Unhealthy

So, I bought Ukulelehead and Amanda Palmer Goes Down Under yesterday right? I think yesterday. I was talking about it last entry and that's what matters right? Yesterblogday.

I unzipped the files. I put them in my music folder. I haven't touched them yet. I go through this every time Amanda comes out with something new. EVERY album after The Dresden Dolls self titled album (and even A is for Accident, because I didn't get it until a year or so ago.) I'm nervous. I'm damn near terrified that I won't like it. That there will be songs that I'm not in love with. That I won't connect with it the way I have with all of her music in the past. I've even been afraid to read her blog recently (although, I get over it and click the links and read it anyway, feeling relieved that all is well in my world of loving Amanda.)

I'm afraid that I've built up such a strong admiration for her that there's no way she'll be able to live up to my expectations, and that if she doesn't my world will fall apart and leave me with nothing but an emptiness that can no longer be filled.

I feel like this every time. I always feel so relieved when I finally bite the bullet, and so retarded for not listening/reading/watching sooner, but it never stops me from feeling the same way in the future.

I'm thinking this is a slightly unhealthy relationship to be having with music/a musician. Not that I don't like it this way. I'm just sayin'.

After I finish my reading and my "favorite and least favorite moments in pop culture" paper for my G&S in PCult class I'm going to do a little resume building (I only got 3 hours this week. Not fucking cool) a little job searching, and work on my first few Fashion and Feminism articles. Once I get a good idea of what I want to do with it I'm going to work on making it a real thing. I have loads of ideas, I'm just afraid to put them into action. Like, will this make me less of a feminist? Will I lose the respect of OTHER feminists for making a fashion blog, even if it's geared towards the love of self expression BY feminists? I don't want to lose my feminism credibility before I even get my WOST degree.

XoXo,

S

My Map of Tasmania

I just bought the $33 Amanda Palmer Goes Down Under T-shirt and CD and Things bundle. I wanted the $100 bundle like I did for Who Killed Amanda Palmer (she makes it worth every penny) but I decided to be less insane with my money. I only got the $33 bundle as opposed to the $22 bundle because I do want a solid CD with my T-Shirt, and buying the T-Shirt bundle only gets you a digital download. I hope an XL Girlie shirt will fit me. Especially since it's purple and says "We are the media" and that's awesome.

I'm about to download the digital copy of Ukulelehead as well. Maybe get the Record later. Re-download iTunes, transfer my files to iTunes... and finally put them on my iPod. THEN life will be good.

X0X0,

S

UPDATE:

I just paid for my 99cent copy of Ukulelehead, but I still intend to get the $35 t-shirt/Vinyl/button package as well. Just not yet. I'm considering just searching band camp for tons of inexpensive music. :O

I also want http://postwartrade.bigcartel.com/product/afp-2011-calendar really really badly. And a Cabaret t-shirt. I could die happy if I could just get ALL of the AFP merch. ALL OF IT.

Being Too Connected;Causing Loss of Connection

I'm trying to get to the bottom of my attention problems, and bad short term memory. I found an article that gives 8 possible suggestions. I have 8 counts potentially going against me.

also, its hard to see things through to eyes of others. sometimes its impossible to know how another feels about you, situations you're in, or the experiences you share. that's why I try to be honest and open about them. I won't just expect someone to know I'm happy or unhappy based on how things go or how I act (i always to to look at the bright side and stay positive, but it doesn't mean I'm happy) so I try to verbalize it. Yeah, that means you have to trust what I say over what I do sometimes, but trust is important in any kind of relationship.

this also goes the other way. I don't know how others feel, so I trust the things they say. if they like to verbally express unhappiness, I take their word. maybe they aren't as unhappy as they like to say, and show that in their actions (actions speak louder, but words are easier to define.)

I think that more than anything, communication in the age of technology is dead. I don't blame Facebook for me and others not communicating properly, but its a tool that we fail to utilize in a way that enhances our ability to share, instead of hindering. I've always been socially dysfunctional, but I find it harder and harder the more I try to connect socially using the internet.

I think I need to restrict my T-communications.

Satellites

Michael got me a new laptop. I'm paying him back (with money, not kisses and love) but he bought it for me because it was a good price and a decent laptop and mine keeps deleting everything I put on it and I won't have money for it until I get my tax stuff taken care of.

It's a cute little Toshiba Satellite L645. And it came with Google Chrome already on it :) And, of course, the first thing we put on it was World of Warcraft, which looks so much prettier than it did on my old laptop, and runs so smooth. My Dell struggled to play the graphics when it was on the "fair" setting, and now it runs perfectly on "good" and if I were willing to deal with the lag I used to face I could play it on "Ultimate" but I'm okay with good.

Michael wants to buy a Macbook for his new laptop. Mine was $600 with 4g ram and 500g hard drive. A Mac laptop that costs twice that has half of both. He wants to play WoW on THAT? I'm sure its possible, especially with the $2000 model, but when the only reason you want a Mac is because its a Mac and it won't actually perform the way you need it to, do you really want to spend that kind of money? I could have gotten a laptop with a bluray player for $100 more, and one with bluetooth and a backlit keyboard if I added $200 to that... but I don't use any of those things (besides blue tooth, but at the moment I'm fine without) so I got the less expensive one. The laptop that actually had all of those didn't have the graphics card I needed to make my gaming experience.

It's his money though. I just think that's going to cause more stress on us, and I don't want him to have to deal with more. :(

XoXo,

S

school work

I need to stop pmsing all over the place. +migrane +cramps +stress from math class.

I got my boots for my trip to New Mexico. They're called Fugitives by Aslo. I thought that "fugitive makes it sounds like something from WoW!" so I now refer to them as my Leather Fugitive shoes of the eagle. :) +346 water resistance +120 intellect :) Yeah, they'er water resistant. And Leather. Does that make me a Rouge? I think it does.

My Algebra is going so much better now. Apparently I'm not as stupid as I thought. Then again, I'm only a few weeks in. I'm on problem 13 of 50, and only didn't know how to do 2 so far. I should probably be able to get to 20 before I get to stuff we haven't covered in class yet. :) Then I have reading for my popculture class, and to look up a topic for my journal. Hope I can keep up with all of this.

XoXo,
S

nothing

I'm an affectionate person. I love showing affection, and being shown it in return. It feels almost betraying to be shown affection just to bother someone else. its supposed to be a sweet, pure, loving act. I'd rather never be shown kindness than to be shown it for the purpose of being rude.

where's the respect?

and yeah, NOTHING comes between me and my tattoos.

XoXo
s

Tea Time

I, through conversation with my boyfriend, realized something today that kinda gave me a reasoning for why I blog, and why I need to keep it up. I have terrible memory. When I'm reminded of something, the link is still there, but without that push I can't seem to keep the connections together. I don't want to lose all of my memories just because no one is here to spark the connections in my brain.

I tried to think back to high school, and remember something. Nothing in particular, just see if I could pull up a memory. I can't quite do it. My memories are like the times I spend drunk. It IS there, but its also all fuzzy around the edges. I sometimes have all of the pieces but I can't seem to pull them into the right order to make the memory. Certain little pieces stand out, but for some reason I can't make anything of them. When I look back at myself, all I really see is this black and white picture of me from my photography class. Long straight black hair, baggy good charlotte shirt, jeans, a good charlotte wrist band, a pink floyd wrist band (even though I didn't listen to pink floyd.) Michelle is a black and red striped shirt with a zipper above the chest, blue jeans, converse and long brown hair with bright red tips, occasionally cat ears. Kim is a t-shirt, jeans, black quilted converse, long curly red hair in a really big bun and an olive green messenger bag.

When I think back to any moment of high school before my senior year, that's exactly how I picture everyone unless I noted otherwise in my memory. (yes, I take note of certain things and store them as important. Like that day Michelle wore a layered top, a black skirt over leather looking pants and heels/boots because she was going to the french restraunt with the french club.)

I mean, I have photographs. I have blogs. But in my head I only have those big, fuzzy edged and jumbled pieces. I remember specific looks people gave me, but not why or when. I blog, in detail, because I don't want to forget. There are a lot of times over the past few years that I can't remember where I was or what I was doing because I never wrote it down.

Therefor, Today I drank a cup of tea in the Antropology lounge on campus. It made me feel brittish, and it's peppermint flavored. Michael bought it for me.

XoXo,
S