I've been feeling kinda sad, ya know? But I feel like being a social justice blogger. I was thinking about the suicide of a coworker. I have been for a good week now. But I've said all I can about it.
I just want to say, as far as Jenna Marbles "slut shaming" video goes.
We all have a definition of slut, whether we call them one or not. We all know that girl who will, without a doubt, try to sleep with just about any guy who smiles at them that isn't terrible to look at. Some don't even care if they're terrible to look at. Or if they smile or just roll their eyes. We all know at least one girl who feels accomplished for sleeping with that guy who's been in a relationship for a few years. The married man. The man who makes fun of her. The one who likes to get drunk and have sex* with strangers and possibly is in some really risky situations because of it. The ones who repeatedly partake in those behaviors despite being in what was agreed to be a monogamous relationship.
Those are sluts. It's their choice. They can do what they want. I'm not looking down on them for doing what they want, and what they do with their body isn't any of my business (despite getting gory details without asking). But that is a slut. Not a woman who partakes in casual sex. Not the one who's slept with an uncountable amount of guys. The one who partakes in risky business, disregards the emotions of those involved (when in a monogamous relationship) and makes it a point to have sex with whomever possible. Slut is a 4 letter word, but when Jenna is saying slut, she's just using the only word she knows of to describe said behavior.
Not every person who partakes in casual sex, cheats in a relationship, or engages in risky sexual behavior falls into the category of what she's saying. I can think of ONE girl who I feel is genuinely a slut. Or was, at least. I've know plenty who hook up, who get drunk and have sex, who've had one night stands and fuck buddies, and who've cheated on their significant other. None of them were sluts. Slut, despite negative meaning, is being used to describe those few people you meet in life who use sex as a form of self worth. If that's their cup of tea, great for them. She just doesn't get it, or get the shit they say (neither do I, sometimes).
Maybe these people will never decide that being in a relationship and only having sex with one person is great. There's a good chance they aren't the "sluts" she's talking about.
Slut shaming is a really serious topic. Slut shaming rarely has to do with women who are actually "sluts" and much more to do with shaming women for the simple act of having sex, whether it's with one person (but out of marriage, or without intent to have children), or dozens. Slut shaming is about telling a girl how many people they've probably had sex with based off of the clothes they wear, or their make-up. It's about the implication that a woman having sex is bad and wrong without having the same implications for men. That women having sex are immoral.
What this video ISN'T saying is that it's immoral. Just risky. Just questionable. Just for those few women who do, in fact, express their self worth by how many people the can sleep with. They are the minority of people called sluts. But those are who the video is about. If you can think of a less offensive word that describes this, then get it out there. If you say "woman" then I'll e-punch you in the face for not GETTING it. We use words to categorize people, their clothes, their beliefs and their behaviors. If you were to call me punk or goth (or fuck, even emo) I'd just nod my head and say "kinda, yeah." I'm an Agnostic Atheist. I'm white. "female" and "woman" are just two words to categorize you as 1) having a vagina or 2) feeling mentally to be that of a "woman" regardless of your physical sex.
We put people into categories to simplify our speech. It prevents us for having to describe that list of qualities every time we bring it up ("I sure do love those boys who wear lots of black, with the mohawks and dyed black hair and tattoos and spiky jewelry who listen to that one really rebellious genre of music." oh, you mean punk boys?) If I'm talking about people who believe in God and that Jesus came to save them from their sins, I'd just save my breath and say "Christian." If I'm talking about girls who endlessly partake in risky sexual behavior as stated multiple times above, I won't say slut because people will get really upset and I'm aware of this. What the hell do you want me to say when talking about things I don't understand with this tiny margin of sexually active people? What did you want her to say?
Maybe she just shouldn't have made the video. Sure. But she did, and we need to be honest with ourselves, the thing we find the most offensive isn't what she's actually saying, it's just the fact that she said "slut" and we don't like that word. That's fine, but don't put words into her mouth because of it. Don't read between lines that aren't there. Just say that the word slut is offensive and move on.
*why is it if 2 people get drunk and have sex it's rape, but only for the woman? Drunk people can't consent? So if they're both drunk then neither of them can consent then they both raped each other. If a drunk person isn't capable of so much as consenting to sex, how they can't be held responsible for determining whether or not the other person is also drunk, or more drunk? Drunk people can consent to sex. It's when a drunk person says "no" or has been drugged that it becomes rape. Regret afterwards has nothing to do with it. If one person is sober, then yes, it CAN be rape. It's in really bad judgement to have sex with a drunk person when you're sober. And it's in really bad taste. But when I'm drunk, I want sex. Whether or not I regret it in the morning doesn't determine if it was sex or rape.
XoXo,
S
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