On a more factual note, I really have been feeling depressed lately, and it really does highlight the fact that I have shitty friends. But I haven't really cared much for them for a while now, being shitty and all.
I spend most of my day sleeping. Most of my waking time doing homework because I don't want to let my brain sit for too long on it's own because it just makes it all worse. I actually finished my Algebra homework on Saturday, and did my Composition homework yesterday while it was still daylight out. I still need to finish my drawing, but after I get the mouth and teeth finished it's just work with shading from there. And the hair.
How do you make friends when one of your classes is a bunch of really annoying freshmen, the other involves no talking at all, and the third is filled with cool people that you don't have a chance to talk to because it requires so much concentration that no one WANTS to talk. I have no job. I have no money. I don't get to enjoy the free things in life, like long walks and good conversation. I get the walks, but the conversations always lead to arguments that I'm not emotionally equipped to deal with right now.
I think I'm at an odd transition, between the person I want to be and a mature adult. I don't enjoy the change. I don't want it. So I stop it and everyone gets mad. I don't really enjoy anything anymore. I don't like other's company, I don't want to be on facebook, I don't want to be an artist, I don't want to go shopping with people, and I don't like being in relationships. What's really left besides the excitement of watching a new episode of Doctor Who on the weekend (except last night was the series finale, and there won't be another episode until Christmas). Which is often times ruined by my significant other who, instead of letting me enjoy the range of emotions I'm finally able to feel while I watch, will distract me and annoy me and basically do everything in his power to take the focus away from me.
It's nice knowing you still have the ability to care and feel, you know? I like getting to feel every now and then, even if most of what I feel is heart wrenching pain.
Fuck, I love Doctor Who.
XoXo,
S
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