Self sabotage.

I don't even know what to do about myself anymore. I hate myself when I'm alone. I hate other people when I'm around them. I get nervous meeting new people and I'm not very outgoing around people I like. When I am I feel like I'm just being annoying and that they'll hate me so i stop talking to them ( and then the people who did like me now think I hate them). 

I saw my friend Lacey's apartment and its gorgeous and they're redoing more in the same building to look similar, but my brother wants me to move into this house in Decatur with him. I'm wanting to do that because it helps him out, but at the same time I can't think of a single thing I like about Decatur. 

But I don't know how I'd do on my own. I'm really uninspired right now. Lonely. I went to a further away Walmart to wonder around so I could be around people. Now I'm just sitting in the parking lot on my phone wishing I had someone to talk to. 

I don't and I know it's my fault. But it doesn't make me any less alone. 

I just sabotage myself every step of the way. 

XoXo,

S