A brief history of the last 4 years part 3

So that brings me to now. I'm sitting in a car dealership having my the 2nd brand new car of my life (and I'm o my 27) serviced. There is something wrong with me. I was diagnosed with depression when I was maybe 22. And I romanticize my own sadness a lot. Partially as a coping mechanism, and partially because it's the only thing I've ever really known. I'm afraid of failure so I never have any goals. I'm don't know who I am without mental illness, but god help me, I'm ready to find out. 3 of the last 4 relationships I had were decent people going through their own struggles. I'm decent with my money and my debt is all easily managed with my job. I own a damn house, for the time being, and that's something I didn't think I COULD do, regardless of whether or not I thought I'd want to. Like I said previously, I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm a soft and squishy marshmallow of a person on the inside. I've been fighting it my whole life but loving love and being kind is my best quality and I've held onto it through everything. Nothing good or helpful has ever come from me being cold or "strong" or anything but who I am. My life is in shambles like it always is but I've held it together this long so I have a lot of hope for the future. I'm going to keep blogging (on a real blog and not Tumblr) but I'm leaving this behind because, while the struggle is important, it's not what I'm focused on anymore and I've been a lot better off because of it.