speak

For a while now I've felt like I've been really holding back about my life. A lot of things have been going on. Some good, a lot of bad, and a lot of things that leave me wondering. I don't know what's causing me to do this, because I've never held back my rants and details of my life, especially from my blog. Is it paranoia? Or have I just matured in a way that I feel like I shouldn't be sharing these things with strangers and having it plastered permanently across the world? Which if that's the case, I don't get it. I've never cared. I've always held the attitude that it didn't matter. There are people out there who have experienced similar things, people who share more personal information that I do, and people who already know the things I'm going through and yet I still refuse to write it.

As much as I wouldn't mind talking about some of the things I'm going through, I can't help but feel like maybe I really don't know how. Like, where do I start? Do I want to? Do I really want to share personal situations that I share with others, or have I reached a mindset that I should only talk about things that pertain to myself?

Maybe, the real problem is that I keep seeing that I'm not valued by the people around me, so I don't feel as if I CAN share what I have to say. It's hard when you just feel like your problems are a burden to others. Like they only listen because they feel like they have to and that they complain about you later behind your back. I think the main problem is that most of my friends are in high school/early college/work at Wendy's. I need open minded adult friends. Maybe I'll try to talk to the girl I sit next to in my pop culture class. Or, maybe I'll talk in my pop culture class in general.

Speaking of, you can totally tell who in that class is interested in WOST and who just likes popculture. It's a class on both, but the WOST ladies take the laid back and open minded approach to everything. The Pop Culture ladies tend to hold conservative opinions on the culture we observe. The whole notion that a girl wearing a miniskirt has no self respect is completely ridiculous in this day and age.

XoXo

S