Myself disconnections

I think the thing that's been hurting the most and that's really getting my stomach in knots isn't the possibility if being pregnant (home test 2 says no, paranoia says go to a clinic to test anyway)... It's just how fucking alone I feel. 

I just see all these people on Facebook spending time with people. Having fun. Connecting. 

I have nothing. No one. 

Who can I honestly talk to with no judgement? Where can I turn to die advice? Who can I always count on when I'm feeling down? No one. 

Can I blame them? I'm fucked up anymore. I'm boring. I'm stupid. I do dumb shit all the time. I'm needing and annoying. I don't even like myself so why the fuck would someone else? 

Just about the only person who seems to like me is rob and I'm sure it's only because he hasn't realized how much of a piece if shit I am. 

I just want to get away from myself for a while. Away from all these people who I just don't seem to connect with. 

I want to connect. 

Xoxo

S