A brief history of the last 4 years part 2

So my friend lived with me for 5 months. She planned to move to Indianapolis with another friend once she could afford to. I loved this girl with every fiber of my being. Fall in love with your friends. Have intense non-sexual love for another person. It's wonderful. She hurt me like everyone else I've loved but it was the only love I've ever had that felt worth it in the end. I would have (and did) drop anything and everything to help her. CJ said a lot in our last few months together that i loved my friends more than I loved him. With the friends I have I feel like this will always be true. I don't see how romantic love could ever compare. We had a going away party for her. My friend who moved to Indy a year before was there and ready to pack up up for the drive. It was a great night of drinking and laughing. CJ was out with his friends (and my car). When he got home it was pretty late and I don't remember what caused what but we were in a shouting match and he was threatening me and belittling all of my friends and calling them worthless. I called the cops. I was sure they'd do something this time. They didn't. I broke up with him that night. The next day I found out that my only grandpa has passed away in the night. He was an intense badass. A hard worker and a survivor and I want to channel every bit of who he was into my life. When I left town for his funeral 3 days later my ex was already sleeping around with a girl he kept telling me to not worry about. We lived together for months still because neither of us could afford not to. Around November a friend of mine moved into the spare bedroom to help out even more and to help the transition from living with my ex to living with a roommate. My mental health declined over those next few months and I started dating someone I had a causal thing with a year or so beforehand even though I knew it wasn't what was best. We broke up a month or two later and mid January I had a mental breakdown. i was in and out of a dissociative state, self harming, and all around feeling high anxiety and severe depression. This was the week my ex moved out because I was tired of his mind games and how lazy he got after we broke up. He even told me he wasn't helping out around the house on purpose because it wasn't his home anymore so he didn't care if it looked like shit. He broke all of the rules we set up after our breakup. But once he was out and I felt with him stealing my couch and all of the stress tied into having someone removing things from your home while your not there, it stopped. I leveled out. It was a pivotal moment in my life and for my mental health. I met a guy at the bar during my friend's birthday party. We all went back to my house, got super drunk, and him and I cuddled. He swore he'd take me out on a real date after that and he followed through. He texted me when I texted him and was really excited about me. Until he wasn't. A different friend had moved in and out during this time frame. We all went on vacation. A couple friends and my boyfriends and myself. My friends from Indy brought along a girl that I hated instantly but I knew they'd figute it out on their own when the time came (like 3 months later I think?) and when we got home the guy got super distant and then broke up with me. I loved him like I haven't loved someone in years. So a month later he confessed he felt like he made a mistake when he left me and I thought this was finally it and I'd found the one and everything would be okay. I'm still naive and still a hopeless romantic and I won't let anyone change that in me. But a few months later and a lot of trying really hard when he clearly wanted to be distant with me he broke up with me over a text message when he was drunk. I dated a guy from work for s little whole because he seemed nice but I'm I'm being blunt I didn't get over that guy until maybe a month ago. I feel shitty for it but it really wasn't my intentions to have the guy be a rebound. We weren't really compatible and our breakup was mutual but it was still really shorty of me.