October 11, 2013

Afterthought

I just had a passing thought about my ex Michael.

He used to claim he had seizures whenever I tried to break up with him. At first in the relationship he'd just collapse on the floor, but the day I actually had my bags out the door his eyes rolled back and he had a seizure. 

Or so I thought. But as I sit here (feeling sick to my stomach STILL whenever I think of that disgusting pos) I can't help but feel he faked every one. Because the first time he did it I wasn't sure what to do or what happened so put my head to his chest to see if I could hear a heart beat since he didn't seem to be breathing. But once he "regained consciousness" he was really shitty with me about it. He bitched me out, asking what I thought I'd accomplish by doing it. 

Like, at the time that whole thing was so crazy and I'd never experienced that shit so I didn't even think about it, but if he actually had a seizure and was actually passed out he wouldn't have fucking known I layed my head on his chest to begin with. 

Was he faking to see if I cared enough to call 911? Was he faking to guilt me into staying? both, probably. He liked to test me constantly. And there was never a right thing to do so obviously I always failed no matter what. 

But I was just thinking about this so I thought I'd write it out. I'm not doing a personal tumblr anymore because too much triggering shit pops up on my dash, but I still have here, where it's just my own bullshit and no one else's. 

XoXo,
S

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