A friend of mine starts back at college soon. Or should I say someone I used to be friends with. I didn't sign up for classes this semester because I wanted to save up some money and I couldn't handle my bills as it is. My GPA was fine (in the 3 range) I just can't seem to keep up with school without breaking down with anxiety. And I should be starting work in a factory soon.
It still kinda felt like a punch in the stomach to know she's showing her friend around campus and that they're going to Olive Garden after. That's what her and I did 2 years ago when I was new there. Then her and my brother stopped dating, and I got into a really bad relationship and we didn't talk much anymore. I later found out that the reason we didn't talk was because she thought I was being a bitch all the time.
I had really really needed her through that situation. Needed ANYONE that I could break down in front of so I could finally get help and get into a safer place. Instead she didn't reply when i texted, she didn't pick up if I called and completely ignored me on facebook. I didn't even see her on campus because she started to avoid the lounge that we hung out in. I had no idea why.
on new years eve I got out of that bad relationship and moved the hell on. I've hung out with her twice since then, once with just her and once with the whole gang that I used to hang out with. Yeah, I've missed all the fun we used to have but... I just forced me to realize that they weren't really my friends. Where were ANY of them when I needed them and when it stopped being convenient and stopped being us hanging out with booze? They were all out telling me they were to busy to hang out and then posting onto facebook about all the fun they were having because they decided they weren't so busy after all, because someone else wanted to hang out.
I've had the shittiest friends over the years. I'm HAPPILY awaiting my first BFF from grade school to be coming back to Fort Wayne from Indy. We disliked each other sometimes. We fought a lot. I don't think we hung out once in high school, but it someone who doesn't give a fuck about how crappy I've been acting because they KNEW why and wanted to be there to cheer me up.
Actually, I remember once when we were on the bus, and she was SO determined to make me smile before we got to school because I was having a bad morning. She actually tried. I've missed having that around.
XoXo,
S
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