The problem is that so much time is spent focusing on trying to stop bullying but it seems like no one wants to spend time focusing on helping the victims until it's too late. Yeah, we definitely need to give bullying real consequences, but to someone who already calls that sweet flamboyant boy a "fag" and gives him trouble every step of the way... How is detention going to make him realize he's doing something wrong? If anything he'll feel that he should hate the "fag" more for getting him in trouble. At a younger age bullying stems from your home life and personal struggle... After you hit high school it's fueled my a genuine mean spirited personality and hate for something that's different.
If you want to stop bullying you have to start at a much younger age. Day Care. Pre-school. Kindergarten. If they make it to middle school and still want to call someone they don't know or don't like ugly because making the victim sad makes them feel good, it's too fucking late. Maybe I'm just pessimistic, but I guess that's my personal experience talking? The people who bullied me in grade school mostly stopped through middle school. The people who didn't stop became the girls you'd label as "bitch" and the guys you'd have to ask, "why do you always have to be such a dick?"Those behaviors never stopped. Even as matured adults the subtle hits are still there. They still like pointing out your flaws. They still like knowing they can hurt you.
Instead of wasting our time telling people ages 11-18 that they should be nicer to each other, it's time to focus our time on helping the ones who need it. People don't take human suffering seriously anymore once you hit puberty. It's expected of you to cry, feel self conscious, and be generally angsty. Too often we brush off people's feelings as temporary. "Oh, they're just transitioning between being a child and being an adult, they'll get over it."
Fucking WRONG. Never. Ever. Ever. Brush off another person's suffering. We all come in different degrees of sensitivity. Yeah, the person literally crying over spilled milk may be overreacting to that situation, but the proper thing to do isn't to tell them "get the fuck over it and grow up." It's to take them to see a PROFESSIONAL to help them work out the reasons behind why they're so sensitive to help them overcome it. The proper response to ANYONE who cuts isn't to grow thicker skin or to stop whining for attention. It's to take them seriously and to find them whatever help they need.
Does your kid get bullies by strangers online? have a good long talk with them about anonymity and the dangers of putting too much of yourself out there (especially with your face. Especially with your name.) Teach your kids about privacy. a good way to prevent online bullying from people you know in real life is to limit what you put out, and limit who knows it. Don't be friends with everyone you requests you on a social networking site. Don't talk about drama when other's involved can find it or hear about it from someone else (I was so guilty of this in my young blogging days. SO GUILTY. I could have prevented a lot of unneeded misunderstandings and bully-fuel by keeping my mouth shut from side comments that weren't meant to offend but did.)
It's not really the victims fault if they get bullied, but some people make mistakes while growning up that make bullies target them. To quote Miley Cyrus, actually,
“You can't stop people from talking about you, but you can stop giving them something to talk about.”
ANYWAY. Side tracked there. Instead of focusing all of this time and money on the BULLIES in high school and middle school who will just sit there with a smug smile on their faces, we need to put our focus onto helping the victims. A copy of my facebook status that got me and my friend thinking about doing something about this:
"I admire people who think that they can stop bullying by being all feel-good about it (because that totes works)... but I think a better route would be to underline the importance of mental health, getting help, parents being involved in their kids online lives, and the fact that if you can't handle ridicule and bulling you can always be home schooled or keep your online presence minimal and mostly private."
Yeah, I said we were going to try to do something about this. Exciting, right?
xoxo,
S
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