I keep writing blogs and not posting them. Some because they aren't finished, others because they're about touchy topics (to some people) and I'm not a person who likes to start things like that anymore. Fuck all this growing up.
I've been watching Jon's Sister's house since Friday. I took him to a funeral in Ohio but I had to head back to good old Indiana for work. He was going to come with me, but decided to stay another night because his sister was in Ohio somewhere too and could pick him up on her way back. This way he could see some old friends. He told me it'd be one night, so I was okay.
I let the dogs out, I fed the dogs. I enjoyed a nice CLEAN shower/bathroom with nice shampoos and conditioners and towels that hadn't been used yet, and slept in a big comfy bed in a room that wasn't as hot as it was outside. But I've been really bored, and I've feel weird and REALLY lonely sleeping here by myself because I've never been here without Jon. We've never spent more than one night apart, and we rarely even do that.
I asked him to call.
Now it's Sunday and I'm still sitting here alone feeling bored and lonely. I still haven't gotten a phone call. I barely got texted. Last night when I was trying to text goodnight, I get a lovely indecipherable message. Apparently he decided to get completely wasted. To the point where someone was needing to take care of him to keep him from being stupid or puking everywhere.
Besides the fact that it's obviously STUPID to get that drunk, he's out of state and on probation getting drunk. After spending our entire relationship being cautious about how much alcohol I'm allowed to consume because he doesn't want me getting drunk. And all the times He's told me he doesn't like alcohol and thinks getting drunk is dumb. And how he told his friend that getting really drunk while trying to deal with the death of a really close friend is bad idea.
I'm gone for TWO DAYS and he can't even take care of himself and make responsible choices, and I get to sit here feeling like shit because there's nothing to do here but watch tv and play on the internet. That's not as fun as it was when I was in high school. I logged into gaia in hopes of finding something to take my mind off of this shit. It'd be different if I were at my own home, with all of my books and yarn and and endless amount of things to do/that need done. Or if I were at his place downtown where I could just go on a really long walk to all of my favorite places in the city. But I'm here, at his sister's in a rich subdivision with no one to keep me company but a bunch of dogs who stay in their cage in the basement when they aren't running outside. I don't even like dogs.
I'm really pissed and really upset right now. I don't know if I want to ignore him or yell at him, because one or the other is inevitable. I'm not even going to try to talk to him until he's home because having him here in person makes it harder for me to act petty and shitty and I'll be less likely to say things I regret. And then I'll get over it and move on because this is probably the only time so far that I've been genuinely mad at him.
But I needed to get that out. Because I'm upset and there's no one here to talk to, and nothing that can really distract me from it.
XoXo,
S
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