caught up on stress

The stress is finally catching up with me. If I'm exceptionally filled with typos that's why.

I've been holding myself together surprisingly well over the last week, but now that I'm alone and no one needs me to comfort them I'm now falling apart, I guess.

My boyfriends 17 year old sister had a heart attack Tuesday. Since then we've been to Michigan twice to see her in the hospital. She's heavily sedated, but still coherent enough to acknowledge that we're there. The nurses say she probably won't remember though. Her lungs are swollen and surrounded by fluids but have stopped bleeding but her heart isn't beating strongly enough and has actually gotten worse in the last day or so. She couldn't survive without the machines that are breathing for her and pumping blood through her veins. They're hoping the swelling in the lungs go down over the weekend since having them in that condition really limits their options.

She was approved for some sort of mobile device that would keep her heart beating without her being in a hospital bed, but it's only temporary. They're talking about a heart transplant. She's only fucking 17.

I've been sleeping well, and eating fine and keeping positive but it's starting to run me down now. My breathing is getting weird, so now I'm getting a little light headed. I've been trying to make a BASIC scarf for his mom and her boyfriend since they left on short notice and it was still warm out when they did. They don't have any warm clothes. They barely have money to eat but the Ronald McDonald house is at least giving them a place to stay.

Family drama is even keeping family members from coming to visit. How heartbreaking is it that someone won't come see a close family member who is in critical condition in the hospital just because some bullshit they have between another family member? They can't put it aside for a day? We're keeping hopeful. The girl is a fighter. But she may not make it. That is always a possibility. How could you not come see your own daughter or sister? Just because someone you don't like is there?

I'm trying to distract myself from the breathing but it's really not working. I want to crawl into bed and sleep until we go back up to see her and their mom again.

But they need warm clothes, so I'm going to keep trying to make this scarf until I have to work, and I'll get myself through the night and cuddle with rob until I feel better and fall asleep.

xoxo,
S