four letters

Love is a 4 letter word. Smitten is 7. Smitten is good. The butterflies are good. Having the same person on your mind 24/7 is too. Especially if its always in a good way. Being able to look someone in the eyes and not feel like they're judging you. Getting lost in someones eyes for the first time in your life. Needing closeness. Secretly spending your entire day waiting... To have one person hold you. Having them make all your problems vanish the moment they're there. Smiling. Constantly. It's ecstasy. I'm terrified of love. But I love being so smitten.

I realized this last night. I can't even think straight because I can't think about anything else.

When was the last time I've ever fallen so hard for someone? I can't think of any. I've dated my huge high school crush, and the guy I used to consider the hottest ever, a close friend, a tall gothy stranger, a man with a direction in life. I never felt this before. Now I don't even know if I've ever loved any of them besides the one. Because the way I feel right now makes me question whether or not I was ever happy before. How could I have considered anything I felt before now happy, besides the fact that I didn't know how amazing I could feel.

I think, for the first time in my life I've met someone and it's the right time for each other in BOTH of our lives. He has the heart I've always wanted. The potential to love me how I need to be, the ability to do nothing but do so much at the same time. The support and reason. Just the fact that he can say things to me in a way that I'll understand instead of being upset or offended. He told me he was uneasy about my major because of the jobs opportunities. We had a discussion. We didn't argue. He wasn't overbearing. We discussed it like adults and came to a mutual understanding of the situation. It was just about the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. A conversation with two opposing opinions that doesn't end with me in tears and angry? Who knew it could exist.

I want to hold on to this and never let go. Fuck what everyone says about finding a person who they consider a good guy. My ex may have had a list of 'credentials' longer than the hair of the girl who sits in front of me in Algebra (no seriously, her hair must be waist length or longer) but he could never be what I wanted or needed. This guy can. He fucking IS.

I swear, as scary as it is to admit and as stupid as I feel for believing it when I've been with a guy for less than two weeks...

XoXo,
S