What I want for Christmas.

I just want this feeling to stop already.
I want to be in control again.
I want to feel happy
and free

I want all of the tattoos I used to dream about getting.
My  second lip piercing to be redone.
All the crazy little ear piercings I wanted
My right ear to be gauged huge like I always wanted.
To wear my ugly green leopard print TUKs
To eat fast food without so much fucking guilt tripping,
and to not go hungry if I don't.

Painted toenails, in a color I CHOOSE.
To have bangs without arguing
Dying my hair whatever fucking color I want.
Wearing ugly as fuck clothes, because I CAN.
Having whatever junk I want in my car,
and not having someone else's trash in there too.

My own bed, my own room, my own TV shows, my own music,
My ONE pair of skinny jeans, my torn jeans, my faded and ruined jeans,
My leggings, my 'manly' purse, my wool jacket with a band logo pinned to the back,
My mini skirts, my thigh high stockings, my corsets, garters and heels

To not have to consult someone to go to IHOP after work at 2am
And go to my friends parties, or visit them out of town,
or just to hang out with someone and do nothing without an escort.

All I want for fucking Christmas is for this relationship to end because its KILLING me.
Just let me fucking go already.
next time I try to walk out the door, let me go. I can't exist like this.