weak

My mom let my 16 year old sister get her second tattoo, in a highly visible spot on her arm.

Is it sad that the only time I don't dislike my mom is when I don't talk to her or my sister? I want to. I really do. She's my mom and it's my sister.

Props to her for not covering it up at the family events though. I'm so much bolder about who I am on facebook.

I didn't get to see Jon yesterday because I was sleepy. It's the first day since the start of this year that I haven't seen him, unless you want to be really technical and count that he wasn't home until 1am from work, so I DID see him on April 8th, but only for like an hour. I wish I'd have gone to the Fort to see him, but I was so tired and I needed to bathe.

I basically spend my days sitting around and waiting for GM to call. Everyone keeps telling me to be prepared for how much it's going to suck. I know it'll suck, and I'm afraid I'm not cut out for it. I even already know I may or may not cry during and after my first shift because i cry so easily. Not even because I'm delicate, I'm just sensitive to crying. I really need this to work out for me, and I need to find strength somehow. I don't know where to turn for that. Usually it's my close friends and myself that keeps me strong. I already feel like I've failed myself in so ways for trying to drop out of school. I haven't gotten a confirmation letter on that yet, but I'm scared. Even if they accept it I'll be in debt like $3000 and I won't be making money until I get called to work at GM. Fuck Wendy's. How can a 40 hour week not pay for bills when you don't pay rent? I can't even expect to make $8/hr there EVER. My brother is the assistant manager and he only makes $8.75.

I feel so trapped. Maybe this should be where I let my animal instincts kick in; trap me in a corner and a normally peaceful me will start fighting for their life.

Lets hope I have the strength and courage.

XoXo,
S