My hair.

I take back what I said about my sister. She broke up with her new boyfriend of one week to go back out with her last boyfriend. Playing with peoples emotions in any way is stupid.

In other news, I grew a pair and finally did something that I've wanted to do for ages but didn't think I'd ever be brave enough to do.... I got a mohawk. As you could already see from the picture. I'm excited to try to spike it up or tease it or whatever. The stylist did such a good job. Got it done at Famous Hair even, and usually the mainstream hairstylists aren't too good with alternative cuts (note my emo hair cut several years ago... They did okay, but really, they've never seen that style before? it's EVERYWHERE!)

They weren't busy at all when I came in, so I had like, 5 to 8 stylists sitting there watching this lady work, telling me how brave I was. They said they've never had anyone come in there who was daring enough to try it (ha, made me feel special. I'm such a pussy, I'm not brave at all) and it was just a great experience. And she did a wonderful job. I wish I could have left her with more than a $5 tip. But I'm a poor ass bitch.

My hair is soooo nice now. All the dead ends are gone. ALL of them. All that's left is healthy only-bleached-one-or-two-times hair. Barely an inch long at the shortest.

Brandon LOVED it. Said "you know... if you wanna keep that style for a while... That'd be nice"
:D he was being a super sweetie today. Even when I was being bitchy (which I proptly stopped the moment I realized how sweet he was being. I can't be mad at him when he's like that) I generally change my hair every couple of months. But I like this, and Brandon is beyond satisfied so I'll probably keep it for as long as I can put up with it. Maybe go into an undercut for a while.

The stylist said I had the face for short hair. Looking in the mirror, I really do look good with it. You'd never know by looking at my crappy web cam pictures though. So I feel like I can do more with my hair. Freedom. feels so good.

<3
S

my sister

this is my 100th post on this blog.

My 13 year old sister brought her new boyfriend over today for supper. He's just like all her other boyfriends in 2 ways, he's chubby and he's got a less-than-perfect face. My sister is no uggo, to say so would be like calling myself ugly because we look a lot alike, and she's much more social than I was, so I wouldn't doubt that she could get an attractive boyfriend. Even I could, and I'm a social retard.

For a long time I used to think she chose these boys because they were greatful to be with someone who was pretty and had a nice personality. The guy would think he was lucky and he'd basically worship the ground she walked on. She dated one boy who had the worst most manipulative personality. I suppose I thought that all of her boyfriends were similar. Teased to the point of become an ass because they were chunky and unatractive.

Now though, I'm starting to think that she is kinda like me in one aspect. She sees people for who they really are, not just their appearance. And it's not even an "I like your personality even though you're ugly" thing, she genuinely is attracted to them. That's how I was with my first boyfriend. He's not what you'd normally call good looking, but I thought he was adorable, and I like that he was a poet. (thought is a key word there. I'd hate to give the wrong message, because I've been in no way attracted to him since a few weeks after we broke up... Now I sound like a bitch, but that's fine. I like to clarify things like that....)

Basically, I have a little more repect for my sisters choice in boys.

<3
S

goooood.

After a few days of being insanely productive, I'm back to being a lazy internet junkie. I've been eating much better lately, though. My pay check comes Tuesday and I still have $20 in my checking account, so I'm doing better about spending. Things are looking good.

Listening to the Dresden Dolls. I can't wait til I get back to my pianos. I'll finally be able to learn. I'll buy the Dresden Dolls companion and the Virgina companion and I'll be -happy-

I'm gonna be visiting Michelle over my mini-moving vacation. Me and Brandon, heading up to Indy, maybe looking at houses. just 44 days.

<3
S

rainbow fuck. I fucking love it.

Hand sewing sucks. Or I suck and hand sewing. Who knows. But I've started my laptop case. I didn't want to buy a full yard of black felt because I didn't want to cut it up into smaller pieces (lazy, I know.) So I sewed two pieces of black felt together. I didn't make a pattern of any kind, which is unfortunate, because after I made the orange stripe I kept fucking up, but I make it work out in the end. The colors were supposed to just make a zig-zagged rainbow, and be touching... but separating them looks okay. I sewed the button eyes on backwards because they were ridged on the outside and I wanted them to be smoother. I hand sewed the cute little 3 mouth and I'm working on putting cute little pink cheeks on him too. I need more thread, because I only have dark purple, red and light pink. Yes, I sewed the mouth, buttons and black felt without black thread. It's hardly noticeable.

And i just felt like sharing this picture. I love my job 90% of the time. They were making fun of Becki because her pony tail flippd out like a horses tail. Laycee's idea, but my work. Becki loved it, and actually kept the original d: I mean, it's no master piece, but i haven't drawing a horse in forever. RAAIIIIINBOOOOOW. I love rainbows. fuckin' love rainbows.

I practiced drawing Girl-in-the-big-box/electronicrainbow/megoboom styled dreads. as in, rainbooooow dreads. I love dreads. Esspecially the rainbow kind. But I didn't have the patientce to draw eyes, a nose, lips or the shape of a face in general. So instead I drew a bird and... well, here's the pictures:

so, here it is. The bird isn't too detailed. It's just a few sketchy lines , trying no to make it not look too shitty. I know that it could kill the whole picture if I didn't make the bird look somewhat decent.

Doing dreads in full of more tedious work than handsewing. it took about an hour and a 1/2 just to draw the outline, then the dreads, then sketch in the shading and THEN color
(I would prefer it if I had pens to color, because you can get more depth with pens than markers, but you work with what you've got. that's how artists are, right?) I can't wait til I get some art pens. But it won't be for a while. Need to save save save my $$
A blurry picture of the dreads and their minuscule details. the colors are so flat ): but again, gotta save my money. Brandon is going to make a doctors appointment about his headaches, so we're gonna be spending some money on that.




The 'finished' product. I decided not to do all the dreads, because I think it looks best with what i colored. I'm probably going to cut out the extra and glue it onto some sort of cardstock, to preserve it better.



Much <3
S

The Lover's Name Tattoo.

Brandon told me he would get my name tattooed to his chest in big legible letters for everyone to see... if I did it with him while he was at work (being on work release, that would be the only time/place we could. but we haven't been. because I know a lot of people who work there and it'd be AWKWARD if someone caught us. ) and I don't know about store policies but he could possibly lose his job...

So I was thinking... I -really- like the idea of him having my name tattooed to him, but it's in an insecure I-want-everyone-to-see-that-he's-mine-mine-mine-you-skanky-whore kind of way. Basically I want him to display that he's MINE in a way that he can't take off. I have a chain necklace with a lock with our carved initials in it. He has a ring, but doesn't wear it often because it gets in the way... Buuuuut, I really don't want to have sex at his work place. Or at all until he gets out of jail.

It seems, though, that as soon as you tattoo someones name to your body you're relationship goes downhill. Fact is, a tattoo is considered more permanent than even marriage. Marry a girl and break up, no harm (well, you know what I mean) but if you tattoo someones name to you you're stuck with it unless you spend 4 times the cost of the tat to get it removed.

I would think that the reason it causes a relationship to fall apart is because before you get it you kinda feel like it's to show how much you love the person and how dedicated you are the them. However, once it's there the relationship doesn't change at all, it doesn't become happy blissful fun. Then maybe the person who got the tattoo feels like the person is ungrateful, because they made that loved one an eternal part of their body and somewhat feel entitiled to be treated better. When they argue it ends up being like:
"I did the dishes last time, why can't you do it"
"I got your fucking name tattooed across my chest because I love you and you can't even do the god damn dishes?"

So, I think I'll pass on that.

He IS getting his wedding ring tattooed on though. And it WILL contain at LEAST my initials. If we make it that far, there's no way in hell I'm gonna let him walk around with a ring that he'll need to take off to keep it from getting snagged. I have an easy time remembering to put my ring on when I take it off for work, his memory isn't so good though. He suggested it even.

What am I getting at? I don't know.

<3
S

sewing, drawing and I'm getting fuckin old,

I feel like creating.

More specifically, I feel like sewing. I was looking at felt and fleece on the internet to use to make my own laptop case like The Girl in the Big Box's because it's positively adorable and I've been needing a case for my laptop. I'm not really interested in non-rainbow filled ideas. Original, I know. So I'm looking at felt EVERYWHERE on the internet to find some cheap fleece and felt. You'd think it'd be simple to find cheap felt right? WRONG. a yard of felt is as expensive and a freakin yard of canvas.

After adding all the costs up it ended up being $57. Her custom laptop cases are only $40 for Christ's sake. But I want to make it. gaaaaaaash. I'm not gonna pay for someone else to make one for me, not for $40... Maybe I'll go to Wal-mart to find some cheaper stuff. I mean, Felt is $5 a yard? it's supposed to be the CHEAP crafting fabric.

Anyway. I'm working on drawing again. I go through those phases where I try to get better, but I lack the discipline to sit and sketch and sketch and sketch again and THEN draw the final picture. I figure if I study and practice and refine individual skills during each of these drawing phases.... well, by the time I'm 25 I should be okay.

Holy FUCK, I'm almost 20. I'm having to say "when I'm 25" instead of "when I'm 20" because I'm so god damn old. D:> I'm fuckin OLD.

<3
S

Social Retardation and the A.W.

For the past few years I lived thinking that the reason I didn't have many friends was because I was a huge social retard. I put shyness to a level that most people don't understand. In some cases it could take a full year for me to become comfortable enough around someone to really talk to them or have them get to know me. Normally it was closer to a few months, but it's a situational thing here.

I've gotten a lot better about it though. I'm still shy to a crazy extent around someone who I haven't hung out with in very much, but I open up more easily and I'm less afraid to put myself out there when I talk to people.

Thing is, I still have yet to make any new friends since graduation almost a year ago, and I've come to find out that a lot of the people who used to talk to me (besides Kim and Michelle, who I met my freshman year) haven't even attempted to contact me since my graduation day. It's not like I haven't met a lot of great people at work, but for some reason people don't seem to want to be anything but a work friend. For the longest time I thought it was ME and it was because they didn't like me enough to want to.

I've realized now, though, that the reason I haven't made new friends is because deep down, beside my loneliness and desperation and the deep yerning to connect with people; there also sits subconscious me. She knows everything before I do. She's my instinct. I realize now that most of the people who I talk to I don't actually want to be friends with. The people at school who don't talk to me, I've realized that I never really connected with them because deep down I knew that I was just wanting that connection with someone so I talk to any person who'd be willing to talk to me.

Maybe there is something wrong with me. I've only had that strong bond with maybe 3 people in my lifetime.

I'm rambling and I forgot what I was getting at. Long story short, The reason I don't make friends is because I think that subconsciously I know that I won't connect with the person and I don't want to bother with friends that I don't connect with.




on another note, my brothers girlfriend is really starting to put me off. She's a bit of an attention whore, and by a bit I mean she basically demands the full attention of anyone in a room. At first she seems like a bubbly happy person that gets along with everyone... but I'm starting to get tired of her "me me me" attitude. I was trying to talk to my manager, and BAM she starts talking to him about -her- life problems and they sit and talk for fucking ever while I stand there waiting for them to shut up so I can tell him something IMPORTANT that I actually need to say. Not something personal. something WORK related.

Then I talk to my brother, and ask him what he's doing this weekend because I had nothing going on and wanted to go somewhere and hang out. Right when he says "I don't have anything going on" she jumps in and says "You're gonna hang out with me and my house" and he pauses for a second and goes, "well, I guess I'm hanging out with her"

I mean, HE'S MY BROTHER for fucks sake. You hang out with him every day. You text him constantly. GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO HANG OUT WITH HIM TOO. I told him I wanted to do something, but it didn't matter, because SHE decided what he was going to do for him. I know that's partically my brother letting her choose that, but she NEEDS his constant attention.

I've met people who fought to keep everyones attention, and they were unpleasant people who lied a lot and used false claims to get it. They're the people who are easy to hate and that people won't look at you funny for saying that they bother you. But when an attention whore comes in an honest person, well fuck, I'll have to keep my thoughts to myself. I hate keeping my thoughts to myself. It makes me broody and angry looking. The anger face makes you aaaage.

I'll stop bitching now. I got pretty good hours this week, and I got to talk about my problems with my other manager :D

<3
S