fuuuuuck

For once, it'd be nice for someone to make an attempt to care or see things from my point of view, or BELIEVE me when I'm in a bad situation.

It's so much easier for someone to lie about a situation when they were being unreasonable, because everyone would want to believe the logical story they make up.

I don't believe in MAKING drama, but I also don't believe in ignoring it. Every time someone tells a lie about ME or about a situation I'm involved in, I want to punch someone. Especially when people are dumb enough to take their word for it over mine..

Thanks brother, I thought you'd be more level headed and caring. Or, I don't know, just take my word for something like you always have up until now? I'm not asking for anyone to get involved in drama, just to be a little more considerate instead of telling me that I clearly must be remembering things wrong. If I'm being treated like shit I don't expect you to jump in and make it all better, but it'd be nice if you didn't brush it off as if I'm making it all up. You haven't been here the last 9 weeks. I have. I think I know Anthony better than you do. If 4 of us who were here for all of this say he's being a douche, and only HIM and one other person (who is in no way involved in this, and only knows any ongoings based on what ANT TELLS HIM) say that he hasn't been doing anything wrong... maybe you should believe the 4 of us. JUST MAYBE.

Whatever. All the possession are nice and everything, but if I had to choose between having the brother that was there for me or having the brother that helped me buy things, I'd pick the one that was there for me any day.


Also, fuck straight talk and the fucking piece of shit service and worthless website. Canceling the auto refill should be something I can do ON THE WEBSITE considering customer service is worthless. If I fucking lose $45 because I can't cancel this I'm going to be PISSED. I can't even sell this phone to someone without feeling guilt, because this is the worst fucking phone company I've ever had to deal with.

XoXo
S

come together

I sometimes wonder if some people are delusional or just plain liars. Drama drama drama.

I woke up at 4 this morning. Went out to my Aunty's house and we went up to Shipshewana to go spend our money. I was tiiiiired, but I love spending time with her. We always have the best talks about life and about everything that happens in my messed up little family. Makes me feel a lot better about some things.

I got myself a new purse :D and 3 pairs of giant sunglasses (for $10!? OH YEAH) 2 Buffy comics, and some triangular tapers for my ears. Twas awesome. Got a lot of walking done. And got dehydrated and sunburnt, and felt nauseated the whole way back... But the talking was worth it, and I felt much better after I got some caffeine, fluids and a nice shower.

Anyway. I'm not looking forward to working tomorrow. Or Friday. totally looking forward to college, as long as everything comes together in time.

XoXo
S

:D :D :D :D :O :D

So.... I may not have an iPhone, but I DO in fact, have the Droid Eris. Yeah, I love the iPhone, but I LOVE THIS PHONE. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.

The only thing it doesn't have is the (free) glowstick app that the iPhone had :( I'll live, I think :)

but yeah. IPFW found my blog and fixed my locked account and I'm signed up for SOAR now. Besides feeling slightly like big brother is watching (>.>) I'm really happy for the wonders of the internet.

Actually... I had two people from Fort Wayne recognize me from my photo that I took at Pride Fest. Crazy, isn't it? Maybe that somehow ties into this... idk. But I'm glad it did. Saved me a trip to fort wayne that I really don't have time to take.

I'm really really excited now. IDK, I think I was just really stressed about my brother coming back yesterday... so EVERYTHING just seemed SO DRAMATIC. Now that I have my new phone (that... I really can't afford but it have it and the plan is started and I has my phone.) And I got college worked out. Yeah. If my keyboards keys would stop sticking I'd feel 100% amazing right now :O

WoW time methinks.

XoXo
S

-_-

I really don't know why college has to be such a ridiculous stress before you even get there. My account is locked. Why? Who the fuck knows. Is there a number to call or something I can do online to fix it? Of fucking course not. I have to drive up to IPFW, get my account fixed, come home and hope it works so I can schedule my SOAR date (which, the last two available ones are next week) which, btw, I can't schedule WHILE I'M THERE FOR SOME FUCKING REASON. No, I have to do it on their janky ass piece of shit website.

But it doesn't matter. Dad did NOTHING to the house while Jacob was gone. NOTHING. Jacob doesn't want to move into apartments in Fort Wayne for whatever damn reason... My car can't make that drive, and I can't work here and go to school there, nor can I make extra trips to Fort Wayne for a job up there just because I go to school there 2-3 days a week. So, if I'm still in this apartment in a month when school starts, I don't get to go and all this effort was wasted. Best part, I'll be signed up for classes by then, and have my loans taken out... so I'm getting fucked and will be out over $1000 just because I couldn't go.

I'm seriously near tears because nothing wants to work out, and no one wants to help me make it happen. All we have to do if find a cheap little apartment in the Fort. That's it. Fixing my car won't help, because I can't afford the gas for the drive in the first place. We'd have to be there a year tops, and THEN dad will have had MORE THAN ENOUGH time to fix up the house in Waynedale and all would be good. Of course, why would we bother doing that, right? I've been out of school for two years, not like I'm not disheartened enough by how difficult getting my stuff around is. No, me not being able to go this year will definitely not effect my desire to go at all

Fuck this. I don't even get an iPhone, because we have to go Verizon. I get a fucking Droid. (Yeah, with all this bullshit that's been going down, the bright side has always been "at least I can get an iPhone when Jacob gets back." and no, I don't get one. Everything is just a letdown lately.)

XoXo
S

Brothers gonna be back tomorrow and...

I'm really excited about this. But, because I'm not bouncing around and pissing myself with joy people think I don't care.

Fact: I have a LOT to worry about right now. Placement tests are tomorrow. Bills are due tomorrow. I don't have money to make rent. I've VERY happy to have my brother back, and he's going to make a lot of my stress go away, because he'll be able to help me financially, and I'll have someone to vent to, and we'll be making lots of living changes that I'm in dire need of... But right now, I'm really focused on the things that need to get done. And, there's a lot of them.

My brother is my damn corner stone, I couldn't make it without him, but fuck, I do have a bit of a life outside of him (recently, at least.)

I almost feel bad because I'm clearly supposed to be a LOT more ecstatic about this whole thing, but I just don't. I'll probably cry from happiness tomorrow when I DO see him for the first time in like, 3 months... But right now, no.

XoXo
S

things I love, and fandom.

I've been on a slight WoW bing these last few days. Not that I mind. It keeps me happy. So does coloring. And multi-colored pens, and huge boxes filled with sharpies, and boxes of crayons and colored pencils. And rhinestones. And duct tape. Yes.

Lest not forget glitter.



Yeah, I don't want to talk about my problems, because they aren't nagging at me, even though they really upset me. So I'll keep thinking about the awesome things.

Gotta get the apartment cleaned up for my brother. And gotta get ready for my placement tests. I'm so nervous. I've done nothing mathematic for a while.

It think I'll write some Toad/OC x-men fanfics (oneshots) before bed. There aren't NEARLY enough good fanfictions for the Toad lovers out there :( And the good stories never good finished or end too soon.

yeah. I think I'll do that. And I'll write it in purple pen, and post it to fanfiction.net and deviantart.

XoXo,
S

Excited For...

I'm so excited about starting school in the fall, turning in job apps at the mall, my BROTHER BEING BACK FROM BASIC, having a party monster-ific party with my friends, having an INSANE 21st birthday party... and excited about not being in a bad mood.

OH, and really excited about Pride Fest Saturday. :D

I can't wait to have homework. and LEARN and be forced to be around a shit load of people I don't know. Having a reason to put on regular clothes every day because I'm doing more than working. And the (not so high) hopes of getting a job that I can wear said clothes to. Having TWO JOBS and GOING TO SCHOOL (part time) and, possibly going to beauty college along with all of this if the money is there. Maybe getting an iPhone with my brother. Getting my car fixed and the oil changed.

I'm feeling good. Really good.

XoXo,
S

(tomorrow is the 7th day working in a row, and marks 12 days that only contained one day off. I'm holding in there because Pride Fest this weekend will make it all worth while.)