things I love, and fandom.

I've been on a slight WoW bing these last few days. Not that I mind. It keeps me happy. So does coloring. And multi-colored pens, and huge boxes filled with sharpies, and boxes of crayons and colored pencils. And rhinestones. And duct tape. Yes.

Lest not forget glitter.



Yeah, I don't want to talk about my problems, because they aren't nagging at me, even though they really upset me. So I'll keep thinking about the awesome things.

Gotta get the apartment cleaned up for my brother. And gotta get ready for my placement tests. I'm so nervous. I've done nothing mathematic for a while.

It think I'll write some Toad/OC x-men fanfics (oneshots) before bed. There aren't NEARLY enough good fanfictions for the Toad lovers out there :( And the good stories never good finished or end too soon.

yeah. I think I'll do that. And I'll write it in purple pen, and post it to fanfiction.net and deviantart.

XoXo,
S

Excited For...

I'm so excited about starting school in the fall, turning in job apps at the mall, my BROTHER BEING BACK FROM BASIC, having a party monster-ific party with my friends, having an INSANE 21st birthday party... and excited about not being in a bad mood.

OH, and really excited about Pride Fest Saturday. :D

I can't wait to have homework. and LEARN and be forced to be around a shit load of people I don't know. Having a reason to put on regular clothes every day because I'm doing more than working. And the (not so high) hopes of getting a job that I can wear said clothes to. Having TWO JOBS and GOING TO SCHOOL (part time) and, possibly going to beauty college along with all of this if the money is there. Maybe getting an iPhone with my brother. Getting my car fixed and the oil changed.

I'm feeling good. Really good.

XoXo,
S

(tomorrow is the 7th day working in a row, and marks 12 days that only contained one day off. I'm holding in there because Pride Fest this weekend will make it all worth while.)

good day

Today after work...

I got myself gas in my car, cashed my check and finally scheduled my placement tests, went up to the Fort with Cody, Carrie and Corine... We went and got me some rhinestones from JoAnn's for the Glitter Party. Then chilled at the Mall and got some Auntie Anne's and I got some stuff from hot topic (I feel so laaaame.) We went and saw Despicable Me (cute movie, it really was, but it was also a wee bit lacking. I still liked it though.) and then got some IHOP.

I made beautifully gruesome pancake and french toast art. I tried to take a picture of it, with it's bleeding hearts and spattered blood... but my phone was almost dead so it wouldn't let me :'( I feel empty.

No, not really, I feel really good. Shit is piecing together. I hate how I only go from lows to highs to lows and so on. Middle ground every now and then is always good. Except, I suppose this could be considered middle ground. Hm.

Pride fest is this weekend and I think I've convinced two people to go with me (a group of 3 straight people at Pride fest, lovely) and I have rainbow rhinestones to put on my face. woot.

Much love,
XoXo
S

Anxiety Problems?

Crazy as it sounds, I'm just recently realizing that I have pretty bad anxiety problems. I mean, I couldn't log into my ipfw account, and my stomach has been in knots, I'm having trouble breathing, I feel jittery an panicy and have been near tears EVEN NOW, all this time afterwards that I've had to cool down from being angry, I could still burst into tears over it, I'm still kinda freaking out about it.

I don't have anxiety attacks or anything, but fuck, now that I think about it, this has been going on for YEARS. I don't think I've ever done anything irrational in my life except when I was freaking out from anxiety. They make drugs for this shit. Why am I suffering through it when I could fix it? I'd love to not have random freak outs over little things (or, better yet, NOTHING AT ALL.)

Deep breaths... Caaaalm thoughts. I can't get rid of the knots in my stomach, but I can calm down. I really need to mellow this problem out.

XoXo
S

Difficulties.

I've been trying to log into my IPFW account for a good 20 minutes now. No matter how many times I change my password it never fucking works and I'm getting so frustrated I could cry. I just wanted to schedule my damn placement tests. It's REALLY not that much to ask for a college to make getting started EASY. I already get to face HARD classes, a HARD schedule, work full time to pay bills and having a HARD TIME trying to pay for classes, they can at least make GETTING STARTED EASY. Why the fuck does it NEVER work for me when I want to log in? I fucking almost want to not go just because EVERY LITTLE THING with them has to be so fucking difficult. FAFSA is impossible, too. Why does the government make it so fucking hard for students to get money for college? Do they WANT us to be a bunch of uneducated dumb asses?

And, WoW won't work on my laptop anymore. Also pissing me off. I can log in, I wasn't hacked, it just refuses to connect to the new servers, and every time I try to re-install the game it says the same fucking thing. I don't even want to play, I just wanted to fucking log in, maybe chat with some of my guild friends. but no.

I have so much shit I have to get done it's not even funny, and I just want to punch someone or cry because NOTHING is going smoothly. Why the FUCK does everything need to be so difficult all the fucking time?





I'm just pissed, I'll cool down (hopefully before I try to go to bed, idk.)
XoXo
S

stuck

My brother comes back in about 9 days.

I'm trying to find a new job in Fort Wayne.

I'm getting tired of Decatur, and tired of everything around me, but I don't know how to change it all, or even where to start.

I feel kinda stuck. I hate it.

XoXo
S

Lady Gaga Monster Ball 2010

This is one happy little monster <3

Pictures are backwards order, because that's how uploading works...