about what to do, but I'm just going to keep going with the flow unless something happens.

<3
S