good and bad

I've been having crazy health problems lately but I still haven't payed for my medical bills from going to the hospital for my dog bite, so I can't really afford to go get myself checked out. My friend just found out she had a minor wheat allergy and that's part of the reason she always felt sick after eating. Lets not talk about that though.

I've realized that no matter how hard I try I still feel relatively depressed and upset and just plain shitty. Even with how much more positive I've become I still feel helpless and upset and stuck.

I AM stuck though. It really hit me the other day, that I've been working so damn hard for so long, and I still have nothing to show for it. I still can't have anything nice. I still don't have free money and I'm still struggling every day to get to a point where I can stop struggling.

My GPA is 3.25 right now, which is pretty good. I think I'm going to enroll in St. Francis after I check up on the cost. If everything in GM pans out (which no, it still hasn't :\) I can at LEAST save up a lot of money after I pay my debts off. I figure if a semester at a normal college is up to $500/credit hour (varying, IPFW is much cheaper) I'll have to save at least $30k before I take school seriously again. I want half of it saved before I start again. I'll still ride my financial aid train, but I'll have something to fall back on when and I'll be able to pay it off when I get there.


On a more cheerful note, I'm wearing all tie dye today besides my bra. Even my underwear. You may ask "how much tie dye is too much" and I'll tell you, "NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH TIE DYE." My shorts match my shirt though, since I dyed them both using the same batch and same color schemes. And I'm not wearing socks or anything with my flip flops.

And I saw shit loads of rainbows today and that always makes my day. Gatorade rainbows, kids bubble solution rainbows, crayon rainbows, chalk rainbows, everything. I love color so damn much. And I went to K-Mart for the first time in a LONG time and saw all sorts of things that I don't find at wal-mart, like the Polaroid Pogo (which I want so bad) and shoes that I actually like, and ponies/unicorns

And my big bro bought my old Dell from me. He's going to fix it up and keep it from himself. It's not money in my pocket though, it goes to pay the doctor bill I just got that was about $25 less than what he's paying me for the computer. So yeah, $125 to the doctor and $25 to my phone bill.

So Yeah, talking about all this positive stuff is cheering me up a little if nothing else. Life is still a struggle, but it's all perspective.

XoXo,
S