Why I keep a semi-private blog online instead of crying about my life to everyone who'll listen.

I've been trying to write a post about attention whoring "sad" girls without sounding like a jealous bitch. I guess I'll leave the post simple.

I have a guy who things I'm pretty, loves my body, gives me freedom and treats me well. He doesn't believe in having an insane amount of possessions or being greedy and tries to treat everyone with love and respect. My dad has overcome alcoholism and is trying to be the father I've always needed, is incredibly proud of me for being in school and goes out of his way to try to help me. My brother has always been there for me, and even though my mom and sister are insane bitches, I have a mother and a sister and a beautiful niece and nephew. 

You want to know real depression? Trying have such a beautiful life and not being able to appreciate it. Not because of wanting more and being selfish, you just can't be happy. How about you live a life where when things are going great for the first time in years and you just want to not wake up in the morning so that you don't have to experience anything bad ever again or you want to start drinking or trying drugs because that way you CHOSE how and when you fucked it up. Feeling the worst when things are the best and feeling normal when everything is wrong. Wanting bad relationships just so you can explain to people why you cry all the time. 

When happiness makes you want to die more than depression, you can start complaining to my boyfriend about how bad your life is. He's a great guy and all you're doing is manipulating him so that you can have some attention and feel good about yourself. You seek out the nice giving people because you know they'll bend over backwards to try to make you feel better and you won't have to do anything in return and that when you're done getting that attention you can just not speak to them for months at a time until you need more attention again and that they'll still listen and try to help you. 

You aren't depressed, you just need to grow the fuck up. People like you are the reason that people like me don't want to ask for help. I'd rather people think I was fine until the day I die (by natural causes or my own hand) than think I'm some sort of whiny attention whore. I won't even say this to your face, or admit it to anyone else because I don't want anyone to have to worry about how terrible I feel inside.

XoXo,

S